Moving Reflections: Finding a Church

Thirty years ago I was a member of a Huntsville church for part of the 15 months I lived here. I have a wonderful church family in Florida, but needed a church to worship with locally here while maintaining my Florida church ties. My plan had been to visit different churches in the Huntsville area and to take my time finding a church here while maintaining contact with my Florida church through social media including listening to my pastor's podcasts of his sermons. After all I am working on a counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving at the seminary connected with my Florida church.

The first time I lived in Huntsville I got married at age 40 and it wasn't long before in 1985 we moved to North Miami, Florida, where we were very active in a church. My first husband's funeral some eight years later was in that North Miami church and his daughter would buy our home in 2000 when I moved to the Plant City area to marry a certain Mr. Johnson whom I also had the sad task of burying last summer as I recorded on this blog.

My dad and I in
a certain church corridor
I would return to. 

Some thirty years have now gone by and I started my church search with that church I had been a member of with my first husband. My first Sunday there was Father's Day, June 21, 2015. After the senior Sunday School class,  I came to a corridor where I had been with my late father, ready for him to walk me down the aisle. I got teary-eyed. He had been 70 and I was 40. He was such an OLD 70--refusing at first to get on the plane to come to Alabama from California to see his only daughter finally get married. That Sunday I was still 70! I do not feel as old as my father seemed at 70 in 1985. I learned a lesson from his being a widower--get on with your life and do not get stuck in grief as Dad had.

I enjoy corporate worship and instruction through preaching and again felt at home with this church. Worship could not include visiting every church in Huntsville, I reasoned--scrap that plan.  Sunday, June 21, 2015, I knew that this would again be my Huntsville church family. The second Sunday, June 28th, I went with the seniors to a play in Guntersville on the church van in the afternoon. In July I volunteered for Vacation Bible School and met many younger women, youth and children.  In October I am starting a book study during the week at this church. 

When you move to a new state you have to get new automobile plates, new driver's license (took three days in three cities), new car insurance (half of what it was in Florida), new doctor, new bank, and the list goes on. But at least I have a church family locally. 

A Place for Everything--ALMOST!

I only took one small old TV from Plant City and it is now in my bedroom for watching old video cassettes (which have been downsized considerably after my husband died). I moved in on Wednesday and by Friday I had purchased a 32 inch  "smart" TV and enlisted Comcast to be my cable/internet provider.

The wall unit you see was from a church rummage sale years ago and is only now being used as it was once used by the original owner who built it. I had Pharis drill holes in the back so the chords would not be seen. In addition to the TV, this wall unit has my boombox and DVD player. The bottom cabinets contain movies, and music and other items. The top has lamps that used to be on the fireplace mantel in Plant City. In Plant City the cabinets flanked the walls going from the living room into the family room.

Plant City After Sectional Sold

You see one of those cabinets and barely you can make out the couch that has moved all over the country. It cost $30 from the Salvation Army in California and both of my late husbands have teased me about the $600 I paid to have it reupholstered. Every time it is moved a leg comes off, but not if you leave it alone.

After three visits from Comcast, I finally am able to use my computer A WEEK AND A HALF LATER and make this blog post with pictures. Here is the second bedroom I call my den. The bathroom off of it is used for storage of fabric and craft supplies and sometimes Ziggy likes the tiled floor while I am on my computer at the left.

My late husband knew how to do things in the carpentry field. Now there were items that needed to be secured to the wall by the white thing you put into the wall and the screw to put in that white thing. It turns out, according to Home Depot, that these are called "Anchor Screws".  This could have been a huge grief issue for me, remembering all my late husband could do. My sister-in-law knew how to do it and also to set up my DVD player in the living room and my VCR with the old small TV in the bedroom, not for cable but for viewing videos. Here is a high shelf she put on my kitchen wall by the back door; that shelf used to be in the guest bedroom in Plant City.

