Later Stage Caregiver Laurie's Interview

Laurie’s husband, Gary, has Early Onset Alzheimer’s and is in a later stage than my husband is. We chatted on Facebook on October 15th and several times during that interview Laurie needed to attend to situations at home with her husband or an outside caregiver. I interviewed Laurie to learn from her for my road ahead and also to share our Christian faith.

Carol: Laurie, your blog, “I Have Been Young”, is so awesome. When did you start your blog?
Laurie: I started it in 2010. I've enjoyed it, but lately with all the transitions, I've been slow to get new posts done. I'm going to merge it with my website for my watercolor business. I am almost ready to have the new website published. Just working out the "kinks". I'll announce it on my blog when ready.
Carol: I love the last one with marriage pictures and all your sentiments. I pinned that on Pinterest into the Alzheimer’s section and noticed repins for you.
Laurie: Thank you I enjoyed looking at the photos of our wedding in that post too!
Carol: You created a digital box for your husband that got his attention. Does he still like that?
Laurie: He sees the digital frame rotating the photos while he is at the breakfast bar each morning. They are currently all photos from his childhood and teen years. Sometimes he seems to zero in on one, but it's not consistent. He especially notices the ones of the family ski-boat.
Carol: Communication by pictures when words don't work so well I guess!
Laurie: Yes. I assume he understands, or that at least they look familiar. Somewhere deep in his mind's long term memory, perhaps he remembers the waterskiing days.
Carol: Does the routine keep him focused?
Laurie: I'm not sure because the "focused" moments are so random now. I think the routine helps in other ways, like physically. His body is not "thrown off" by too many changes. But I try to balance that with what he used to like--lots of variety within the routine--different views, objects to handle, etc.
Carol: This takes a lot or coordination on your part. For my husband the routines don't bring up a noticeable difference until something like my hospitalization shows his decline. My husband is happy to be home and doesn't remember my being in the hospital now. What kind of changes became hard to bear for you?
Laurie: The need for so much more "in home" care has been a big adjustment. I must say that it is a very good thing (and necessary) to get so much more help, but it comes with a price. I have to release more and more of Gary's relationship with me to others. It's hard to describe this, but the random moments of connectedness are now sometimes experienced by him with others, rather than with him and me. I love knowing that they get to "connect" with him, and that he is enjoying himself, but I miss him and it's hard to share him. On the other hand, if I'm going to keep him at home, it is imperative to get more help, because I have a weak back and the Lord reminded me this weekend that I need to share the load with others.
Carol: It sounds like anticipatory grief kicking in to release Gary to the care of others.
Laurie: It is, and in a way. The Alzheimer’s disease gives us the time to adjust and as we greet each new situation, we learn and grow. As Dolores [another blogger] said, "Life goes on." It's not easy but it's best and we trust God.
Carol: Trusting God! Yes! “I Have Been Young” is your blog title and is a biblical quote from Psalm 37:25. I gain so much from reading how the LORD sustains you. How is the new schedule working out?
