"A Christmas Memory"

One day recently while substitute teaching I read a thoughtful piece by Truman Capote. I almost cried, but I was with students and didn't think it was wise.  “A Christmas Memory” is about his friend who calls him Buddy, an elderly cousin and what they did to get ready for Christmas. They made and gave away fruit cake and went to the woods to cut down a tree and decorated it with homemade ornaments. They made each other kites for Christmas. 

The reflection ends:

This is our last Christmas together. Life separates us. Those who Know Best decide that I belong in a military school. And so follows a miserable succession of bugle-blowing prisons, grim reveille-ridden summer camps. I have a new home too. But it doesn’t count. 

Home is where my friend is, and there I never go. And there she remains, puttering around the kitchen. Alone with Queenie.  Then alone.  (“Buddy dear,” she writes in her wild hard-to-read script, “yesterday Jim Macy’s horse kicked Queenie bad. Be thankful she didn’t feel much. I wrapped her in a Fine Linen sheet and rode her in the buggy down to Simpson’s pasture where she can be with all her Bones. . . . “). 

For a few Novembers she continues to bake her fruitcakes single-handed; not as many, but some: and, of course, she always sends me “the best of the batch.” Also, in every letter she encloses a dime wadded in toilet paper: “See a picture show and write me the story.” But gradually in her letters she tends to confuse me with her other friend, the Buddy who died in the 1880’s; more and more, thirteens are not the only days she stays in bed: a morning arrives in November, a leafless birdless coming of winter morning, when she cannot rouse herself to exclaim: “Oh my, it’s fruitcake weather!” And when that happens, I know it. 

A message saying so merely confirms a piece of news some secret vein had already received, severing from me an irreplaceable part of myself, letting it loose like a kite on a broken string. That is why, walking across a school campus on this particular December morning, I keep searching the sky. As if I expected to see, rather like hearts, a lost pair of kites hurrying toward heaven.

Thinking about Christmas 2013 

with my late husband. 

The kites are flying. 

So glad for my faith

in Jesus Christ and that 

my husband is with Him. 

Recognition Near the End of My Husband's Life

End of life impressions of the care receiver are interesting. I did remind my husband that I was his loving wife Carol and we remained close to the end. I was told that with Vascular Dementia my husband would always recognize me.

I had been telling my husband that his adult son (my step-son) was going to come to visit, but he didn't recognize him when he came unfortunately.

However, my husband warmly greeted Kenny's nephew from his bed at the end of life,  with a big smile and hand shake. I really think he thought it was his son at an earlier time period. His eyesight wasn't so accurate in any case.

Esteban came by to see me the other day to check on me. I took his picture holding one of my husband at an earlier time. Maybe my husband's son looked something like he looked in the picture.

Esteban holding early picture of my husband.
Perhaps his son looked like this. 

This graphic is helpful for visiting someone who is living in long-term memory.

The Soul Beyond the Senses

Senses Are Changing

This is hard to write because I am grieving as I see these things happen and so are others in his family I'm sure.

Cognitive Decline. Hubby and I still talk--but mainly about daily things like does he want yogurt, Boost, ice cream or water. I point out how cute our dog is, but he doesn't respond. Last Saturday, the day before Father's Day, he didn't recognize his own adult son and daughter, his only children from his first marriage. I am sure this is hard for them. They did not allow the grandchildren to see him, favoring letting their memories of the grandfather be of happier times.

Touch. Hubby used to object to our dog licking his head and toes. However, now he doesn't object. He doesn't like the feel of my hair when I bend down to kiss him, so I try to control that hair. At times he favors the fetal position in bed, but this may be because both knees have osteoarthritis it seems and we put a pillow between them. Last several days,  however, he is on his back with his knees bent and he rubs those knees.

Sight and memory. He doesn't respond to how he looks (buck-teeth look) with upper false teeth not completely in his mouth when I show him in a mirror. At times over the past few months he hasn't recognized sights in our home. He forgot about the backyard. I have to remind him that THIS is our house. I do that often. I also tell him that someone will be with him at all times now. I can't leave without someone being here. Usually they sit on the couch in the family room and look down the hall to see him in the hospital bed. No longer am I amazed that volunteers have come forward to stay with him when I need to leave the house. This morning a fifteen year old and a 17 year old stayed with him. The younger one touched his hand and my husband smiled warmly--a definite bond. Care receivers often live in an earlier time and I wonder if he thought Esteban is his son at a younger age. 