Note that I was able to bring my upright freezer from my Plant City utility room and my tall pub table from the Plant City den. My sister-in-law  also helped me as a senior citizen (I turned 71 last week), hang curtains as I didn't want to do this alone and fall and break a hip. I did not have to buy any curtains. The curtains over the kitchen sink used to hang in two small windows on both sides of the fireplace in our Plant City home.

 I know it looks crowded, folks.

So love to look outside
from the kitchen sink

I asked my family what they one day wanted to inherit of my things. They said Swedish things. So with the exception of the  my bedroom and the bathrooms, the rest of this apartment has Swedish items.

In Swedish--"Small words of love spoken every day
spread over your life sunshine and happiness."

This Swedish display in the living room will change at Christmas.

Two Scandinavian Items
in Dining Room

The dining room is spacious and I can have the leaf of the table in it. I look forward to entertaining.

One day Ziggy and I walked up to the apartment office to report a minor plumbing problem. On our way back we met a dog and her owner and chatted. By the time Ziggy and I were back at the apartment, the plumbing problem was solved and with a note that someone had been in the apartment. The repairman had entered the front door and Ziggy and I were on the trail in the back and didn't see someone come.

My bedroom is cozy and I now use a double bed for Ziggy and me. The single bed I left in Plant City for Pharis. Pharis is also getting several other items that he can use. Pharis and others are maintaining the yard until the sale of the house is final.

Ziggy on "our" bed

The bathroom I and guests use is off of this bedroom and both that bathroom floor and the kitchen floor are wooden. Books need to be put away on the shelves in the picture. Alas! I have too many clothes which are on a rack out of the closet. Clothes need to be downsized, and I have two extra lamps.

The apartment complex has 500 units over several acres and I am so happy I got a downstairs apartment. I share a foyer in front and a foyer by the kitchen with three other apartments, two of which are upstairs. Our mail is delivered to the front foyer.  I did buy this wicker chair for my front porch at a yard sale on Saturday as I had gotten rid of all outside furniture in Plant City.  Have a camping chair to bring out if someone comes by to chat.

Hope you will chat by leaving a comment and by "liking" my blog on Facebook at the top right. I am always putting tidbits on that Facebook LIKE page from my iPhone. In July I will start working on the caregiving dissertation.

See my poem/rap "Longing to Chat on the Front Porch With You" that was first published in my book HERE. Chat by leaving a comment below. 

Carol

Getting Settled in the New Apartment

 

Printer's Drawer for Small Items

I carefully put these small items in envelopes by rows. This had been in the large den in Plant City.  

Now it will go in a corner of the new second bedroom I call my den.

Meanwhile I can post easier from this iPhone 6 than from my computer with my new Internet/cable provider Comcast / Xfinity and it is harder to get pictures on this post. 

What is it like as a 70 year old widow to move? 

* Exhausting! Exhilarating! 

*  In contrast to my church Deacons and members who loaded the van in Plant City, my retired rocket scientist brother hired three young men to unload the van. My new Huntsville friend, L. J., directed these young men where to put the numbered furniture. 

*  My wonderful brother and sister-in-law have helped me unpack. My brother carried many boxes out to the apartment dumpster. This prompted a sign at the back foyer that out of courtesy to others those boxes should be flattened and I wrote OK on that sign. I am slowly unpacking those boxes. 

*  I will remain a member of my FL church for quite some time as my pastor there will be overseeing my seminary counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving from a biblical perspective.   I will listen to his sermons on podcasts. But Sunday at the church I visited I did arrange to have lunch with two other widows later in the month. Also I took note of prayer requests and called J. E. who has Hospice at her home for her husband. Next Sunday I will worship at a different church.

*  Downsizing is such a great idea for a widow. Now my closest family will not have to go to Plant City to put me in a nursing home and sell my house. And I was able to let my late husband live there all his days which was his wish thanks to Hospice.

*  On Saturday at Weight Watchers here in Huntsville I weighed 40 lbs. less than I did at the beginning of 2012. That year I had lost 25 pounds. Then I basically took a caregiving break and gained 10 of those pounds back. However, since my husband's death last June 23, 2014, I have slowly lost 25 pounds. So the total is now 40 lbs. It is great to be able to fit in clothes I couldn't wear for a while. However I still have to unpack my clothes.

