How a Dementia Brain Is Working Now

• Hubby thinks he needs extra protection. I had a police officer talk with him and then he stopped  this obsession.
• He tells the waitress that the same couple sat there three days in a row; waitress didn't verify and of course it wasn't true. 
• He believes that he has been in his new doctor's office before, whereas I know he hasn't. 
• Recently he called me mommy and said he was sad because I was up early and wasn't going back to bed. That was only once and I do hope he meant that I "mother" our dog. We go to bed so early and I am an early riser now. Early morning I can write better than late at night. 
• He confused sisters and wives. He thought he had three sisters. He still knows I am his wife and that he has two adult children with his first wife. He feels related to relatives that call or that he sees often. 
• He has difficulty understanding why he hobbles when he walks. He tells someone it originally was a military injury, but I have never heard that before. 
• DH thinks a barber shaved his head, but his thin hair was always sticking out and I was the one to give him that bald look with a trimmer. 
• He is increasingly stubborn. The shave is easier, but not always his shower for me; when Kenny is sick as he has been lately, it is my turn to get the shave and shower done. Sunday morning Kenny surprised us and VERY SMOOTHLY took pills with my husband. This is their "pill pippin' buddies" routine where Kenny takes his pills at the same time. Then Kenny easily gets my husband into the master bath for a shave and shower. He has the touch. I appear to be the nag for my stubborn husband. 
• He forgets that we have a different car that we purchased last month. 
• He asks where we live and how we came to live in our home. 
• He can't keep track of relatives he doesn't see often. I have too many relatives, he says. Have I really been married three times? 
• How remote controls work and how to put in his false teeth are starting to be a concern for my husband. 

I adjust to what he says and does and do not argue with him. I am rejoicing that I have hubby walking and still at home. 

We changed health insurance in 2014 because I felt there are more benefits for my husband's dementia situation. Monday the new doctor asked hubby to take off his shoes so he could inspect his feet since hubby is a type-two diabetic. I was impressed. Previous doctors have not done that. I told the new doctor how, since anesthesia makes the Alzheimer's worse, we have avoided surgery  on my husband's knee and how the chiropractor has helped him. Even though admittedly husband is in a middle stage of dementia and losing memory and function after five years, the doctor felt that he should continue the Exelon patch and of course Namenda. 

Me: Did I put your patch on this morning?

Hubby: You must have because I am not leaking anywhere! 

Five for My Fifth Year of Blogging

Walking to His Spot in the Den

I will give you the five most popular blog posts by number of views this fifth year of Plant City Lady and Friends. As usual, you can click on the red to find that post.

September 7, 2013. Hubby walks. I think that having an article in two local newspapers which give mention to this blog bumped up the views to 433.

February 4, 2013. The post on GERD got the second amount of views this year (335). I would have thought that the post on my hearing aids would have gotten more hits. I am not suffering from GERD any longer.

October 16, 2013. Dealing with stress (315 views). Actually I like the part two stress post better on 12/1/13--very practical for me, but it had much less views. 

June 14, 2013. Granddaughter's quilt (278 views). More quilts are coming.

January 7, 2013.  The fourth area of The House That Cleans Itself series was a popular post with 218 views. Shortly after that I had a genuine Southern hissy fit with Google because pictures on blogs were not going to be free. In short, they won. So now I am paying $2.49 a month for the privilege of posting my messes for you all.

As I review 2013, many things happened or haven't happened.  

1. We have a volunteer caregiver, Kenny, to enable me to continue to work.
2. Hubby survived UTIs and was not placed in a nursing home as his doctor expected. 
3. We have a volunteer for yard and home maintenance, Pharis. Essentially he is covering the front and back yards (areas 8 and 9) in the home organizational project I started in 2012. 
4. Hubby is walking thanks to our chiropractor.
5. I did not turn out to have thyroid cancer and I got hearing aids. 
6. We solved my husband's shaving and showering routines.
7. I was put on YouTube as MC AC The Rap Lady. More raps need to be put up, but I am not skilled in doing this. My niece and nephew videotaped me and are producing this YouTube channel. 
8. I kept my weight down, although I need to lose more. 
9. I have not finished two areas (10 and 11) in The House That Cleans Itself as other priorities crept into our lives. The workshop is next. 
10. I started my seminary counseling dissertation on being a dementia caregiver. 

Thanks 
for your prayers, everyone! 

How can I pray for you in 2014? 

Hugs,

Carol

Incidentally, one of the most viewed blog posts ever 

on December 31, 2009 features Southern New Years Recipes. 

Teepa Snow Workshop, Part One

At the workshop that Sally and I attended Thursday, Teepa Snow could explain communication with our dementia loved ones "like no body's business" and kept her audience fascinated the whole day. She visualized, she demonstrated, she imitated, she engaged the audience. The ultimate dementia coach--that she is. 

