Road Trip With an Alzheimer's Husband



Road trip with an Alzheimer's loved one.  

When you travel with them, you notice more how the disease is affecting your loved one. We headed north to visit my younger brother, the rocket scientist, his wife and his extended family in Huntsville, Alabama. We rented a car because it didn't make sense to use our gas guzzler which has over 200,000 miles now.  The trip can take only one day, but with an Alzheimer's husband who would be impatient I drove a day and a half each way staying at a hotel each leg of the trip.

Our dog was dropped off at a kennel and Sally and Jake took us to Avis at the Tampa International Airport. When I was not visible to my husband while he was watching our luggage, it was great to have our friends with him. I went to Avis to arrange for the car. Priceline had reserved a $12 a day car for us. You could fit one piece of luggage in the $12 car and so we were upgraded to a more expensive car ($35 a day)--a Ford Taurus. It took some adjustment for me to use this car, but even my husband liked it. For example, I didn't know how to turn the volume down at first on the trip to Huntsville and how to plug in my iPhone for our playlists. When it came to buying gas, I had to have help.

On the way to Huntsville I entertained my hubby by asking him to shell peanuts for me. We also talked and I was able to use playlists on my iPhone. On the return trip, however, I knew how to turn the volume down and use the plug in for the iPhone thanks to the smarts of my sister-in-law. We listened to a variety of music on the radio and on my playlists, and talked repeatedly about our dog Ziggy. I let my husband choose the subject of conversation because it works out the best this way and I don't get his comments--Carol, you aren't making sense.

While at my brother and sister-in-law's home, we also spent three evenings with my niece and nephew and their families including three delightful children. We went to Unclaimed Baggage in Scottsborough where I spent a total of $10.44 on a dress and a scarf. We saw the movie "Quartet".

Hubby had many repeated questions for me while we were gone:

1. Are we in a hotel? (We stayed at my brother's home.)
2. What are we doing here?
3. Is our dog in the kennel?
4. What does our home look like?
5. When are we going home?

Questions such as these, asked over and over, are pretty standard for this stage of Alzheimer's, and hubby didn't have his printed schedule on the trip, because he would be with me and I wasn't sure what would happen each day.

My rocket scientist brother works for a subcontractor at the large Redstone Arsenal and on Saturday he took us to see the nicknamed "Pentagon South" building he is moving into. We had to show IDs to get through the gate to the Arsenal and hubby and I handed my brother our driver's licenses. When It came time to get give our IDs at the gate, my brother could not find the driver's licenses with a thorough search of the car. Now hubby is so good at putting things away. Finally hubby checked his wallet and sure enough both of our driver's licenses were here! We all laughed including hubby, who still has his license for identification but chooes not to drive any more.  

Hubby lost his cell phone at a mall and security did see a local relative to call, my sister-in-law, called her and my brother went to get that cell phone. On the trip back home while I stopped at MacDonalds to get hubby to take his pills with food, I went to the rental car to get something and hubby forgot where I was. He used his cell phone to call me, getting my sister-in-law instead of me. She told him I must be around there somewhere. He must just press TALK when he calls me and usually I am the last number, although this time it was the sister-in-law.

At my brother's home I made hubby's coconut oil/dark chocolate fudge and I realize it does calm him down. I just packed coconut oil, dark chocolate and two ice cube trays and then made it at our destination as I have described on this blog.

As we traveled in Alabama I noticed signs of recession, with shops closed. However new Dollar General appeared in small towns along HYW 231.



Not open

Other changes. The price of gas dropped 20 cents as we entered Alabama. On the way home it was even 2 cents lower than that until we got to Florida. None of this phased hubby. Place as well as time has less meaning for him.  Alabama has radio and signs protecting drivers from distracted driving such as texting while driving, whereas Florida's signs emphasize the "Move Over Law" protecting officers parked by the side of the road.



Alabama Choleus, herbs, Breathless Blush Euyphorbia, and Hot Water Ble Lobelia

One place that was not closed was Pat's Secret Garden in North Ozark, Alabama. I have noticed and stopped at this garden shop for years on my travels to Alabama from Florida and it didn't show signs of slowing down at all and I bought the above plants. Pat herself told me to put the plants I purchased in the trunk and a day later when we arrived home they were fine, ready for my areas 8 and 9 projects at our home. Pat has a secret garden open April 15th to May 24th in case you are in the neighborhood.