*  How is my dog Ziggy doing? He is adjusting fairly well. He is meeting new dogs and noticing rabbits on his walks. Last night in the cool of the evening Ziggy on a leash, my sister-in-law and I took a lovely walk in the neighborhood outside of the apartment complex. 

*  Saturday my sister-in-law,  her three grandkids and I went to the complex pool after I served them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. I discovered that one of them likes only jelly sandwiches, one likes only peanut butter sandwiches, and the third one likes actual peanut butter AND jelly sandwiches. 

So long from Rocket City! 

Carol

P. S. This was edited later in the day on my computer when the Internet worked better.

Downsizing to a U-Haul

Roberto at Lakeland's U-Haul

Roberto thought I was a spry senior citizen and not an old fogie because I used an iPhone and had a blog. Little did he know. The U-Haul office was not busy and so I showed him just how spry this senior citizen is--I rapped for him while I reserved a U-Haul.

Now Roberto promised that I would receive a confirmation earlier in the week--found out later it was supposed to be on Wednesday.

Lots on my plate--downsizing and moving to live by family. Months before I cling to Romans 12:12:

• Hope
• Patience and endurance with downsizing
• Constant prayer

Two weeks before I realize I have to focus on one day at a time (and not everything I had to do) and Matthew 6:34 from New Living Translation helps:

So don’t worry about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will bring its own worries.

Today’s trouble is enough for today.

The house is sold and not longer do I have to maintain it to show. The boxes multiply as I use many days to substitute teach and free time at home to pack.

June 1, my last day substituting, is very special at Tomlin Middle and of course I rap at the end of every class and tell the students who didn't know all about my YouTube legacy of raps. See HERE.

Tuesday through Friday at least four hours per day my friends Sally and Jake come over and help me pack.  Sally would call Jake over to help her seal each box and he would bring those heavy boxes to the proper place. Sally packs breakables with newspapers into my recycled boxes. Sectioned liquor boxes from Walmart and The Winery in Plant City are so helpful with those breakable items. Gradually clothes get packed into large tubs for "seasonal clothes". Summer clothes go in huge boxes to make wrinkles I will deal with at the other end of the move. My winter coats, two mirrors and other items are already in Huntsville at my brother's house.

Friday Panic.  Friday is the day before the volunteers are coming to pack the van. I call Kerry from my church and tell her of my panic and also health news on Kenny. She puts out an email prayer request for the church. She also mentions the virtues of a 24 foot U-Haul instead of a 20 foot one I am supposed to get. I asked "Surrey" on my iPhone to call U-Haul on Florida Avenue in Lakeland, thinking I would get Roberto. I have not received a confirmation call! Where in Plant City do I pick up the U-Haul?

Instead I get Greg at another U-Haul at another Florida Avenue U-Haul location. Greg who sees my reservation on line, is able to switch my reservation to a 24 foot U-Haul. It wouldn't be delivered to Plant City as Roberto had promised, but I could get it that very night for the same price instead of the Saturday morning 20 foot U-Haul. I call Kerry with the good news and she enlists her husband Dave to go with me to get the van at 6:30 pm. Their son, Sam, always my buddy, comes along for the ride. Dave skillfully puts the van by my garage.  I am so glad he figures out where to put that van. I wasn't sure if it should be by the front door or not.

Back to earlier on Friday.  After those important phone calls Friday morning, I go to Bank of America to see Lisa, "my personal banker" I wrote about HERE. I had arranged my 10 am appointment on line and we close my checking account. (Huntsville doesn't have a Bank of America.) Then I go to my dentist for a gum treatment to save me from false teeth. The hygienist reminds me about water picks and flossing--two items I had neglected during the last two hectic caregiving years. On my way home I stop at Staples to turn in printer and copier cartridges to recycle. I happen to see seven small plastic containers on sale for $7 and I purchase them to replace my wicker baskets in the bathroom. See HERE. Those containers are efficient for first aid, etc., and can easily go into a box ready for my new bathroom and take less space than my baskets take were I to pack them.