My day started with the challenge of getting hubby shaved and showered since Kenny has been ill and not able to do this. Kenny has pleurisy now and hubby hadn't had a shower or shave for eight days, hate to say. (Kenny's mother has graciously helped with pills and lunch while I work and Kenny was recovering, but I wasn't comfortable with her shaving and showering my husband.)  I hated his beard at church on Sunday, but now it was really bad. 

Hubby was in the bathroom when I woke up--the place where he needs to be for his shave and shower. I moved in ready to shave a man for the first time in my 69 years. 

I am going to be Kenny today for you, Sweetheart, I announced. 

The trimmer and the electric shaver I had bought this last year for hubby doesn't work on him--razors are in his long-term memory. Kenny had instructed me to use the cheapest razors: Lather up and shave down on the face. Shave up on the chin area. Fill up the sink with water to rinse in between strokes. 

Meanwhile I started the shower to warm the water and then turned it off. When the shaving was done, it was not hard to get hubby in the shower with the grab bars. Then I turned on the shower water and was even able to use shampoo on hubby's hair. Actually I got into the shower with him. 

At a break I told Teepa about my success that mirrored what she was instructing us about working with the brain of someone with dementia. I know more about their stubbornness, the whys, and how to deal with it because of our day in her workshop. 

So much came together for me in this workshop. Thanks so much to our local Alzheimer's Association and local sponsors for putting this event together. Thanks to Grace Manor in Lakeland for keeping my husband and Jake during this event. More on what I learned and how I am applying it in the next post. 

More Baths and Less Talk

Disclaimer: This is not a book review about a very funny book where UK author Nick Hornby rattles on and on about the books he buys each month, but then reviews the books he actually reads each month.  

However, the title of the book has everything to do with the topic of this post.

At the end of August our lives were thrown upside down when my husband couldn't walk. You add a disability to Alzheimer's and life indeed is complicated and my stress and ability to cope with life is hammered. When I showed neighbor/caregiver Kenny the title of this book, we both laughed. Kenny has been helping me with my husband's showers and today's shave and shower was the most successful to date. Hubby needs more baths and I need less talk. It's all about the wife nag factor. I know he needs more baths and cranberry juice to avoid another UTI, but I need to shut my mouth about this fact. 

This morning Kenny skillfully suggested that hubby sit on the toilet while he gave him a razor shave. The idea was that hubby is already in the room where he showers. 

Now I was outside enjoying Pharis and his daughter Dezarae landscaping in Area 8 of my project, The House That Cleans Itself. When I left you HERE last May, one of the plants in the front yard was dying. Those were removed and new croton plants have come to our front door, mainly purchased from a country neighbor about two miles away. Stephanie sells wonderful plants cheaply and gives more help than Home Depot. 

Huge Landscaping Improvements Being Undertaken

Pharis has many plans to save this the yard and improve the house, including the roof. How blessed are we!

Meanwhile I popped back inside and Kenny had gotten hubby in the shower without me! 

I said something when I saw this and my husband snapped back. I should have left them alone--not said anything like the book title suggests:

MORE BATHS AND LESS TALKING

In the midst of many hard days, today is so encouraging. Thank you, LORD, for people coming alongside this journey. 

Hubby Walks After Carefully Orchestrated Shower

Today has been such an fabulous day after weeks and weeks of struggle--the hardest of which was a husband who hadn't really walked since August 26th. Today my sweetheart walked a distance! I am glowing.

Walking to His Spot in the Den

Last time I blogged I wrote about his fantasy that he was walking, only to be followed by bring me the wheel chair. Walking has been the goal. I have told him that if he doesn't want to go to a nursing home he has to continue to walk more--not just hobble a little-- and to shave and shower. A gross beard was growing. The sponge baths were less than adequate. Now neighbor/caregiver Kenny had been released from the hospital several days ago and Kenny and I devised a plan.  It was time.  I needed my husband to shower and to shave whether or not hubby felt he needed it. It just had to happen, in my opinion. Kenny reinforced my resolve.

Kenny has a way with hubby that I as his wife do not have. I am the nag--the pill pusher. First Kenny took the Andis Styliner II Trimmer, the one I had purchased earlier when we had a shaving issue. Kenny is magic, a true gift from the LORD in our lives--so much patience with hubby. The two-week beard came off. Maybe we can start to use the shaver if that beard is kept in check.

"Do you want your shower now, or in fifteen minutes?" he asked hubby.

"Fifteen minutes!"

Kenny and I were united when the time came for a real shower. Taking off his clothes was the easy part. Actually getting him to step into the shower was another matter--he had been hobbling better, but was having none of getting into the shower with that weak knee. We decided to put the shower chair half way out of the shower.