Getting home we first picked up the dog, drove home and unpacked. Sally and Jake came over. Jake spent time with hubby while Sally followed me to the airport to turn in my Priceline "bargain" rental that totaled $344 including taxes and other charges for six days; then Sally brought me home while we talked for the whole ride about our husbands and the past six days we both experienced.  

Highlights of the trip included relaxed time chatting with family, going to church, beating my rocket scientist brother at Checkers at Cracker Barrel restaurant, and having raps videotaped by the niece and nephew who say they are putting it on YouTube under a rapper name they have chosen for me.

Hubby seems very contented at home now. Things are predictable to him and hubby is more predictable to me. So glad I got to see family and that we took this trip.

Our Separate Vacations

Even before the Alzheimer's invaded our marriage we never had separate vacations. Of course there were times when hubby was in the hospital, but one can hardly call that separation a vacation. Enter respite time, breaks for caregivers. See article  here  which points out that in a survey 80% of caregivers say respite time is the number one need of caregivers. Because of the generosity of family, I had the opportunity to have respite time apart from my Alzheimer's husband.

June 22. My husband flew by himself to another area to be met by his son for a visit through July 1^st. DH’s cell phone is off and I call that home. I realize that he had already thought I was on the cruise, but it would be one and a half days until I depart. He calls back, we talk, and I take a shower. I get three calls on my cell during that shower asking "How do you open this suitcase?" I could not get through to him after that shower. I presume that he walks up two flights of steps to get his son to help him with the code to open the suitcase.

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June 23, the next morning, I am awakened by my husband's call at 5 AM. He misses me! Did he get any sleep at all? My sister-in-law comes to Plant City and we go to Ikea in Tampa. I get a $20 on sale backpack to use as my purse when we leave the ship. Backpacks are so handy for travel and this one is a favorite color--bright pink.

June 24 hubby and I talk in the morning. My sister-in-law and I leave for Port Canaveral for a week Caribbean cruise on the Freedom of the Sea, luxury ship owned by Royal Caribbean Cruise lines. Hubby and I later talk before the ship embarks.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE CONTACT UNTIL JULY 1ST. Will he remember to wear his ties to church both Sundays? Will he forget and wear the same clothes repeatedly. Will he remember to use the plastic bag I packed for his laundry and will that laundry bag return home in his suitcase? ABOVE ALL AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WILL HE TAKE HIS PILLS TWICE A DAY? I have to leave all those cares behind. I am not paying for Internet/cell phone access on the trip. He cannot contact me about things like his suitcase.

We set sail and travel all night and the next day. I celebrate my 68th birthday with my sister-in-law Monday night, a dress formal night. We meet our lovely 5:30 PM group in the dining room; these wonderful people we will see every night if they can make it. 

From Wikipedia

     • Tuesday we were in fabulous Labadee, Haiti
     • Wednesday we were in Jamaica and got stranded when the motor to our glass bottom boat breaks.   Shortly we were rescued by another ship. "No problem", just a situation, is the Jamaican attitude.
     • Thursday we visit Grand Cayman island.
     • Friday we debark at Cozumel, Mexico.
     • Saturday is another day at sea with so much fun before we arrive back one on July 1st.

I met people in countries and on the ship to pray for. With some of them I prayed right there on the spot. God is not limited by distance. My husband was in the LORD's hands that week; his son had legal and medical documents and authority. There are other concerns in our world than a husband who has Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia and I was able to see poverty first hand, especially in Jamaica. I know that in Mexico and Haiti there are areas beyond the tourist sections we saw. I left a pile of clothes including my fancy dinner outfit ($15 at the Goodwill) for my cabin steward that she will bring back to Jamaica and prayed with her about her daughter. You know, though, many in these poor countries may be more spiritually atuned than we in the states are.

I brought too much with me, but left some on the ship.

