Holding On

Many times life doesn't give you many options but just to hold on and wait. This is the situation with the sale of my Plant City home. Everything was set to close until

THE INSPECTION

Which

Passed plumbing

Passed air conditioning

DIDN'T pass electrical

DIDN'T pass roof.

I had no idea.

"How are you doing, Carol?"

I guess I would say that I am disappointed but holding on. I am holding on to someone buying that house for cash--a fixer-upper. I really can't put money into the house. With the second mortgage, however, we had made improvements and thought the house was perfect for a sale. Worse case I guess the house will go into foreclosure. Pray about this, folks.

"How are you doing, Carol?"

I didn't want to be a widow again. I miss my husband, but am grateful that I was his wife and then caregiver. I DO NOT wish to marry again. I am 71 years old. Why would I want to risk being a caregiver again?! Or have a spouse who would have to care for me.

So what have I been doing in the past month while I thought there would be a closing on my Florida property? Getting used to the talk here in Huntsville, Alabama.

I have been learning new names and getting acquainted with Huntsville, AL I have been adjusting to details of resettling. Finances have been an issue because of resettlement costs and my family has loaned me money that I will pay back.

Substitute teaching in a new city has been a joy. Six of the seven schools I signed up to substitute teach at have been calling me. Students love my rapping at the end of the class period in middle and high school. I am getting more views and subscriptions to MC AC The Rap Lady on You Tube. I can only teach 3 and 1/2 days a week because there is some law that the schools would have to pay medical insurance for me. But I even am getting requests for my substituting into January!

Extra time during the days I can't teach means that I can attend certain a ladies Bible study and a book study at the church I am attending here.

I participated in the Alzheimer's Association's annual walk at Huntsville's Botanical Gardens with small dog Ziggy eagerly walking the two miles. Ziggy even got a purple scarf to wear around his neck. I joined a Toastmaster's club. I go to Weight Watchers and have maintained my forty plus pound weight loss.

But the biggest delight is getting in on family events here.

Today I went with my sister-in-law to a movie with her grandkids. Next month I have the privilege of planning her birthday party at my apartment.

I am just holding on because of the One who holds on to me. I read this morning in Psalm 139:

"You comprehend my path. . . 

You have hedged me behind and before. . . 

Your right hand shall hold me. "

Moving, Part Four

I took this picture in June of 3013 so I could write about Shingles. I knew I wanted to write about Shingles, but I didn't know I would do it from personal experience.  Oh I did have a prescription to get my shingles vaccine, but didn't want to spend the money and my husband was going downhill and that was my priority. So this is the first thing that has come back to haunt me. You see I have had Shingles recently with its physical pain and with the realization this might have been avoided. 

The next thing that has come back to haunt me is plumbing. I have well water and  have not maintained the water softener and consequently have rust in the water.  I should have been on top of this in the past. Actually the plumber was called almost a year ago about the rust problem and he didn't show. See HERE.  I didn't keep on the problem, perhaps because I was attending to my husband. 

When the sink clogged up and the wash machine over flowed, I did get a new plumber. He solved that and was to bring someone else in to give an estimate for helping with the rust. Before that could happen, however, Sally gave me another plumber who has put in a new water softener and saving me maybe $700.

How can I substitute  teach all January and have plumbers come to the house? My retired brother from Huntsville recognized the problem and came to Plant City. Together we strategized on what would be needed for the house to sell. 

We went through all my books and had three stacks:

1. Books I need to keep.
2. Books for my Huntsville nephew to sell on Amazon.
3. Books for a yard sale or eventually to donate. 

My brother was honest about what should not be moved. My realtor also is honest about the house. Less furniture will mean an easier move and will allow us to have the rug cleaned. The rooms will look larger. Pharis and my brother both cleaned out the workshop and the garage. When I went through the series on this blog, The House That Cleans Itself, the workshop and the garage were the last two areas that I didn't get to because of my caregiving duties.



The garage is now the designated spot for garage sales. One was held last Saturday and later in February more yard sales will happen.