Laurie: The schedule is falling into place. We have about half of it figured out, and I still need someone for a couple of other days. I don't get someone all day, just during the most strenuous parts. I have had some "random" caregivers, here and there, and then our regular ones too. I want to fill in the other hours with "regulars" so they can get used to us, and vice versa, so am praying for direction on just the right person.
Carol: Hurting your back necessitated more help for you. How did you hurt your back?
Laurie: I hurt my back while helping Gary keep from falling the first time, He was losing his balance, on the slope of our driveway. The next time I don't remember, but Saturday I was loading a wheelchair into the car in a different place, and oopsie! My back! If I were to be hospitalized because of my back, I would call on good friends who live nearby to come right away in an emergency; then our regular caregivers to add extra hours if possible and get more caregivers to fill in the blank spots.
Carol: Like you I love the caregiving examples of Ken Tada and Robertson McQuilkin (A Promise Kept). We both value our marriage commitment. Are you in a support group or do you have specific people/elders behind you?
Laurie: We actually started a support ministry for Alzheimer’s/dementia folks in our church. It is a large church so there are a number of families affected by it. It's been going a couple of years now, and the elders are very supportive. We have a pastor of special ministries for the disabled, so he oversees us. I love going! We are also very involved in a neighborhood Bible study through our church. They have been incredibly encouraging and helpful to us. They even take turns staying with Gary now so I can attend. It's too hard for him to go now because he gets too tired.
Carol: I love how you chronicle your husband's prayers. We pray each night also. Sometimes my husband's missing neurons cause impatience and swearing. Then hubby forgets about it. Does Gary show anger? Anger in a wonderful Christian husband? I see it in mine.
Laurie: They get frustrated. Gary doesn't show it if he is. As believers, we want to please the Lord. We "buffet our bodies" and try to obey, because we believe God and want to serve Him with our lives. This is not easy, and when our minds are not healthy, and unable to process, and reason, it seems logical that unwanted behaviors come out. The soul is alive and well, but the mind is broken, so thankfully, for those who are saved and in the arms of God, He sees them in the righteousness of Jesus, and understands. We need to try to correct the sinful behavior, and redirect them to think about something else, remind them of the truths they may remember, and try to understand that they have less ways to handle their frustrations. I think sometimes that instead of anger outbursts, Gary gets even more withdrawn as a way to cope with frustration, or discomfort or confusion.
Carol: The book we both like, Blame It on The Brain, helps.
Laurie: I love that book. It's practical and helps sort out the sin from the disease. I wrote a blog post about that topic...I think it's called "Be Careful Little Eyes What You See"
Carol: Excellent. I will check that out. Is that blog post under lessons?
Laurie: Yes the blog post is under "lessons" December 12, 2011 here.
Carol: We ourselves as caregivers also have our own sin nature we. We both try to be superwomen and we can’t be that woman. You learned from Seven Habits of Effective People and I am trying to learn from The House That Cleans Itself so I can be there more fully for hubby at a later stage. How does the urgent, not urgent, important, not important grid work for a caregiver such as yourself? Does the painting get put into the not so important category?



