Outings With My Dementia-Impaired Husband

Tuesday we wert to a concert:

THE BRIGHT STARS SENIOR IDOL SHOW 

at

Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, Florida. 

We had to go because my retired teacher friend  was performing. She was one of three performers to win the first round in our area and this was the next round. So exciting! Hubby and I set off two hours before the 6:30 concert was to begin.

I played classic oldies from my iPod on the way over--Side by Side, I Just called to Say I Love You, Ain't No Mountain High Enough, For Once in My Life, and You Are the Sunshine of My Life. I knew when we got to the concert, there would be plenty more songs that hubby and I could enjoy. 

Now hubby is adjusting (or not) to changes these days. His doctor says he has to use his walker. However, when we got to Ruth Eckerd Hall,  he wanted no part of the walker in the parking lot to get to the auditorium. I motioned for the security guard in a golf cart. But after walking by several parked cars,  he changed his mind and had me retrieve the walker. Meanwhile the golf cart appeared and hubby went off in that golf cart with the walker in the back to the concert entrance. I walked to meet him. 

It might have worked better if Sally and Jake had been able to come with us, but Sally got sick at the last moment. However, I really did want to see my friend perform. Hubby was being stubborn and wanted to go back home after our long drive before we were even seated. Someone I had met through this friend appeared and she did help hubby get to our seats in the auditorium. I have that wife nag factor, whereas someone else can get him to do things. At the intermission after six performances,  hubby wanted to go home, but I said no and he did sit down. He will not argue in public. 

My friend was the eleventh of twelve performers. She herself came out in a walker and said to the audience:

You got to do what you got to do. 

My friend performing at 
Ruth Eckerd Hall, April 22, 2014

She leaned on a baby grand piano and the Bright House staff took her walker away. Her first song was Neither One of Us and she nailed it. For her second song she was accompanied on that piano by her cousin and it was so moving. She sang I'm Still Holding On, a Christian song by Luther Barnes. She was holding on and I have to hold on also at this stage of Alzheimer's.  After the concert I sent her a text that she had nailed it. Hubby waited with his walker while I went to get our car and we went to a late dinner at Applebee's. Usually in bed at 8 pm I drank a lot of strong coffee at Applebee's and we got home way after midnight. I canceled my job substituting in a middle school for Wednesday and used that day to sleep in and work on other pressing matters. 

The next outing was today--a one-year-old birthday party for two dog siblings. One of those dogs belongs to our friends Sally and Jake, and of course we had to go! It would be our dog Ziggy's first social engagement ever. 

Now Kenny isn't available for the shave and shower at this time, so I had to perform this routine with my husband this morning.  I live such a crazy busy life and it came to the fact that I had to slow down to accomplish the shave and shower.

The wooden chair by the bed is so useful. Hubby uses that one arm for help getting up; and then he faces the chair and uses both arms while I pull his slacks up. That chair is also useful for pill taking. The morning pills went well because we used that routine established my Kenny. I have something cold for you to drink, I said as I sat in the chair and then we both took our Saturday morning pills.

The shave in the master bath went well. In the light later I realized what a poor job I had done with the shave. (Kenny does a better job with these routines.) While I shaved DH with a razor, I told him how in the middle of the night I had been able to catch that frog that lived in the master bath toilet--coming back up after it had been flushed down. Last night the frog was out of the toilet and by the shower, I reported, and I chased it to a corner and put the urinal upside down on it and he jumped in. Then I closed the urinal and brought that frog outside. Now I had to tell hubby this news one idea at a time so he understood what I said. We both laughed. 

It came time for the shower--a easy distance from the shave since the shave is always done while hubby sits on the toilet lid as a chair. That shower is right next to it.  But it was not to be!

Let me lay down for a couple of minutes before I take it was his request. He did so. I sat in our bedroom and opened mail and got on my Notebook computer and also played Words With Friends on my iPod--for an hour I did this.

