Showing posts with label Linda Born. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Linda Born. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

What My Husband's Dementia Means, Part Two

With his recent trips to the hospital for UTI and another for a fall, I get asked if my husband has gone into a further stage of Alzheimer’s. This post is an attempt to answer that question. He did not receive an anesthesia in the hospital—a sure road to a future stage.  I do not think he is in a further stage.  I have seen three different lists of stages.

• Alzheimer’s Reading Room HERE.

• Alzheimer’s Association HERE.  He is in stage four of seven stages.

• Mayo Clinic HERE.  He is in stage three of five stages.

On July 8, 2012 I posted Part One HERE. As in Part One, the red below is from the Family Doctor Organization, but the link in Part One seems to be broken. Nonetheless I want to credit these red descriptions.

• Recent memory loss. All of us forget things for a while and then remember them later. People who have dementia often forget things, but they never remember them. They might ask you the same question over and over, each time forgetting that you've already given them the answer. They won't even remember that they already asked the question.  My husband is very conscious of his short-term memory and we use techniques to compensate.  I have been working out in the yard and he has wondered where I am, upsetting to both of us because of course I had told him I had gone out. Now I have a sign that says Carol is outside.

• Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People who have dementia might cook a meal but forget to serve it. They might even forget that they cooked it. When I have left the house to substitute teach early in the morning, hubby would often forget to take his morning pills. I have been dealing with this aspect for quite some time now. For example, he kept the sprinkler on overnight some time ago. Fortunately Kenny comes in and the two gentlemen take their own pills together, with Kenny pointing out that he takes more pills than my husband does.  No more forgetting lunch. Kenny comes over and fixes it for hubby and sees that he eats.

• Problems with language. People who have dementia may forget simple words or use the wrong words. This makes it hard to understand what they want. He does forget nouns, but really no worse than in July of last year.  I have read about “word salad” and have been watching for that, but it hasn’t happened.
• Time and place disorientation. People who have dementia may get lost on their own street. They may forget how they got to a certain place and how to get back home. No further deterioration. Very alert any time I am driving us somewhere.

• Poor judgment. Even a person who doesn't have dementia might get distracted. But people who have dementia can forget simple things, like forgetting to put on a coat before going out in cold weather. Hubby's judgment is still fairly good. I am not sure if this is because I give him coconut oil, turmeric, and Ribonucleic Acid, but he has good judgment and often if something is arbitrary, or not to my liking, I bend to his suggestion. I do not need to get my way, unless something has to do with logic and safety. For example, I can talk him into a shower and shave with reason. You need showers so you do not end up back in the hospital with another Urinary Tract Infection, or You have to shave with your razor every other day or I have to use the trimmer on you.

• Problems with abstract thinking. Anybody might have trouble balancing a checkbook, but people who have dementia may forget what the numbers are and what has to be done with them. Has little to do with finances now, or will ask how we are doing financially. I tell him the IRS owes us our tax refund which should come by the end of the June according to our accountant,  so we can make it through the summer when I work less.  Hubby likes to take notes now on what is happening for the day. DH wants me to say only one idea at a time—to not switch subjects. I still have to work on telling hubby one idea at a time. Hubby is training me by how he reacts when I say too much.

• Misplacing things. People who have dementia may put things in the wrong places. They might put an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl. Then they can't find these things later. Sally has trouble with Jake misplacing things. Jake put his electric shaver in their RV for example. I thought "Alzheimer's" and suggested she look there and sure enough Jake was planning a camping trip in his mind and put his shaver there. "Thinking Alzheimer's", as Bob DeMarco on the Alzheimer's Reading Room suggests, helps you to help your loved one. So far he is not losing cell phones as he once did.

• Changes in mood. Everyone is moody at times, but people who have dementia may have fast mood swings, going from calm to tears to anger in a few minutes. DH can swear at other drivers when I am driving, as if that will help. As I noted in the last post, swearing is common in Alzheimer's patients.

• Personality changes. People who have dementia may have drastic changes in personality. They might become irritable, suspicious or fearful. Have yet to see much personality change. Love his sense of humor. Hubby is happy. Kenny often texts me while I am working that hubby is in a good mood. Linda Born calls it "pleasant dementia" HERE. I am accepting that loss of initiative and grateful for every little thing hubby willingly does. For example, to get our gas guzzler in the garage is a challenge now with bags of mulch to be spread in the yard. I have him direct me so I do not get too close to the bags of mulch. I thank him for his help.

