Troubling Quote

Saw in a classroom

Not my problem,

not my business,

nothing to do with me.  

Have you heard this one? So many live by this philosophy. Then cancer strikes. Then Alzheimer's strikes. Then a loved one dies. Or is missing.

Sure it's true we cannot take on the problems of this world. We are limited  with time and resources.

The LORD is not limited in resources. Sometimes we are the resources that help. At the very least we can have a prayer list and remember others in prayer. Philippins 2:4 reads, Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

LORD, help me to care as you care for this world and its problems.  Give me heart. Put wings to my care also. Amen.

Staying Afloat Book Quotes

Sally and I share books to read. She loaned me this easy to read book which contains so many helpful tips.

Gary Leblanc in Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness: Common Sense Caregiving, Expanded Edition, 2011

It is diffucult to recap the whole book, but here ten of my favorite quotes or strategies, often echoed by other authors on caregiving. Tried and true methods.

1. " I've always believed Alzheimer's patients feed off their caregiver's emotions. The smoother the household runs, the easier it will be to keep up a positive, calm demeanor. Even so, there'll always be moments when everything feels like it's falling apart." (p. 158) Usually that is sundown time as I wrote in the previous post.
2. "It's easier for patients to refuse than to allow themselves to look foolish. Get into the habit of redirecting your patient's thoughts, preferably to more blithesome ones." (p. 161) Often 30 minutes later there is a different answer.         
3. "One positive aspect of having no short-term memory is that a couple of minutes down the road, they won't even remember being upset." (p. 161) Yep! Corollary to the above.
4. "There will be times when it doesn't matter what you say or do. Never force an issue to the point of argument, just let the dust die down and try again later." (p. 168) Go with an obsession when it is safe to do even if it is inconvenient. They say never argue with an Alzheimer's patient. At times you can divert their attention and give them ice cream or anything that works.
5. "One treatment that I've discovered that takes the edge off the anxiety of Alzheimer's patients is a loveable pet." (p. 256) We have an adoreable Maltese that we both enjoy.
6. "If they're speaking and not making any sense, just go with the flow. Gradually, try changing the subject if it's too bothersome for you. You're doing the right thing by being there. People are nurtured through human contact, even if they don't always show it. Every minute you're there is worshiped. Recently, someone shared a story with me of a man who goes to his wife's nursing home and has breafast with her every day. She hasn't recognized him in the past five years, but what's important to him is that he knows who she is. Tough love isn't about surviving the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain." (p. 272) Dolores has this last quote on her blog. Her hubby no longer recognizes her.
7. "I believe that one of the most important elements in longevity is the quality of care loved ones receive while suffering from this disease. Once again, this is where a routine lifestyle becomes so essential." (p. 282) Still working on the routine of putting in false teeth the first thing in the morning. Other routines are established, including a clipboard of what's happening.
8. Their best time is from 10 AM to 3 PM. Oh yes. When I am gone I call to just tell my husband hi and sometimes to remind him about lunch.
9. When sleep patterns change, then wandering can happen according to LeBlanc. Have started to give DH 3 mg of Melaton because one night he got up to watch TV. Lately he is sleeping well with those 3 mg. Will go to 6 mg if needed.
10. The best tip is the characteristics of a successful Alzheimer's caregiver from pages 11-14. With prayer and meditation on Scripture I aspire to these five characteristics.

a. Commitment is defined as "faithful dedication to the cause of the patient until his or her final breath."
b. Compassion LeBlanc defines as "concern toward the suffering and understanding the feelings of the patient and the family members".  
c. Endurance he says is "withstanding painful long years of misery in defense of the victim and caregiver of this dreadful disease."
d. Unselfishness means "generosity of putting your life on hold, including social isolation and financial burdens."
e. Honesty is "loyalty toward and the protection of the afflicted one's assets and best interest." 

Lord, thank You for your daily mercies. 

