Dating As a Widow

The world has changed. Dating has changed. Betty Friedan changed the male/female in the work place over forty years ago and women have become more bold. Many women do not believe in enduring relationships and even forego marriage. For the Christian woman, however, cohabitation is unacceptable. Contemplating dating may help the widow realize she has come far in her grieving, or dating can be a disaster for her. Here are lessons I think are important.

Lesson one. TIME. Give yourself time to heal from the loss of your husband. If you date too soon, you will be both comparing and grieving. Some aspect of the person will be different from your late husband and that will bother you. Or if something reminds you of your late husband it can be a grief moment. I dated too soon with the death of my first husband and counseling for a year helped me pick up the pieces. I had heartbreak on top of grief to deal with.

Lesson two. COMMONALITY. Ask yourself if you have anything in common with your date. What commonalities are important to you? For me, the Christian faith and theology are important. Life will continually throw fast balls and without a faith to navigate life's trials a relationship or even marriage will not work in my humble opinion. You have to rise above the loneliness and embrace wisdom. Does the gentleman value Scripture and worship of our LORD? Intelligence and emotional maturity are also important to me. Age, looks and money are not so important to me, but commitment to health might be.

Lesson three. TRANSPARENCY and TRUST. Are you able to be yourself with the date? Do they expect you to act a certain way? My brother advised me to not rap on the date, but his married daughter told me,

"Aunt Carol, just be yourself."

Trust must be earned. Often a divorced person will be very skeptical of a relationship possibility. I married and was widowed by two divorced men, and I think that our common Christian faith helped us be transparent and gain the trust of each other.

Lesson four. SOCIAL MEDIA.  What do they use? How do they wish to be contacted or not be contacted? It has all changed. This is not the olden days when women sat by the phone at home and waited to get a phone call. Today there are so many avenues of communication. Our girlfriends like to be contacted on social media, but men don't -- they often need to be in their "man cave". If they are truly shy, you may need to initiate I think if you would really like to get to know them. I like country singer Luke Bryan's song "Crash My Party" and maybe this song is so popular because the apparent extrovert Bryan easily lets his special woman into his life.

A caution is Facebook messaging. Do not accept someone as a Facebook friend who wants to sweet talk you and has no other friends but you. There is no way you can check them out. They may have seen on your profile that you are widowed. Oh well! They haven't even joined E-Harmony or some other site. Messaging you has cost them nothing and could turn out to be a scam.

Lesson five. FRIENDSHIP. Some old-fashioned men like to do the chasing. You walk a fine line between friendship and something more. Probably it is confusing for both of you. At least I think so. The age old advise of going slow applies. It doesn't hurt to just decide on a friendship at first and in the end.

Lesson six. FORGE A NEW LIFE. You don't have to date. You are forging a new life as a widow and it is okay to venture out with new friends both male and female and new experiences. Exercise some caution when you do venture out where men are involved. I took up line dancing when my first husband died and a married gentleman I met at line dancing lessons thought I would enjoy spending the night with him. I shot back,

"Why would I want a temporary fix! 

I am the kind you marry. 

Go home and love your wife, sir."

Lesson seven. LEARN FROM YOUTH. One high school student told me he would want to go on the first dates his widowed grandmother has to check out the gentleman! One young girl summed it up: "I want a guy to write me snail mail and just hang out with me!" Many young people are so wise.

Above all, widows, let the LORD be your husband. He will never let you down.

Trip Back to Plant City

Presenting the draft of the dissertation

A seminary counseling dissertation has kept me very busy lately and I haven’t blogged here since December 1, 2015. So let me tell you about the trip I took recently back to Plant City, Florida.

Last fall I applied to be a registrar at Ligonier Conference in Orlando, Florida starting Feb. 25. When I was accepted as a registrar, I knew I could also attend much of this great  conference for free  have free lodging at friends since I have limited funds. Orlando is about an hour away from Plant City, Florida, where I used to live before I moved here to Huntsville, Alabama, also know as Rocket City.  

I did accomplish a few other things on the trip—namely the presenting of that seminary counseling dissertation draft, Hope for Dementia Caregivers, to the seminary in Florida along with attend the conference. Thank the LORD they both happened--the draft submitted and the conference. 

I  even managed to see people, and talk at Lakeland Toastmasters on Reflections of Writing a Dissertation. I had four points that I remember.