July 1st we carted our luggage early to customs and maybe two hours later at about 9:30 we arrived at my Plant City home. My sister-in-law left for another vacation with her family and she got home about 9:15--actually 8:15 in her time zone Sunday night. I was in time for my church--maybe ten minutes late, and I enjoyed sweet worship. I was a little sad that my husband didn't sit by my side in his usual seat at church, but his plane was scheduled to land in Tampa Sunday night.

Back home from church, my digital camera has over 130 gorgeous photos to download. E-mail at home was way over 500, including Facebook's notice that I had family and friends postings to check up on. In our house there was no water and no home phone. "No problem", just a situation. The mail will be delivered Monday.

I left to pick up my husband at the airport, receiving a message from his son that he was indeed on the plane. Excitedly, I waited to see him. When he arrived as one of the last passengers to walk up a ramp, we hug and kiss. Hubby doesn't have his shaving kit and suit jacket. A flight attendant from US Airways brings his shaving kit out to us after I ask. No jacket she says--oh well--that was a $10 Salvation Army find that does show up later wrinkled in his luggage. We go to the Olive Garden for dinner. At dinner he kept asking how long it would take to get home. Half hour, Sweetheart. Plumber to come Monday. We will also pick up our dog from the kennel on Monday. I keep repeating this information, one thought at a time, and hubby is reassured there is no problem. We are both so happy to see each other. He loved being with his family, but couldn't remember all the details. A grandson thoughtfully posted pictures of his vacation on Facebook.

Today the plumber came and cleared a box of spider webs by the main well and so water was restored. How weird is that! Thursday the phone company will be here for our land line. Just two situations.

Reflections. I have a tan and didn't gain weight. I have been waiting on hubby almost hand and foot, but the ship waiter pulled out my chair and put my napkin in my lap. Waiters with various accents robustly sang "Happy Birthday" to me on my birthday. I got to go to a workshop on nutrition where the speaker said she takes one tablespoon of coconut oil each day. I went to two workshops on napkin folding. About three mornings I walked for 30 minutes. Every night I went to entertainment including ice skating. I am still reflecting on the cruise--wonderful for me. Things don't seem so burdensome at home now because I had been pampered all week. I just relaxed about no water on Sunday.

Special thanks to my husband's family and my family for making this trip possible.

Caregiver's Fabulous Birthday

We laughed at the birthday card pictured here that my husband gave me and so did the clerk. He turned around to see if the clerk thought his head looked like the model on the card! On the inside were birthday wishes and "you are my main squeeze"! And he wrote that he promised to help with dishes!

My birthday was yesterday and my husband and I set out to celebrate it. Ordinarily I would not post this celebration, but I wanted to post it as a celebration of good times. We both enjoyed the day and I just didn't notice he was  memory-impaired.

First we had brunch at Cracker Barrell where he noticed the surroundings and commended on them. He talked about the man over seven feet tall. I asked "where". He said he would show him to me when he returned to the room. Sure enough--he showed me--no short-term memory with that experience. And he said this memorable quote,

Enjoy life. Swish it around! We are retired!

We went on Channelside, a place in Tampa where I had never been.  There we shopped, shared Mud Pie Mocha ice cream at Cold Stone and went to the movie, "Killer"--plenty of action for him and romantic comedy for me. I left my glasses in the movie--we all forget things!  My husband was very calm when I discovered my loss. He drove back maybe six miles so I could retrieve my glasses. He paitiently waited in the car while I went back to the Cinema. I was expecting a call on my cell phone--Where are you?" But he did not call--excellent short-term memory again!

During time in the restaurants he reminised. I wrote down what he said and thoroughly enjoyed the day. He talked about his father's time in the service and his time in the Coast Guard. When he bought my birthday card pictured here, he even bought himself a Coast Guard cap --said he had always wanted that cap.

There were quite a few birthday greetings for me on Facebook and I will post pictures on his Facebook photos so that he remembers yesterday as I have for other events.

My gifts from others included two books on Alzheimer's that I will review this summer on Plant City Lady. When I opened them I had to hide them from him so he wouldn't see a word like "dementia" on the titles. He doesn't want to be treated like something is wrong with him. Yesterday I hardly noticed anyway!