• Loss of initiative. People who have dementia may become passive. They might not want to go places or see other people. Monday night hubby wanted to go to Toastmasters with me. On the way home from Toastmasters he said he doesn't want to attend this two hour meeting again, but worries about me being out in the evening. I said to him that we will work this out and that the LORD is our protector. He agreed. So glad for my husband's faith, and mine. Knowing that he has loss of initiative makes me not nag him to do something he used to do enthusiastically. Sometimes I just say to him that he and Jake are lucky they married younger women and pass inactivity off as part of the aging process.

I am  so glad that I blog. The July 8, 2012 entry helps me see that my husband is really not going downhill quickly. Caregiver Kenny thinks that he will remain like this for several years.

Monday, May 27, 2013

YouTube Videos

Do you have a YouTube account and subscription?  I found out I do. Google helped connect all of my blogging and Facebook and Google Plus and so at the top of this Google dashboard is a YouTube tab. I can manage subscriptions so new YouTube videos come on my email. Oh my goodness! I also have YouTube on my iPhone! I can hear and see videos on Alzheimer's that my husband doesn't see during a school planning period instead of listening from our den computer. (I really do not want him to worry about his Alzheimer's by hearing a YouTube video at home. I keep his life as calm as possible.)

Singer Amy Grant's father has dementia and she put out a warm YouTube video called Amy Grant's Three Caregiving Tips here. Very nice.

Author Linda Born is one of the first books I reviewed here. Now Linda has just announced her YouTube videos on her book and I went there and subscribed. Two videos are out and my subscription will alert me by email when more are out.

Week One: Hold to Hope 

Week Two: Steps to Take As a New Caregiver

This promises to be a great series. Thanks, Linda.  

One video here is on Alzheimer's Coaching and Remembering4You. I got that link on Joe's blog and I was the first to subscribe on YouTube.

But wait! I am now on YouTube!!!!


I write on the board
MC AC raps at the end of good classes.

Yes, I now have a new YouTube channel for my raps thanks to my Alabama high tech family. Nine raps were video taped several months ago and are coming out this summer on three YouTube videos (three raps per video).

When do I rap? For several years I have practiced  my raps during the last five minutes at the end of every on-task class when I susbsitute teach in middle school and high school. It takes sometimes months to write a rap and currently I am working on more raps.  Right now there is a wonderful YouTube commercial for the raps of MC AC The Rap Lady.

How was this name chosen? My niece and nephew decided on this name. I guess MC is for Ms. Carol and AC is for Aunt Carol. They have always referred to me as AC.

How did I have time to do this video? I don't. My family are producing them and they are doing a very professional job with these videos.

How does a senior citizen get into rappping? When I wrote Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, I put a poem on social media in the ninth chapter and found I could "rap" it. I have added lines to that rap as more social media have come out. Then I started writing more raps so I would have more material when I substitute. The benefit for being good all class period is that Mrs. Johnson (AKA MC AC now) will rap.

Students I substitute teach for keep teaching me what works and what doesn't work in a rap and so I keep adapting and improving my raps.  Friday one high school girl said she was stopping being a bully because of one of my raps. Her friend said she no longer is a drama queen because of my "Use Your Mind, Not Your Emotions" rap. Especially now at the end of the school year it helps to have this aid for keeping control, although I wish our tax refund had come and I didn't feel I have to substitute teach now. We will be so poor if that tax refund doesn't come soon! IRS what are you doing? Just testifying in Congress??? 

Do I study other rappers? No. Sometimes I explain it is a poem if students say it is not really a rap. I go for entertainment and also a message in many of the raps. It's a quick way to leave a legacy as evidenced by my feedback last Friday. 

So where is this YouTube channel? There is a tab at the top of this blog that directs you there and it is below. My nephew has photographic credits and my niece and her husband are producing the videos. Go there now and subscribe so you can hear and see all  my raps for the 2013 season.

Carol
MC AC The Rap Lady

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Fifth Book Report: My Mother Has Alzheimer's

I met Linda through the blogging world and her blog is listed at the right.

In her book Linda A. Born wants her mom to take care of her as in the past, but humbly accepts her new role as the caregiver for the mother who has Alzheimer’s. She writes at first of resentment and anger, and then discovers compassion and the Lord’s provision in her walk through her caregiver ministry. I just held on to every word as she has a parallel walk as I have. I would recommend her journey for anyone accepting the suffering as a caregiver as she gently and profoundly takes you through the process.