Laurie: I need to move the painting from the "important not urgent" category, to the "important AND urgent" category since I'm trying to grow my business. Having more help will allow that, I'm thinking.
Carol: Is it hard to have people come into the home to help now?
Laurie: We are used to having people in and out of our home for different reasons. For many years Gary and I helped in our College ministry at church so our house was always being used for various events. The last 3 years before Gary got sick we had Seminary students renting rooms from us, so nice young men were around coming and going. So in that way, we are prepared. BUT I do like my privacy somewhat, but am setting it aside again for this season in our lives. It's necessary.
Carol: How have you simplified your house? I notice you will have to put a ramp in.
Laurie: The ramps are all installed, and working fine. We put tile and laminate where there was carpet a few years ago, knowing that would be helpful for Gary in a wheel chair. Other than that I haven't done too many things. Just getting some equipment that helps. I'm waiting on a "power lift chair" that will help him stand up, to save our backs!
Carol: One can get swallowed up in caregiving and we are told to take care of ourselves. I almost felt guilty in the hospital when I felt better and wasn't caregiving and working on the house. Hard to relax at times.
Laurie: Lately I've been thinking in terms of "pacing" myself for the long journey ahead. Gary is in the advanced stage, but in fairly good health otherwise, and like I said, if I'm going to have him with me, here at home, I need to be a good steward of my own body, emotions, and soul. (Well God is the steward of my soul ultimately, but you know what I mean.) So relaxing, and things like an occasional "cruise" with your sis, are good things to do! At least your recent hospitalization wasn't from a heart Attack!
Carol: That would have been worse for sure. Today he doesn't remember I was in the hospital, but is content to be in the family room watching TV while I am here in my almost clean den on the computer interviewing you. At first when he was diagnosed I used emotional eating and now I have that more in control. We have to change because they can't. One change that is hard at first is learning to speak Alzheimer's.
Laurie: Yes, but I think now that Gary is beyond speaking, and giving feedback that I just try to talk to him as if he understands, and then try to chat away. I just try to keep good hymns playing for part of the day and watch "benign" things on TV/movies that wouldn't be confusing. It actually helps with my own sanctification because I don't want to rely on his being able to be “discerning". In that way it is good for me. Simplifying life, and being his companion. But now, I am feeling more of a need to be well-rounded. Don't get me wrong though. I still have the occasional "melt-down." But don't we all no matter where we are in life!
Carol: All for our sanctification and growth in the Lord. People say "I don't know how you do it" and sometimes I don't handle the disease very well at all. Do you get respite time at all?
Laurie: I have respite time two days a week for five hours each day. I am gone from the house most of the time. One day is for errands and shopping and one day for friends, going to lunch or helping my parents. I am hoping to incorporate some time going to a concert, or art show, or overnight to the beach with my daughter or friend, as the caregiving time increases.
Carol: You are adjusting to more help. What else has Gary had to adjust to? Did your husband have a difficult time adjusting to not driving?
Laurie: Gary willingly surrendered his driver’s license, but I know it was hard for him. He has truly been so content with each stage. He is a good example of trusting the Lord. He has had a hard time with receiving personal care, but that's natural for anyone, I'm sure. All the same, he accepts it. As far as "adjusting" he is beyond that. He did have a hard time, not seeing his truck or garage anymore. He still turns his head when we're driving and he sees a truck like his.
Carol: Any problems with hallucinations, seeing someone else in the mirror, losing stuff, embarrassment when forgetting someone?
Laurie: I think he sees something because he reaches out to take hold of something, but it doesn't appear to be frightening. Not sure if he sees someone, and is beyond "losing things". He did get frustrated when he was in early stages with work related boo-boos and forgetting things. But that seems so long ago now.
Carol: Did Gary ever wander?
Laurie: Gary only took off a couple of times, in middle stage. Now he can’t walk unassisted, because of his balance issues. He wears a bracelet.
Carol: My hubby does too and I want to wear a caregiver bracelet now
Laurie: THAT is a very good idea. I should get one too.
Carol: What advice do you have for me for the later stages?
Laurie: I think the best thing to do to prepare for caregiving, is to introduce some outside people right now, in some small way so if/when it becomes essential, your hubby will be used to someone else being at the house, helping "you" and him. Even if it's someone who cleans, or does things in the kitchen for you for 2 hours a week, then when you have to "ramp up" the hours, or add someone else, it's more natural, and will be easier for him.
Carol: All of this is not easy, is it, Laurie!
Laurie: We live in a fallen world that is broken because of human sin. Without the Lord sustaining me, I would be given over to despair. I am a weak person who is able to come to the Lord for His strength. He is everything to me and Gary.
Carol: The Lord has promised to not give us more than we can handle. It has been a pleasure to chat with you on Facebook. I look forward to that new blog and I will link it to the right under my blogging friends.
Laurie: I’ve enjoyed this so much too, Carol. Thank you for asking me. I would love to meet you in person some day, but until then we will enjoy our cyber-friendship and it’s been a joy to spend this time talking to you. I even had my cup of coffee right with me the whole time too.

