15 Ways I Am Very Much at Home After My Move

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There are a few prayer requests sprinkled in this list of 15, but I am glad I moved here. I almost feel like I am on vacation, as for 30 years I have gone back to visit Huntsville at least once a year. 

1. Apartment management

My apartment dishwasher overflowed. Dog Ziggy and I walked to up tell the apartment office. By the time we had walked home, the issue was solved. 

2. New friends

Yesterday I got invited after the worship service to go to lunch. I met a few new people, but knew many of the seniors at the table. 

3. Old friends

I am enjoying daily contact with Word With Friends on my iPhone. Most of us chat. Pray for Pharis and Kenny and their medical conditions. Pharis had a stroke. Kenny will be having a liver transplant at some point. 

4. Slow weight loss

My weight has been slowly coming off since 2012. For two years during the end of my husband's life, I didn't go to Weight Watchers, because I needed to have time with him and to work part-time. During that time I gained 10 pounds back. Now in total I have lost over 40 pounds. 

5. Toastmasters

I have rejoined Mason Dixon Toastmasters after a 30-year absence. My first husband and I were members of this club when we lived in Huntsville. Yes, I buried two husbands in Florida in the last 30 years.

6. Family

The whole reason I moved back to Huntsville was to live my family who have been there for me over these 30 years. I had the privilege of taking care of two of my niece's children for several days recently, while both of their parents were out of town. 

7. New doctor

My brother told his doctor who doesn't take new patients that I was moving into town. This doctor made an exception and I now have new Medicare insurance for Alabama and will see that doctor later in the month. My new plan here includes dental cleaning twice a year and vision. 

8. Closeness of places I drive to and the gas savings

I live closer to Weight Watchers, Toastmasters and the church I attend than I did in Florida. I also live close to these stores, although I can mainly window shop now and am SO OVER buying stuff except groceries: major mall, GNC, Bed Bath and Beyond, Ross, Dress Barn, movie theatre, Barnes and Noble, Marshals, Hobby Lobby, Kirkland's, Panera Bread, Michaels, Stein Mart, T J MAX, Firestone, Applebees, Talbots, Cracker Barrel, and Hancock Fabrics. I do not live close to Sam's and second hand stores, but maybe that is a good thing. 

9. Downsizing

I am pleased that I have storage for stuff and continue to find things to give away. I have borrowed a family shredder and need to work slowly on paper shredding. I have too many clothes and it is fun to decide what I am taking in to fit me better and what I am donating to the Salvation Army. 

10. Lawn being mowed back home

My late husband's Plant City daughter posted the above picture on Facebook. I am very concerned about all the rain in Florida. The sale of the house will soon be completed. I got chewed out by Plant City neighbors there several weeks ago about the height of my lawn. Pharis had a stroke and he couldn't mow it; pray for his medical condition. Pharis' landlord and Pharis did come out, however, and mowed the lawn recently. But yesterday there was 8 inches of rain in Plant City and although they wanted to come out to mow the lawn, they couldn't. Pray that the sale of the house (which is still in the process going through) in the midst of all that rain.  

11. Two churches

I do miss my Florida church where I am keeping membership. Going to mail a gift card there today for a baby shower there. My Florida church is connected with a seminary where I am getting my counseling dissertation on caregiving. I enjoy hearing my outstanding Florida pastor by podcast. 

I am however getting acquainted in the church I am attending here, including teaching Vacation Bible School which helped me meet people of more ages than just the seniors. 

12. Substitute teaching

School is scheduled to start tomorrow here--August 4th. They haven't gotten the form for my fingerprinting yet, so don't know when I will actually start substituting. 

13. New bank

I selected a new "personal banker" at Redstone Federal Credit Union and she has been very helpful. I am starting to bank on line again. There was some delay getting my Florida teacher's retirement, but that has been solved as of July 31. 