Her story is both similar and different from mine. I have also learned from Linda's book.

Similarities. Her mother and my husband are both able to feel and to love. I am putting his for her in this quote. “[His] Alzheimer’s had not robber [him] of the ability to love me, and [his] love was a blessing to me still; but [he] could no longer be a dependable counselor or confidante.” (p. 184) I remember when I wrote about that in an earlier blog--about how hard it is for my husband to not remember things about me.

Linda writes “It is actually a great comfort to recognize that our loved ones who suffer dementia are not aware of the pathos of their circumstances.” (p. 23) Yes, Linda, it is great they don’t realize. My husband does not read books or research the Internet now about Alzheimer's as I do. It would upset him, and it has upset me. He is just happy being retired at this point.

I began distancing myself from my husband like she did from her mother. My justification for the earlier distance was that DH didn't understand my logic and talk. However I learned that I should not do this; others in his life might distance themselves, but not me. He will be lonely if I do that.

I am in my marriage for better, for worse, for sickness and health and my husband is also. How I loved when he was still working and when public school teaching became unbearable.  DH said it was okay to retire from public school teaching. He has always been in it for me for better and for worse. That is his commitment to me and my commitment to him.

Linda mentions the photo albums that were important to her mother and my husband wants me to create photo albums for him. Hope to have his done for his Christmas present.

At first got mad with my husband over his laziness. I learned like Linda with her mother, to give that up. Linda writes about “possible scenarios of doom” (p. 210) and I have cried out to God also for these possible senarious.

Linda also mentions problems with over-eating. When I first was dealing with my husband’s dementia, I put on weight—not a smart thing to do and now at my age it is so much harder to lose weight.

Differences. Where Linda has become angry, I have become depressed. I do see other blogging caregivers upset. Both Linda and I ran to the Lord for help, however. She is philosophical when she writes, "Life is full of transitions, and most of us don’t like this fact.” (p. 27)

She is mad that her mom was leaving her through this slow death. I have lost both parents and my first husband—but not by the slow painful death. “I suffered all the negative emotions of anger, resentment, fear, and doubt; and about the only thing I did right was to continue to cry out to the Lord. . . .my anger was not reserved for my mother. No one I love was safe from my tirade of words.” (pp. 63-64) “I was afraid of being left alone in the world.” (p. 203) I had been alone as a widow in the past, and feel with friends I will be able to handle this. I am however afraid of finances and my husband's deterioration due to Alzheimer's. Heaven awaits him as well as me. This life is not all. I know Linda recognizes that too, but she doesn't dwell on it as much as the loss of her mother.

Insights from Linda

• Be the facilitator. "This ability to separate the disease process from the Mother I knew and loved was a crucial shift in my thinking. Once I gained an acceptance of the fact that her aberrant behaviors were disease related, I no longer viewed myself as the long-suffering caregiver who was putting up with her mother’s difficult behaviors. I was to be a facilitator, not a dictator. I became a fellow soldier with my mother in the battle against Alzheimer’s. I was on her side."(p. 100) Don’t be patronizing or treat my husband like a child I realized.

• Linda points out the wait time between diagnosis and death and calls for the patience of release, the patience of acceptance, the patience of faith, the patience of hope and the patience of love. (p. 106) I will go back to that page often.

• “I need to discover the difference between casting my cares on Jesus and casting blame on others. . . . I needed to ask God’s forgiveness for the harm I’d done to others while I was preoccupied with a struggle against my own burdens.” (p 121-2) Oh yes, Linda, I have been hurt by thinking others owed more attention to our situation. Instead I have to cast my cares on the Lord and flee to him.

• Linda’s mom used to have many friends, but now it was just Linda. However my husband still has friends and new friends such as Jim. We have to keep up these friendships while we can.

• “The Lord was the one who had placed the job title, 'Alzheimer’s Caregiver,' after my name," writes Linda on p. 201.

• “I must not lapse to self-pity, and I must not look at my own sacrifice. There is nothing I can surrender to the Lord that will not spring forth new life in Him.” ( p. 243) Wonderful insight.

• “If you find yourself bound with resentment from the feeling that you have been appointed to be the center of your loved one’s universe, let yourself off the hook. God is the Provider for your loved one, and He will provide for you too.” (p. 163). Linda, I am going to memorize these words.

Thanks so much, Linda, for providing this rich fellowship for me. I wrote a review on Amazon and another site and will continue to look for your posts.