Taste and Smell. Hubby can chew a pill but not a capsule pill so he is not getting capsule pills now. Except for sweets his taste buds are gone. At one point I was crushing all his pills and putting them in applesauce. But it would take a long time to feed him and he needs his pain medicine at special times. His nurse has him on fewer pills now. He used to take Metformin for Type Two diabetes, but doesn't need it now and I do check his glucose. Fewer pills means fewer side effects. The Namenda and Exellon Patch for Alzheimer's wasn't working any more anyway. The Hospice nurse knows the protocol for pills. I am grieving about fewer pills, but this simplified medicine seems to be working and it is the dementia that is causing his downhill spiral.  I haven't done much with smell to bring up memories, but that is a caregiver strategy to use. On the other hand he does not smell his own excrement--but I sure do!

Hearing. Still good I believe, although he isn't interested in TV as he used to be. He does respond to my voice and if something is to be done (turn him in bed), you have to tell him that or he will get upset by shaking his hands. Tell him what is to happen, repeat it and do it. Then he is not upset.

So how do I communicate with my husband? 

Smiles and simple words. Elaine Pereira, author of I Will Never Forget writes HERE: "As the brain of an Alzheimer's person deteriorates neurologically, language plummets as mumbling trumps intelligent words." He doesn't answer questions now. I am learning to interpret hubby's mumbling.  If he doesn't want some food I am hand-feeding him, he will just push it away. On occasion he will give me an angry look or push my arm to get it away. I then back off. Mainly I smile and tell myself that if the situation were reversed (I had dementia), he would do the same for me.

Feelings. My husband will start to cry and I pick up on that as I say: You feel sad. It will be okay. This calms him down. Or I pray. Before the dementia, I never saw him cry. He definitely has emotions and often he smiles. He likes when I say I am his loving wife, and once he said "thanks" when I said this. I show him my wedding rings and his which, I noticed, is now on his middle finger since he has lost weight not eating much. I appreciate that a Hospice aide must have put it on the other finger.

Music. Sunday morning I put on hymns and he seemed to enjoy this so much. We could worship together. I mentioned Revelation 5:9 to him that in Heaven we get to sing a new songs to the LORD and he nodded. If the senses and memory are changing, his soul isn't. This Christian believer is with me when I pray. He listens to heaven talk. My faith helps me not cry, but to look to heaven where there will be no more tears.

I appreciate his soul and that he 

will be in heaven one day.  

It's great that with the decline of 

the senses his soul will remain. 

I look around the house now and am grieving for all of the changes. He is confined to our bedroom and content at that. Equipment has come to a halt. No more walker, wheel chair, Geri chair, and bathroom grab rails. Just a hospital bed with my twin bed beside him. We don't eat meals together any more as I spoon feed him and give him liquids with a straw.


When the Hospice Health Care Aide came Sunday morning, this Christian lady told me our house has peace. What a compliment to our LORD to say that the house has peace! The LORD is in this place.

The LORD is my peace. Psalm 119:165 reads:

Great peace have those who love Your law,

 And nothing causes them to stumble. 

I think of the words in the old hymn, It Is Well With My Soul by Horatio G. Spafford: 

When peace like a river

attends my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot

You have taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul.  .  .  . 

Find the Humor

www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Lots of stress this past week including health concerns for Kenny's mother who is scheduled for surgery tomorrow--stay tuned. With Kenny at the hospital for the past few days and for three weeks after the surgery when he goes out of town to help another relative of his, it is my turn to shave and shower my husband. HUBBY THINKS OF ME AS THE NAG IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.

I actually cried in front of my husband tonight about what kind of underwear he is supposed to wear now and whether or not he takes a shower. I have to keep reminding him to use the walker--doctor said so, I tell him. I asked him to pray for me which he did because I was so upset; somehow he found enough words to make a thoughtful prayer. He soften and promised to take that shower in the morning.

We had a plumber out on Wednesday, but for two nights water spilled out in the backyard. They came back, with an explanation,  but it is still not ideal. I don't do plumbing and car repair, nor can I explain them. I miss the days when my hubby could handle these issues.

Last night of all things I misplaced my wallet. I noticed it last night and retraced my steps today. I went to the bank this morning to see about a new debit card. I got cash out so I could buy gas. I need to replace a lot of items including the driver's license and credit cards.

But, what the heck, let me laugh a little at the two Alzheimer's husbands and at myself. .