Sure enough, when I start to pack up the bathroom, I find that water pick and plan to use it in Huntsville. Friday afternoon Sally picks up Jake at the senior center. Then Sally helps me sort through my fabric,  while Jake helps box things up again. I can donate maybe 40% of the fabric for the quilting group at Sally's church where I also went to Grief & Share.  See HERE.

Saturday morning. Kenny gets out of the hospital Friday night and Saturday morning he stops by to see his friends from church. He is too weak to help. He has lost blood and will undergo tests to discover why next week. See HERE. Newly installed Deacons JP and Kevin pray very special prayers for him. Pray for Kenny, folks. 

From 10:30 to 3:00 pm four strong men (Jason, Dave, JP, Kevin), resourceful Amanda, and six energetic youth packed the van. They start with the upright freezer, take a utility room door off, and move it with  a rented U-Haul appliance dolly; this freezer will fit in my eat-in-kitchen in my Huntsville apartment. Next comes my antique couch, reupholstered in the late '70s with the leg that keeps coming off when you move it. In the van they put pillows between four machines on the seats of that couch: small TV, microwave, printer, and copier. Boxes of books are interspersed among numbered furniture items. Those numbers will help placement of furniture at the other end. China and other items marked FRAGILE were put on top of boxes and furniture. All boxes have the name of the room where they should land in the new apartment.

Dog Ziggy. Yes, that is dog Ziggy on my lap in the picture above. You wonder what the canine has been thinking, but he has been staying by my side. Saturday night and Sunday night we get to sleep together in that single bed I got to sleep by the hospital bed. Pharis will get that bed and other items left behind.

Tomorrow morning (Monday) I will pick up my Huntsville brother in Orlando and bring him to that van. We will take Monday and Tuesday to drive to Huntsville with Ziggy and I following in my car. Ziggy has already seen his bed and cage in the back seat of the car. The third seat area and trunk area has miscellaneous items.

Follow trip to Huntsville on my 

Facebook LIKE page 

by clicking on the above link at the right. 

The Making of a DOCTOR WHO Quilt

I had made quilts for all of my late husband's grandchildren except the youngest one. I have to admit when the last grandchild of my late husband said to make a "Doctor Who" quilt, it wasn't so easy to design it. In my grief, I was hardly being creative anymore. 

A phone booth? I hadn't been watching that long-running "Doctor Who" series, but I found out the phone booth is where the characters go to call the police. Then I read about the little space figures that are in this long-running TV series from the UK, and I wondered how I could use that in the quilt. I had a pocket from one of my late husband's shirt. Not so sure how it would be possible. 

How do you turn a phone booth 

into a quilt?!

Her father made this cardboard phone booth for her.

I started with the phone booth and used jeans fabric for the structure of the phone booth. Jeans fabric is easy to piece you just sew on top. Then the jeans seemed a little harsh, or masculine, so I added some lace. 

My deadline was to give it to this wonderful young lady before I moved from Plant City where she lives. I found some flannel material with those "space figures" in them for the back on the quilt. 

One Thanksgiving

Granddaughter as an infant stole her grandpa's heart. 

A quilt with a little of her late grandfather in it--a pocket from one of his shirts sewn to the back for the use of a cell phone! Her cousins had those grandpa shirt pockets in their quilts. Gradually I got some of my creativity back. I bought flannel with space figures for the back of the quilt and blue and white poke-a-dot fleece for texture and a little warmth for the top and for the side binding. The phone booth sign came from
http://www.spoonflower.com/tags/doctorwho; however, I am not sure they still have it. 

I set out to design it with great tools.

Near the end I had to rush to Lakeland's Fabric Warehouse for help.

