CONFESSION: Off My Niceness Treadmill

It is time I confess my stress and sinful anger at my husband Monday night. I was off the niceness treadmill that night in a sinful way, not in a logical, calm way as I wrote about in my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. I was yelling at my husband big time. 

Basically hubby was supposed to stay home while I went to Toastmasters.  I had the responsibility of running the meeting--I signed up for the Toastmaster assignment on Sunday when I noticed no one had picked up that key job. We had agreed on hubby staying home, I thought, and Kenny would make his dinner and check in on him while I was at Toastmasters.  Hubby remembered none of this agreement Monday night. 

Two facts about dementia loved ones such as my husband:

1. Short-term memory. Despite the fact that "Toastmasters" was typed on my side of the daily schedule, hubby denied that he wasn't going to Toastmasters. 

2. Dementia husbands like their home and if the wife is not home, they want to be with her wherever she goes. 

One fact about a Toastmaster meeting: Someone needs to be the Toastmaster each meeting and introduce everyone. 

All the details had to come together but everything was last minute. Monday people had to sign up for jobs for the agenda and I had to make the agenda when I came home from substitute teaching in public school and that wasn’t as easy as I thought. Volunteer caregiver Kenny came over to make Herb’s dinner and I couldn’t chit chat with him. But neighbor Kenny could understand I couldn’t chit chat. He saw my tension and left the dinner for hubby. 

You are trying to keep me home! hubby screamed. I was leaving, Kenny had left and by golly hubby was going to go with me to Toastmasters! Hubby hadn’t shaved. He hadn’t eaten his supper. He wanted to go at the last minute on my last nerves.  I hurried hubby along—very unpleasant for both of us. Uncharacteristically I started barking orders at him to get him ready. There was very little time. We argued as I drove us to Lakeland.  

The meeting went fine, although I need a hair appointment as evidenced on Facebook by all the pictures of me presenting ribbons to various people. No time for a hair appointment as I am working six days this week. When do I blog? I fit it in for therapy. 

I apologized to hubby when we got home from Toastmasters and he had forgotten all about our argument before Toastmasters. He didn't want his dinner which was left for him and I threw it away rather than heat it up. I made each of us a bowl of ice cream and sat with him to eat it. 

Lesson: Alzheimer's is a  S L O W disease 
and the world has to slow down for it. 

Epic Mom Book Review

Epic Mom:

Failing Every Day a Little Bit More Than You

Marianne Walsh always puts a smile on my face whether it is on her blog or in her new book, Epic Mom, coauthored with Julie R. Harrison. Why would I review this book here? First of all, Marianne comments on this blog--she is a blogging social media friend. For some time she has been reading this blog and I finally caught on and started to follow hers. (See link at the right for her blog.)

The editor of the Chicago Parent Magazine where Marianne has a column, Tamara L. O’Shaughnessy, writes:

The ability to find humor while riding shot-gun with lunacy is what sustains many parents, and Marianne details the comic glory of it all in Epic Mom. . . . Perfection is not attainable. We all know that on some level. But who has the guts to actually admit their faults and failures to the world? Marianne Walsh and Julie Harrison, that’s who. (p. 2)

Co-author Julie writes as MOV in the book. I was thinking about reviewing this book on Amazon as I have for other books, and I noticed that both MOV and Marianne have reviewed their own book on Amazon!  Hmm!  Their reviews are just part of the edgy, tacky fun in the book. You will not at all be bored with the book even if you are not a mom.  I have been reading this book when I have free moments while substitute teaching and it has prompted me to write funny notes to the regular teacher about his/her students.