Saturday, January 24,  we (my brother and I) had another yard sale for my stuff and only signs at the end of the street publicized the event. Even so I made $335.50. Large items included that corner cabinet I featured December 25 on this blog HERE. That corner cabinet would be problematic to move. A large chest was also sold. More yard sales will follow at the end of February. and someone is coming tonight to look at the piano tonight.

The workshop is now the designated place for boxes to be moved and boxes to be packed and put in the workshop. Where have I gotten these boxes? From the cafeteria at the high school where I have been substituting.

The house will be sold "as is" and has yet to be put on the market. The carpet will be cleaned on February 6th rather than taken up.

So much has been done and I have my marching orders. I have this table of stuff to go through before the carpet cleaner comes on February 6th.

Where the pool table used to be

I am so grateful for my brother from Huntsville, Alabama, who was able to come for a week when I just had thrown my hands up in despair at getting ready to move. Logically this retired rocket scientist took me through rooms and we made decisions. He met with the plumbers, and the carpet cleaners. I am so grateful for Pharis who has been fixing things around here so the house will be ready to sell and who is even coming today while my brother is driving back to Huntsville, Alabama.

Taking Care of My Grandfather: Guest Post

Janeen at Strawberry Crest High School

This was a simple assignment I gave at the beginning of January at the high school where I have been assigned as a substitute for the month of January until the school can hire a new teacher. 

What is the greatest gift you have been

given and what are three reasons why?

I was very surprised to get this heart-warming answer from sophomore Janeen, who has as a career goal to be a Cardiovascular Surgeon. For a summer she received the gift of helping to take care of her grandfather who passed away two years ago. She is so glad she did and her memories of helping him are amazing. This photo and writing are used by permission of her family. 

The best gift that I have received this year was being able to get through another year without my grandfather. Yes, it seems like a weird present to be grateful for, but when I explain more you will understand. When it came to my grandfather's death, everyone saw it differently. 

For me, I was relieved. You see, my grandfather had a disease called dementia, king of like Alzheimer's, but a little more complicated. In his last year I got to be by his side during the summer. At first it hurt, but then I got to experience the good--such as watching old westerns and hearing him laugh or when he lost his leg and cried in the ICU. Actually he let us get closer to him and take care of him. It really touched my heart.

So when he passed away of course I was sad, but at the same time, I was happy to know he isn't in pain anymore. Every year I remind myself he is okay and I will be too. 

Moving, Part Two

Vinyl covered pool tables are so great for sorting papers and for cutting out quilts. With a pool table likely to leave the house, I started to get busy cutting out a quilt for the last grandchild of my late husband. This quilt is a huge challenge,--a Doctor Who quilt with a phone booth on it.

Two people dropped out coming to buy the pool table. I had accepted both offers for $400. The third offer from this virtual yard sale was for $425. Two couples actually came to look at the pool table on Saturday and I gave them the suggestion that they hire professional pool table movers which is how our 1972 pool table was re-felted and set up in our den. While they were interested, they called back and said there was too much involved with moving and setting up a pool table and so they would not be buying it.

My dear friend Sally is always thinking of me. In October she had told a professional about my pool table and he had offered me $1000 on the spot for it. I still had his card where it said "buy-sell-trade." Foolish me I said I wasn't ready in October. You see I was holding on to remaining in my house and the myth that widows shouldn't make any major decisions in the first year after the husband dies.

That very first week in January, before the house was on the market, I did have a call from a buyer's realtor--another connection from my thoughtful friend Sally. I didn't hear back (maybe it was too soon), and so I had my realtor call their realtor. My realtor, Alison Terry,  sent me this text:

The husband thought it was a great property, and the wife initially thought so also. But after discussing what would need to be done for their needs, they decided it was too large a project and more money than they had cash set aside. The agent indicated he might have someone else who would be interested. He will let us know. 

My hopes of a quick sale of the house were dashed.

However, with a phone call yesterday I did sell the pool table for considerable less ($250). Guess who! Yes, that "buy-sell-trade" gentleman above. Why the $750 less price? It turns out my great Montgomery Ward pool table doesn't have replacement parts any more (he already had purchased two of them since October). He will bring me cash and a professional pool table mover will come to get my pool table.

