Grandparents' Day

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I received a challenge from Esther at Caring Across Generations in a comment with a recent blog post:

  Write a post about grandparents for 
National Grandparents' Day September 8, 2013. 

So here goes. I decided to write for the grandchild and others who want to know how to interact with their grandparent/friend who has Alzheimer's or who is getting up there in years. 

It is difficult to talk with your grandparents who may not remember what you are saying if they have dementia. They may have Anosognosia Dementia and not know they have memory problems such as our friend has; anosognosia has caused so much confusion for our friend and causes so much grief for his granddaughter. The grandparent may not remember what they ask you and how you answer. Be patient with them when they ask again. They have emotions and the emotional connection of just being with you is so important. We have discovered that emotions live on even if memory brain cells do not.  Get over being annoyed. They can't help it. 

Visit them or spend time with them. I realize this is so difficult for many families. Those grandparents are most comfortable in their own home, but make family holidays special while you can.  Ask to hold their hand if that is comfortable for you. Emotions count! We enjoyed so much spending last Christmas with family and may not always have the luxury of traveling to do that. When you are with them do not spend all your time on you phone or electronic device. Be with them even watching a TV program with them.  My husband's son calls him often and this is a joy to my husband hearing about his grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

Find out what you can do with them. Go with them to a restaurant or a park or a movie. Invite them to your sports event as my husband's granddaughter did for her gymnastics event. Enjoy their smiles. Take pictures with them.  When my husband's ex-brother-in-law mows our lawn, we take him to eat or we have a meal with him at our home. This provides happy times for my husband.

Outings and special chairs.  My husband has favorite chairs everywhere he goes. He has a place he sits at the grocery store and knows he can call me on my cell if he feels I am taking too long. He has a comfortable chair at church that everyone knows is HIS chair. He has a chair at Toastmasters when we go there and my Toastmaster group allows him to be a permanent visitor. As the disease progresses, the grandparent will not be able to enjoy outings, so as a grandchild you need to plan now what to do with that grandparent before that disease progresses and how he/she will be comfortable on the outing.

Do not write off the old person. Years ago I was in a hospital room when a granddaughter broke down at the deathbed of her grandmother. She had to leave the room to cry saying she wished she had spent more time with this loved one as she had wanted. I grieved with her. As the sign above says, "Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

Send them notes. When they give you a gift, they are part of the older generation that expects thank you notes. They may have a fixed income, and plan for your gift. They may not text or receive email anymore for those gift acknowledgments. Receiving a note they can see again and again goes a long way. 


I absolutely loved being a granddaughter and as the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family have many memories that I included in my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, for the next generation.  After that book was published my cousins contacted me with more stories of our grandparents. Years later a letter I mailed my grandmother when I was a child was returned to me after that grandmother died.  Apparently she treasured that letter.

As a caregiver for my husband who has mixed dementia, I also am privileged to have family care about me. Thank you all so much. I do very much appreciate your care for me, the step-grandmother, and love giver for my care receiver husband. 

Do the Next Thing--Poem

Thanks to Georgene for the link to this poem here:

At an old English parsonage down by the sea,

there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven

that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring,

like a low inspiration, Do the next thing.

Many a questioning, many a fear,

many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven,

time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,

trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer,

do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,

who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence safe 'neath His wing,

leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,

working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,

the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.

Do the next thing.

Living On Less Money (Georgene) you are so thoughtful and I love sharing our lives on line and by email. You did what you could by finding this poem and blessing me with it. .  

I am awake and pondering the next thing. A tax refund is coming and I can trust our LORD that I do not have to substitute teach every day. There is so much to attend to at home.

Hubby did go with me to my pastor's home Sunday night. He sat. He occupied a bathroom for over an hour contemplating getting off the toilet seat. Finally I was able to get him up (he needs that chair I pictured below this week). Then he sat on a bar stool. I brought him water and food and he hardly touched it. He did want a can of diet soda. My pastor's wife gentle coached him to eat cottage cheese.

When we got home last night, I put new sheets on the bed and he started to get ready for bed. He ended up sitting on the bed with his slacks half off. He sat there a long time rocking back and forth. I finally left the bedroom. When I came back, he had layed half across the bed on his back with his legs dangling off the bed. I asked him if he would like to get more comfortable. He said yes and we finally got him to sit up. I told him he had to have his antibiotic and diabetic medicine. I was skipping other meds, but considered it a triump to get those two medicines down him. I prayed once. Then I prayed again because I know this comforts him and he would have forgotten that I had already prayed. Good sleep came for both of us--me until my usual 4 am when I am wide awake.

What are some of the next things I must do?

1. Have a plumber come out and install the hand held device for the shower and also a new kitchen faucet.This will enable my husband to sit down for a shower. He can grow a beard (has a great start), but he has to have showers. I have heard at our Alzheimer's Association support group that these loved ones are all afraid of the water in the shower.
2. Make food I know he might eat.
3. Get a doctor's appointment for him. Kenny has told me about a tube that can be inserted where pills, water and  soft blender food can be inserted. It might come to this, but it would be a huge adjustment for hubby (and me).
4. Housekeeping or "House Blessing".

This is what my commitment "for better or worse" means. Thanks so much for your prayers, folks, and I am off to do the next thing before hubby gets up.