Let me tell you a bit about Marianne’s part of the book and an example of how I identified. Both of us want our husband to be romantic. Marianne's husband says that "being married is like having a boss." (p. 38) I wanted a romantic statement when I interviewed my husband earlier on this blog and he said what he likes about me is that I feed him. Neither one of us get roses, etc., although Marianne was delighted to get a new computer chair. Only once when I was first engaged to my husband I got roses delivered to my school in Miami. Then a Valentine's Day after we had moved into our home, hubby got me an automatic garage door opener. I taught in public school then in this area and was interviewed by the high school news about my romantic gift. The youth who interviewed me didn't think a garage door opener was very romantic, but actually it has been wonderful to just drive into the garage and unload groceries so I can "feed" my husband. I think we have a theme going here in my marriage that extends even into our Alzheimer's period. I like finding things to chuckle about and Marianne is a master at that. Life can be too serious.

There are other similarities, but the hilarities of this book are what I want to feature here. Do not miss, and I repeat, do not miss her footnotes in the book. You will crack up. Marianne's wit and imagination far surpass Roseanne Barr or any other comedienne that I can think of (and I cannot think of many, you understand).

I love Marianne's adventures de-cluttering her closet, her angst about her carpet and making a "library" for herself. The carpenter calls it a "mud room" and she has to correct him that it is her "library'. Her three sons in 40 months had to stop and either she or her hubby got fixed, not sure who, but these sons were intruding on her bathroom time and she was totally a hoot writing about it. Near the end of the book she writes about her previous single life in the corporate world in the chapter "Back When I Was a Real Person Who Peed Alone".

Elementary school teachers need to read her book as she humorously writes about communications from the three schools her three sons attend and science projects. On Valentine's Day she couldn't send candy with her sons to public schools (she is fond of Reese's Pieces I think) and she bought pencils instead at Target. While at Target, another mother from her neighborhood said to her, "Well, I hope the kids enjoy their writing utensils. It's simply another reason I prefer the Catholic School System. Candy is not our enemy, Satan is." (p. 315) Then Marianne writes:

The exchange stayed with me all day. The continuous eviction of anything remotely fun from the public school system has left me dispirited. Even non-religious holidays are often re-named to avoid offending anyone. . . . Fed-up, I brought up the Catholic school option to my husand that evening. For a person known for her frugality, my desire to spend money on schooling instantly aroused my husband's suspicions. He started questioning my motives. . . .

Finally about 20 minutes of debate, he suddenly remembered my penchant for pilfering our darling children's Reese's Pieces. "Marianne, this is about the candy, isn't it?" (p. 315)

Love this book, Epic Mom.

If we can all find humor in life, we don't have to feel sorry for ourselves and take ourselves too seriously. I totally get imperfection. I wrote about my imperfection in Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, and show you my horrible housekeeping when I post about The House That Cleans Itself on this blog. So many Christians I think have to show their perfect sides all the time. But grace doesn't have to do that.

Marianne talks about sibling rivalry with her sister in her book and perhaps I have some also with my brothers. "Don’t you have any shame?" my rocket scientist brother remarked recently about my YouTube talk on The House That Cleans Itself. My satellite scientist brother just said the talk was too long. (I find if difficult to stop talking when I am supposed to at Toastmasters.) I guess if you are a scientist you have to be perfect and I do think my younger, taller brothers are perfect, mind you. I just know I am not and am so glad that Jesus Christ died for my imperfections. Here is what one Christian comic said about sin.

From Facebook Posting

Blog Announcement

I read a lot of blogs and comment on many of them. People make money on them. Barb and my pastor have suggested I do the same--that I monetize Plant City Lady and Friends. So this post is to announce that I will have monetized this blog (if you all buy something) by the middle of next week. You can buy books I recommend  through Amazon by clicking on the Widget at the right. I may change those books for time to time, but here are the first ten I have selected.

Mindy Starn Clark's updated edition of The House That Cleans Itself is on that Widget. I am reading the updated edition now, and of course have been blogging about the first edition since last September on this blog and have a YouTube talk on the first edition. I was the first to put a review of the new book on Amazon and of course will blog about the updated edition on this blog.

The Organized Heart by Staci Eastin I reviewed here. Recently the Housewife Theologian also reviewed this book here. Although she doesn't write about Alzheimer's, Staci's book has brought so much calm in my Christian life.