Then he wanted to get dressed without taking the shower, but I had not put any clothes out for him as I always do these days. I had to really insist to get him into the shower. I even called Kenny who gave him a pep talk. It took maybe five minutes of arguing.

Finally with the shower done and hubby dressed in a cowboy shirt with a country belt on his jeans, we were able to get to the next social event--today's party for the sibling dogs who had both turned one. Our dog Ziggy was not his best--outside he peed on the jeans of the hostess, but all five dogs did get along, although Ziggy seemed shy.  Ziggy didn't understand doggy ice cream and doggy cake, but the other four dogs were happy to eat his on the paper plate on the cement. We people guests had hot dogs, chips, people ice cream and we shared a large cookie that said happy birthday to the dogs.

For the people guests

Jake gets busy filling up everyone's drinks. He always likes to be busy to feel normal I think. My hubby likes to feel normal by not using his walker and with conversation of events that probably didn't happen or are distorted at best. Jake will repeat himself more than my husband will, but they do say that every person with Alzheimer's is different. The friendship between Jake and my husband is so very fascinating to Sally and myself. 

I do wonder how long we will be able to enjoy outings. I think of my friend's words--you got to do what you got to do. I also think of the poem DO THE NEXT THING as a great motto these days. See this poem HERE.

UPDATES 

• Kenny's mother is having surgery in Orlando for possible cancer. Please pray for her. 
• I am in the process of replacing the items in my wallet--more on these adventures later.
• Plumbing issues are being addressed. Have to get the same plumber back to fix the water softener to help with the rust from our well water. Indoor problems are solved. 
• Pharis and his kids have worked in the yard and he has fixed the hole in the garage ceiling I made when my leg went through the roof last December. 
• Let me know if you wish to be in a Blogging Tour where I introduce you to three blogging friends and then they introduce me to three of their own blogging friends. 

How a Dementia Brain Is Working Now

• Hubby thinks he needs extra protection. I had a police officer talk with him and then he stopped  this obsession.
• He tells the waitress that the same couple sat there three days in a row; waitress didn't verify and of course it wasn't true. 
• He believes that he has been in his new doctor's office before, whereas I know he hasn't. 
• Recently he called me mommy and said he was sad because I was up early and wasn't going back to bed. That was only once and I do hope he meant that I "mother" our dog. We go to bed so early and I am an early riser now. Early morning I can write better than late at night. 
• He confused sisters and wives. He thought he had three sisters. He still knows I am his wife and that he has two adult children with his first wife. He feels related to relatives that call or that he sees often. 
• He has difficulty understanding why he hobbles when he walks. He tells someone it originally was a military injury, but I have never heard that before. 
• DH thinks a barber shaved his head, but his thin hair was always sticking out and I was the one to give him that bald look with a trimmer. 
• He is increasingly stubborn. The shave is easier, but not always his shower for me; when Kenny is sick as he has been lately, it is my turn to get the shave and shower done. Sunday morning Kenny surprised us and VERY SMOOTHLY took pills with my husband. This is their "pill pippin' buddies" routine where Kenny takes his pills at the same time. Then Kenny easily gets my husband into the master bath for a shave and shower. He has the touch. I appear to be the nag for my stubborn husband. 
• He forgets that we have a different car that we purchased last month. 
• He asks where we live and how we came to live in our home. 
• He can't keep track of relatives he doesn't see often. I have too many relatives, he says. Have I really been married three times? 
• How remote controls work and how to put in his false teeth are starting to be a concern for my husband. 

I adjust to what he says and does and do not argue with him. I am rejoicing that I have hubby walking and still at home. 

We changed health insurance in 2014 because I felt there are more benefits for my husband's dementia situation. Monday the new doctor asked hubby to take off his shoes so he could inspect his feet since hubby is a type-two diabetic. I was impressed. Previous doctors have not done that. I told the new doctor how, since anesthesia makes the Alzheimer's worse, we have avoided surgery  on my husband's knee and how the chiropractor has helped him. Even though admittedly husband is in a middle stage of dementia and losing memory and function after five years, the doctor felt that he should continue the Exelon patch and of course Namenda. 