Thursday night. Hubby is so slow at eating now that it doesn't pay to eat out if we are on a time crunch. But for our 14th anniversary two nights ago (when I had my wallet and when we did have time), we did eat out at Carrabbas in Plant City. I used my iPhone to post our picture on Facebook and my goodness we got so many likes and comments! Hubby was still working on his dinner of course when I was finished eating.

I have to laugh at myself. I didn't want to have an anniversary where we didn't talk, but I just got bored. He often doesn't understand what I say.  So out came Words With Friends games on my iPhone. Our waiter helped me with a game. Then it came up that I have a YouTube channel and often people in Plant City recognize me as MC AC The Rap Lady. In this nice restaurant our waiter got  other staff together to hear several of my raps. Hubby just enjoyed me rapping for these folks. Really we both had a great time.

Good Friday. Since we met Sally and Jake over three years ago, we have been going to Good Friday services at their church. Friday night was no exception. Sally told me 7 pm and we were late because of those bathroom issues of hubby. When we got to their church, the sign said 6:30 PM for Good Friday services so WE WERE REALLY LATE.  We snuck in and sat in back of Jake. Sally was in the choir. I watched Jake try to navigate the bulletin in this liturgical church and helped him at times. He started singing the choir's song. After the service Sally asked me if we could take Jake to Denny's while she and their granddaughter had a choir practice for Easter. The three of us headed to Denny's and I tried to find the funny with the conversation of our two Alzheimer's husbands, DH and  Jake.

Not to make fun of the husbands, but to document the stage they are in I was keeping track of the conversation. About ten times Jake wanted to talk about whether his wife would be joining us.

Jake: Where's my wife now?

Me:  She is at choir practice for Easter. She and your granddaughter will be joining us.

Finally (so I wouldn't be tempted to play Words With Friends on my iPhone as I did on our anniversary the previous night), I switched the subject and said that yesterday was our 14th anniversary. Jake then found a new topic--how long he and Sally had been married. He got his wallet out and started looking. The conversation went on and on--same comments.

DH: Your wife will know how many years it is, Jake.

Jake (repeatedly): But I should know. I am embarrassed that I do not know.

I finally told Jake that one doesn't keep the wedding certificate in his wallet. Now I happened to know that Sally and Jake had their 40th anniversary last summer. He continued to be so upset that he didn't know this. I wrote on a slip of paper for Jake: I was married in 1973 which means I have been married for 40 years. He put it in his wallet to take the place of that marriage license that he thought should be there.

Sally and their granddaughter came. He asked her about how long they had been married and said he was upset he didn't know.

Sally: Sometimes you forget things.

Both husbands needed their wives to them them how old they are. Sally whispered in Jake's ear.

Jake: I'm 76.

Me: Do you know how old you are, Sweetheart?

I also whispered in my husband's ear.

DH: I'm 76.

The granddaughter laughed.

Sally offered to pay for my coffee and my husband's milkshake. So I didn't realize that wallet was missing last night. I have indeed been humbled losing something.

I had been keeping hubby's debit card in that missing wallet along with mine. Today, Saturday morning, we went to the bank to get new debit cards. Hubby told the bank officer earlier today that I was always losing things.

Me: Name another time.

DH: There have been thousands of them.

Then we went to visit the hospital where Kenny and his mother were awaiting her surgery.

From Deal Dash posted on Facebook

CONFESSION: Off My Niceness Treadmill

It is time I confess my stress and sinful anger at my husband Monday night. I was off the niceness treadmill that night in a sinful way, not in a logical, calm way as I wrote about in my book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. I was yelling at my husband big time. 

Basically hubby was supposed to stay home while I went to Toastmasters.  I had the responsibility of running the meeting--I signed up for the Toastmaster assignment on Sunday when I noticed no one had picked up that key job. We had agreed on hubby staying home, I thought, and Kenny would make his dinner and check in on him while I was at Toastmasters.  Hubby remembered none of this agreement Monday night. 

Two facts about dementia loved ones such as my husband:

1. Short-term memory. Despite the fact that "Toastmasters" was typed on my side of the daily schedule, hubby denied that he wasn't going to Toastmasters. 

2. Dementia husbands like their home and if the wife is not home, they want to be with her wherever she goes. 

One fact about a Toastmaster meeting: Someone needs to be the Toastmaster each meeting and introduce everyone. 