Becky and Brandon to the rescue. I hadn't been sewing much since my husband, her Grandfather, passed away last June. This helpful staff came to my rescue and refreshed me on how to use this great Swedish quilt-making machine, a Husqvarna Viking.

I had slept by my husband's hospital bed in a single bed. After the hospital bed left the house, the master bedroom became a sewing room, with a single bed in it. Didn't do much sewing however, until I made up my mind to finish this project before I moved next month. 

I used the stool from the pub table from the den to sit on as this height helped me not have trouble with my carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist. Yes, I missed that pool table for quilt assembly, but it came together on that single bed. The top of the phone booth even has a place for a pen and a tablet.

Tonight  I heard that this granddaughter is pleased with it! 

Guest Post: Finding Wandering Jake

My friend Sally (not her real name) had quite an adventure with Jake (not his real name) last week. Here is her story.

Our dog needed her toenails trimmed at the dog groomer. That was a quick fix. 

Now on to the jewelers to take Jake's watch in. Jake had left it on the shower ledge and it had moisture on its face. The jeweler was the answer to avoid the watch stopping and rusting.

I parked directly in front of the jewelry store, rolled down the car windows and told Jake to stay in the car with our dog. I would be returning momentarily. 

However, when I returned to the car, there was no Jake and our dog was barking. Panic set in! Where did my husband go? I hadn't been gone but a moment.  

I carried the dog and the two of us set off to find him. Not in a Dollar Store. Not in a laundry. Was he searching for me or for a men's room?  

Finally the barber shop. Jake was contently sitting in a barber chair getting his hair cut. I pretended that this was planned and waited until he finished getting handsome. He did need the hair cut after all. I had the money to pay for it--he didn't. 

I next dropped him off at the Senior Center and shared this episode with the 2 pm Alzheimer's Association Support group. 

Lesson learned: Don't leave my husband in the car alone ever! Do not trust the care of our dog to Jake. And, I am going to start searching for a GPS system to track Jake. He no longer uses a cell phone, although he does have an Alzheimer's bracelet. 

 Sally, Carol's Friend

Moving to an Apartment in Rocket City

Last week I asked Alison, my realtor,

Can I just move this summer

 (with the for sale sign up)?

She said yes.

I spent a few days in Huntsville earlier this month.  While there I applied to substitute teach for the fall and scouted out apartments. 

I chose one which is not far from my family.  It is a 1402 square feet apartment with two bedrooms and two bathrooms and an eat-in kitchen. 

So when you come into the foyer of the four apartments in this building, two are upstairs and mine is at the right on the ground floor. I signed the lease for two years electronically. 

Huntsville is colder than I have been used to in Florida, and so having the front door and the back door open to a foyer before you go outside is great. Also the front foyer has mail boxes! 

I will like an eat-in kitchen where I can also put my upright freezer.

The complex has an exercise room, pool, and walking track for dogs. Maintenance is provided. Really more plusses than minuses.

Last week my water heater went out. Today I had a new water heater installed in my house. It might have waited until the house sold, but it didn't. When I move to an apartment, the landlord will take care of things like water heaters. 

So what needs to happen for me to move to Huntsville? I have to do more packing and some downsizing especially of clothes. I have different sizes of clothing and need to settle on what to take. Also, I want to finish a quilt for the last grandchild of my husband before I move. I want to see people before I move. 

I do not know how it will all happen--moving--but better to move at age 70 rather than be moved to a nursing home later with someone having to sell my house and sort through my junk. I am taking care of it myself. 

Thanks for your prayers, folks. 

The Making of a 70-Year-Old YouTube Rapper

I rap at the end
of good classes.

In 2009 I wrote one poem I started saying when I substitute taught in public schools --"Longing to Chat on the Front Porch With You." That poem is in my book and talks about the importance of talking face-to-face rather than using all these media. Those 2009 students I substituted for told me it was a "rap". I barely knew what a rap was, but I wrote more raps. My late husband would enjoy my practice performances at home whenever I wrote them. I miss his encouragement.