In another week my newly-retired-rocket-scientist-Huntsville-Alabama brother comes and works with Pharis. The big project is taking up the rug and painting the concrete floors. I have a month-long substitute job, but these two men will work on the project while I am teaching. Pharis has already been painting the trim outside along with other maintenance projects.

I hear Pharis and my brother will also play golf. 

Grandparents' Day

Poster from media-cache-akl.pinimg.com

I received a challenge from Esther at Caring Across Generations in a comment with a recent blog post:

  Write a post about grandparents for 
National Grandparents' Day September 8, 2013. 

So here goes. I decided to write for the grandchild and others who want to know how to interact with their grandparent/friend who has Alzheimer's or who is getting up there in years. 

It is difficult to talk with your grandparents who may not remember what you are saying if they have dementia. They may have Anosognosia Dementia and not know they have memory problems such as our friend has; anosognosia has caused so much confusion for our friend and causes so much grief for his granddaughter. The grandparent may not remember what they ask you and how you answer. Be patient with them when they ask again. They have emotions and the emotional connection of just being with you is so important. We have discovered that emotions live on even if memory brain cells do not.  Get over being annoyed. They can't help it. 

Visit them or spend time with them. I realize this is so difficult for many families. Those grandparents are most comfortable in their own home, but make family holidays special while you can.  Ask to hold their hand if that is comfortable for you. Emotions count! We enjoyed so much spending last Christmas with family and may not always have the luxury of traveling to do that. When you are with them do not spend all your time on you phone or electronic device. Be with them even watching a TV program with them.  My husband's son calls him often and this is a joy to my husband hearing about his grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Find out what you can do with them. Go with them to a restaurant or a park or a movie. Invite them to your sports event as my husband's granddaughter did for her gymnastics event. Enjoy their smiles. Take pictures with them.  When my husband's ex-brother-in-law mows our lawn, we take him to eat or we have a meal with him at our home. This provides happy times for my husband.

Outings and special chairs.  My husband has favorite chairs everywhere he goes. He has a place he sits at the grocery store and knows he can call me on my cell if he feels I am taking too long. He has a comfortable chair at church that everyone knows is HIS chair. He has a chair at Toastmasters when we go there and my Toastmaster group allows him to be a permanent visitor. As the disease progresses, the grandparent will not be able to enjoy outings, so as a grandchild you need to plan now what to do with that grandparent before that disease progresses and how he/she will be comfortable on the outing.

Do not write off the old person. Years ago I was in a hospital room when a granddaughter broke down at the deathbed of her grandmother. She had to leave the room to cry saying she wished she had spent more time with this loved one as she had wanted. I grieved with her. As the sign above says, "Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

Send them notes. When they give you a gift, they are part of the older generation that expects thank you notes. They may have a fixed income, and plan for your gift. They may not text or receive email anymore for those gift acknowledgments. Receiving a note they can see again and again goes a long way. 


I absolutely loved being a granddaughter and as the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family have many memories that I included in my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, for the next generation.  After that book was published my cousins contacted me with more stories of our grandparents. Years later a letter I mailed my grandmother when I was a child was returned to me after that grandmother died.  Apparently she treasured that letter.

As a caregiver for my husband who has mixed dementia, I also am privileged to have family care about me. Thank you all so much. I do very much appreciate your care for me, the step-grandmother, and love giver for my care receiver husband. 

"When the Parent Becomes the Child"



From Pinterest Group Alzheimer's Board

Greg Asimkaupoulos is a pastor who writes thoughtful and funny poems. He gave me permission to post this poem here on this blog and another thoughtful one follows.

When the Parent Becomes the Child

by Greg Asimakoupoulos
July 13, 2012

When I was but a boy of three,
my mother took good care of me.
She cooked my food and washed my clothes
and dressed me for the day.

She helped me tie my laces tight

and tucked me in my bed at night.

She put my needs ahead of hers

and never once complained.

When I fell down or lost my way,
my mom was never far away.
She recognized my helpless state
and made me feel secure.

But now my mom's "the child" in need

who struggles daily to succeed

at little tasks that tax a mind

that frequently forgets.

She needs my help to get around
or look for things until they?re found.
And when her eyes betray her fear,
I hold her trembling hand.