All the details had to come together but everything was last minute. Monday people had to sign up for jobs for the agenda and I had to make the agenda when I came home from substitute teaching in public school and that wasn’t as easy as I thought. Volunteer caregiver Kenny came over to make Herb’s dinner and I couldn’t chit chat with him. But neighbor Kenny could understand I couldn’t chit chat. He saw my tension and left the dinner for hubby. 

You are trying to keep me home! hubby screamed. I was leaving, Kenny had left and by golly hubby was going to go with me to Toastmasters! Hubby hadn’t shaved. He hadn’t eaten his supper. He wanted to go at the last minute on my last nerves.  I hurried hubby along—very unpleasant for both of us. Uncharacteristically I started barking orders at him to get him ready. There was very little time. We argued as I drove us to Lakeland.  

The meeting went fine, although I need a hair appointment as evidenced on Facebook by all the pictures of me presenting ribbons to various people. No time for a hair appointment as I am working six days this week. When do I blog? I fit it in for therapy. 

I apologized to hubby when we got home from Toastmasters and he had forgotten all about our argument before Toastmasters. He didn't want his dinner which was left for him and I threw it away rather than heat it up. I made each of us a bowl of ice cream and sat with him to eat it. 

Lesson: Alzheimer's is a  S L O W disease 
and the world has to slow down for it. 

15 Things I Am Thankful For

I am thankful for:

1. Our veterans on this Veterans' Day and my country, state, county and city and elected officials that I can now pray for. Friday at the school where I substituted there was a wonderful, long Veteran's Day Assembly. The students here in Plant City were very attentive at this assembly. Essays were read. A young lady with an awesome voice sang the Star Spangled Banner, and a Vice Principal also sang a patriotic song.  A Power Point show of veterans connected with the school students and staff was shown. This school is having a Christmas program next month--I know because I saw it on the white board in the band class. No "Winter Program".
2. My husband's great attitude and taking one day at a time. We should all do that--take one day at a time.
3. That Alzheimer's is causing me to hold on to my Christian faith in new ways. I am more confident than ever that the LORD will see me through.
4. That Alzheimer's is bringing self-discipline into my life with time management.
5. That Alzheimer's is making me more health conscious so I can be his caregiver/lovegiver all his days and not die first myself. I have lost weight through Weight Watchers and am walking two to three times a week.
6. That Alzheimer's is forcing me to organize our home. When I retired, I thought plenty of time. But our days are numbered and I have to do this now. It feels great to finally have a strategy for doing it thanks to the wisdom of The House That Cleans Itself.
7. That my husband in 2009, even after his early diagnosis, helped edit Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, the book I had it in me to write. If it didn't make sense to him, what I wrote, it had to be edited.
8. That we survived a crash with a DUI driver that left us with only one car; that my husband decided to just be a passenger a year ago. There is now no car at home here in the country for him to drive away in and he loves our dog and home.
9. That we have camping memories and have gone to Orlando theme parks.
10. Sally and Jake who are on a similar journey with Jake's Alzheimer's. I love how our husbands have bonded and enjoy each other.
11. The Plant City Senior Center---pray that our husbands accept going there. I am so grateful to Sally for getting us into this. Her mother once went there.
12. Going out of town to visit relatives in December while we can do this.
13. The Alzheimer's Association support group and our two facilitators there.
14. That I can still work to pay off credit cards because one day I may not be able to work.
15. My blogging friends.

Books Came

While I was in the hospital, 15 copies of The House That Cleans Itself came and I will be mailing/distributing them out to you all who requested them.  I am working today, and have an insurance man coming this afternoon to explain changes in Preferred Care. I expect to mail them tomorrow after I also subsitutute teach.

I am still on the den and of course couldn't work last Saturday because I was pacing the halls in the hospital. However, I did rearrange my part of the hospital room and neated up just to keep up on new habits.

Love the new habits that Mrs. Clark has wisely counseled in her book. There is hope!

Thanks so much Mindy Starns Clark for these 15 copies!

Also thanks for your prayers while I was in the hospital and continuing for my husband and myself. He doesn't remember that I was in the hospital, but enjoys his routines and being home.

Interview With a Lovely LaTane



Any One Riding Off into the Sunset?

 LaTane and I follow each other on our blogs, Google Plus and Pinterest . She accepted my friend request on Facebook Tuesday and I talked her through how to chat on Facebook.  

Carol: LaTane, thanks so much for being willing to chat. We seniors have to learn so much don't we!

