Trip Back to Plant City

Presenting the draft of the dissertation

A seminary counseling dissertation has kept me very busy lately and I haven’t blogged here since December 1, 2015. So let me tell you about the trip I took recently back to Plant City, Florida.

Last fall I applied to be a registrar at Ligonier Conference in Orlando, Florida starting Feb. 25. When I was accepted as a registrar, I knew I could also attend much of this great  conference for free  have free lodging at friends since I have limited funds. Orlando is about an hour away from Plant City, Florida, where I used to live before I moved here to Huntsville, Alabama, also know as Rocket City.  

I did accomplish a few other things on the trip—namely the presenting of that seminary counseling dissertation draft, Hope for Dementia Caregivers, to the seminary in Florida along with attend the conference. Thank the LORD they both happened--the draft submitted and the conference. 

I  even managed to see people, and talk at Lakeland Toastmasters on Reflections of Writing a Dissertation. I had four points that I remember.

1. I reviewed my usual topics in the club--how I got eyebrows, accidentally became a rapper, and how I got my house organized (all covered on this blog).

 2.  But this time, I told the group, I have a serious talk on how I wrote the dissertation draft. 

I took people along with me. 

I had a dissertation committee in Huntsville that met with me about once a month at the Huntsville Library. They day before I left for the trip, I had two lovely ladies from my committee who proofed the dissertation at my house. 

3. In addition to the accountability of my committee, I described how I persevered writing it, getting up early to write before substitute teaching and finding other moments for writing. 

4. I also mentioned the wise advise from my Huntsville pastor--get it done even if it isn't perfect. If you have liked this page at the top right, you can hear my talk on that page. 

Also in Florida I record two raps to be produced for my YouTube channel, MC AC The Rap Lady. Lyrics for the rap "Rocket City Ditty" about Huntsville where I have moved, is on the last blog post. I took Dezarae and Pharis to the studio and they were featured as I introduced the rap “While You’re Still One”--see HERE. I knew these two young people because their father used to help me at the house while my husband was a dementia sufferer and couldn’t work on the house. Dezarae and Pharis were adopted by a wonderful couple so their birth mother didn't have to get an abortion. Because Florida is a pro-choice state, I had not recorded this rap previously. Because I now live in Alabama which is a pro-life state, it works here. 

I had the privilege of taking my dog Ziggy to stay with Plant City friends Sally and Jake for 10 days and even was able to arrange an overnight stay with Ziggy at another caregiver's home on the return to Huntsville. Both places a caregiver read the dissertation and approved. I so appreciate the hospitality of these two couples. 

With Ziggy at  a BBQ on the way back to Huntsville. 

Thanks to all who have been praying for my trip. Continue to pray for the revision of the dissertation. I need to add a chapter on grieving after your dementia loved one has passed away and make some other changes. 

15 Ways I Am Very Much at Home After My Move

 .

There are a few prayer requests sprinkled in this list of 15, but I am glad I moved here. I almost feel like I am on vacation, as for 30 years I have gone back to visit Huntsville at least once a year. 

1. Apartment management

My apartment dishwasher overflowed. Dog Ziggy and I walked to up tell the apartment office. By the time we had walked home, the issue was solved. 

2. New friends

Yesterday I got invited after the worship service to go to lunch. I met a few new people, but knew many of the seniors at the table. 

3. Old friends

I am enjoying daily contact with Word With Friends on my iPhone. Most of us chat. Pray for Pharis and Kenny and their medical conditions. Pharis had a stroke. Kenny will be having a liver transplant at some point. 

4. Slow weight loss

My weight has been slowly coming off since 2012. For two years during the end of my husband's life, I didn't go to Weight Watchers, because I needed to have time with him and to work part-time. During that time I gained 10 pounds back. Now in total I have lost over 40 pounds. 

5. Toastmasters

I have rejoined Mason Dixon Toastmasters after a 30-year absence. My first husband and I were members of this club when we lived in Huntsville. Yes, I buried two husbands in Florida in the last 30 years.

6. Family

The whole reason I moved back to Huntsville was to live my family who have been there for me over these 30 years. I had the privilege of taking care of two of my niece's children for several days recently, while both of their parents were out of town. 

