Two New Year Items

Tutoring at my house

Esteban was one neighbor who helped me with my husband and I have been tutoring him. At the end of my husband's life, my husband thought Esteban his son. My husband in his mind was living in an earlier time period. I kept reminding him that I was his loving wife and he did recognize people he saw regularly such as Kenny, Sally, Jake and myself.

Esteban is fifteen and in eighth grade which tells you that he has not passed some school years.  I just have that access in his middle school because I am known as Mrs. Johnson the substitute as well as MC AC The Rap Lady who raps at the end of good classes.  I decided I would do something about this young man after my husband died--help him in school.

Now this young man had been living with his uncle (not Kenny) near me, but had been kicked out of that house and was back with his single mother and four sisters.  I learned where he lived when I saw him at school--a mobile home about two miles from me. In the fall I started to take him out for supper at Plant City's Snellgroves or at Denny's for our public tutoring sessions. No more coming to my neighboring home, as he is not a neighbor now.

I found out that his older sister had dropped out of high school because of the bullies and encouraged her to get back in school. She and her mother promised me she would return for her second semester in February.

Those bullies won, Sweetheart,  I said.

You get back in school! 

It occurred to me that Esteban just wanted to follow the same path as that sister when he turned 16--be a school dropout.

So, I devised a plan.  Before I flew out of town for what we used to call "Christmas break", I went to all of his academic teachers.Those academic teachers all have my email and even cell phone.

We used to have two cell phones--one for my husband and one for me. I would pay for a cell phone for Esteban if he could pass this first semester with only Cs and Ds in Science, Math, History, Language Arts and Reading. He would have to work very hard over vacation and in January to pass. Then in the semester starting in February if a teacher took his cell away because he used it in class, I would not pay for that cell phone service any more. Strict behavioral modification! Find out what works for a young person. 

Monday, December 15 I substituted at his school and he was told in no uncertain terms that I was to tutor him Tuesday night. Tuesday December 16th we were scheduled for tutoring at night--only Esteban missed the bus and didn't have his work. Wednesday December 17th I called his house and got no answer. I went to his house and found him walking home--he had missed the bus. I drove him to school and got a school visitor pass and went to all his teachers. I told them again of my plan to help him, despite the fact he is a bit lazy--really an understatement. I told them again that they can contact my cell and my email. I got the study sheets for his Math final, and was loaned both a Science and a Math book. The teachers have promised to contact me.

Stay tuned and please pray
for Esteban and 
for my possible move.

Getting My Momentum Back

Tuesday I had a lovely breakfast with Kristi who understands grieving from her own path of suffering. She is giving back however. She and her husband have taken in the husband's disabled sister and twenty-something Kristi is making the best of the situation, gradually getting her momentum back. Kristi shared Scripture with me that has helped her and suggested after discipline (doing things she didn't have the momentum to do) the feelings of wanting to take care of her home and sister-in-law came back. Here we were two women almost fifty years in age difference relishing how the LORD is helping us.

Even though it is hard, it is time I get my momentum back after being a caregiver and becoming a widow. Thankful I am able-bodied. START and the spunk will come back.

Here are my 15 momentum starter strategies and things I am thankful for: 

1. Rejoining Weight Watchers. Food still can be fun. I am in no way perfect with my diet, but enjoy the 7 am Weight Watcher group I am in. 
2. Studying my sleep patterns with the Weight Watchers Active Link.Planning 30 minute naps. See HERE. 
3. Having a week off to get things done (November 24-28) and to be there for Sally whose car is in the shop. 
4. Getting on the treadmill. Walked on the cruise and three miles at the Alzheimer's Association WALK TO END ALZHEIMER'S.
   