1. I reviewed my usual topics in the club--how I got eyebrows, accidentally became a rapper, and how I got my house organized (all covered on this blog).

 2.  But this time, I told the group, I have a serious talk on how I wrote the dissertation draft. 

I took people along with me. 

I had a dissertation committee in Huntsville that met with me about once a month at the Huntsville Library. They day before I left for the trip, I had two lovely ladies from my committee who proofed the dissertation at my house. 

3. In addition to the accountability of my committee, I described how I persevered writing it, getting up early to write before substitute teaching and finding other moments for writing. 

4. I also mentioned the wise advise from my Huntsville pastor--get it done even if it isn't perfect. If you have liked this page at the top right, you can hear my talk on that page. 

Also in Florida I record two raps to be produced for my YouTube channel, MC AC The Rap Lady. Lyrics for the rap "Rocket City Ditty" about Huntsville where I have moved, is on the last blog post. I took Dezarae and Pharis to the studio and they were featured as I introduced the rap “While You’re Still One”--see HERE. I knew these two young people because their father used to help me at the house while my husband was a dementia sufferer and couldn’t work on the house. Dezarae and Pharis were adopted by a wonderful couple so their birth mother didn't have to get an abortion. Because Florida is a pro-choice state, I had not recorded this rap previously. Because I now live in Alabama which is a pro-life state, it works here. 

I had the privilege of taking my dog Ziggy to stay with Plant City friends Sally and Jake for 10 days and even was able to arrange an overnight stay with Ziggy at another caregiver's home on the return to Huntsville. Both places a caregiver read the dissertation and approved. I so appreciate the hospitality of these two couples. 

With Ziggy at  a BBQ on the way back to Huntsville. 

Thanks to all who have been praying for my trip. Continue to pray for the revision of the dissertation. I need to add a chapter on grieving after your dementia loved one has passed away and make some other changes. 

Reflections on Valentines' Day

This is my first Valentines Day in 15 years without my husband. About half of our over 14 years of marriage to my Sweetheart, was involved with Mixed Dementia. He knew me to the end, although he didn't recognize those who did not see him often. 

The first Valentines Day before I moved to the Tampa area to marry him, I was the envy of teachers at my school in Miami. He sent me a dozen roses to the school. Then we married and moved to our home in Plant City within the first year of our marriage. That first Valentines Day in our home he had an automatic garage door opener installed so I could park my car in the garage while he parked his outside. That garage is now ready for a garage sale today, Valentines Day 2015. Another widow from Grief & Share is helping me and we will go to dinner after the sale.

I did write an Eulogy for him on this blog HERE. I was thinking this week about other praise for him. Despite his handicap he exhibited great contentment. He loved me, our life, our home, his car, and our dog Ziggy who was always by his side when he was home which was most of the time. 

Now godliness with contentment

is great gain.   1 Timothy 6:6

When I first married him, he had such ambition. He had one and a half jobs and I would miss him. Then when he needed to retire and I had retired, but needed to bring in more income, he accepted my leaving the house to substitute teach or to teach an occasional class for DUI offenders.  Always it was great to get back together, and he never wandered as many Alzheimer's patients do. 

As he went downhill, his daughter thought of a nursing home I could bring him to and his doctor faxed the application to that nursing home. My heart was broken; fortunately our insurance did not take that nursing home and he never was put in a nursing home.  So glad I could have him home all his days. Hospice came in and helped me with his last days as I chronicled HERE. 

One of the last things I said to him was, "I will be okay." It was the second time I became a widow, and at 70 I feel "okay" but I miss him. The LORD has been so gracious to me and I have wonderful memories. 

Valentines Day in 2013

Grieving

Am I sad, depressed or grieving? Yes to all three at different times.

How are you? people want to know. It's hard to know how to answer. However . . . . . .  

My days of being depressed are less and less and I am weaning off of an anti-depressant (Paxil) now. I started taking it in May when my husband was going downhill. I take this pill every other day now instead of every day. In November I will take Paxil every third day.

No wonder I am not as productive as I usually have been. When I lose something or something needs fixing, it is A HUGE DEAL to me now. 

Less than a month after my husband died,  Tim Fall, a judge in California, who blogs more than I do, and who has commented on this blog, asked me to write about my two times being a widow on his blog. It is HERE. Of course the loss of both husbands is different--one suddenly and one from dementia. 