14. New vet

Ziggy and I like the new vet. He went for his yearly shots while I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday, August 1st. He was under the weather the rest of Saturday and on Sunday his vet called to check on him and explained that the shot for the rabies could have caused that. She said to give it another day and sure enough Ziggy is back to his old self, going on a long walk this morning. 

15. My faith

I am very grateful for my Christian faith and daily time in God's Word. Of course a Christian is not always politically correct in today's society, but my faith does sustain this widow. 

Downsizing to a U-Haul

Roberto at Lakeland's U-Haul

Roberto thought I was a spry senior citizen and not an old fogie because I used an iPhone and had a blog. Little did he know. The U-Haul office was not busy and so I showed him just how spry this senior citizen is--I rapped for him while I reserved a U-Haul.

Now Roberto promised that I would receive a confirmation earlier in the week--found out later it was supposed to be on Wednesday.

Lots on my plate--downsizing and moving to live by family. Months before I cling to Romans 12:12:

• Hope
• Patience and endurance with downsizing
• Constant prayer

Two weeks before I realize I have to focus on one day at a time (and not everything I had to do) and Matthew 6:34 from New Living Translation helps:

So don’t worry about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will bring its own worries.

Today’s trouble is enough for today.

The house is sold and not longer do I have to maintain it to show. The boxes multiply as I use many days to substitute teach and free time at home to pack.

June 1, my last day substituting, is very special at Tomlin Middle and of course I rap at the end of every class and tell the students who didn't know all about my YouTube legacy of raps. See HERE.

Tuesday through Friday at least four hours per day my friends Sally and Jake come over and help me pack.  Sally would call Jake over to help her seal each box and he would bring those heavy boxes to the proper place. Sally packs breakables with newspapers into my recycled boxes. Sectioned liquor boxes from Walmart and The Winery in Plant City are so helpful with those breakable items. Gradually clothes get packed into large tubs for "seasonal clothes". Summer clothes go in huge boxes to make wrinkles I will deal with at the other end of the move. My winter coats, two mirrors and other items are already in Huntsville at my brother's house.

Friday Panic.  Friday is the day before the volunteers are coming to pack the van. I call Kerry from my church and tell her of my panic and also health news on Kenny. She puts out an email prayer request for the church. She also mentions the virtues of a 24 foot U-Haul instead of a 20 foot one I am supposed to get. I asked "Surrey" on my iPhone to call U-Haul on Florida Avenue in Lakeland, thinking I would get Roberto. I have not received a confirmation call! Where in Plant City do I pick up the U-Haul?

Instead I get Greg at another U-Haul at another Florida Avenue U-Haul location. Greg who sees my reservation on line, is able to switch my reservation to a 24 foot U-Haul. It wouldn't be delivered to Plant City as Roberto had promised, but I could get it that very night for the same price instead of the Saturday morning 20 foot U-Haul. I call Kerry with the good news and she enlists her husband Dave to go with me to get the van at 6:30 pm. Their son, Sam, always my buddy, comes along for the ride. Dave skillfully puts the van by my garage.  I am so glad he figures out where to put that van. I wasn't sure if it should be by the front door or not.

Back to earlier on Friday.  After those important phone calls Friday morning, I go to Bank of America to see Lisa, "my personal banker" I wrote about HERE. I had arranged my 10 am appointment on line and we close my checking account. (Huntsville doesn't have a Bank of America.) Then I go to my dentist for a gum treatment to save me from false teeth. The hygienist reminds me about water picks and flossing--two items I had neglected during the last two hectic caregiving years. On my way home I stop at Staples to turn in printer and copier cartridges to recycle. I happen to see seven small plastic containers on sale for $7 and I purchase them to replace my wicker baskets in the bathroom. See HERE. Those containers are efficient for first aid, etc., and can easily go into a box ready for my new bathroom and take less space than my baskets take were I to pack them.

Sure enough, when I start to pack up the bathroom, I find that water pick and plan to use it in Huntsville. Friday afternoon Sally picks up Jake at the senior center. Then Sally helps me sort through my fabric,  while Jake helps box things up again. I can donate maybe 40% of the fabric for the quilting group at Sally's church where I also went to Grief & Share.  See HERE.

