Recognition Near the End of My Husband's Life

End of life impressions of the care receiver are interesting. I did remind my husband that I was his loving wife Carol and we remained close to the end. I was told that with Vascular Dementia my husband would always recognize me.

I had been telling my husband that his adult son (my step-son) was going to come to visit, but he didn't recognize him when he came unfortunately.

However, my husband warmly greeted Kenny's nephew from his bed at the end of life,  with a big smile and hand shake. I really think he thought it was his son at an earlier time period. His eyesight wasn't so accurate in any case.

Esteban came by to see me the other day to check on me. I took his picture holding one of my husband at an earlier time. Maybe my husband's son looked something like he looked in the picture.

Esteban holding early picture of my husband.
Perhaps his son looked like this. 

This graphic is helpful for visiting someone who is living in long-term memory.

Cures for Dementia?

Picture from Find Home Remedy link noted

Are you kidding? 
See HERE.

Find Home Remedy - The World's Largest Home Health Remedy Blog keeps spitting out cures.  Several a day. Dementia cures are written by Reubenna--do not know who this person is, but click on her name and she has written other cures as well for this site. With all the ads on this site Reubenna might be an ad writer. Who are you, Reubenna? 

Expert Reubenna writes: Although proper medication along with therapy is the way to cure this, there are certain natural ways with the help of which dementia can be tackled. 

Reubenna, what would that proper medication be? What would that therapy be?

Reubenna lists these eleven home remedies:

1. Give them warmth
2. Familiar environment
3. Healthy diet
4. Antioxidants
5. Vitamin E
6. Omega 3
7. Ginkgo
8. Salvia
9. Aromatherapy
10. Pet therapy
11. Message 

I can say that coconut oil and turmeric does help. My husband gets both, but he is still going downhill maybe because of his Vascular Dementia which could have been avoided. He also has Alzheimer's which I do not think has a cure once one has it. But coconut oil helps his brain fog and turmeric reduces brain swelling. The Byrd Institute in Tampa, where my husband was diagnosed with mixed dementia, is currently conducting research on coconut oil. 

Can we predict dementia early? Peanut butter can help. Google that. Also check out this infographic HERE for what might predict Alzheimer's. It says at the top of thin infographic that it is in partnership with the Alzheimer's Association. 

I pinned the Reubenna's dementia cure post on my scam board on Pinterest and am going to try to put this post as a comment for Reubenna to read. 

What My Husband's Dementia Means, Part One

My hubby has mixed dementia, meaning the neurologist diagnosed him with about 50 % Vascular Dementia and 50% Alzheimer's. The Family Doctor Organization helps explain what the broad category of dementia is.

• Recent memory loss. All of us forget things for a while and then remember them later. People who have dementia often forget things, but they never remember them. They might ask you the same question over and over, each time forgetting that you've already given them the answer. They won't even remember that they already asked the question. Perhaps this is the most annoying aspect until you get used to it. DH's grandson talked to him on the phone before church today and I heard my husband ask repeatedly "What have you been up to?" Special events in the past month and even year he does remember, but day-to-day conversation with him can be taxing if you aren't used to it.

• Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People who have dementia might cook a meal but forget to serve it. They might even forget that they cooked it. Hubby has always had me cook or plan the meals. He can warm up things in the microwave that I have clearly labeled for him. He can leave the lawn mower outside and forget to put it away. Or, it could be his lack of initiative for finishing a task. Jake, on the other hand, loves to feel useful and will even pack up their RV to go camping even when they aren't going camping! AS THEY SAY, WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN ONE CASE OF ALZHEIMER'S YOU HAVE SEEN ONE CASE OF ALZHEIMER'S--EVERY PATIENT IS DIFFERENT.

• Problems with language. People who have dementia may forget simple words or use the wrong words. This makes it hard to understand what they want. They say that with dementia the nouns are the first to go. I have seen this once recently, and LOL I can't remember what it was that he was trying to describe to me. He did describe a function of an object without that word.

• Time and place disorientation. People who have dementia may get lost on their own street. They may forget how they got to a certain place and how to get back home. Today my husband wanted to clarify where he lives and I told him Plant City, Florida. This surprised me, but it shouldn't.

• Poor judgment. Even a person who doesn't have dementia might get distracted. But people who have dementia can forget simple things, like forgetting to put on a coat before going out in cold weather. DH still has good judgment, but I notice that our friend Jake needs to be watched. Sally caught him spray painting something that didn't need it. Jake has lots of initiative to do things, in fact he helped my husband mow on Saturday.