I am going to a Grief Share group at Sally and Jake's church. It is great to be there with others who have lost family members or friends. I can see those of us who are sticking with this series are all getting better. 

A discovery I made last week in Grief Share was that I am comfortable being a caregiver and have been reaching out to other caregivers now. However, being a widow is less comfortable. You have to eat out by yourself at times. You remember when you went places with your late husband. At home you remember his pastimes and think about how the home is different now, and what is comfortable as you forge a new life and changes you aren't ready for yet. 

Tonight in Grief Share we dealt with what people say to us when we are grieving and how to forgive them with God's strength. 

Grief us indeed complicated. 

Senior Health: Take Time for Checkups

While you are a caregiver, you hardly have time for yourself. It is important to get those checkups, however. Now that my husband has passed away, I had some time for three appointments recently .

Dental appointment.  After my husband died, I had time for the tooth I lost. I received a new crown on one of my teeth on Monday. Hadn't been to the dentist since 2012. That crown is expensive, but I needed one and charged it. I like it. Feels good. Now I need to schedule a cleaning and maybe gum treatment --not sure what they will advise.

Doctor appointment. My doctor was pleased on Monday, but I didn't get my way about discontinuing the antidepressant. I am to keep taking Paxil for one month, and then alternate days for October, and then take Paxil every third day in November. I had read that you should not get off of Paxil suddenly. She noted that I have had two counseling appointments (one with Hospice and one with the Alzheimer's Association) and was pleased that I am going to a grief group at a local church. My HDL, or good cholesterol, was lower than she wanted whereas last time it was normal. I can help my HDL cholesterol through exercise. She was pleased that I had gone back to Weight Watchers and started losing again. Fortunately I had not gained back all of the weight I lost in 2012, but really I had other priorities including eating ice cream with my husband--one of the last things he would eat in bed. Now I do not want ice cream--would be a grief issue for me to have some.

Eyes.  I hadn't been to the eye doctor in quite a while. I went today and found out nothing shattering. My cataract is a little worse and my vision a little worse. I can get new reading glasses and use the other frames and it is covered under my insurance.

In the spring I did have a mammogram and had someone stay with my husband. At some point I need to see my audiologist (hearing) doctor again to have my hearing aids adjusted. However, because of my husband's condition I missed an appointment with the endocrinologist who had been checking my thyroid a year ago and I need to reschedule that. Oh! I need to get a shot so I don't get Shingles!

The family caregiver can pass away 

before their care receiver.  

I have heard as many as 60% do. 

Don't put off those checkups.

Caregiving the Final Year

I had discussed the options of nursing home care and in-home Hospice care with a counselor at the Alzheimer's Association. I decided on Hospice. My husband could stay at home and since I could resign from my jobs substituting in public schools it was THE solution, rather than a nursing home. It was most comforting to have hubby at our home, as his decline was very rapid as chronicled on this blog.

NOT WALKING. A year ago hubby woke up not being able to walk. He hadn't fallen and I thought it was that arthritis and not a broken leg. A knee brace had been used for a time.  However, in hindsight, his not walking was all about dementia and the plaques and tangles taking over another part of the brain. Our chiropractor gave him increased mobility, but in the end that part of his brain that enabled walking didn't work.

I realize that not everyone is able to keep the loved one at home, but someone has to live with them.  Some dementia patients are difficult to handle because they are angry and their filters for normal social behavior are missing.  Or some wander away from home.  Some turn the stove on and forget they did that and risk burning the house down. My husband didn't cook in the past few years and didn't wander. My husband relished being "normal" and I treated him normally as my loving husband, learning to talk simply to him and always saying "I love you" at least once a day. It worked for us. He had a good disposition and just loved watching TV and enjoying his DVD collection. We both loved our home. I would keep busy, but not really concentrate on the TV he was watching.

Hubby in hospital bed at left;
dog Ziggy on my twin bed. 

HOSPICE decision. We took out the king-sized bed in the master bedroom, the Hospice hospital bed was moved in and I slept by hubby in a twin bed pictured. Our dog Ziggy moved between our beds. I learned from Hospice that hospital gowns at home are made by cutting the back of a T-shirt up the middle but not through the top ribbing so they would stay on; this made it easy to change their top. By this time my husband was bedridden and using adult diapers.

