When You Lose Your Wallet

I have had to replace the contents of my wallet. It went missing just before Easter. 

Now I have to tell you about that wallet. It was bright pink and officially in April it was the 14th anniversary present to me from my husband whose personal shopper (Carol) picked it out for a certain Carol married to my husband. 

Now I am thinking those what if questions:

What if that wallet fell out of my floppy purse I am now using?
What if I had not changed purses where it was safer in the old one?
What if someone uses the contents of that wallet for identity theft? 
What if my husband hid that wallet?  

I have read where Alzheimer's patients do hide things, although I have not seen my husband do that to date; however, he is going downhill and I will write about that decline in the next blog post most likely. 

Instead of panic, I thought of being calm.  

Losing my wallet, with all that valuable items in it,

 is not the end of the world. 

About the time I lost my wallet, I read this Scripture:

If I say, “My foot slips,”

Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up.

In the multitude of my anxieties within me,

Your comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 94:18-19

Then my special Internet friend Georgene 
who writes a blog HERE sent me this verse:  

Who can speak and have it happen 

if the Lord has not decreed it? 

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High 

that both calamities and good things come?           

Lamentations 3:37-38

Just as the LORD allowed Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia into our marriage in 2008, He has allowed my wallet to go missing and also some pretty amazing mercies. No one charged anything. I checked. With my missing Social Security card and driver's license, someone would be able in 2015 to get a tax refund off of us! Our refund has already come and been spent! I didn't panic, but just kept at replacing items and experiencing wonderful surprises. 

Two women named "Lisa" who work in Plant City.  Lisa at Bank of America helped me get immediate cash for gas and groceries and beyond that think through my credit cards and how I can pay them off quicker with help from Bank of America which I am doing. I met Lisa who processed my new driver's license, which I needed before I could get a new Bank of America debit card. Both Lisa's took pretty pictures of me for the driver's license and for the debit card. Why I even look younger than my last driver's license eight ears ago and I do not have to get it renewed in June when my 70th b. d. is next month. I found out in Florida you can renew up to eighteen months before it expires.  My new driver's license has eyebrows and is good until 2022! See HERE for that story of how I got tattooed eyebrows which saves me so much time. 

I met Paula of Plant City's Suncoast Federal Credit Union (for teachers). She helped me refinance our car just purchased a few months ago for a lower interest rate and shorter payments. See HERE for that story of my unexpected car payment and the story of how I also put my leg through the garage ceiling.   

I met Dee Dee of Plant City's Regions Bank where we have a second mortgage and a credit card. She helped me get $2500 for the refinance at Suncoast. (More is owed than the blue book values on that car, and so I had to kick in more money.) She also gave me a great packet for protecting identity theft with awesome information such as this link: 

http://www.socialsecurity.gov/online/ss-5.pdf

I printed out page five of this application to bring to the closest Social Security office. It is basically open Monday to Friday from 9 AM to 3 PM (it closes at noon on Wednesday). This week I will have worked six days after I teach this afternoon. For the next four weeks I am taking one weekday a week off, however, so I will be getting that new Social Security card next week and meeting someone else to help me with my journey to replace the contents of my wallet.  This time, however, I will keep that Social Security card and other items in our home safe where I also have Durable Power of Attorney and Health Care Surrogate documents for my husband. 

Hard for me to replace has been my State Farm insurance card. Every month I put aside money for  this payment. Somehow I don't have their number in my cell phone and can't find the policy. We pay them every six months automatically through Bank of America. Suncoast would like that information to add to my car payments, but it is hard to come by now until the June bill comes. By the way, State Farm was wonderful when we were hit by a DUI driver three years ago. See HERE. 

Speaking of cell phones, I am glad that if I lose mine the data in my iPhone is all on my iMac computer, as are the songs and podcasts still on my iMac should I lose my iPod. Putting those wonderful ladies in my iPhone, along with other numbers I have had to use. 