At times her needs can drain me dry,

but when I start complaining why?

I think back to my childhood

and how she cared for me.

Originally published at http://www.partialobserver.com/ . Used by permission.

Out-of-Town Relatives

Many people have extended family that live near them. My nearest kin, my brother and his family, are a long day's trip away in Alabama. This past weekend that brother and sister-in-law came for a visit. This meant that they took Friday and Monday off from work just to be here! This was a spur-of-the moment decision for them and such a heart-warming gesture in view of the news of the past week.  Their Alabama daughter and her family of four were also on a work-related trip in Orlando, an hour away from here, and we were also able to connect with them on Sunday.  So I saw six of my family! My husband thoroughly enjoyed the time also and said he wished they could have stayed longer. He really doesn't like to travel much anymore--I know it will be hard to take trips now.

Friday night we served them dinner and then the four of us went to a Plant City winery for some of their famous strawberry wine.

Saturday morning I served a breakfast of waffles with trimmings that included strawberries, blueberries, walnuts and light Cool Whip. This season our Plant City fields in the neighborhood are getting ready to plant strawberries, but the strawberries I served were from California! We joked about that because Plant City is noted for its strawberries. A full day was planned for the rest of Saturday.

First we went to Tampa's Ikea, a Swedish store with so many good products for the home at reasonable prices. We also had lunch there where I had Swedish lingonberry punch with my salad. We found a bunk bed that would be carted back to Alabama on Sunday. For ten dollars I purchased a standing clothes rack (called mulig, in Swedish) for my home organizing project. I have too many clothes that will go in the yard sale and having that rack helps now for sorting and later for the yard sale. Shopping with my sister-in-law is always a joy, and our husbands spent time sitting and chatting while we were in this store.

Next we went across the bay to St. Petersburg's Haslam's Bookstore, a favorite of my brother. The three of us ended sitting while he shopped. I did ask about selling them books there and will call for an appointment to do that. What I can't sell to them can go in my yard sale.

Back to Tampa to the elegant, up-scale Hyde Park area for the  four PM showing of  "Get Low" at Cinebistro. This is such an up-scale theatre that two tickets for my husband and myself were $29. The four of us were escorted to our purchased seats and a waiter came by to take our orders. My husband had a beer and I had a capachinno. Popcorn just didn't seem appropriate in this fancy movie theater. At the end of the movie we were warmly greeted by staff in the hall.

We walked down the street and settled on a place for dinner, treated by my family. My husband ordered the same thing as lunch--a chicken Caesar salad. He often has me order for him and probably forgot that he had that same order at Ikea.

We next headed home for an Alabama-Pennsylvania football game that our husbands enjoyed. It has been a while since DH has watched sports and he appeared to enjoy it.

A covered pool table is a great place for organizing clutter. In the den my sister-in-law saw video cassettes piled on top of the pool table. She said she would type up a list.  We got busy organizing my husband's video tapes and then went on to the DVD collection. There were several duplicates and he had wanted to order DVDs that he already had. One I mailed back last week hoping to get a refund. (I have wanted to take the debit card and credit card away from him so this doesn't happen. He doesn't understand how limited our income is now with all of his medicine and recent unexpected expenses.)

Sunday morning breakfast consisted of healthy oatmeal--company's choice. I took my husband's dish and put coconut oil in it. We talk freely about how that coconut oil has helped him and as usual he quips that it makes him slide across the bed at night.

I drove us to church for the first time (he is not to drive now and had usually driven us in his car on Sundays) and my brother also took their van. Our close-knit small church makes a whole day of the Sabbath. After the worship service we always eat together. By lunch time my niece and her husband, three-year old boy and infant daughter had come from Orlando and connected with us. The guys went in my brother's car to Subway to order sandwiches . My husband had a list and managed to buy our sandwiches with his debit card while we gals socialized at church.

About two we have an afternoon class and the Alabama family in their two cars left for Ikea to buy that bunk bed that my brother and sister-in-law would transport back to Alabama.

Ah, such a lovely weekend after a hard week. I substitute this afternoon and DH is watching a DVD this morning. On to re-organizing the home. Think I will work on my too-many clothes now.