Saturday morning. Kenny gets out of the hospital Friday night and Saturday morning he stops by to see his friends from church. He is too weak to help. He has lost blood and will undergo tests to discover why next week. See HERE. Newly installed Deacons JP and Kevin pray very special prayers for him. Pray for Kenny, folks. 

From 10:30 to 3:00 pm four strong men (Jason, Dave, JP, Kevin), resourceful Amanda, and six energetic youth packed the van. They start with the upright freezer, take a utility room door off, and move it with  a rented U-Haul appliance dolly; this freezer will fit in my eat-in-kitchen in my Huntsville apartment. Next comes my antique couch, reupholstered in the late '70s with the leg that keeps coming off when you move it. In the van they put pillows between four machines on the seats of that couch: small TV, microwave, printer, and copier. Boxes of books are interspersed among numbered furniture items. Those numbers will help placement of furniture at the other end. China and other items marked FRAGILE were put on top of boxes and furniture. All boxes have the name of the room where they should land in the new apartment.

Dog Ziggy. Yes, that is dog Ziggy on my lap in the picture above. You wonder what the canine has been thinking, but he has been staying by my side. Saturday night and Sunday night we get to sleep together in that single bed I got to sleep by the hospital bed. Pharis will get that bed and other items left behind.

Tomorrow morning (Monday) I will pick up my Huntsville brother in Orlando and bring him to that van. We will take Monday and Tuesday to drive to Huntsville with Ziggy and I following in my car. Ziggy has already seen his bed and cage in the back seat of the car. The third seat area and trunk area has miscellaneous items.

Follow trip to Huntsville on my 

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by clicking on the above link at the right. 

Caregiving the Final Year

I had discussed the options of nursing home care and in-home Hospice care with a counselor at the Alzheimer's Association. I decided on Hospice. My husband could stay at home and since I could resign from my jobs substituting in public schools it was THE solution, rather than a nursing home. It was most comforting to have hubby at our home, as his decline was very rapid as chronicled on this blog.

NOT WALKING. A year ago hubby woke up not being able to walk. He hadn't fallen and I thought it was that arthritis and not a broken leg. A knee brace had been used for a time.  However, in hindsight, his not walking was all about dementia and the plaques and tangles taking over another part of the brain. Our chiropractor gave him increased mobility, but in the end that part of his brain that enabled walking didn't work.

I realize that not everyone is able to keep the loved one at home, but someone has to live with them.  Some dementia patients are difficult to handle because they are angry and their filters for normal social behavior are missing.  Or some wander away from home.  Some turn the stove on and forget they did that and risk burning the house down. My husband didn't cook in the past few years and didn't wander. My husband relished being "normal" and I treated him normally as my loving husband, learning to talk simply to him and always saying "I love you" at least once a day. It worked for us. He had a good disposition and just loved watching TV and enjoying his DVD collection. We both loved our home. I would keep busy, but not really concentrate on the TV he was watching.

Hubby in hospital bed at left;
dog Ziggy on my twin bed. 

HOSPICE decision. We took out the king-sized bed in the master bedroom, the Hospice hospital bed was moved in and I slept by hubby in a twin bed pictured. Our dog Ziggy moved between our beds. I learned from Hospice that hospital gowns at home are made by cutting the back of a T-shirt up the middle but not through the top ribbing so they would stay on; this made it easy to change their top. By this time my husband was bedridden and using adult diapers.

Handy dining room cart moved to bedroom

TV, bomb box and cart for supplies

Hospice needs a station to do their work. I used a cart from the dining area and moved it to our bedroom. The "Depends" type products were stored on a chest nearby. Near the end of Hospice, a Home Health Care Aid came every day and I actually learned to change my husband's diapers and he never got a rash. The nurse who came when he died noted that he had been well cared for. He was loved and made to feel normal.