5. Having yard sales and very conscious of what still needs to leave the house to be able to downside for a move maybe sometime in the next ten years. Meanwhile trying to take care of business at the house including home repairs. 
6. Writing raps again. After a year of not writing raps, finally wrote one and am testing it out when I substitute teach. The topic, "children having children", was a suggestion from an 18-year-old high school boy. He wanted someone to speak up on this topic.  The students so far like it. Meanwhile very shortly ten of my recorded raps will be on YouTube to add to the other three videos. 
7. Taking the anti-depressant Paxil every three days now instead of daily as at the start. In December I will not take this anti-depressant. 
8. Giving back. I daily email other caregivers. I am tutoring Esteban. 
9. Taking time for others. Went to a movie with another widow recently. 
10. Making a list of what I am thankful for and telling people. Went out and thanked my mail lady Connie. 
11. Planning ahead for Christmas. 
12. Keeping a ridged budget and attempting to refinance the house so I can pay off credit cards.  
13. Arranging my workspace for the dissertation on caregiving. Started working on it again after months of doing nothing on it. 
14. Being able to clean the floors. (My husband used to do this for the first years of our marriage and it has been hard for me emotionally to do it.)
15. Making progress with managing grief and being thankful. 

First Yard Sale

On Labor Day my guests decided they would help a widow [me] with yard sales--their idea. I dared not take them up on this generous offer. Three Saturdays in October seemed the perfect plan. 

My neighbor Cindy down the road loaned me tables Thursday,  and even after her errands came by and helped me set them up in our second backyard where there is some concrete.  

Cindy's tables loaded in my GMC

Friday night, after much afternoon rain, I called Sally and she commandeered her husband Jake to help me put out tools from my husband's workshop on those tables for today's yard sale. Jake always likes to feel useful. Soon my teenager neighbor Esteban came over to help.

You can't see much of the tools, but you can barely see two port-a-potties and a shower chair.  Jake, Esteban and myself then put tarps over the covered tables as it got dark Friday night. It did rain some during the night, but I was ready as I could be. 

I set my alarm for 5 am for Saturday morning. By 6:30 am when their doors opened I was at Weight Watchers. I lost another 6/10 of a pound. I did not stay for the Weight Watcher meeting, but started out for home, fearing that someone would be there in the dark to buy. Just before I got home, in the dark, I put out two yellow signs to direct people to my house. Returning home at 7 am no one was at the house and it was still dark. 

At 8 am I had my first customer. At 9 am Marilyn and her husband George were here. Marilyn even brought lunch to prepare for all of us later. Soon Marianne and Greg were here. Marilyn and Marianne were part of my summer writer's group, and Marianne was the gal I interviewed HERE about her Early Onset Alzheimer's. She is doing great and knows so much about dementia that she was even helping Jake who has a later stage of Alzheimer's after Sally dropped him off. Jake was great at keeping dog Ziggy from running off. 

The day turned out to be pleasant--no rain. Soon this skilled group moved the yard sale down the driveway and closer to the street. People have to be able to see the stuff you are selling if they are going to stop, I was advised. "Many hands make light work" and soon the tables were closer to the street. 

We interacted with all my country neighbors. One, Lee, is a caregiver and he bought those two port-a-potty chairs, the shower chair and the elevated toilet seat from Lowes' that I had written about HERE. I sold all four items for a dollar a piece to this caregiver whose wife has Parkinson's disease. It warmed my heart that I could do this and I prayed with him about his caregiving journey and told him about this blog. Just love your wife, I advised him, even when she is difficult--it's her disease that makes her that way. 

It was curious to me that my late husband had so many cabinets with drawers for his carpentry supplies--maybe a dozen! It was equally amusing to me that men would buy this stuff! Everything went cheaply, and even so I made $409 after Cindy and her crew came back about 5:30. She was pleased that we would be storing her tables in my garage now, ready for the sales the next two Saturdays, instead of in the second back yard as had been the plan. 

Safe and ready for next yard sale

Dog Ziggy and I are tired and ready for bed now. 

Recognition Near the End of My Husband's Life

End of life impressions of the care receiver are interesting. I did remind my husband that I was his loving wife Carol and we remained close to the end. I was told that with Vascular Dementia my husband would always recognize me.

I had been telling my husband that his adult son (my step-son) was going to come to visit, but he didn't recognize him when he came unfortunately.

However, my husband warmly greeted Kenny's nephew from his bed at the end of life,  with a big smile and hand shake. I really think he thought it was his son at an earlier time period. His eyesight wasn't so accurate in any case.

Esteban came by to see me the other day to check on me. I took his picture holding one of my husband at an earlier time. Maybe my husband's son looked something like he looked in the picture.

Esteban holding early picture of my husband.
Perhaps his son looked like this. 

This graphic is helpful for visiting someone who is living in long-term memory.