Handy dining room cart moved to bedroom

TV, bomb box and cart for supplies

Hospice needs a station to do their work. I used a cart from the dining area and moved it to our bedroom. The "Depends" type products were stored on a chest nearby. Near the end of Hospice, a Home Health Care Aid came every day and I actually learned to change my husband's diapers and he never got a rash. The nurse who came when he died noted that he had been well cared for. He was loved and made to feel normal.

My dear husband knew he was dying and told Kenny he was ready to stay in bed -- he had had enough of moving from the Geri chair to the bed. He would tell Kenny things that he didn't tell me, because he needed to feel normal around me I think. Kenny was his buddy--not a volunteer caregiver in my husband's mind.

I believe that Hospice in the home is a great way to take care of our loved ones. They are most comfortable at home. Look at this wheel with all the services Hospice provides.

Support groups and other help. An Alzheimer's Association support group is most helpful. We caregivers need support. We HAVE to get respite. People were always with my husband when Hospice was called in. I went to the grocery store when the Home Health Care Aid came, and went to church when someone was here. For months I had been contracted to teach three classes and someone was with my hubby for many hours those three days. I had to ask for that help from friends.

When hubby went downhill I started taking 10 MG of the antidepressant Paxil that I will get weaned off of hopefully when I see my doctor in September. I tried to stop because it is non-habit forming, but that was a mistake and I needed them to maintain my hormone levels and an acceptable mood. Then l read where you need to get off Paxil slowly. I have had two counseling sessions--one with the Alzheimer's Association and one with Hospice. Neither of these appointments cost me a dime. Both counselors also advised me to taper off of Paxil slowly.

TAKING CARE OF ME.  Many caregivers pass away before their loved one dies because of the stress perhaps--maybe 60% I have read somewhere. The grief added to years of caregiving can take a heavy toll. I am finally taking care of me. I went to the dentist this week and before my hubby died I had someone at the house so I could keep my mammogram appointment that had been scheduled for a long time. I am going to Weight Watchers again--glad that I didn't gain all the weight back that I lost in 2012. I think some of my gaining back weight was that ice cream that hubby and I enjoyed together--one of the last things he would eat. I have not had ice cream since he died--it would cause a grief burst to have ice cream.

I am both relieved and grieving and need more sleep--even dog Ziggy needs more sleep.  I am trying to get out and about and do things that bring joy to my life. I am discovering what works for me, glad that I can still do things.

I am going to a grief support group. Hospice has them, but I am going to a thirteen-week grief group with my friend Sally at her church. We are using Grief Share: Your Journey From Mourning to Joy, published by Church Initiative, P. O. Box 1739, Wake Forest, NC 27588. It has a manual with homework and also a video that the facilitators play in class. Tonight is my second session.

Today I go vote and I am less prepared to vote than I have been in the past. I started to watch the Emmy's last night and realized that I did not know these TV programs up for nomination.

THIS BLOG WILL CONTINUE.  Stay tuned. I am writing a seminary counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving and then finding a publisher for the popular version of that manuscript.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning 

and clothed me with joy,

that I might sing praises to you 

and not be silent.

O LORD my God,

I will give you thanks forever. 

Psalm 30:11-12 New Living Translation

Book Review: The Sun Still Rises by Shawn Doyle

I had seen Shawn at a gathering in December of 2012 and he gave me a piece of jewelry that had been his wife's--very special simple act. His wife Cindy had passed away unexpectedly seven months earlier.  His book, The Sun Still Rises: Surviving and Thriving After Grief and Loss, is a splendid guide for the necessary journey for my widowhood.

Shawn Doyle is an author and motivational speaker who thoughtfully sent me his book when it came out last week.  Spread the word, he said, and I am glad to do that because it has so much food for thought and insight and is so timely for me.

Doyle covers the myths about bereavement that society puts on us and critiques those expectations. I thought about one of those when publicly I was seen rapping in a street fair that I wrote about recently on this blog. I wondered what would people think. Yet I knew in my heart that my husband would want me to go on and bring smiles to people when I rap. As dementia ravaged my husband's brain he tried to act normal and he would want me to go on when he was gone.