Me: Did I put your patch on this morning?

Hubby: You must have because I am not leaking anywhere! 

Five for My Fifth Year of Blogging

Walking to His Spot in the Den

I will give you the five most popular blog posts by number of views this fifth year of Plant City Lady and Friends. As usual, you can click on the red to find that post.

September 7, 2013. Hubby walks. I think that having an article in two local newspapers which give mention to this blog bumped up the views to 433.

February 4, 2013. The post on GERD got the second amount of views this year (335). I would have thought that the post on my hearing aids would have gotten more hits. I am not suffering from GERD any longer.

October 16, 2013. Dealing with stress (315 views). Actually I like the part two stress post better on 12/1/13--very practical for me, but it had much less views. 

June 14, 2013. Granddaughter's quilt (278 views). More quilts are coming.

January 7, 2013.  The fourth area of The House That Cleans Itself series was a popular post with 218 views. Shortly after that I had a genuine Southern hissy fit with Google because pictures on blogs were not going to be free. In short, they won. So now I am paying $2.49 a month for the privilege of posting my messes for you all.

As I review 2013, many things happened or haven't happened.  

1. We have a volunteer caregiver, Kenny, to enable me to continue to work.
2. Hubby survived UTIs and was not placed in a nursing home as his doctor expected. 
3. We have a volunteer for yard and home maintenance, Pharis. Essentially he is covering the front and back yards (areas 8 and 9) in the home organizational project I started in 2012. 
4. Hubby is walking thanks to our chiropractor.
5. I did not turn out to have thyroid cancer and I got hearing aids. 
6. We solved my husband's shaving and showering routines.
7. I was put on YouTube as MC AC The Rap Lady. More raps need to be put up, but I am not skilled in doing this. My niece and nephew videotaped me and are producing this YouTube channel. 
8. I kept my weight down, although I need to lose more. 
9. I have not finished two areas (10 and 11) in The House That Cleans Itself as other priorities crept into our lives. The workshop is next. 
10. I started my seminary counseling dissertation on being a dementia caregiver. 

Thanks 
for your prayers, everyone! 

How can I pray for you in 2014? 

Hugs,

Carol

Incidentally, one of the most viewed blog posts ever 

on December 31, 2009 features Southern New Years Recipes. 

Teepa Snow Workshop, Part One

At the workshop that Sally and I attended Thursday, Teepa Snow could explain communication with our dementia loved ones "like no body's business" and kept her audience fascinated the whole day. She visualized, she demonstrated, she imitated, she engaged the audience. The ultimate dementia coach--that she is. 

My day started with the challenge of getting hubby shaved and showered since Kenny has been ill and not able to do this. Kenny has pleurisy now and hubby hadn't had a shower or shave for eight days, hate to say. (Kenny's mother has graciously helped with pills and lunch while I work and Kenny was recovering, but I wasn't comfortable with her shaving and showering my husband.)  I hated his beard at church on Sunday, but now it was really bad. 

Hubby was in the bathroom when I woke up--the place where he needs to be for his shave and shower. I moved in ready to shave a man for the first time in my 69 years. 

I am going to be Kenny today for you, Sweetheart, I announced. 

The trimmer and the electric shaver I had bought this last year for hubby doesn't work on him--razors are in his long-term memory. Kenny had instructed me to use the cheapest razors: Lather up and shave down on the face. Shave up on the chin area. Fill up the sink with water to rinse in between strokes. 

Meanwhile I started the shower to warm the water and then turned it off. When the shaving was done, it was not hard to get hubby in the shower with the grab bars. Then I turned on the shower water and was even able to use shampoo on hubby's hair. Actually I got into the shower with him. 

At a break I told Teepa about my success that mirrored what she was instructing us about working with the brain of someone with dementia. I know more about their stubbornness, the whys, and how to deal with it because of our day in her workshop. 