My dear husband knew he was dying and told Kenny he was ready to stay in bed -- he had had enough of moving from the Geri chair to the bed. He would tell Kenny things that he didn't tell me, because he needed to feel normal around me I think. Kenny was his buddy--not a volunteer caregiver in my husband's mind.

I believe that Hospice in the home is a great way to take care of our loved ones. They are most comfortable at home. Look at this wheel with all the services Hospice provides.

Support groups and other help. An Alzheimer's Association support group is most helpful. We caregivers need support. We HAVE to get respite. People were always with my husband when Hospice was called in. I went to the grocery store when the Home Health Care Aid came, and went to church when someone was here. For months I had been contracted to teach three classes and someone was with my hubby for many hours those three days. I had to ask for that help from friends.

When hubby went downhill I started taking 10 MG of the antidepressant Paxil that I will get weaned off of hopefully when I see my doctor in September. I tried to stop because it is non-habit forming, but that was a mistake and I needed them to maintain my hormone levels and an acceptable mood. Then l read where you need to get off Paxil slowly. I have had two counseling sessions--one with the Alzheimer's Association and one with Hospice. Neither of these appointments cost me a dime. Both counselors also advised me to taper off of Paxil slowly.

TAKING CARE OF ME.  Many caregivers pass away before their loved one dies because of the stress perhaps--maybe 60% I have read somewhere. The grief added to years of caregiving can take a heavy toll. I am finally taking care of me. I went to the dentist this week and before my hubby died I had someone at the house so I could keep my mammogram appointment that had been scheduled for a long time. I am going to Weight Watchers again--glad that I didn't gain all the weight back that I lost in 2012. I think some of my gaining back weight was that ice cream that hubby and I enjoyed together--one of the last things he would eat. I have not had ice cream since he died--it would cause a grief burst to have ice cream.

I am both relieved and grieving and need more sleep--even dog Ziggy needs more sleep.  I am trying to get out and about and do things that bring joy to my life. I am discovering what works for me, glad that I can still do things.

I am going to a grief support group. Hospice has them, but I am going to a thirteen-week grief group with my friend Sally at her church. We are using Grief Share: Your Journey From Mourning to Joy, published by Church Initiative, P. O. Box 1739, Wake Forest, NC 27588. It has a manual with homework and also a video that the facilitators play in class. Tonight is my second session.

Today I go vote and I am less prepared to vote than I have been in the past. I started to watch the Emmy's last night and realized that I did not know these TV programs up for nomination.

THIS BLOG WILL CONTINUE.  Stay tuned. I am writing a seminary counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving and then finding a publisher for the popular version of that manuscript.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning 

and clothed me with joy,

that I might sing praises to you 

and not be silent.

O LORD my God,

I will give you thanks forever. 

Psalm 30:11-12 New Living Translation

Bedridden Apparently

Hubby drinking Boost and Dog Chilling

The Hospice home health aide was here first thing this morning. I told her about the hard evening where Kenny and I tried to get hubby into bed last night.  Kenny has a bad back and his back was certainly hurting when he went home last night. The aide and I decided to keep him in bed until the nurse came instead of putting him in the Geri chair.

Before the aide left, the Hospice nurse came for her weekly visit and the two conferred about my husband. I told the nurse about the extra pain pill I gave my husband this morning (four hours after the 4:00 am one). It turns out I wasn't supposed to do that. However, she will now let him take Tramadol four times a day (every six hours) instead of three times. She ordered Liquid Tylenol three times a day.

She looked at that arthritic right knee and wondered if the ligament was worse. She is sending someone to X-ray it.  I told the nurse about the problems we have been having getting him to bed and about the night recently that his right knee leaned over the bed and he was in pain. That night I had to put a chair beside the bed with a pillow and an ice pack and he went back to sleep.

Had he fallen since Hospice? she asked.

Yes he has, I said as recorded last month HERE,  and he is increasingly less ambulatory. 