7. New doctor

My brother told his doctor who doesn't take new patients that I was moving into town. This doctor made an exception and I now have new Medicare insurance for Alabama and will see that doctor later in the month. My new plan here includes dental cleaning twice a year and vision. 

8. Closeness of places I drive to and the gas savings

I live closer to Weight Watchers, Toastmasters and the church I attend than I did in Florida. I also live close to these stores, although I can mainly window shop now and am SO OVER buying stuff except groceries: major mall, GNC, Bed Bath and Beyond, Ross, Dress Barn, movie theatre, Barnes and Noble, Marshals, Hobby Lobby, Kirkland's, Panera Bread, Michaels, Stein Mart, T J MAX, Firestone, Applebees, Talbots, Cracker Barrel, and Hancock Fabrics. I do not live close to Sam's and second hand stores, but maybe that is a good thing. 

9. Downsizing

I am pleased that I have storage for stuff and continue to find things to give away. I have borrowed a family shredder and need to work slowly on paper shredding. I have too many clothes and it is fun to decide what I am taking in to fit me better and what I am donating to the Salvation Army. 

10. Lawn being mowed back home

My late husband's Plant City daughter posted the above picture on Facebook. I am very concerned about all the rain in Florida. The sale of the house will soon be completed. I got chewed out by Plant City neighbors there several weeks ago about the height of my lawn. Pharis had a stroke and he couldn't mow it; pray for his medical condition. Pharis' landlord and Pharis did come out, however, and mowed the lawn recently. But yesterday there was 8 inches of rain in Plant City and although they wanted to come out to mow the lawn, they couldn't. Pray that the sale of the house (which is still in the process going through) in the midst of all that rain.  

11. Two churches

I do miss my Florida church where I am keeping membership. Going to mail a gift card there today for a baby shower there. My Florida church is connected with a seminary where I am getting my counseling dissertation on caregiving. I enjoy hearing my outstanding Florida pastor by podcast. 

I am however getting acquainted in the church I am attending here, including teaching Vacation Bible School which helped me meet people of more ages than just the seniors. 

12. Substitute teaching

School is scheduled to start tomorrow here--August 4th. They haven't gotten the form for my fingerprinting yet, so don't know when I will actually start substituting. 

13. New bank

I selected a new "personal banker" at Redstone Federal Credit Union and she has been very helpful. I am starting to bank on line again. There was some delay getting my Florida teacher's retirement, but that has been solved as of July 31. 

14. New vet

Ziggy and I like the new vet. He went for his yearly shots while I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday, August 1st. He was under the weather the rest of Saturday and on Sunday his vet called to check on him and explained that the shot for the rabies could have caused that. She said to give it another day and sure enough Ziggy is back to his old self, going on a long walk this morning. 

15. My faith

I am very grateful for my Christian faith and daily time in God's Word. Of course a Christian is not always politically correct in today's society, but my faith does sustain this widow. 

Finally Giving a Eulogy for My Husband

Ten Speakers -- I am hiding 
in the middle of the back .

After my husband's Saturday morning memorial service, three people were scheduled to give a eulogy at the lunch at our house. His son and Kenny gave their reflections and then my husband's family had to leave. The buffet food was ready and so we started to dish up.  It turns out I never gave the eulogy on my husband that June 28th as planned. I looked for that opportunity to shout his praises and celebrate his life. 

Toastmasters has a Speak-a-Thon on those rare fifth Mondays. June 30, 2014 was a fifth Monday in 2014. Ten people can speak in a Speak-A-Thon at our Toastmasters club. When I went online to the club's web site, there were nine speakers for June 30. I signed up for the tenth spot--a chance to speak from my heart about the sterling qualities that my husband exhibited during his Alzheimer's--my eulogy at last. My Professional Speaker's manual said 15 to 20 minutes. I would use all those minutes and loved pouring out my heart to a captive, friendly audience of the club my husband had accompanied me to some Monday evenings. My motivation and goal for the speech was to grieve well as I honored him and was truthful about my feelings. 