So much came together for me in this workshop. Thanks so much to our local Alzheimer's Association and local sponsors for putting this event together. Thanks to Grace Manor in Lakeland for keeping my husband and Jake during this event. More on what I learned and how I am applying it in the next post. 

Kudos for Outstanding Help

Kenny and nurse

Thursday night hubby and I 

visited Kenny in the hospital. 

DH used his walker and then 

inside the hospital the staff 

provided a wheel chair to 

Kenny's room and then back 

to our car. 

Incredibly when Kenny got out of the hospital Friday morning, Kenny came over to fix hubby's lunch. Today, Saturday, Kenny remembered that the First Baptist volunteer group, "Second Saturday", were coming this morning to install five grab bars for our two bathrooms. You may remember earlier HERE that Lowes and Home Depot would not send anyone out and we were trying Safe-er Grip, Balance Assist and, frankly, that wasn't working since hubby kept having problems walking and grips with suction cups would come off the tile. 

Where was I this morning? I was teaching a class for first-time drivers and I could not get out of teaching it. So dependable Kenny, in pain after his gall bladder surgery, came over this morning to help the volunteers know where to install the Moen Home Care Grab Bars. 

The previous seat HERE hubby rejected--he wasn't used to the Moen Home Care Locking Elevated Toilet Seat With Support Handles. Now there are two small grab bars in one bathroom above and three in the bath where hubby showers and shaves.

A grab bar at the right ushers DH into the bathroom. A slanted one helps him get up from the toilet and into the shower. A grab bar on the wall in the shower has his wash cloths. 

Could I get him to shower today? No. He is exhibiting strange behavior now. Perhaps Kenny will be well enough to help him shower and shave tomorrow before church. Kenny you may recall has him sit on the toilet seat while he is shaved and then skillfully moves him into the shower.

Meanwhile I am writing a post on hallucinations, delusions and delirium and watching hubby go downhill, sadly. I am also working on my dissertation on being dementia caregiver. 

More Baths and Less Talk

Disclaimer: This is not a book review about a very funny book where UK author Nick Hornby rattles on and on about the books he buys each month, but then reviews the books he actually reads each month.  

However, the title of the book has everything to do with the topic of this post.

At the end of August our lives were thrown upside down when my husband couldn't walk. You add a disability to Alzheimer's and life indeed is complicated and my stress and ability to cope with life is hammered. When I showed neighbor/caregiver Kenny the title of this book, we both laughed. Kenny has been helping me with my husband's showers and today's shave and shower was the most successful to date. Hubby needs more baths and I need less talk. It's all about the wife nag factor. I know he needs more baths and cranberry juice to avoid another UTI, but I need to shut my mouth about this fact. 

This morning Kenny skillfully suggested that hubby sit on the toilet while he gave him a razor shave. The idea was that hubby is already in the room where he showers. 

Now I was outside enjoying Pharis and his daughter Dezarae landscaping in Area 8 of my project, The House That Cleans Itself. When I left you HERE last May, one of the plants in the front yard was dying. Those were removed and new croton plants have come to our front door, mainly purchased from a country neighbor about two miles away. Stephanie sells wonderful plants cheaply and gives more help than Home Depot. 

Huge Landscaping Improvements Being Undertaken

Pharis has many plans to save this the yard and improve the house, including the roof. How blessed are we!

Meanwhile I popped back inside and Kenny had gotten hubby in the shower without me! 

I said something when I saw this and my husband snapped back. I should have left them alone--not said anything like the book title suggests:

MORE BATHS AND LESS TALKING

In the midst of many hard days, today is so encouraging. Thank you, LORD, for people coming alongside this journey. 

Hubby Walks After Carefully Orchestrated Shower

Today has been such an fabulous day after weeks and weeks of struggle--the hardest of which was a husband who hadn't really walked since August 26th. Today my sweetheart walked a distance! I am glowing.