Interview With a Lovely LaTane



Any One Riding Off into the Sunset?

 LaTane and I follow each other on our blogs, Google Plus and Pinterest . She accepted my friend request on Facebook Tuesday and I talked her through how to chat on Facebook.  

Carol: LaTane, thanks so much for being willing to chat. We seniors have to learn so much don't we!

LaTane: Yes, it's an entirely new world for us. I try to stay in touch with today's technology but find that I can't run as fast as I once did!!

Carol: I know. Barb (Cleaning Up the Clutter) helped me get on Pinterest, and then this last week my sister-in-law helped me adjust to an iPhone after my five year old cell phone died. But for this interview you and I have two things in common--widowhood and caregiving. I have been a widow and you are one now. I am a caregiver now and you have been one.

LaTane: Yes, and I bet if we explored it further we would have other things in common.

Carol: We both love the LORD, blogging, writing, quilts, etc.

LaTane: Yes, you got it!

Carol: You have been a widow for over a year now. How long were you a caregiver?

LaTane: About eleven years with my husband. I took care of my Mom, who had dementia, for 12 years prior to that.

Carol: Wow! Did taking care of her prepare you for hubby's situation?

LaTane: Not really. Each one was so different and in many ways you treat dementia differently. Alzheimer’s is much more complex. Also, taking care of your Mom isn't like having your spouse retreat into a dark hole. Maybe I should have used the word “disappear” instead of retreat. Retreat is a conscious effort, disappearance is not really.

Carol: “Disappear” is a good word for it. How did you notice that happening?

LaTane: A missed appointment, confusion over where we were supposed to be, forgetting things he should have known.

Carol: And it is easy to nag until you learn what Alzheimer’s is.

LaTane: I am afraid I did some of that nagging. I expected to have Elbert by my side until we rode off into the sunset together, with him being that strong and capable man that he was. The tables were turning and I was scared.

Carol: I know I miss that strength from my husband now and I have to learn a new language just to simply be able to communicate and to be responsible for so much.

LaTane: Having to take on the entire responsibility for the two of you is very difficult. You are getting older, have less energy and now you have it all to do. And, let's face it-- men do some things better than women!!

Carol: I had that as a widow also. I went through Hurricane Andrew with my late husband and then every time something would come up after he died (insurance, fixing something around the house, mowing the lawn) the grieving would be painful in another way.

LaTane: In my generation the man assumed the role as head of the household (with me as his partner). It just felt odd to have to make every decision by myself. But, I had a very supportive family to help me through all that.

Carol: Did you have any role models for being your mother’s and husband’s caregiver or did you learn and blog as it went along? Was navigating all the insurance and medical decisions hard for both mom and hubby?

LaTane: That is one thing I am having so much trouble figuring out-- all these companies and stuff that Elbert took care of. My brain is so overloaded. Mother was easy. But, when I knew that we would have a lot of decisions to make (and before Elbert got too bad) we went to an elder law attorney who guided us through so much of the legal tangles that we would face. A couple of our children were involved in every aspect of that. I will say it helped so much to have a professional in our corner. We also had a very knowledgeable family services director who was always there for us.

Carol: Did your late husband have trouble with driving, hallucinating, anger issues?

LaTane: Elbert was a very calm person in the real world and I am so thankful that he, for the most part, remained calm and nonviolent. He was easy to care for in that respect but he would want to “go home” and after his getting out of the house and down the street in the middle of the night more than once we installed alarms on the outside doors. These can be bought at Lowe's for a small amount and alerts you when the door opens.

Carol: Good tip and I think there is also an Alzheimer’s store that where you can buy such items.

LaTane: He spent nearly two years falling several times a day and that was my main task--keeping him off of the floor. Someone had to be with him at all times because he did not remember not to get out of his chair without help. That was a very stressful time. After that length of time his doctor decided that he was having seizures which caused the falls.

Carol: Then came the nursing home I would imagine. I read about that on your blog which I religiously followed.

LaTane: Yes, and, that was a very difficult decision. Tore our hearts out but I just could not continue on with his care.

Carol: Did you have to trick him to get him to move? And how did the elder law attorney help with this?

LaTane: We investigated several places which I suggest everyone do. After the choice was made my daughter and I took him to meet with the director and also to familiarize him with what could be his new surroundings. Later, after his room was set up and all his clothes in place we took him, visited with him in the room and then the director brought in another resident who had similar interest to distract Elbert. The family left and I really do not think he ever realized where he was.

Carol: So interesting that he recognized it as his home with his things.

LaTane: His first home away from home was an Alzheimer’s wing in an assisted living facility. A bit more upbeat, more like home situation which made it easier I think.

Carol: So you were now on road to being a widow and yet married when he left your home you both had shared.

LaTane: Yes. You lose your loved one to Alzheimer’s long before they pass away.

Carol: I know this is what my fate is. I do not know how to prepare for it.