Shower Chair Over the Edge

Hubby sat down and then Kenny brilliantly told him to put his two feet in the shower and stand. Kenny monitored his standing up and then moved the shower seat into the shower and hubby sat down. He was ready to shower--a true sit down shower that I had been lobbying for with that moveable shower head. See HERE. Hubby was able on his own to complete his shower.

When that shower was done,  Kenny had him stand and the shower stool was again put half in and half out. Hubby sat down and then put his feet on the rug. He stood and that shower seat was returned to the shower and he dried himself off with a towel. Hubby used the towel rack and the cabinet to walk to the wheel chair. I dried his back and we brought him in the wheel chair to the bedside.

A trick I had been using for most of the time since August 27th, was to have him balance himself with the arms of a sturdy chair, facing that chair. I used this chair when I needed to help him put on or take off pants. It worked like a charm.

Old Chair Does the
Trick In Getting
Hubby Dressed

"Do you want the wheel chair or the walker?" I asked him while he finished getting dressed.

"I will just walk." That he did! The most walking I have seen since August 26th! That hot shower sure gave him some spunk and perhaps continued the healing of his knee. No longer am I fearing the worst.

Among other great blessings today was that Pharis and his son, Junior, came over and did a bang-up job on the yard. It was mowed and weeded.

"It will take some time, but I think I will get this yard looking really great," Pharis pronounced. Pharis and son had used a weed trimmer to transform much of the yard today, but did not get to the roof.

Guinea Wasp

When I came home from getting my second set of fingerprints, Pharis and Junior were waiting for me. The yard looked great, but Pharis had discovered a guinea wasp nest in our yard and been stung by them. They found wasp spray in our garage fortunately (how anyone can find anything in our garage is beyond me) and as of tonight Pharis after taking Benadryl is okay.

What a wonderful day! Hubby is walking again!  He has showered and been shaved.

Today I also talked with a delightful lady who did my fingerprints (more on her story with another post) and discovered that my earlier post HERE was published yesterday as a commentary in two Florida papers:

http://www.theledger.com/article/20130906/NEWS/130909504/0/search

http://www.newschief.com/article/20130906/NEWS/130909504/0/search

I read much of this article to hubby and he recalled events mentioned in the article. Unlike last Sunday when hubby needed to stay home, tomorrow we head for church.

Habits



From Facebook

 

 The more you do something, the more it becomes a good or bad habit. I teach about habits when I teach a class for DUI offenders. I often use this anonymous quote.

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do, you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed—you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great men, and alas, or all failures as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin—it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me, and I will destroy you. Who am I?

I am Habit.

So I worked on a new habit today--getting to my substitute job ahead of time. It felt good. But it is not a habit yet. Often times there is a situation at home such as my husband taking his morning pills and I barely make it to school in time or have to call to say I am on my way. They are happy that I call and that I come to cover a class. But how much better to get somewhere on time! I am also realizing when hubby and I go somewhere and have to be there by a certain time, plan to leave in plenty of time. Time means so little to him--I have to be the time keeper.

Today I substituted in a Math in high school. After taking roll in first period I noticed a young lady in the corner of the room and noise was coming from an obvious cell phone. I went over to her, observed that her cell phone was plugged into the wall to charge it and asked her to put it up. She said she couldn't turn it off or she would lose her game. It turns out that she entered my classroom and acted like she was enrolled in that class.  After she was removed the other students said that she must be a new student and one reflected that she only comes there when there is a substitute! Her cell phone is her habit--a bad one. She may skip her first period to go find a substitute, park herself in that class, and charge her cell there. Hopefully her bad habit was busted today.

21 days to change to a new habit I have heard. When someone has Alzheimer's it may be more than 21 days. I put a little love note in my husband's morning pills now to get him motivated to take those pills before I leave the house. I also take my pills at the same time. He does remember that I ended up in the hospital when I took his pills, so I say take you pills so I don't accidentally take yours again. This habit is a constant struggle.

I have also heard to establish routines early in Alzheimer's. I got my husband an electric shaver for Christmas. Now getting him to use it is a real struggle. It would be safer for him to use this instead of shaving with a razor. He doesn't always want to shave every day and it seems to me that he can use his charged shaver while he sits and watches TV. This is not his habit, but my struggle. He may win this one, like he keeps winning not wanting to mow the lawn. My patience is tried again and again.

But then, again, I struggle with some of my own habits, like recording the food that I eat ("tracking") for Weight Watchers and my housekeeping habits.

People in the classes for DUI offenders that I teach get the following quotes about habits on my Power Point presentation:

• “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are alone supreme.”               --Calvin Coolidge

"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons."-- Jim Rohn

• "The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail."--Napoleon Hill

• "This one step—choosing a goal and sticking to it—changes everything."--Scott Reed

• "Things start out as hopes and end up as habits."--Lillian Hellman

Lord, give me patience with my husband
and persistence with my own habits.
I can change more than he can.