When you don't have much spare time, losing a wallet can be a bummer. However, I have met wonderful Plant City business women (Lisa, Lisa, Paula and Dee Dee) and thanked them and even rapped* for them. I brought a smile to these ladies when I did so and each of them helped me keep calm and brought a smile to me. 

*Yes, at almost 70 years of age, I rap!  Amusing to me as well.  See MC AC The Rap Lady on YouTube at the top of this page or copyrighted lyrics for "Carol's raps" in the label section at the right of this blog. 

What My Husband's Dementia Means, Part Two

With his recent trips to the hospital for UTI and another for a fall, I get asked if my husband has gone into a further stage of Alzheimer’s. This post is an attempt to answer that question. He did not receive an anesthesia in the hospital—a sure road to a future stage.  I do not think he is in a further stage.  I have seen three different lists of stages.

• Alzheimer’s Reading Room HERE.

• Alzheimer’s Association HERE.  He is in stage four of seven stages.

• Mayo Clinic HERE.  He is in stage three of five stages.

On July 8, 2012 I posted Part One HERE. As in Part One, the red below is from the Family Doctor Organization, but the link in Part One seems to be broken. Nonetheless I want to credit these red descriptions.

• Recent memory loss. All of us forget things for a while and then remember them later. People who have dementia often forget things, but they never remember them. They might ask you the same question over and over, each time forgetting that you've already given them the answer. They won't even remember that they already asked the question.  My husband is very conscious of his short-term memory and we use techniques to compensate.  I have been working out in the yard and he has wondered where I am, upsetting to both of us because of course I had told him I had gone out. Now I have a sign that says Carol is outside.

• Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People who have dementia might cook a meal but forget to serve it. They might even forget that they cooked it. When I have left the house to substitute teach early in the morning, hubby would often forget to take his morning pills. I have been dealing with this aspect for quite some time now. For example, he kept the sprinkler on overnight some time ago. Fortunately Kenny comes in and the two gentlemen take their own pills together, with Kenny pointing out that he takes more pills than my husband does.  No more forgetting lunch. Kenny comes over and fixes it for hubby and sees that he eats.

• Problems with language. People who have dementia may forget simple words or use the wrong words. This makes it hard to understand what they want. He does forget nouns, but really no worse than in July of last year.  I have read about “word salad” and have been watching for that, but it hasn’t happened.

• Time and place disorientation. People who have dementia may get lost on their own street. They may forget how they got to a certain place and how to get back home. No further deterioration. Very alert any time I am driving us somewhere.

• Poor judgment. Even a person who doesn't have dementia might get distracted. But people who have dementia can forget simple things, like forgetting to put on a coat before going out in cold weather. Hubby's judgment is still fairly good. I am not sure if this is because I give him coconut oil, turmeric, and Ribonucleic Acid, but he has good judgment and often if something is arbitrary, or not to my liking, I bend to his suggestion. I do not need to get my way, unless something has to do with logic and safety. For example, I can talk him into a shower and shave with reason. You need showers so you do not end up back in the hospital with another Urinary Tract Infection, or You have to shave with your razor every other day or I have to use the trimmer on you.

• Problems with abstract thinking. Anybody might have trouble balancing a checkbook, but people who have dementia may forget what the numbers are and what has to be done with them. Has little to do with finances now, or will ask how we are doing financially. I tell him the IRS owes us our tax refund which should come by the end of the June according to our accountant,  so we can make it through the summer when I work less.  Hubby likes to take notes now on what is happening for the day. DH wants me to say only one idea at a time—to not switch subjects. I still have to work on telling hubby one idea at a time. Hubby is training me by how he reacts when I say too much.

• Misplacing things. People who have dementia may put things in the wrong places. They might put an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl. Then they can't find these things later. Sally has trouble with Jake misplacing things. Jake put his electric shaver in their RV for example. I thought "Alzheimer's" and suggested she look there and sure enough Jake was planning a camping trip in his mind and put his shaver there. "Thinking Alzheimer's", as Bob DeMarco on the Alzheimer's Reading Room suggests, helps you to help your loved one. So far he is not losing cell phones as he once did.