You see, folks, my good-natured husband had started recently to protest getting out of the GERI chair into the wheel chair and into bed.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" 

May 27th it took one and a half hours to get him to bed. One night at 10:30 pm I went to get two strong men (Kenny's kin) to help get him to bed. I just thought he was stubborn and that this was the Alzheimer's NO sounding loud and clear. Hubby certainly is less able to explain himself. He didn't say that he did not want  to take a few steps between the Geri chair and the wheel chair because it hurt. I assumed the Alzheimer's stubbornness was kicking in. Now the nurse told him to stay in bed and I will begin that regiment of turning him every few hours to prevent bedsores.

Also the Hospice social worker made her weekly visit this morning. She was scheduled to come Friday, but the nurse alerted her to come today. She asked about my stress level and about my getting out of the house (respite). Yesterday was a hugely stressful day, I told her. However, I was happy to report to her about friends staying with hubby so I can go to church for our 2 pm Sunday service, and about Sally and Jim staying at our home for two Saturdays when I am contracted to work for a DUI assignment. The social worker is arranging some options where I can pay Hospice for respite. She was happy to hear that an application is in to the West Central Florida Area Agency on Aging which will take longer to happen. Hospice and this agency can work together. Kevin who represents this agency is in my Toastmasters club and he called Tuesday to get this in the works. Maybe respite will happen by the fall so someone can be with my husband while I substitute teach. Kenny is less able to help these days and you may recall that he has his mother to attend to and his own doctor appointments.

Verses I Am Meditating On

I canceled 20 days of substitute teaching in May and June and need wisdom for our finances that our resources cover the summer. Proverbs 16:18 reads Better is a little with righteousness, than vast revenues without justice. 

LORD, help me to be righteous with my little. Help me to be careful with our money. Help respite to come through so I can work for our bills. Thank you for provision in the past. Amen. 

Proverbs 16:9 reads A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. When this widow (me) married my godly husband in 2000, I had no understanding of how things would go. My heart had a plan for our senior years. I had a plan to fit into a new family and retire without having to work, but the LORD has taken me in the direction that He has chosen for me. In His direction I have seen His mercies every morning. It is not all gloom and doom (although there is anticipatory grief for sure). I know that my husband when he dies will be with our LORD in heaven and then reunited with his body when Christ comes back to earth. This is my hope as well. We senior Christians get to have this happen sooner than most believers. 

What's Been Working, Part Two

Alzheimer's Is a Long Road With Twists and Turns

What was working HERE two months ago at the end of March, isn't working now. More help is needed and we have it except for times I have to be gone and Kenny isn't available. We have been on board with Hospice now for one week. As Laurie, west coast caregiver whom I have also interviewed said in a March comment, you have to

ADAPT!

Laurie's husband is at home rather than in a nursing home--I keep learning from her even since our interview in the fall of 2012 HERE.


Adapting to NO showers. Before Hospice when I couldn't get hubby in the shower and volunteer Kenny was out of town, I used washcloths and Simply Right Adult Washcloths to clean my husband. These disposable washcloths have Vitamin E, Aloe and Chamomile to aid skin wellness (maybe prevent bed sores). I settled on Simply Right Underwear for Men for only $.41 per use as I recorded in a comment HERE. Brenda recommended those Simply Right Underpads for under the sheets and also an ear thermometer for checking UTI infections.  (All Simply Right products are at Sam's.)  I purchased an Instant Ear Digital Thermometer from Walgreens where I also got the UTI strips I wrote about HERE. With the thermometer two points above normal and you have a UTI.

Sam's and Walgreens need to hire

me to do a commercial for them. 

From now on Hospice will be providing these materials. With a bed bath five days a week from Hospice and that cranberry juice, perhaps hubby will not get UTIs easily.

Avoiding falls. Hospice provided a walking belt called a Universal Gait Belt. This was possibly what the lady at the restaurant thought I should use recently. You wrap the belt around your loved one and tighten with two fingers in it so you allow for adequate circulation when you secure him/her. Then you don't grab an arm and pull him/her by the midsection. As yet, I haven't had an occasion to use this belt.