Walking to His Spot in the Den

Last time I blogged I wrote about his fantasy that he was walking, only to be followed by bring me the wheel chair. Walking has been the goal. I have told him that if he doesn't want to go to a nursing home he has to continue to walk more--not just hobble a little-- and to shave and shower. A gross beard was growing. The sponge baths were less than adequate. Now neighbor/caregiver Kenny had been released from the hospital several days ago and Kenny and I devised a plan.  It was time.  I needed my husband to shower and to shave whether or not hubby felt he needed it. It just had to happen, in my opinion. Kenny reinforced my resolve.

Kenny has a way with hubby that I as his wife do not have. I am the nag--the pill pusher. First Kenny took the Andis Styliner II Trimmer, the one I had purchased earlier when we had a shaving issue. Kenny is magic, a true gift from the LORD in our lives--so much patience with hubby. The two-week beard came off. Maybe we can start to use the shaver if that beard is kept in check.

"Do you want your shower now, or in fifteen minutes?" he asked hubby.

"Fifteen minutes!"

Kenny and I were united when the time came for a real shower. Taking off his clothes was the easy part. Actually getting him to step into the shower was another matter--he had been hobbling better, but was having none of getting into the shower with that weak knee. We decided to put the shower chair half way out of the shower.

Shower Chair Over the Edge

Hubby sat down and then Kenny brilliantly told him to put his two feet in the shower and stand. Kenny monitored his standing up and then moved the shower seat into the shower and hubby sat down. He was ready to shower--a true sit down shower that I had been lobbying for with that moveable shower head. See HERE. Hubby was able on his own to complete his shower.

When that shower was done,  Kenny had him stand and the shower stool was again put half in and half out. Hubby sat down and then put his feet on the rug. He stood and that shower seat was returned to the shower and he dried himself off with a towel. Hubby used the towel rack and the cabinet to walk to the wheel chair. I dried his back and we brought him in the wheel chair to the bedside.

A trick I had been using for most of the time since August 27th, was to have him balance himself with the arms of a sturdy chair, facing that chair. I used this chair when I needed to help him put on or take off pants. It worked like a charm.

Old Chair Does the
Trick In Getting
Hubby Dressed

"Do you want the wheel chair or the walker?" I asked him while he finished getting dressed.

"I will just walk." That he did! The most walking I have seen since August 26th! That hot shower sure gave him some spunk and perhaps continued the healing of his knee. No longer am I fearing the worst.

Among other great blessings today was that Pharis and his son, Junior, came over and did a bang-up job on the yard. It was mowed and weeded.

"It will take some time, but I think I will get this yard looking really great," Pharis pronounced. Pharis and son had used a weed trimmer to transform much of the yard today, but did not get to the roof.

Guinea Wasp

When I came home from getting my second set of fingerprints, Pharis and Junior were waiting for me. The yard looked great, but Pharis had discovered a guinea wasp nest in our yard and been stung by them. They found wasp spray in our garage fortunately (how anyone can find anything in our garage is beyond me) and as of tonight Pharis after taking Benadryl is okay.

What a wonderful day! Hubby is walking again!  He has showered and been shaved.

Today I also talked with a delightful lady who did my fingerprints (more on her story with another post) and discovered that my earlier post HERE was published yesterday as a commentary in two Florida papers:

http://www.theledger.com/article/20130906/NEWS/130909504/0/search

http://www.newschief.com/article/20130906/NEWS/130909504/0/search

I read much of this article to hubby and he recalled events mentioned in the article. Unlike last Sunday when hubby needed to stay home, tomorrow we head for church.

Sitting Down to Shower

"Sean," I told him in earnest on the phone, "we are senior citizens and both of us need to sit down in the shower. Hubby doesn't like me bossing him around, so when you come I just know that you can do wonders, because he doesn't want me bossing him around. I think he will listen to you."

Knight Sean (Occupational Therapist) drove up in our circular driveway to our door in his Hummer-looking large black four-door jeep. When Sean came in the door, Sean told hubby, "Mr. Johnson, I am here to have you take a shower." With one command at a time, Sean skillfully broke down the process and hubby took a sit-down shower! He raised the sturdy shower bench I couldn't raise and was using in the yard for weeding.  He remarked that the port-a-potty we have would also work in the shower.