Dr. Mary Newport's Alzheimer Disease: What If There Was a Cure? is a top viewed post here on this blog (over 250 have read this post) and you can buy it off of my new Wiget. Early on in my husband's disease even before her book came out I was in contact with Dr. Newport.

My first book review was The Coconut Oil Miracle here. The world seems to be upset that I write about coconut oil here, but it does help a lot of ailments, and anedoctablly it slows down Alzheimer's and helps with our loved one's mood.

A Promise Kept is a classic for married folks dealing with the dementia of their spouse. I bogged about keeping your marriage vow and this book here.

I'm Still Here is a book that haunts me and I look for what in my husband is still here. .

Learning to Speak Alzheimer's is a "go to" book for me. Probably will write about it and need to master the concepts in this book.

I often use two classic books, Mayo Clinic Guide to Alzheimer's Disease, and The 36-Hour Day, which I have included on the Wiget. Both are too big to review here.

Finally, I put my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, on that Amazon Widget. Here the book is cheaper than its original price on Amazon. (However, the cheapest way to read it is a Barnes and Noble eBook, folks.)  See http://www.gettingoffthenicenesstreadmill.com/index.html 

15 Things I Am Thankful For

I am thankful for:

1. Our veterans on this Veterans' Day and my country, state, county and city and elected officials that I can now pray for. Friday at the school where I substituted there was a wonderful, long Veteran's Day Assembly. The students here in Plant City were very attentive at this assembly. Essays were read. A young lady with an awesome voice sang the Star Spangled Banner, and a Vice Principal also sang a patriotic song.  A Power Point show of veterans connected with the school students and staff was shown. This school is having a Christmas program next month--I know because I saw it on the white board in the band class. No "Winter Program".
2. My husband's great attitude and taking one day at a time. We should all do that--take one day at a time.
3. That Alzheimer's is causing me to hold on to my Christian faith in new ways. I am more confident than ever that the LORD will see me through.
4. That Alzheimer's is bringing self-discipline into my life with time management.
5. That Alzheimer's is making me more health conscious so I can be his caregiver/lovegiver all his days and not die first myself. I have lost weight through Weight Watchers and am walking two to three times a week.
6. That Alzheimer's is forcing me to organize our home. When I retired, I thought plenty of time. But our days are numbered and I have to do this now. It feels great to finally have a strategy for doing it thanks to the wisdom of The House That Cleans Itself.
7. That my husband in 2009, even after his early diagnosis, helped edit Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, the book I had it in me to write. If it didn't make sense to him, what I wrote, it had to be edited.
8. That we survived a crash with a DUI driver that left us with only one car; that my husband decided to just be a passenger a year ago. There is now no car at home here in the country for him to drive away in and he loves our dog and home.
9. That we have camping memories and have gone to Orlando theme parks.
10. Sally and Jake who are on a similar journey with Jake's Alzheimer's. I love how our husbands have bonded and enjoy each other.
11. The Plant City Senior Center---pray that our husbands accept going there. I am so grateful to Sally for getting us into this. Her mother once went there.
12. Going out of town to visit relatives in December while we can do this.
13. The Alzheimer's Association support group and our two facilitators there.
14. That I can still work to pay off credit cards because one day I may not be able to work.
15. My blogging friends.

The Humor of Social Media

A Pin from Pinterest

I was reflecting on my rap on social media yesterday, and the last line I added was on Pinterest. You see I became infatuated with Pinterest recently, with nothing else to do! Right! Plenty of organization and getting rid of stuff around here, books to read for my seminary class, and then Pinterest beckons me. But I was hooked on Pinterest! When . . .

The Internet went down along with the land line. I used my cell phone to call Bright House (Road Runner). Last time something like this happened it was the pump water and the land line. Spiders caused the water problem and maybe the phone problem. This time no Internet and land line for 24 hour until Road Runner could get out here and provide a new modem! No Pinterest! I laughed at myself and got a lot of de-cluttering done. Not finished, but made a huge dent.