LaTane: Your role as caregiver becomes your main focus, your existence. You do whatever you must in order to make their days (and yours) as comfortable as possible. That becomes your full time job. I must add that there are sweet moments of tenderness, of love, of hugs. You learn to cherish those beyond measure.
Carol: Oh yes I am cherishing each good day we have. I however just challenged DH to finish his breakfast, take his pills and scolded the dog for not eating also!

LaTane: That's funny... poor little doggie!

Carol: I talked to the dog and now he is beside me. Both the dog and the husband here do not understand me! However, I am still able to work outside the home.
LaTane: I do not know how women still work (or men if their wives have AD). It's such a challenge without a full time job.

Carol: I am working to pay off credit cards so I can stay home one day when I have to. Also substituting and teaching classes for DUI offenders are a sort of break.

LaTane: Oh yes, we all need those breaks.

Carol: Did you get any breaks and did you feel guilty when you took a break?

LaTane: I finally found a woman who would sit with Elbert when I went out. She was wonderful with him. I was feeling guilty to begin with but soon realized that I had to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of him. They preached that in the support group I went to.

Carol: On our subject of widowhood, I had to be babysat when I got rid of the clothes, books, etc. of my late husband.

LaTane: Was his death sudden or was his illness a long one? In my case I found that I was prepared to stack his clothes in a pile and ask someone to take them. Having him living away from home for a year and a half had to have helped my state of mind in that regard.

Carol: My late husband died very suddenly from a blood clot following surgery. Then I dated too soon when I was a widow and then had grief on top of heartbreak. You try to fill the void before your grieving is done. How are you doing with widowhood now? One of my mother-in-laws told me she didn't want to take care of some old man. Are you thinking of remarriage at all?

LaTane: I have a lot of things I am involved in. I stay busy. I meet friends for lunch. I had a few months counseling which helped. It's a long process. Don't rush yourself. Just face each morning when the sun comes up.

Carol: I had counseling also and went to a widow support group. My counselor asked me, Why are you in such a hurry to replace your husband, Carol.

LaTane: I don't think I will ever be ready for marriage. I said I would never get involved with someone, I love being alone too much. But, I realized I really missed the companionship that a man provides. I do date some. I appreciate anyone for showing kindness.

Carol: The Scriptures tell younger widows to remarry, not older ones.

LaTane: Hey, where is that Scripture?

Carol: I Timothy 5:14 and there may be room for interpretation here, I think it is both good and controversial when older people marry. The thing is you are so vulnerable as a widow. It took me a long time to marry another Christian—I was 55 when I remarried. I am glad I can be his wife/caregiver now. It is my marriage commitment.

LaTane: See, I don't think I am in that place in my life that I can go there. I wonder sometimes if I am just searching for what I had.

Carol: The best, Heaven, is yet to come.

LaTane: Amen to that!

Carol: I am envious of people who are almost there often (Heaven), yet live to hear my LORD say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." Well, LaTane, you have a cold and need to take care of yourself. I am very grateful that you have shared this experience. Hugs and prayers as always and look forward to maybe meeting you this side of Heaven.

LaTane: You have been great interviewing me, drawing me out.
Carol:  “TTYL” as the young people write!

LaTane:  I know your journey is fairly new and I pray for peace and guidance for you in the days and years to come. Bye for now!

Last Stage Caregiver Dolores' Candid Interview

Front porch chats are preferred, but when blogging friends are separated by miles, chatting and typing the interview on Facebook also works. My husband is in stage one of Alzheimer's and I wanted to know more about the journey. Dolores lives in Texas and I live in Florida, but we have become blogging friends. Here is the interview which took place recently.  

Carol: Can you chat now? I have one other message to do. Hold on. . . . I am back now.

Dolores: Been walking the dog, I'm back

Carol: Great! How was your day, first off?

Dolores: Very good, church circle ladies meeting and weather is wonderful...how about u?

Carol: I substituted. Easy day.

Dolores: Great...

Carol: You have always been neat, but how did this help you going into Alzheimer's?