LaTane: Yes, it's an entirely new world for us. I try to stay in touch with today's technology but find that I can't run as fast as I once did!!

Carol: I know. Barb (Cleaning Up the Clutter) helped me get on Pinterest, and then this last week my sister-in-law helped me adjust to an iPhone after my five year old cell phone died. But for this interview you and I have two things in common--widowhood and caregiving. I have been a widow and you are one now. I am a caregiver now and you have been one.

LaTane: Yes, and I bet if we explored it further we would have other things in common.

Carol: We both love the LORD, blogging, writing, quilts, etc.

LaTane: Yes, you got it!

Carol: You have been a widow for over a year now. How long were you a caregiver?

LaTane: About eleven years with my husband. I took care of my Mom, who had dementia, for 12 years prior to that.

Carol: Wow! Did taking care of her prepare you for hubby's situation?

LaTane: Not really. Each one was so different and in many ways you treat dementia differently. Alzheimer’s is much more complex. Also, taking care of your Mom isn't like having your spouse retreat into a dark hole. Maybe I should have used the word “disappear” instead of retreat. Retreat is a conscious effort, disappearance is not really.

Carol: “Disappear” is a good word for it. How did you notice that happening?

LaTane: A missed appointment, confusion over where we were supposed to be, forgetting things he should have known.

Carol: And it is easy to nag until you learn what Alzheimer’s is.

LaTane: I am afraid I did some of that nagging. I expected to have Elbert by my side until we rode off into the sunset together, with him being that strong and capable man that he was. The tables were turning and I was scared.

Carol: I know I miss that strength from my husband now and I have to learn a new language just to simply be able to communicate and to be responsible for so much.

LaTane: Having to take on the entire responsibility for the two of you is very difficult. You are getting older, have less energy and now you have it all to do. And, let's face it-- men do some things better than women!!

Carol: I had that as a widow also. I went through Hurricane Andrew with my late husband and then every time something would come up after he died (insurance, fixing something around the house, mowing the lawn) the grieving would be painful in another way.

LaTane: In my generation the man assumed the role as head of the household (with me as his partner). It just felt odd to have to make every decision by myself. But, I had a very supportive family to help me through all that.

Carol: Did you have any role models for being your mother’s and husband’s caregiver or did you learn and blog as it went along? Was navigating all the insurance and medical decisions hard for both mom and hubby?

LaTane: That is one thing I am having so much trouble figuring out-- all these companies and stuff that Elbert took care of. My brain is so overloaded. Mother was easy. But, when I knew that we would have a lot of decisions to make (and before Elbert got too bad) we went to an elder law attorney who guided us through so much of the legal tangles that we would face. A couple of our children were involved in every aspect of that. I will say it helped so much to have a professional in our corner. We also had a very knowledgeable family services director who was always there for us.

Carol: Did your late husband have trouble with driving, hallucinating, anger issues?

LaTane: Elbert was a very calm person in the real world and I am so thankful that he, for the most part, remained calm and nonviolent. He was easy to care for in that respect but he would want to “go home” and after his getting out of the house and down the street in the middle of the night more than once we installed alarms on the outside doors. These can be bought at Lowe's for a small amount and alerts you when the door opens.

Carol: Good tip and I think there is also an Alzheimer’s store that where you can buy such items.

LaTane: He spent nearly two years falling several times a day and that was my main task--keeping him off of the floor. Someone had to be with him at all times because he did not remember not to get out of his chair without help. That was a very stressful time. After that length of time his doctor decided that he was having seizures which caused the falls.

Carol: Then came the nursing home I would imagine. I read about that on your blog which I religiously followed.

LaTane: Yes, and, that was a very difficult decision. Tore our hearts out but I just could not continue on with his care.

Carol: Did you have to trick him to get him to move? And how did the elder law attorney help with this?

LaTane: We investigated several places which I suggest everyone do. After the choice was made my daughter and I took him to meet with the director and also to familiarize him with what could be his new surroundings. Later, after his room was set up and all his clothes in place we took him, visited with him in the room and then the director brought in another resident who had similar interest to distract Elbert. The family left and I really do not think he ever realized where he was.

Carol: So interesting that he recognized it as his home with his things.

LaTane: His first home away from home was an Alzheimer’s wing in an assisted living facility. A bit more upbeat, more like home situation which made it easier I think.

Carol: So you were now on road to being a widow and yet married when he left your home you both had shared.