Help me to be the best caregiver I can be. In Jesus' name, Amen.   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

50 Lessons from Old People

To celebrate growing older, Regina Brett (now over 90)  once wrote the 45 lessons below that life taught her. She also added friends are the family that you choose. Some of those lessons are too late for me now. However at age 67 I am adding # 46-50, just for good measure.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Change the way you think.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Release your children when they become adults; its their life now.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't mess up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Just because you believe you are right, doesn't mean you are. Keep an open mind.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. Your job is to love your children, not choose who they should love.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield..
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

ADDED BY CAROL

46. This life is not all. We have eternity and need to put that in perspective. (like # 26 and #42)
47. Coconut oil is good for a lot that ails ya.
48. Stop kvetching. Rejoice.
49. Meditate on Scripture and good books and pray about every little thing.
50. Enjoy your holiday for what it is. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Quotes and Comments One

• The aging process is a part of most of our lives, and it remains one we try to ignore until it seems to pounce upon us. ~~ M.F.K Fisher

My husband and I keep talking about slowing down, not being able to do as much. This hasn't pounced on me yet. I still think I need to do a lot because he does less. However, I enjoy sitting by his side on my little notebook computer while he watches TV movies and I half listen. Being with him is so important. I realize from the training I am getting that it calms him down, helps him be less anxious.

This week I went to my third monthly caregiver's group. I learned that being a caregiver to an Alzheimer's loved-one is the hardest disease to be a caregiver for. I learned also that families react very differently when the loved-one has Alzheimer's: some are doers and some are talkers and some just don't know what to do or say. Also there are other family dynamics that will play out.

• The stresses of a former marriage continue to have impact on the new marriage as well. . . . When there has been a divorce and a remarriage, the counselor first must be sure that any wrongs committed in the transaction are righted before God and all parties involved.~~ Jay E. Adams

When an ex-wife of my husband told me over lunch that she was the better parent, I contacted his adult children and let them know that if they have issues with my husband, they need to discuss it with him while he has memory. Hopefully confession and forgiveness can take place as Dr. Adams suggests. Ira Byock in Four Things That Matter Most says people while they can need to communicate: 1) I love you; 2) thank you; 3) please forgive me; 4) I forgive you. I trust that process is happening.

• Worry is the sin of distrusting the promise and providence of God, and yet it is a sin that Christians commit perhaps more frequently than any other.~~ John MacArthur

I must confess that I worry. I thank God that yesterday when I started to worry, a friend chatted with me on Facebook and that calmed me down. How can I trust God? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.  Here are some of my favorite verses I have been meditating on lately for direction and peace:

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7) Love suffers long and is kind . . . does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13) The heart of her husband safely trusts her. (Proverbs 31:11)

Prayer and supplication have been the subjects of sermons at our church recently and with turning over my requests to God I have the best chance at His peace. I have been asking our Lord to guide me as I have on more responsibilities, to let my husband continue to trust me and to help my love for him be constant in these senior years. Lord, I bring before You my prayers and supplications for events this month.

Put It Off or Seize the Moment?

This came from an e-mail. I have no idea who started it.

I edited a few words out and added two lines at the end.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy

just because they haven't thought about it,

don't have it on their schedule,

didn't know it was coming

or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic

who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night

in an effort to cut back.

From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home

because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner

until after something had been thawed?

Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk

and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister

and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?"

She would gas up and stammer,

"I can't. I have clothes on the line.

My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday.

I had a late breakfast. It looks like rain."

She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives,

we tend to schedule our headaches.

We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves

when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents

when we get little Jenna toilet-trained.

We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon

when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older.

The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of

"I'm going to,"

"I plan on,"

and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my "seize the moment" friend,

she is open to adventure and available for trips.

She keeps an open mind on new ideas.

Her enthusiasm for life is contagious.

You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready

to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades

and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

Now, go on and have a nice day.

Do something you WANT to,

not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon

and had only one phone call you could make,

who would you call and what would you say?

And why are you waiting?

Hear the music before the song is over.

Life may not be the party we hoped for,

but while we are here we might as well dance!

And I add that while our loved ones have this day,

this hour, this minute, let's appreciate them.

WE need to give to them,

even if they won't remember what we did.

THEY DO REMEMBER LOVE.