In 2009 Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill was published and in the 9th chapter I wrote a poem that has since become a rap, actually my first rap that I do at the end of good classes when I substitute teach in secondary education.  As new media have appeared I have added lines. So here is the current version of "Longing to Chat On the Front Porch With You":



It started with e-mail
The demise of snail mail

Our personal lives are right out there

Anything we’re likely to share

I guess we learned this from reality TV

We rant and rave

And post pictures you can see

On Twitter you can tweet

On Facebook you retreat

On iPod there’s a beat

Real people you don’t meet.

With blogs I can rail

Dialogue will soon fail

Too slow but we can text

What will be the latest next?

Want no face-to-face strife?

Send pictures of your life.

With Skype I can gripe

With Flicker I can snicker.

On Blue Tooth I tell the truth.

On Link-In you can ring in

On Google Plus there’s no fuss

But on Pinterest there’s no rest

The pace we live is sad

No front porch makes me mad.

Pinterest they say is mainly women, but a Manterest and a Gentlemint site have emerged for men along with a lot of other lines I might add to this rap of mine. And, by the way, I am on a huge group board about Alzheimer's on Pinterest.

Thanks to Barb from Cleaning Up the Clutter for getting me into Pinterest! Now I have graphics for blogging! And you all have my third of eight raps on this blog! And me? I need to go de-clutter and stay off of Pinterest for the rest of the day.

Have a good week!

Thanksgiving Week

Read Sunday morning from Psalm 118:19-21, 29 NLT

Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,

and I will go in and thank the LORD.

These gates lead to the presence of the LORD,

and the godly enter there.

I thank you for answering my prayer

and giving me victory. . . .

Give thanks to the LORD,

for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

• Love going to church today in a few hours. So does DH. We bring our lunch and eat together after the worship service. Then we have a counseling class. DH listens while I take notes. I will be finishing up a counseling degree in the next several years. My current paper will be on "Dying Well".
• We are not going to be camping with that group. A call was made to say we weren't accepted. Both DH and I are at peace with this (although DH might be hurt). We still can camp with Sally and Jake. Sally and Jake are still in the group, but Sally speculates that it is because this group didn't want another person with Alzheimer's.
• By book is now an eBook on Barnes and Noble. Go to bn.com and purchase at $7.69 for your iPad, computer or Nook. Just type in "Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill", the name of the book.
• I went to a Christian Writer's Conference all day in Orlando Saturday, November 19th. Thanks to Sally and Jake for taking DH to lunch while I was gone. DH is able to stay home by himself, but that sure was wonderful that they thought of this. Sally and I are thinking about introducing our husbands to senior day care, which might work if they go together. These men always have so much fun together. Sally increasingly has to be with Jake and this may help if our husbands can both hang out at a senior day care; they love telling each other the same things over and over.
• Obsessing. DH now obsesses about that camping group. Jake obsesses about not being able to drive and DH made the mistake of driving when the four of us were together recently. Sally told me later, that it really didn't matter. Jake obsesses about how unfair it is that as a man he can no longer drive. DH often comments on Jake and genuinely cares for him.
• DH genuinely cares for me. I love him also.
• I have a week off--no subsituting the week of Thanksgiving. We will be with some of DH's extended family on Thanksgiving. I have a week off to de-clutter, clean. and decorate for Christmas.
• Most of my Christmas shopping is done. My creative gift this year for birthdays/Christmas is not a quilt like the last two years. This year it is Scripture highlights I have been working on each day. These highlights are printed in a binder for selected people. One family member didn't want it because he said it is "too preachy"--so he is getting an iTunes gift card. Other family members are excited about a binder of Scripture highlights. This is not necessarily a cheap gift for our budget, as I have had to buy additional printing cartridges, binders and mail the binders. The binder shows my excitement for God's word and how it sustains me each day.

Drawing for Free Book

In honor of the two year anniversary of this blog (and two other ones), I am giving away to three people a copy of my book Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. You have to have commented in November or December on any post to enter the contest. The drawing will be 1/1/11.