• Changes in mood. Everyone is moody at times, but people who have dementia may have fast mood swings, going from calm to tears to anger in a few minutes. DH can swear at other drivers when I am driving, as if that will help. As I noted in the last post, swearing is common in Alzheimer's patients.

• Personality changes. People who have dementia may have drastic changes in personality. They might become irritable, suspicious or fearful. Have yet to see much personality change. Love his sense of humor. Hubby is happy. Kenny often texts me while I am working that hubby is in a good mood. Linda Born calls it "pleasant dementia" HERE. I am accepting that loss of initiative and grateful for every little thing hubby willingly does. For example, to get our gas guzzler in the garage is a challenge now with bags of mulch to be spread in the yard. I have him direct me so I do not get too close to the bags of mulch. I thank him for his help.

• Loss of initiative. People who have dementia may become passive. They might not want to go places or see other people. Monday night hubby wanted to go to Toastmasters with me. On the way home from Toastmasters he said he doesn't want to attend this two hour meeting again, but worries about me being out in the evening. I said to him that we will work this out and that the LORD is our protector. He agreed. So glad for my husband's faith, and mine. Knowing that he has loss of initiative makes me not nag him to do something he used to do enthusiastically. Sometimes I just say to him that he and Jake are lucky they married younger women and pass inactivity off as part of the aging process.

I am  so glad that I blog. The July 8, 2012 entry helps me see that my husband is really not going downhill quickly. Caregiver Kenny thinks that he will remain like this for several years.

"When the Parent Becomes the Child"



From Pinterest Group Alzheimer's Board

Greg Asimkaupoulos is a pastor who writes thoughtful and funny poems. He gave me permission to post this poem here on this blog and another thoughtful one follows.

When the Parent Becomes the Child

by Greg Asimakoupoulos
July 13, 2012

When I was but a boy of three,
my mother took good care of me.
She cooked my food and washed my clothes
and dressed me for the day.

She helped me tie my laces tight

and tucked me in my bed at night.

She put my needs ahead of hers

and never once complained.

When I fell down or lost my way,
my mom was never far away.
She recognized my helpless state
and made me feel secure.

But now my mom's "the child" in need

who struggles daily to succeed

at little tasks that tax a mind

that frequently forgets.

She needs my help to get around
or look for things until they?re found.
And when her eyes betray her fear,
I hold her trembling hand.

At times her needs can drain me dry,

but when I start complaining why?

I think back to my childhood

and how she cared for me.

Originally published at http://www.partialobserver.com/ . Used by permission.

What My Husband's Dementia Means, Part One

My hubby has mixed dementia, meaning the neurologist diagnosed him with about 50 % Vascular Dementia and 50% Alzheimer's. The Family Doctor Organization helps explain what the broad category of dementia is.

• Recent memory loss. All of us forget things for a while and then remember them later. People who have dementia often forget things, but they never remember them. They might ask you the same question over and over, each time forgetting that you've already given them the answer. They won't even remember that they already asked the question. Perhaps this is the most annoying aspect until you get used to it. DH's grandson talked to him on the phone before church today and I heard my husband ask repeatedly "What have you been up to?" Special events in the past month and even year he does remember, but day-to-day conversation with him can be taxing if you aren't used to it.

• Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People who have dementia might cook a meal but forget to serve it. They might even forget that they cooked it. Hubby has always had me cook or plan the meals. He can warm up things in the microwave that I have clearly labeled for him. He can leave the lawn mower outside and forget to put it away. Or, it could be his lack of initiative for finishing a task. Jake, on the other hand, loves to feel useful and will even pack up their RV to go camping even when they aren't going camping! AS THEY SAY, WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN ONE CASE OF ALZHEIMER'S YOU HAVE SEEN ONE CASE OF ALZHEIMER'S--EVERY PATIENT IS DIFFERENT.