Dolores: Just less mess and confusion for me and David. When my house is messy or cluttered, my brain feels confused. That probably sounds weird, but true for me.

Carol: A place for everything and everything in its place for David and you. Like you I want less and I want neatness and this will serve us well then.

Dolores: Yes, I started getting rid of what we didn't need right of way, sold our house, gave David's car to sister in law. My motto was less is better. All the things I gave away, I haven't missed them at all.

Carol: I both try to enjoy every day and plan ahead. However, it might be easier to ignore the disease. But that wouldn't be responsible. It has been hard for me to assume decision making when Herb had been the leader.

Dolores: Plan ahead and then enjoy every day.....you can't plan everything though; each person and circumstance is so different. One day at a time.

Carol: Was it hard for your husband when you downsized from a bigger home to a smaller home. Did David miss his old home?

Dolores: No, he didn't mind moving, didn't mind not driving. He’s always been very easy going which made it easier for me.

Carol: How did you deal with worries about David when your dear husband used to be your confidant

Dolores: I have a very best friend, she's the same age as my son...she's been my rock. We cry and laugh and discuss all the “what ifs”.

Carol: You often blog about her. How has blogging helped you during this time?

Dolores: Blogging has been so wonderful! I try my best to be real and honest with my feelings, and I feel like people really know me.. The blog has been good for me to unload my feelings, receive the wonderful comments, and keep a record of a timeline of the disease

Carol: Did David accept that he had Alzheimer’s?

Dolores: David accepted it from the very beginning; I know he suspected it....David's Alzheimer's went very slow and then started going down a couple of years ago.

Carol: Yesterday I asked my husband about how he feels about his short-term memory and he said he isn't bothered or doesn't notice it! How can that be! He forgets he forgets! Did David start to notice when it got worse for him--when he couldn’t do things?

Dolores: See, I would never question David about his memory ....I figured he knew it, and we didn't need to talk about it.....No, I don't think he was aware as he got worse, but maybe he did and we didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about Alzheimer’s, other than maybe joke when something silly happened, that it was Alzheimer’s doing it, and we'd laugh.

Carol: Did you have to deal with anger in David? I have had to with my husband several times. Then he forgot he swore or was angry.

Dolores: David would get a little upset when he'd see something that I didn't see, so I got where I'd go along with whatever to keep peace. The mood swings are just part of the disease I think.

Carol: As Bob DeMarco writes often on The Alzheimer’s Reading Room, you have to enter into their reality.

Dolores: That's right, and disagreeing or arguing only makes things worse. It's so hard not to disagree, but it gets you no where.

Carol: You would give him some melatonin so he would sleep well. Did you ever have problems with his getting up at night?

Dolores: I only gave him the melatonin for a short time. The only problem I had at night was for me to wake up when he needed to go to the bathroom....or might not find it. I didn't sleep well at all. Always trying to make sure he could find the bathroom or he’d go on the floor (many times).

Carol: Did you have problems with mirrors as some have--seeing some other man in the mirror?

Dolores: Never....in fact I have lots of mirrors. Also he didn't repeat questions or answers like we often hear, each person is so different when he would see things (hallucinations) it would be hard for me to keep my mouth shut and not disagree, but I got better with time.

Carol: Was Aricept 23 what made the hallucinations lesson you think?

Dolores: No...... As the disease progressed his hallucinations began... Aricept stops working after a while.

Carol: Did David ever wander?

Dolores: No he didn't wander, but I watched him closely.

Carol: Because of your blog I use music. I have playlists on my iPod that I often play for my husband in the car and will in the house at some point. This may work when DH no longer cares to watch TV.

Dolores: Yes, the music was so wonderful, because he suddenly stopped watching TV and reading....so listening to music and sweeping our patio were God sends—something he could do.

Carol: David would read, but my husband doesn't wish to read now. Did you need to find ways to entertain David?

Dolores: We'd walk the dog around the block in the morning and evening. I'd take him for a ride in the car....he'd sweep off and on during the day on our patio and the rest of the time he would look at the TV, or play his country music and clap his hands. That's really all he could do.