LaTane: Yes. You lose your loved one to Alzheimer’s long before they pass away.

Carol: I know this is what my fate is. I do not know how to prepare for it.

LaTane: Your role as caregiver becomes your main focus, your existence. You do whatever you must in order to make their days (and yours) as comfortable as possible. That becomes your full time job. I must add that there are sweet moments of tenderness, of love, of hugs. You learn to cherish those beyond measure.
Carol: Oh yes I am cherishing each good day we have. I however just challenged DH to finish his breakfast, take his pills and scolded the dog for not eating also!

LaTane: That's funny... poor little doggie!

Carol: I talked to the dog and now he is beside me. Both the dog and the husband here do not understand me! However, I am still able to work outside the home.
LaTane: I do not know how women still work (or men if their wives have AD). It's such a challenge without a full time job.

Carol: I am working to pay off credit cards so I can stay home one day when I have to. Also substituting and teaching classes for DUI offenders are a sort of break.

LaTane: Oh yes, we all need those breaks.

Carol: Did you get any breaks and did you feel guilty when you took a break?

LaTane: I finally found a woman who would sit with Elbert when I went out. She was wonderful with him. I was feeling guilty to begin with but soon realized that I had to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of him. They preached that in the support group I went to.

Carol: On our subject of widowhood, I had to be babysat when I got rid of the clothes, books, etc. of my late husband.

LaTane: Was his death sudden or was his illness a long one? In my case I found that I was prepared to stack his clothes in a pile and ask someone to take them. Having him living away from home for a year and a half had to have helped my state of mind in that regard.

Carol: My late husband died very suddenly from a blood clot following surgery. Then I dated too soon when I was a widow and then had grief on top of heartbreak. You try to fill the void before your grieving is done. How are you doing with widowhood now? One of my mother-in-laws told me she didn't want to take care of some old man. Are you thinking of remarriage at all?

LaTane: I have a lot of things I am involved in. I stay busy. I meet friends for lunch. I had a few months counseling which helped. It's a long process. Don't rush yourself. Just face each morning when the sun comes up.

Carol: I had counseling also and went to a widow support group. My counselor asked me, Why are you in such a hurry to replace your husband, Carol.

LaTane: I don't think I will ever be ready for marriage. I said I would never get involved with someone, I love being alone too much. But, I realized I really missed the companionship that a man provides. I do date some. I appreciate anyone for showing kindness.

Carol: The Scriptures tell younger widows to remarry, not older ones.

LaTane: Hey, where is that Scripture?

Carol: I Timothy 5:14 and there may be room for interpretation here, I think it is both good and controversial when older people marry. The thing is you are so vulnerable as a widow. It took me a long time to marry another Christian—I was 55 when I remarried. I am glad I can be his wife/caregiver now. It is my marriage commitment.

LaTane: See, I don't think I am in that place in my life that I can go there. I wonder sometimes if I am just searching for what I had.

Carol: The best, Heaven, is yet to come.

LaTane: Amen to that!

Carol: I am envious of people who are almost there often (Heaven), yet live to hear my LORD say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." Well, LaTane, you have a cold and need to take care of yourself. I am very grateful that you have shared this experience. Hugs and prayers as always and look forward to maybe meeting you this side of Heaven.

LaTane: You have been great interviewing me, drawing me out.
Carol:  “TTYL” as the young people write!

LaTane:  I know your journey is fairly new and I pray for peace and guidance for you in the days and years to come. Bye for now!

Saga Twenty-Six

Car trouble. It's leaking fluid on Wednesday. Hubby notices when we are on errands. Says that someone who parked in our place before must have had a problem. Several hours later I also notice this liquid in our garage when I go to bring something to the car. Hubby has more long-term memory of car repairs than I ever had. I have also never driven a car with so many miles on it. I show DH the problem liquid in the garage.

You may recall that our newer car was totaled. See Saga Seven. The 1999 lots-of-mileage-gas guzzler has been our means of transportation for the last year and a half. It has served us well with our camping adventures. No more popup camping and probably no more camping. Hubby is very happy to stay around home with ventures out for activities and errands. He has accepted not driving as reported in Saga Twenty, despite the fact he passed two Alzheimer's driving tests.

"Call triple A," he tells me. I do that and the same Plant City tow company that picked up our totaled car comes and takes the gas guzzler away. The driver remembers out totaled car being in their towing yard when I show him the picture. I tell him how I use that experience with a DUI driver when I teach classes for DUI offenders.