Other myths Doyle dispels include that there is a time frame for grief and that all family members will be helpful. He points out that the death after a sudden illness is not the same as a prolonged illness. Certainly this is the case with my two late husbands. I experienced shock the first time after the heart attack and acceptance the second time because I saw my husband go downhill and know now that his soul is with our LORD waiting for the bodily resurrection when Christ returns.

One morning, June 23, 2014, to be exact, the sun rose when the every four hours alarm rang at 6:30 am. I awoke in my twin bed by my husband's hospital bed and I soon discovered that husband was dead as I recounted in PRECIOUS LAST DAYS on this blog, a post that has had over 300 views. I am angry at dementia, but not at the LORD's timing in taking my husband to be with Him when He did. I finally became comfortable with caregiving as I have written on this blog, but I now need to begin a whole new chapter--grieving. I am not so comfortable being single and grieving as of yet.  Shawn's insights are helping me.

But it is not just GRIEVING, where I could get stuck, but I could get stuck NOT forging of a new life. "You will eventually be OK" writes Doyle assuredly (p. 48) and you CAN reinvent your life. Hmm, my life now includes getting back to my counseling dissertation on caregiving and continuing to write this blog. Will my grieving continue because of writing this dissertation and writing this blog? I ask myself as I read this carefully crafted book.

Here are some gems from the book.

• Shawn advises to not have toxic people in your life. 
• I choose how I think and I choose my attitude (p. 59) he writes. 
• Life is so short and precious that I'm not going to waste my life sitting around being miserable, mean, and sad. . . I choose to heal, honor the past, but embrace the present (pp.60-61). 
• Grief is not only emotionally draining, but also takes physical tolls on the body. We have to take care of ourselves. Shawn went to Weight Watchers and I now have the time to go back to Weight Watchers and have been there for several weeks slowly losing almost five pounds.
• Get involved with others and give back to others. 
• Decisions are more difficult when you are grieving. Listen to your heart, but also have advisers.
• The feelings of grief can include numbness, anger, distraction, nightmares, impulsiveness, special day blues, jealousy, lack of direction, lack of optimism, depression, personality changes. My first special day, July 4th, saw two people backing out on being with me and it was hard. I haven't had nightmares or jealousy. I admit to a bit of impulsive spending, numbness, anger and distraction. 

In chapter seven Doyle lists 12 rules of others and how to break those rules. He writes:

My advice to you on this rule is simply be yourself and don't worry about how you are supposed to or not supposed to act. If people want to misinterpret your actions as being inappropriate then that is their problem. (p. 118)

Shawn concludes: Every day the sun still rises. You can either turn and face it, or hide in the dark. The sun is better for you, trust me. (p. 170)

I want to add to this review that the SON rose from the dead so that I may have new life on this earth because I believe in Him and eternal life in Heaven. Christ said in the beatitudes God blesses those who mourn,  for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4 NLT). While Shawn is well read with many helpful quotes and excellent advice, his book is mainly for his secular readers as he is a popular motivational speaker. However he does touch on spirituality briefly.

But if you are in grief, don't miss this book.  It is a HUGE help 

with freeing suggestions 

and well-crafted, clear insight. 

Thanks, Shawn, for this gift. 

Grief Is Complicated

Prolific author Anne Lamott muses about life, its meaning and people-pleasing. She gets it. She has forged a life as a writer. I am still trying to forge a life as a recent widow for the second time.

Here are my musings about my husband's  death from mixed dementia that has jarred me into a new reality.

We feel entitled

It’s all so simple

Uncomplicated

We spend to have

We collect people

To not feel lonely

We plan and expect

We think we have life all figured out.

Then life throws us a curve ball

Dementia strikes

Demands multiply

The loved one dies

But does not die alone

We are so glad to have

Those precious last moments,

They leave us with

That ever-present

Complicated grief.

It is we who are now alone

Our grief is complicated

No longer are we entitled

To our loved one’s presence

To that special companionship

Things have little meaning

Grief is all the meaning.

But we are entitled

To forge a new life

Rearrange the furniture

Get out of the lonely house

To be with others

But it’s not so simple

In time maybe

It won’t be so complicated.

A Dog Grieves Too

Ziggy is getting more spoiled.

Ziggy wants to be by my side. He used to always be by my husband's side. He objects if I put curlers in my hair because he thinks this means I will be leaving the house. He has studied me and doesn't like those curlers. Come to think of it, my late husband didn't like me in curlers either.