Carol: How did you occupy yourself with something when it got to that point?

Dolores: I love to work with my plants on the patio, organize and clean house, visit with friends and spent time on the computer. I started hiring someone to stay with him for a couple of hours so I could go shopping.
Carol: Was he talking fluently at the time you decided to put him in the nursing or Alzheimer's facility?

Dolores: No. He would say a few sentences that made sense and many that didn't.

Carol: I remember you sort of tricked him into going there.

Dolores: I started taking him there for respite care once in awhile. I'd tell him I needed to shop and couldn't leave him alone, he was ok with that.

Carol: My husband is having trouble being motivated to mow the yard. Maybe he'd like having someone else do it? What do you think? They say keep your loved one as busy as long as possible. I think we need to hire someone, but then he might take offense.
Dolores: Maybe if you tell him how much it will be helping someone else by them doing the yard. He might end up liking not doing the yard.
Carol: Yes. That might work. You have achieved for better for worse, in sickness and health and almost till death us do part. Will you be both relieved and sad when he dies? You have to be living in grief now when he doesn't know you when you visit him.

Dolores: I'm sure both feelings, but it's so sad to see him in bed, drinking his meal through a straw, blank look on his face....the David I knew is so different....mostly I will be relieved that he will be whole again when he dies, but I will miss going to see him...a mix of emotions.

Dolores and Carol Chat on Facebook

Notice that we have new contributing authors on Plant City Lady and Friends. Dolores is one.

Dolores: Good morning! You are doing great at Wordscratch [on Facebook]!
Carol: I just happen to be ahead this time. You usually win.
Dolores: I’m having a hard time playing with a bunch of vowels.
Carol: You can put some of your vowels on the board and swap letters.
Dolores: We had our Sunday school party last night.
Carol: Great! Did your husband attend?
Dolores: 72 people there. I had a terrible time getting DH dressed, but once we were there he was fine. I started not to go at the last minute because he was getting so obstinate about getting his clothes on, but I’m the leader of our class and felt I needed to be there for introductions, prayer requests, etc. It ended up being good.
Carol: My husband is getting stubborn also. They become self-centered as the disease progresses.
Dolores: He was in a very down mood yesterday. I put a turtle neck sweater on him and he threw a fit that he couldn’t stand the way it felt. I was bawling and he didn’t even notice. He seems fine now.
Carol: My husband didn’t like the chicken wings I served him. Then they don’t remember these incidents.
Dolores: It’s hard, isn’t it, because you never know what to expect.
Carol: I’m starting to just relax with it and realize this is how the Lord is completing His work in me. Yes it is hard.
Dolores: Some days I can do that but since he has totally stopped reading, he has too much time to do nothing.
Carol: I guess we will have to educate them into new activities as the disease progresses.
Dolores: We walk around the block a lot, drive around, he sweeps, but the reading was something he did almost half the day.
Carol: My husband watches DVDs, videos, movies on TV constantly. Sometimes I have to retrain him in how to use the remote controls.
Dolores: David is past educating him into doing anything. He can’t pick up the receiver of the phone.
Carol: I’ve read that they lose procedures.
Dolores: DH can’t learn and won’t even try anymore. My husband is further along in the disease than yours is.
Carol: Yes, and I want to hang in there with you and learn and keep praying for you two.
Dolores: Thank you and I pray for you two also. Prayer is what got me through last night. Once I was there, I was all smiles. LOL
Carol: I am going to put some of this conversation on Plant City Lady and Friends. OK?
Dolores: Sure . . . that’s fine. The only pressure I feel is saying anything that will make DH worry about himself since he has Alzheimer’s.
Carol: Being a helpmeet under these circumstances is hard. My hubby doesn’t want to be looked down on or made to appear inadequate in any way.
Dolores: One has to tread lightly to not let or make them feel like a child. Gonna fix DH’s oatmeal and toast. Hope you have a good day!
Carol: Ok! TTYL. You too!