• Problems with language. People who have dementia may forget simple words or use the wrong words. This makes it hard to understand what they want. They say that with dementia the nouns are the first to go. I have seen this once recently, and LOL I can't remember what it was that he was trying to describe to me. He did describe a function of an object without that word.

• Time and place disorientation. People who have dementia may get lost on their own street. They may forget how they got to a certain place and how to get back home. Today my husband wanted to clarify where he lives and I told him Plant City, Florida. This surprised me, but it shouldn't.

• Poor judgment. Even a person who doesn't have dementia might get distracted. But people who have dementia can forget simple things, like forgetting to put on a coat before going out in cold weather. DH still has good judgment, but I notice that our friend Jake needs to be watched. Sally caught him spray painting something that didn't need it. Jake has lots of initiative to do things, in fact he helped my husband mow on Saturday.

• Problems with abstract thinking. Anybody might have trouble balancing a checkbook, but people who have dementia may forget what the numbers are and what has to be done with them. I do the finances now. He turned them over to me when I retired from full-time work several years ago. I really appreciate the systems he set up--on-line banking and an Excel spreadsheet to help maintain the budget. Hubby loves movies, but the older ones without subtleties are best for him.

• Misplacing things. People who have dementia may put things in the wrong places. They might put an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl. Then they can't find these things later. So true and I have blogged here about loss of keys and cell phones.

• Changes in mood. Everyone is moody at times, but people who have dementia may have fast mood swings, going from calm to tears to anger in a few minutes.  Life can be confusing for him and the result can be swearing and anger. Later he will forget the incident.

• Personality changes. People who have dementia may have drastic changes in personality. They might become irritable, suspicious or fearful. Knowing this I try to keep his life as calm as possible.

• Loss of initiative. People who have dementia may become passive. They might not want to go places or see other people. My husband is an extravert and so he does enjoy people still. He also wants to go places. However, he does show loss of initiative; often he wants to do the masculine jobs still, like mow the lawn, take out the garbage and carry heavy things, but I walk a fine line between encouraging him to mow the lawn and nagging. This will be worse this summer because of all the rain here.

The link above also deals with hallucinations, agitation and wandering, problems that are not huge so far.

One strange thing I have noticed is that when I am driving hubby will say things like:

• "That's [whatever] been on the road a long time." Don't think so, but they say never argue with someone with Alzheimer's.
• "They have been fixing this road for years." Not so.
• "That car needs to get out of the way." His agitation can be peppered with swearing, but I roll with the punches and at times change the subject. Sometimes he says he is glad that he doesn't drive anymore and of course I am also.

Sally has a backseat driver on her hands when she drives; Jake is constantly telling her how to drive.

Both of our husbands are very protective of us. When Sally was going to go get groceries on Saturday, Jake suggested I go with her while he helped my hubby in our yard. Jake felt better if someone was with Sally. While my hubby likes to go on errands with me, he can tolerate my going out to teach or to Weight Watchers, activities that he can't really attend.

Both Sally and I are in our marriages "for better--for worse" and count our days as lovegivers precious in this stage, knowing that the worse will come.

Lovegiving Rather Than Caregiving


We all lose items from time to time.  Now when you don't have short-term memory you can't remember where you last used that item. I have left items places where I have taught and can trace that item and recover it at that school.

The latest item my husband has lost is his keys. Wednesday hubby was mad and wanted the keys right away. I said that I would get it after I worked Thursday which we did.

However Thursday morning he seemed uncharacteristically down. "I am losing it," he said. Several times he asked what day it was and several times I told him. We went after I worked to get him new keys. It cost over $70. We probably will find his other keys, but his sense of being in control is related to his having his keys and his maintaining a good frame of mind.

I love him and want him to be in good spirits. I am not merely a caregiver of my husband's possessions--his cell phone and his keys. I started thinking about those words caregiver and caregiving. Mark Shriver in the last post here is right. You are a lovegiver involved in lovegiving. If you were a caregiver only, you would say, "You have lost your keys twice now and I have decided that you don't need them." Sounds like a parent caregiver.