What I did say:

• My husband was often called the most mild dementia patient anyone had contact with. For example, my Alzheimer's Association facilitator "Ann", who has authored on this blog, said so and she knew us well. 
• My husband showed intelligence during the disease. We didn't have to argue about driving as others have. He said, "I wish to be a passenger."
• My husband's humor shown forth during the disease as you often saw on this blog. 
• He had filters and manners (many dementia patients don't). He did not embarrass me by what he said or did. 
• He accepted the disease and his own death. Recently he told Kenny that he was "done" with all of the moving from the Geri chair to the wheel chair, and then to the bed. 
• As a Christian couple we both knew he was going to be at home with Jesus in heaven and we talked about that.  
• I so miss HIM--even HIM with his disease
• I referenced Ira Byrock's The Four Things That Matter Most--the importance of saying I forgive you, thank you, I love you and good-bye. I understand that book much more now. 

What I didn't say but might have if I had had the time:

• I received phenomenal help last week from out-of-town people. What a lift as we got ready for the memorial and the lunch following that at our home. 
• I have way too much food in the house now.
• What valuable lessons I had learned from the first time I was a widow. That's another speech (or a blog post here). 

Other Toastmaster speakers last night said:

• Most people regret what they didn't do.
• Don't give people power over you. 
• "The current processes are designed for the course you are on." I think that David Gallistracce is credited with this quote.  

At the end of the Toastmaster meeting, I got notes about my speech. Here is a sampling:

• Beautiful display of love for your husband!
• You made me smile and touched me at the same time!
• Class, character, courage, Carol!
• Raw and powerful!

Life is worth living, people are worth loving even if they die, and let the grieving process begin. This morning I meditated on this powerful Scripture:

[You] will not remember the reproach 

of your widowhood anymore.

For your Maker is your husband,

The LORD of hosts is His name;

And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;

He is called the God of the whole earth.

Isaiah 54:4-5

CONFESSION: Off My Niceness Treadmill

It is time I confess my stress and sinful anger at my husband Monday night. I was off the niceness treadmill that night in a sinful way, not in a logical, calm way as I wrote about in my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. I was yelling at my husband big time. 

Basically hubby was supposed to stay home while I went to Toastmasters.  I had the responsibility of running the meeting--I signed up for the Toastmaster assignment on Sunday when I noticed no one had picked up that key job. We had agreed on hubby staying home, I thought, and Kenny would make his dinner and check in on him while I was at Toastmasters.  Hubby remembered none of this agreement Monday night. 

Two facts about dementia loved ones such as my husband:

1. Short-term memory. Despite the fact that "Toastmasters" was typed on my side of the daily schedule, hubby denied that he wasn't going to Toastmasters. 

2. Dementia husbands like their home and if the wife is not home, they want to be with her wherever she goes. 

One fact about a Toastmaster meeting: Someone needs to be the Toastmaster each meeting and introduce everyone. 

All the details had to come together but everything was last minute. Monday people had to sign up for jobs for the agenda and I had to make the agenda when I came home from substitute teaching in public school and that wasn’t as easy as I thought. Volunteer caregiver Kenny came over to make Herb’s dinner and I couldn’t chit chat with him. But neighbor Kenny could understand I couldn’t chit chat. He saw my tension and left the dinner for hubby. 

You are trying to keep me home! hubby screamed. I was leaving, Kenny had left and by golly hubby was going to go with me to Toastmasters! Hubby hadn’t shaved. He hadn’t eaten his supper. He wanted to go at the last minute on my last nerves.  I hurried hubby along—very unpleasant for both of us. Uncharacteristically I started barking orders at him to get him ready. There was very little time. We argued as I drove us to Lakeland.  

The meeting went fine, although I need a hair appointment as evidenced on Facebook by all the pictures of me presenting ribbons to various people. No time for a hair appointment as I am working six days this week. When do I blog? I fit it in for therapy. 

I apologized to hubby when we got home from Toastmasters and he had forgotten all about our argument before Toastmasters. He didn't want his dinner which was left for him and I threw it away rather than heat it up. I made each of us a bowl of ice cream and sat with him to eat it. 

Lesson: Alzheimer's is a  S L O W disease 
and the world has to slow down for it. 

Sweating at Last for the Yard

Wayne

Time to sweat. My forehead is healed from its eyebrow permanent makeup. Time to learn to use a new-to-me garden tool.