Several adults in my acquaintance have told me they don't like the genre of rap. However  students encouraged me since because they want to hear me rap at the end of classes when I substitute teach. You see students have to have a reason to be good for a substitute and it works for me. I don't have to rap for adults.

When I got an idea, I would write a rap and memorize it. The practice was saying them over and over for a week of teaching in different classrooms. Soon I had over a dozen raps memorized. Students trained me in rapping and showed me how to move with my rap.

My Huntsville, Alabama niece and nephew decided in 2013 to put me on YouTube. They gave me the rapper name of "MC AC The Rap Lady. " It turns out that MC is the title of a rapper, or the "emcee" who has the microphone. AC is the name they have always called me--Aunt Carol. My niece produced a clever ad video and "Cursive Writing". A year later when I visited Huntsville my niece helped me produce "Cell Phones" on my Mac Mini computer, hoping I could take over putting raps on YouTube myself because my niece is very busy.

The challenge was that I had to learn iMovie to be able to put up more YouTube videos. I put off that challenge while taking care of my late husband.

Last spring I bought lessons for a year from Apple in Brandon and I think it was $99 for unlimited lessons for a year. After my husband died, I was free to work on the project. I would bring in my box holding my Mac Mini hard drive to the Apple store in the mall. Could I learn iMovie? What about GarageBand to add beats to the raps? Hour sessions at Apple still didn't make me a producer, although I did learn more about my computer.

Rapping put a smile on people's faces and as a recent widow, one Friday night I rapped with a backup of a band in downtown Lakeland. See Rapping in Downtown Lakeland. Our Toastmaster booth was right across from this band, so I had the nerve to walk over there and tell them that I was a rapper and could I perform one rap with their backup.

Later last summer people in my Lakeland Toastmaster's Club were invited to a networking business meeting in Tampa. Since I was no longer a caregiver, I ventured out. When I was introduced, I had to tell about my lowly job as a substitute teacher and the fact I am a rapper. After this networking meeting, one man told me about Rody Davis, a young college student who could produce my raps for YouTube. I called Rody in Alabama of all places and we agreed to meet when he came back into town. He not only takes college classes, but for several years Rody has had the prestigious position as a Sound Engineer for the college. When he came back for college, I met him at his college studio and he recorded ten raps which he agreed to produce for me for only $400.

Ten raps were finished last week and I gave him the $400 in cash. I wonder how many hours were really clocked on this project and I really appreciate Rody's faith in my rapping. He said it was fun for him to do.

Rody Davis

Rody enlisted his roommate Travis Smith to put visuals to the project. Travis has access to many visuals he has purchased. 

Travis and Rody

So Friday night, March 27th, 5:30 PM, here I was at the college studio again ready to become a YouTube rapper with ten more raps. I brought my MacMini computer from which we thought we could be able to add to MCACProductions1, the ten newly-produced raps. It turns out that Rody found my YouTube playlist where he uploaded the ten raps. Now, mind you, I didn't see these videos first. Within about an hour these were loaded onto a file on my hard drive and my YouTube playlist--but not that channel. Travis and Rody were ready for dates with their girlfriends and I went home ready to view these ten raps. 

Rody and Travis did a great job--I couldn't have produced these, nor had the insight into beats and visuals for raps. It takes a younger generation to make the wisdom of an aged rapper come alive. (Some of my raps are silly, but some have sound wisdom.)

Monday night I spent an hour of One-on-One professional time at Apple in Brandon. We just couldn't crack to code to get them up to the original channel. That was a shame, because MCACProductions1 has had over 5000 views on its three videos and over 120 subscribers!

I came home totally frustrated. People could go to my personal YouTube playlist and see them, but also see other videos I had downloaded. I texted my friend Sherry and she called me and listened to all my stress with this rapping business, with being a widow and with selling the house. We prayed. 

Our prayers took wings and I did the next thing, staying up over midnight to accomplish a new channel since Apple had taught me about YouTube. I used my new skills to create a logical YouTube Channel, MC AC The Rap Lady, the name I write on the white board under Mrs. Johnson when I substitute teach. I was able to upload nine of the ten videos on this channel I created. I put MCACProductions1 under channel on this new site. 