From Pinterest

If you are a lovegiver, you 

• listen
• speak one sentence at a time so what you are saying does not confuse the loved one with Alzheimer's
• spend money such as getting new keys. I also got my husband four new ties several days ago that have the zipper on them so they are easier for him to put on.
• answer without arguing. I read to never argue with an Alzheimer's loved one. He is right in his mind and his mind is often in a precarious position.
• share
• enjoy without complaint. DH has a great sense of humor and I do enjoy that about him.
• trust without wavering. It is important that he trusts me also.
• forgive without punishing. To punish would be to penny pinch and say no to a new set of keys.
• promise without forgetting. Someone in the house has to remember.  I have changed the terms at the top of this blog from caring and caregiver to loving and lovegiver.

Your lovegiving is for others as well. Without feeling sorry for yourself thinking I have enough on my plate because my loved one has Alzheimer's, you find opportunities to give to others and God gets the glory when you do this.

So instead of new responsibilities as a caregiver, I really give love. I have those new responsibilities as my husband's helpmeet, and I love him and can show it. This is a huge paradign shift if you think about it. Dolores and Karen also picked up on this notion with their comments on Shriver's book review below. Maybe we are on to something here, gals.

Cell Phones Cell Phones

My husband has trouble holding on to things like names of people, cell phones and yesterday his watch. This is not good for maintaining his equalibrium. The cell phone had been lost for five days and yesterday morning his watch came up missing. Calling that cell didn't work. We suspected the dog. Last night we set out after my day of substitute teaching to get either a working watch or a new cell. I think that he can use the cell to tell the time and date which is the function of his cheap Walmart watch. But I don't know that I can convince my husband he needs only the cell. He was given an expensive watch by my California brother several years ago and we take that watch in to get a battery and it turns out it also needs a new part to be able to set that watch. The repair will cost almost as much as a new Walmart watch will cost. I decide to wait and we go to Sprint to see about a cell. (We have lost cells before.) We get a new upgrade phone for him that has a camera in it that maybe he can use with his trip to see his son. I wonder if he can be trained to see the time and date on that cell instead of a watch, thinking that his watch may show up also.

Sure enough, his cheap Walmart watch with the day and date on it (Tues. May 1) that we love was on the bed,  hidden in the covers all day when neither one of us took time to make the bed. It had come off when he slept last night and I will try to get it superglued back together or maybe use velcro to fix it as you can't get a new watch band for it.

Meanwhile I am using the opportunity to program his cell phone to put memory clues in it like my name with "wife" and "neighbor" with name.


The school district says those phones may not be seen in class. When I substitute teach, I deliver one of my "old lady raps"/poems at the end of class when the students are on task and quiet.  Earlier this year I was substituting at a high school and took a cell away first period. Second period I took a cell away. Third period an actual request, "Can we talk on our iPhones when our work is done?" Everyone in that third period had a smart phone and one girl had a monster drink. Inspiration for a picture and a rap! I took a picture of everyone's phone and the monster drink and then the cell phones were hidden and the first draft of that rap was given at the end of the class.

Cell phones cell phones

You all have cell phones

Keep them hidden

They are forbidden.

Steve Jobs has cast his spell

But district policy says no cell

Steve Jobs’ iPhone can help you cheat

Text that question quite a feat.
“Are we allowed to talk on our

iPhones when we are done?”

I reply “No you can’t my son.”

But what will we do for fun?
You can have a Monster drink
That caffeine will help you think.

But district policy says no cell.

Even though Steve Jobs has cast his spell.

The district says no hood or caps

But you can hear a sub who raps.
Cell phones cell phones

You all have cell phones

Keep them hidden

They are forbidden.

One time a school principal actually did the background beat to my rap. Now the drama of my husband's cell phone and watch is greater in my life than the classroom battle. Alzheimer's is drama and keeping my husband in stage one normal is all my current drama.