Wayne is such a gentleman. When he mows our yard (for free) we take him to dinner usually. This morning it was breakfast at Buddy Freddy's, a Plant City landmark. I just love his T-shirt that says "If I can't build it, fix it, or mow it, it must not be important."

After breakfast (really brunch), we came back to the house and Wayne mowed our front and back yards and gave me a lesson on the trimmer we have. You have to string it up. You have to mix gas with Type Two something. (Gonna have to buy this at Home Depot and I will find out the name of it.)

Wayne told me you have to dress for the part because even poisonous stuff can hit your legs and arms and you can get a rash.  This increases the sweat. I wore large sun glasses also. You also have to not get too close to fences. I got too close to a chord and almost took out the phone line. I stopped and Wayne got that chord off the machine. Thanks to Wayne for coming to my rescue!

Me with the John Deere Trimmer

You may be able to see the vines growing up by the side of the house. Got to get to those my hand, but not with this edger.

So this morning at Buddy Freddy's at the next table there was a group of four dudes with tattoos. Now I am not shy. I noticed that one of the four was not on a cell phone.

I quipped, "I guess your friends don't want to talk with you, " to the young man not texting. Then I embarrassed myself and said that I rap and have a YouTube channel. "Do you want me to do my Cell Phones rap for you?"

"No thanks," said one man on a cell whom I found out owns a tattoo parlor. I did manage to say (much to hubby and Wayne's disgust) that I have two tattoos (really permanent makeup)  on my forehead.  The tattoo artist said that he doesn't do those kind. They did take my rapper name for YouTube, however, but of course didn't want to hear a cell phone rap because they were so busy on their cell phones. These dudes were polite and I am sure they think I am a strange old biddy. Oh well!

Getting ready to speak tonight on "The Accidental Rapper" at Toastmasters and enjoying getting something done in the yard again today--at least before it rains again. I like the rain, however, because it makes pulling weeds easier and I don't have to water the grass and flowers.

The Dreaded Thyroid Biopsy Postponed

I had a count-down of days to this biopsy scheduled for today at 9 am. I kept busy each day, or rather life kept me busy as I have been recording on this blog.  I last wrote about this thyroid issue HERE.  Lately I have reminded people to pray about this biopsy and the results of it.

Can you imagine having a really long needle 

stuck in your neck while you watch it happen!!

I had a thyroid biopsy years ago. I was a widow then and so upset that I had no family by my side. But today hubby would be with me.

Of the three things I had to boss him around about (and really the only three things in his simple life), he accomplished one this morning--he took a shower, but standing up I am afraid. He complained about the shower seat in our large shower, but showered with it there standing up. His training for a sit-down shower isn't complete. He did not manage to shave before we left and I took his pills with us and he had them when he was good and ready for them--actually at lunch at Ruby Tuesdays with a lovely coupon from my MN friend Kathy.

It turns out that morning appointment was actually a biopsy consultation with the doctor who would do my biopsy. I told this specialist I have been tired lately. The body is so complex and so at my age he decided to also do a carotid ultrasound on August 14 and the thyroid biopsy will be on August 15th.  I will find out the results on September 3. So the wait is not over, folks. I have to wait more!

I need to keep busy. I came up with this list.

Showing the driver's license
I am stuck with for five years--
me with no eyebrows. 

1. Practice speeches for Toastmasters. Monday on the spur of the moment because the club needed more speeches, I decided to  speak on "The Girl With No Eyebrows" at a Toastmasters speak-a-thon. It turns out this old biddy shown here was funny and was encouraged to enter the club's Humorous Speech Contest on August 19th. See post HERE.  Do you think I should enter it?  Also I am speaking on "The Accidental Rapper" on August 5th--how I became MC AC The Rap Lady. Maybe people will get tired of this old biddy speaking three times in a row. 
2. Tweak The House That Cleans Itself so I can entertain in a month.  Lots of things left to do here. 
3. Work on counseling dissertation. 
4. Continue to enjoy prayer and Bible study--aways refreshing.
5. Write letters to people who actually send mail. Kathy in MN and Joyce in TN. I do not think they read this blog. 
6. And, of course, spend time with hubby. He is just happy if I sit by his side. Me sit? I will have to practice that one. 

What do you do when you are waiting? 

What do you think I should do?