"Where is our car?" hubby wants to know and I tell him what happened.

Again, "Where is our car?"

"I am bored," he proclaims. This is curious to me because he is usually content watching his extensive collection of old movies which he keeps right before him on the couch. There is no car for us to venture out of the house. I realize that he does like variety. He likes going to Toastmaster meetings with me and of course to our church. He loves going out to a movie if I can find one that has a strong plot, without complicated dialogue and intrigue, that would suit him.

We go to bed at the proverbial old people's time of 8 PM. Thursday and Friday the car will be repaired. I have appointments to change and need our car Saturday and all next week.

It's Thursday morning and I talk calmly about the car being fixed. He has forgotten about the estimated $800 needed to fix the car, but I haven't. I miss the strong hubby who used to take charge of car repairs.

LORD, help me just to do the next thing at home and to trust you for the outcome.

Added Saturday morning, July 14th. Got car back last night with the $1127.75 bill;  took $500 out of savings and charged $627.75. Labor was $878 to get to the problem. Something about the heater and cooling systems. Mileage for this 1999 gas guzzler is 192, 485. Maybe it will last to 300,000 miles now. Have a busy week ahead and glad for two days it could be fixed. Grateful for Sally and Jake who took us to get the car and had dinner with us. Hubby and Jake are soooo funny together.

Saga Fifteen

Sharing the load. Today Dolores communicated with me that last night her husband didn't recognize her or where he was. Sigh! Today he is fine, however, knowing her and that they are home.

Sally and Jake. Sally said that Jake did not recognize one of his adult sons that they saw recently. Sigh! Now Jake recognizes us, and I would have thought that son from his first wife was part of his long-term memory. My friend Sally has come up with a great idea--once a month socials at our home. The four husbands will play pool on our pool table and we gals will play games. I love the idea! Socialization is so good all around. Jake doesn't drive any more due to his not passing the Alzheimer's test and we hope he is done obsessing about not driving.

Since last December, after our car crash with that DUI driver that totaled one car, my husband didn't want to drive again. We decided to not replace that car and get by with one car. When I needed him to drive the popup camper we got from Sally and Jake, however, DH started driving again in February. He really is a good driver and my husband has only driven the car when I am in it. He drives well, although needs directions from me and will get tested again in the fall.

However, this morning my husband went out BY HIMSELF to go get gas for the lawn mower. I was scared. (Maybe last year sometime he had gone out to get gas for the lawn mower and it took him three trips to remember why he went out!) Will he remember how to come back home? Will he remember how to use the debit card? He drove less than a mile and a half. I called him on his cell phone and fortunately he answered. He returned and poured the gas directly in the riding lawn mower, not remembering how to use the gas can nozzle. The front and back lawns got mowed.

June 1 to July 6. Sally, Jake, DH and I did go to six workshops co-sponsored by the local Alzheimer's Association and USF. Ann wrote about this in May on this blog.  It was in Winter Haven and Sally and I took turns driving. We wives sat in the front of the car and the husbands in the back seat on the 45 minute trip back and forth. We usually played upbeat country or oldies music for the husbands on the trip--on my iPod or with Sally's CDs. (My husband is very sensitive to Jake not being able to drive and so when the four of us are together either Sally or I dive.) At each workshop session we wrote a weekly ACTION Plan. DH and I started going to the gym again. Sally and Jake had been going to the YMCA. At that workshop we were more open about Alzheimer's. Everyone there was either an Alzheimer's patient or a caregiver. I was so proud of my husband's sharing as we sat around the table. A lot of Jake's issues were dealt with in the workshop. The four of us were also interviewed after the workshop. I got more out of the workshop than perhaps my husband did, because he wouldn't remember from week to week. I felt more empowered after the workshop.

Supplements recommended by our chiropractor. Since our December crash, we had been going to a chiropractor (I am still going for my back.) The chiropractor recommended Ribonucleic Acid and CoQ-10 supplements for my husband from. There are no studies on the use of these supplements to improve thinking for Alzheimer's patients, but I do think they have helped his thinking. DH is cheerful and uses parts of his brain to compensate. Now the short-term memory is not any better, but my husband is great. He takes two 175 mg of RNA twice a day and one 400 mg C0Q-10 with his statin medicine at night. I still cook with coconut oil when it works out. I put a link for the RNA from Standard Process Inc. under Favorites at the right.

Thanks for your prayers for Dolores, Sally and I and our husbands.