Solution One. Sean told me to get grab bars installed for the shower. I once had bought them when the shower was retiled by homeowners insurance for a mold problem we had maybe six years ago before dementia entered our household, However, the construction crew did not install them and I had taken them back. I surmised that the grab bars were not part of the original construction and not needed in the repair. Bummer.

Twice as good a deal as six months ago

I have just paid off our interest-free six month Home Depot credit card balance and now I could take longer for the interest free loan.  So I went online and chatted with Tiffany to see if I could get grab bars installed.

Tiffany: Welcome to the Home Depot! My name is Tiffany and I am a Bath Product Specialist. How may I assist you today?

Carol: I need a grab bar installed in our shower.

Tiffany: Hello, Carol.

Tiffany: In regards to installation/remodeling, please contact our At-Home Services at 1-888-480-9500, press "1", and then enter the three-digit code "267." You will be asked to put in your zip code and then will be connected with a representative who may better assist you with your installation/remodeling questions and concerns.

Carol: Thanks.

When I called, I found out that they sell grab bars, but do not install them.

. . . But, Home Depot doesn't do grab bars!

So I decided to still try to obey the knight with the four-door black jeep and see about getting grab bars installed from Lowes. Lowes also does not install grab bars, but they did have something that might work--Safe-er-Grip, Balance Assist for Shower or Tub. The Lowes clerk knew what I was talking about, as his own mother had fallen and had to have surgery for a broken hip and with the anesthesia her dementia had gone downhill. If hubby can avoid falling, he can avoid the possibility of anesthesia for surgery and the accompanying decline of dementia following anesthesia. If I can avoid falling as I have done twice recently, I can continue to take care of my hubby at home. Physical therapist Susann talked me through the installation of the two Balance Asists and the best use of them--for balance, not for pulling oneself up. One fell down that first night, however.

Two large bricks covered by a rug
and Safe-er-Grip on toilet

Solution Two. I put two 8 inch by 8 inch by 16 inch bricks on top of each other between the shower and the toilet with a rug on top of them. Hubby has a counter on his right and the bricks on the left to get off the toilet. Those bricks now hold his soap and shampoo for a sit-down shower. But guess what! He moves the soap dish to where it was at the back of the shower and stands to take his shower. You know what they say—you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

Just as Physical Therapist Susann left, Occupational Therapist Sean came. The timing corresponded with another event.  Sally and I were having lunch with another friend. Jake came over to have his lunch with my husband and Susann left and Sean was there with Sally and my Alzheimer's husbands.

The two balance assists in the shower

Sean liked the two brick idea between the toilet and shower. Sean asked if they would be okay when he left and I told him the two Alzheimer’s buddys would be fine. The two men love being together and are so funny together. When hubby sat and waited for me at Best Buy recently, he said to me that it felt strange not to have Jake by his side. These men have a unique bond and fantasy life about things they have done together. When Sally and I came home from our lunch date, the hubbies were indeed happy and had planned the four of us would go to dinner and we did that. We women can’t do all the planning!

So it has been up to me to persuade hubby with our new sit-down shower arrangement. Getting him to shave is easier because he can feel his beard. He thinks he showered yesterday, when he hasn't. Alzheimer's patients need a routine and we just have to manage somehow so he can remain in our home without falling and with strengthened muscles.

Solution Three. Now hubby had injured his knee taking socks off to put in the hamper. This is how the last hospital trip happened. I got him new socks that are easier to take off. Hubby is not using this walker now, but I put the hamper between the legs of that walker so he can carefully balance himself as he takes off his socks. I notice he does hold those handles on the walker when he uses the laundry hamper.


Laundry basket in walker



Sitting down in the shower is not an embedded solution yet, as hubby  takes a stand-up shower in his sit-down shower. Calling Knight Sean! Need another lesson in sit-down showers! And hey, Home Depot and Lowes, with our aging population we need you to install those grab bars.