New uses for equipment. Last summer when hubby was released from the hospital, he was sent home with a wheel chair and a walker. His walking improved and he didn't always need those. I had just been using the wheel chair and grab bars in the master bathroom. Now I put the half-opened walker in the master bath and I avoid a fall in there like the one when the firemen had to rescue him.

Walker and grab bar help hubby get to toilet. 

Cognitive changes. He asks about the second story and if this is his home often. No, Sweetheart we do not have a second story, and yes,  this is our home. I assure him we are home, but tell him he doesn't walk well and needs someone with him so he doesn't fall. When I took him driving on Sunday he had strange perceptions about the neighborhood. I just listened, but did not argue. He wanted to know the name of someone. I kept throwing out names I made up and finally he decided on a fictitious name he thought was someone from his past. Hubby wants explanations for how the wheel chair works and even how the bottled water works. I am an English teacher--not a scientist--so I come up with something easy to say. He can't accept long sentences anyway. He will often say you are not making sense. Kenny surprised us at our front door Saturday afternoon. He was back in town. An hour later hubby didn't remember that Kenny had been here.

Pills in applesauce.  I crush his pills and put them in applesauce and hand feed him so he gets his pills. I learned to not put cinnamon in it as he vomited that up. I tell him he has to have all the applesauce because the pills are there. The applesauce I use is naturally sweetened and it works sans cinnamon.  

Hospice doesn't do weekends and hubby is noticing changes and he rebelled and wanted to stay in bed in his pee on Saturday.  I stayed calm. In the early afternoon he was shivering and I could  finally convince him we needed to change his clothes. It had been so pleasant W, TH, and F to have a home health aide change his clothes and the wet bed. On weekends I do it all. By Sunday night May 18th I was a wreck and Monday morning was hard too before Hospice came.  

Earlier in the week our yard/maintenance man Pharis and his wife got our king-sized bed out of the bedroom and brought in my new twin bed that would be by his hospital bed.  The hospital bed was finally delivered May 20th. While waiting for that bed to be delivered, hubby has been sleeping in my new twin bed.  I have been sleeping on the family room couch and my back hurt from that couch and from helping hubby get around. I do not sleep well as I keep checking on him.  Sunday morning I left him alone in my twin bed soaked with pee because he was again grumpy. Don't worry--I am using those Simply Right Underpads when he sleeps on my  new bed. 

About an hour later he didn't remember being grumpy so we could start the day over.  I came back and said, “Good morning, sweetheart! Today is the day we go to church." Since he walks a little better I was able to get his wet disposable underwear off and bring him in the wheel chair to the master bathroom where he sat on the commode. I somewhat cleaned him and dressed him for our 2 pm church service and got him out by his Archie Bunker spot in the family room sitting in his wheel chair. A sign in front of him reads: 

Walk with someone by your side! 

That’s what we all have to do. Have someone by our side. Now with the new hospital bed and my twin bed, I can get off the couch and sleep by my husband's side tonight in a comfortable bed and he will not pee in my bed.

Ziggy likes the Geri Chair Recliner

Ziggy has claimed the Geri Chair recliner, but I can't get hubby in it yet.

The bed and the recliner are loaned to us by Hospice and clients have this furniture until no longer needed. Ziggy will have to adapt going between the hospital bed and my twin bed tonight. But you can teach him new tricks.

Thanks ever so much for your 

prayers and interest, folks. 

Hospital bed at left and my twin at right
are covered by a bedspread. 

Find the Humor

www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Lots of stress this past week including health concerns for Kenny's mother who is scheduled for surgery tomorrow--stay tuned. With Kenny at the hospital for the past few days and for three weeks after the surgery when he goes out of town to help another relative of his, it is my turn to shave and shower my husband. HUBBY THINKS OF ME AS THE NAG IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.

I actually cried in front of my husband tonight about what kind of underwear he is supposed to wear now and whether or not he takes a shower. I have to keep reminding him to use the walker--doctor said so, I tell him. I asked him to pray for me which he did because I was so upset; somehow he found enough words to make a thoughtful prayer. He soften and promised to take that shower in the morning.