Ziggy sleeps with me in a twin bed whereas he used to sleep with hubby and I in a king-sized bed before the hospital bed came into the bedroom.

Ziggy needs a little variety in his doggy life, I thought. He has been outside in the fenced backyard for years while I took care of my husband. He has yet to go on a walk with me. He doesn't own a harness and a leash to walk me with. It seems to me that dogs walk their owners.

So I needed to get out of the house. We went to Pet Smart and for the first time Ziggy got to go in a store. He peed there by a shelf and I pointed this out to an employee.

His vocabulary includes the C A T word. and we went to look at the kitties and cats at Pet Smart. No match. As a matter of fact if you say "cat", Ziggy will want to go out to the backyard and chase that cat.

From an excellent selection at Plant City's Pet Smart,  I bought us two items--the harness and the leash.

He took very well to the harness and the leash and we walked around a small retention pond on the concrete path. There was another dog there walking its owner and Ziggy realized this is just what happens. We passed some ducks and he left them alone. He trudged on until we found my car.

Widows have to forge a new life also to deal with the reality of no longer being a couple. Meanwhile Ziggy is snoring on the floor by me. So glad I have Ziggy and I guess that is why I am spoiling him now. Ziggy is part of my therapy.

Finally Giving a Eulogy for My Husband

Ten Speakers -- I am hiding 
in the middle of the back .

After my husband's Saturday morning memorial service, three people were scheduled to give a eulogy at the lunch at our house. His son and Kenny gave their reflections and then my husband's family had to leave. The buffet food was ready and so we started to dish up.  It turns out I never gave the eulogy on my husband that June 28th as planned. I looked for that opportunity to shout his praises and celebrate his life. 

Toastmasters has a Speak-a-Thon on those rare fifth Mondays. June 30, 2014 was a fifth Monday in 2014. Ten people can speak in a Speak-A-Thon at our Toastmasters club. When I went online to the club's web site, there were nine speakers for June 30. I signed up for the tenth spot--a chance to speak from my heart about the sterling qualities that my husband exhibited during his Alzheimer's--my eulogy at last. My Professional Speaker's manual said 15 to 20 minutes. I would use all those minutes and loved pouring out my heart to a captive, friendly audience of the club my husband had accompanied me to some Monday evenings. My motivation and goal for the speech was to grieve well as I honored him and was truthful about my feelings. 

What I did say:

• My husband was often called the most mild dementia patient anyone had contact with. For example, my Alzheimer's Association facilitator "Ann", who has authored on this blog, said so and she knew us well. 
• My husband showed intelligence during the disease. We didn't have to argue about driving as others have. He said, "I wish to be a passenger."
• My husband's humor shown forth during the disease as you often saw on this blog. 
• He had filters and manners (many dementia patients don't). He did not embarrass me by what he said or did. 
• He accepted the disease and his own death. Recently he told Kenny that he was "done" with all of the moving from the Geri chair to the wheel chair, and then to the bed. 
• As a Christian couple we both knew he was going to be at home with Jesus in heaven and we talked about that.  
• I so miss HIM--even HIM with his disease
• I referenced Ira Byrock's The Four Things That Matter Most--the importance of saying I forgive you, thank you, I love you and good-bye. I understand that book much more now. 

What I didn't say but might have if I had had the time:

• I received phenomenal help last week from out-of-town people. What a lift as we got ready for the memorial and the lunch following that at our home. 
• I have way too much food in the house now.
• What valuable lessons I had learned from the first time I was a widow. That's another speech (or a blog post here). 

Other Toastmaster speakers last night said:

• Most people regret what they didn't do.
• Don't give people power over you. 
• "The current processes are designed for the course you are on." I think that David Gallistracce is credited with this quote.  

At the end of the Toastmaster meeting, I got notes about my speech. Here is a sampling:

• Beautiful display of love for your husband!
• You made me smile and touched me at the same time!
• Class, character, courage, Carol!
• Raw and powerful!

Life is worth living, people are worth loving even if they die, and let the grieving process begin. This morning I meditated on this powerful Scripture:

[You] will not remember the reproach 

of your widowhood anymore.

For your Maker is your husband,

The LORD of hosts is His name;

And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;

He is called the God of the whole earth.

Isaiah 54:4-5