MC AC The Rap Lady --new channel

The tenth rap called "Pizzazz" will be uploaded sometime in April. 

So this is the story of how I became a YouTube rapper. Subscribe to the new channel above and share if you like. 

MC AC The Rap Lady

Financial Impact of Being a Caregiver

I am often very transparent about life. 

Why not--God needs to get the glory 

as I wrote in my book, 

Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill!

I do not need to get the glory.  

      We bought our home in 2001 within the first year of our marriage. In 2004 my husband had a heart attack and shortly thereafter the house was refinanced to include the car payment for our used Expedition. After his recovery, we both continued working. I retired from stressful full-time teaching in Polk County Schools in 2007. 
      In December of 2008 my husband and I were all set to begin some retirement years together.  However he was diagnosed with dementia. Six months after this diagnosis, my husband retired. I helped him draft a two weeks notice letter. I surmised that he was not able to remember new directions from his employers and felt he needed to give his two-week notice.

         Suddenly I would have to pull in more income. Eventually I decided to work as a substitute teacher in public schools and to continue my part-time position as an instructor for DUI classes. These two employment opportunities allowed me flexibility for my new role as a dementia caregiver.

         At some point our financial advisor who monitored my IRA suggested we take a second mortgage at a bank where he had a friend. The thought was that the second mortgage would help us maintain the property because undoubtedly it would go up in value before it would need to be sold.          

        I studied Alzheimer’s and kept a good credit rating I thought. We lived our life as best as we could and Sally and Jake gave us a used pop-up camper and we went camping with them. We had two cars until a crash in December of 2010 that I wrote about HERE, which totaled our best car. He stopped driving and I drove our 1999 gas-guzzler Expedition until December of 2013 when it would have taken $6000 to fix. We then purchased a newer used car HERE that he would be able to get into and out of much easier than the Expedition, which we had to give away. We again had car payments.

         In the later years of caregiving we had wonderful volunteers that enabled me to continue to work and my husband to continue to stay in our home. Kenny would come to check on him while I worked and Pharis would take care of our yard and repairs.

          In May of 2014 my husband was rapidly declining and it became apparent that I needed to stay home and not substitute teach, although I was contracted to teach DUI classes and couldn't get out of that.    

        With more decline it became harder for us to manage. There were two choices—a nursing home or Hospice. I chose Hospice. My husband loved our home and Hospice came into our home.  Not long after this decision, he passed away on June 23, 2014. A small life-insurance policy of $20,000 paid for the burial expenses and some of my expenses that summer. I expected to be substitute teaching again in August, but due to my husband’s death I had missed an important meeting for Kelly Services.  Without his Social Security, money became very tight.  Finally a month into the school year I again started substitute teaching and seeing if I could refinance the house with the first and second mortgages.

      The decision to sell was made during my 2014 Christmas vacation when I visited family in Huntsville, Alabama—I would sell and move there. In January I contacted the bank who held the first mortgage and explained the situation and I stopped paying automatically the first mortgage. Not paying the mortgage helped me survive and take care of needed repairs on the house including a new water softener to handle the rust problem. My realtor and my visiting Alabama brother explained the reality of the short-sell to me and I spent two months getting the house ready to sell. 

It had never occurred to me that I would have to downsize at this time, and to sell-short, but I will be happy to live in an apartment and to not burden my Huntsville family with having to downside and sell property in the future.  

      My highest value in the stressful life as a caregiver had been taking care of my late husband whom I loved so much.  There hadn’t been time to take care of myself or to assess the value of our property which we thought would increase by the time we would sell it.  

I am so glad for what I have and look forward to a simpler lifestyle in a two bedroom apartment where I will work on the seminary counseling dissertation on caregiving. Continue to pray for the sale of the home as the first buyer backed out this past week. Our home will be a golden find for someone and I look forward to my golden years in Huntsville, Alabama.