We had a plumber out on Wednesday, but for two nights water spilled out in the backyard. They came back, with an explanation,  but it is still not ideal. I don't do plumbing and car repair, nor can I explain them. I miss the days when my hubby could handle these issues.

Last night of all things I misplaced my wallet. I noticed it last night and retraced my steps today. I went to the bank this morning to see about a new debit card. I got cash out so I could buy gas. I need to replace a lot of items including the driver's license and credit cards.

But, what the heck, let me laugh a little at the two Alzheimer's husbands and at myself. .

Thursday night. Hubby is so slow at eating now that it doesn't pay to eat out if we are on a time crunch. But for our 14th anniversary two nights ago (when I had my wallet and when we did have time), we did eat out at Carrabbas in Plant City. I used my iPhone to post our picture on Facebook and my goodness we got so many likes and comments! Hubby was still working on his dinner of course when I was finished eating.

I have to laugh at myself. I didn't want to have an anniversary where we didn't talk, but I just got bored. He often doesn't understand what I say.  So out came Words With Friends games on my iPhone. Our waiter helped me with a game. Then it came up that I have a YouTube channel and often people in Plant City recognize me as MC AC The Rap Lady. In this nice restaurant our waiter got  other staff together to hear several of my raps. Hubby just enjoyed me rapping for these folks. Really we both had a great time.

Good Friday. Since we met Sally and Jake over three years ago, we have been going to Good Friday services at their church. Friday night was no exception. Sally told me 7 pm and we were late because of those bathroom issues of hubby. When we got to their church, the sign said 6:30 PM for Good Friday services so WE WERE REALLY LATE.  We snuck in and sat in back of Jake. Sally was in the choir. I watched Jake try to navigate the bulletin in this liturgical church and helped him at times. He started singing the choir's song. After the service Sally asked me if we could take Jake to Denny's while she and their granddaughter had a choir practice for Easter. The three of us headed to Denny's and I tried to find the funny with the conversation of our two Alzheimer's husbands, DH and  Jake.

Not to make fun of the husbands, but to document the stage they are in I was keeping track of the conversation. About ten times Jake wanted to talk about whether his wife would be joining us.

Jake: Where's my wife now?

Me:  She is at choir practice for Easter. She and your granddaughter will be joining us.

Finally (so I wouldn't be tempted to play Words With Friends on my iPhone as I did on our anniversary the previous night), I switched the subject and said that yesterday was our 14th anniversary. Jake then found a new topic--how long he and Sally had been married. He got his wallet out and started looking. The conversation went on and on--same comments.

DH: Your wife will know how many years it is, Jake.

Jake (repeatedly): But I should know. I am embarrassed that I do not know.

I finally told Jake that one doesn't keep the wedding certificate in his wallet. Now I happened to know that Sally and Jake had their 40th anniversary last summer. He continued to be so upset that he didn't know this. I wrote on a slip of paper for Jake: I was married in 1973 which means I have been married for 40 years. He put it in his wallet to take the place of that marriage license that he thought should be there.

Sally and their granddaughter came. He asked her about how long they had been married and said he was upset he didn't know.

Sally: Sometimes you forget things.

Both husbands needed their wives to them them how old they are. Sally whispered in Jake's ear.

Jake: I'm 76.

Me: Do you know how old you are, Sweetheart?

I also whispered in my husband's ear.

DH: I'm 76.

The granddaughter laughed.

Sally offered to pay for my coffee and my husband's milkshake. So I didn't realize that wallet was missing last night. I have indeed been humbled losing something.

I had been keeping hubby's debit card in that missing wallet along with mine. Today, Saturday morning, we went to the bank to get new debit cards. Hubby told the bank officer earlier today that I was always losing things.

Me: Name another time.

DH: There have been thousands of them.

Then we went to visit the hospital where Kenny and his mother were awaiting her surgery.

From Deal Dash posted on Facebook