• Problems with abstract thinking. Anybody might have trouble balancing a checkbook, but people who have dementia may forget what the numbers are and what has to be done with them. I do the finances now. He turned them over to me when I retired from full-time work several years ago. I really appreciate the systems he set up--on-line banking and an Excel spreadsheet to help maintain the budget. Hubby loves movies, but the older ones without subtleties are best for him.

• Misplacing things. People who have dementia may put things in the wrong places. They might put an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl. Then they can't find these things later. So true and I have blogged here about loss of keys and cell phones.

• Changes in mood. Everyone is moody at times, but people who have dementia may have fast mood swings, going from calm to tears to anger in a few minutes.  Life can be confusing for him and the result can be swearing and anger. Later he will forget the incident.

• Personality changes. People who have dementia may have drastic changes in personality. They might become irritable, suspicious or fearful. Knowing this I try to keep his life as calm as possible.

• Loss of initiative. People who have dementia may become passive. They might not want to go places or see other people. My husband is an extravert and so he does enjoy people still. He also wants to go places. However, he does show loss of initiative; often he wants to do the masculine jobs still, like mow the lawn, take out the garbage and carry heavy things, but I walk a fine line between encouraging him to mow the lawn and nagging. This will be worse this summer because of all the rain here.

The link above also deals with hallucinations, agitation and wandering, problems that are not huge so far.

One strange thing I have noticed is that when I am driving hubby will say things like:

• "That's [whatever] been on the road a long time." Don't think so, but they say never argue with someone with Alzheimer's.
• "They have been fixing this road for years." Not so.
• "That car needs to get out of the way." His agitation can be peppered with swearing, but I roll with the punches and at times change the subject. Sometimes he says he is glad that he doesn't drive anymore and of course I am also.

Sally has a backseat driver on her hands when she drives; Jake is constantly telling her how to drive.

Both of our husbands are very protective of us. When Sally was going to go get groceries on Saturday, Jake suggested I go with her while he helped my hubby in our yard. Jake felt better if someone was with Sally. While my hubby likes to go on errands with me, he can tolerate my going out to teach or to Weight Watchers, activities that he can't really attend.

Both Sally and I are in our marriages "for better--for worse" and count our days as lovegivers precious in this stage, knowing that the worse will come.

Vascular Dementia Can Be Avoided

My husband was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's by a neurologist in September of 2010 as I wrote earlier. Recently I asked his primary care physician if it might only be Vascular Dementia and he said that we will only know with an autopsy.

Lifestyle can make a difference in whether someone gets Vascular Dementia or not. Last Friday I went to an Alzheimer's Association workshop in our area. One workshop presenter was a young nurse who when she was only 14 took care of her late Grandmother who had Vascular Dementia. This inspired this young lady to go into nursing and to reflect and research on Vascular Dementia.  She said that blood vessel damage to the brain is what causes this disease. One gets this disease by lifestyle choices that might be avoided. She has been losing weight she said.

Here are the lifestyle issues that she said predict who gets Vascular Dementia.

• History of heart attack, strokes or mini strokes

• Atherosclerosis

• High cholesterol HD and LDL under 100

• High blood pressure

• Type 2 Diabetes

• Smoking

I will have been married to my husband twelve years this month. In 2004 he had a heart attack, heart surgery, and contracted type 2 diabetes. He gave up smoking many years ago. He also has had carotid artery surgery shortly after the heart surgery. Hence he was a candidate for Vascular Dementia.

Many of the above conditions can be avoided with weight loss. I have never smoked, but I have had problems maintaining weight loss and regaining weight. After my husband started going downhill with dementia, he lost weight and I put on weight due to emotional eating. But this has changed recently with my rejoining Weight Watchers. I am determined to have the best possible health in my senior years and to not be one of those 60% of caregivers who die before their loved one with dementia dies. My doctor has been so pleased with my weight loss and the great blood pressure and HD and LDL readings that she wants to see me only twice a year instead of four times a year now.

My diet is certainly going well, but Weight Watchers does emphasize exercise. I am hoping to find time to exercise, but so far the main exercise I can fit into the schedule is yard work. Ugh! Do love to jog, but have been told to only walk now and hubby doesn't feel safe with my walking in our safe neighborhood. When we go to the gym, my husband just watches me. I guess I just have to accept that he will do little exercise there and fit this into my busy schedule of having to do everything, make a living, arrange for taxes, etc. Maybe I can start with a once a week gym visit and spend more time on weeding for exercise.

Some Alzheimer's and dementias will come until we find cures, but the one we do know about can be avoided early on. We certainly do not need to be the couple where both of us have Vascular Dementia.