CarMax and My Trade-In

This is the last car that I got for and with my late husband. I thought the price of this car was through the roof and strangely that day when I came home something else went through the roof (of the garage of our home in Plant City). I had gone up in the attic to get the artificial Christmas tree down. Usually my husband would do this. Unfortunately I stepped the wrong place and my leg went through the ceiling.  I blogged about it HERE. 

As you may recall, my husband died June 2014 from mixed dementia in Plant City, Florida. In June of 2015 I moved to Huntsville, Alabama, where I have family. My great family here loan cars to one another when there is car trouble. In my case they also drive me at night now because I need cataract eye surgery. People in my church here give me rides to night-time events. During Christmas break when I did not substitute teach I put my car in for more diagnostic work. 

This diagnosis went on for quite a while earlier in the fall. My GMC would work and then the car would make a noise. I put it in for diagnosis when I didn't need a car. My wonderful brother loaned me his car so I could work during the first week of January when school resumed and I could substitute teach again. I knew that I had to get a used car and not keep borrowing my brother's car while he drove his wife's car.  

The first Saturday in January my friend Sherry who was also searching for a new car and I set off for CarMax. We met a wonderful saleslady, Le-George. She introduced me to the Buick Encore. She has another job, but would be back Thursday night and this selected car was held until then. 

Now I am not driving at night because I am due for cataract surgery January 23 and 30. So the plan was I would enlist my brother to drive the car I was trading in to get to CarMax at 6 pm January 10. 

Thursdays I do not work because I spend time with my friend Virginia, soon to be 100 years of age. We have a ladies Bible study at church in the morning and then go to lunch. I left the lunch in my brother's car to pick up my brother and take him to his bridge game. I went home to gather my financial papers for the trade-in and possible sale that night.

Suddenly I got a call from my brother asking me to pick up his daughter (my niece) and her kids and take her for medical attention since his wife couldn't be reached on her phone. I did that and brought the kids to the other grandmother. Hurriedly I gathered up papers. Then about 4 pm  I left my brother's car at my apartment and drove my GMC to pick up my brother at his bridge game. I worried that it wouldn't make it to CarMax. We stopped for dinner and wonderfully we did make it to CarMax. We made a deal--$3000 for my car and car payments for the Buick Encore.

My brother drove the Buick to my apartment and then drove his own car I had been driving home. It's good he doesn't have to drive his wife's car now. What a kind family I have here!

Update:  mice are gone from my apartment now. (See last post.)

Post to follow: this senior citizen/widow gets cataract eye surgery and a driving test so in February she can drive at night. 

No,  I didn't get to the keep the bow!

2019 Goal and Uninvited Visitors

Ziggy is compassionate. 
He whimpered on a walk 
when we found a dead squirrel.

H O W E  V E R!

My dog Ziggy and I have had mice for two months! 

At first the apartment management brought paper traps that are sticky on the inside. Hasn't been effective! The apartment then came with wooden mouse traps. 

The only thing that works is a wooden mouse trap. 

One night I heard scratching in the wall and so did Ziggy. Couldn't sleep that night!

60 pouches with some broken into!

Meanwhile, the critters have been getting into his Moist and Meaty food! I taped it up and then turned the box around and sure enough! Mice had broken in! 

 Not only have they gotten into his food, but at the end of two months they brazenly parade in front of us! 

What is a poor widow to do, folks!

Dating As a Widow

The world has changed. Dating has changed. Betty Friedan changed the male/female in the work place over forty years ago and women have become more bold. Many women do not believe in enduring relationships and even forego marriage. For the Christian woman, however, cohabitation is unacceptable. Contemplating dating may help the widow realize she has come far in her grieving, or dating can be a disaster for her. Here are lessons I think are important.

Lesson one. TIME. Give yourself time to heal from the loss of your husband. If you date too soon, you will be both comparing and grieving. Some aspect of the person will be different from your late husband and that will bother you. Or if something reminds you of your late husband it can be a grief moment. I dated too soon with the death of my first husband and counseling for a year helped me pick up the pieces. I had heartbreak on top of grief to deal with.

Lesson two. COMMONALITY. Ask yourself if you have anything in common with your date. What commonalities are important to you? For me, the Christian faith and theology are important. Life will continually throw fast balls and without a faith to navigate life's trials a relationship or even marriage will not work in my humble opinion. You have to rise above the loneliness and embrace wisdom. Does the gentleman value Scripture and worship of our LORD? Intelligence and emotional maturity are also important to me. Age, looks and money are not so important to me, but commitment to health might be.

Lesson three. TRANSPARENCY and TRUST. Are you able to be yourself with the date? Do they expect you to act a certain way? My brother advised me to not rap on the date, but his married daughter told me,

"Aunt Carol, just be yourself."

Trust must be earned. Often a divorced person will be very skeptical of a relationship possibility. I married and was widowed by two divorced men, and I think that our common Christian faith helped us be transparent and gain the trust of each other.

Lesson four. SOCIAL MEDIA.  What do they use? How do they wish to be contacted or not be contacted? It has all changed. This is not the olden days when women sat by the phone at home and waited to get a phone call. Today there are so many avenues of communication. Our girlfriends like to be contacted on social media, but men don't -- they often need to be in their "man cave". If they are truly shy, you may need to initiate I think if you would really like to get to know them. I like country singer Luke Bryan's song "Crash My Party" and maybe this song is so popular because the apparent extrovert Bryan easily lets his special woman into his life.

A caution is Facebook messaging. Do not accept someone as a Facebook friend who wants to sweet talk you and has no other friends but you. There is no way you can check them out. They may have seen on your profile that you are widowed. Oh well! They haven't even joined E-Harmony or some other site. Messaging you has cost them nothing and could turn out to be a scam.

Lesson five. FRIENDSHIP. Some old-fashioned men like to do the chasing. You walk a fine line between friendship and something more. Probably it is confusing for both of you. At least I think so. The age old advise of going slow applies. It doesn't hurt to just decide on a friendship at first and in the end.

Lesson six. FORGE A NEW LIFE. You don't have to date. You are forging a new life as a widow and it is okay to venture out with new friends both male and female and new experiences. Exercise some caution when you do venture out where men are involved. I took up line dancing when my first husband died and a married gentleman I met at line dancing lessons thought I would enjoy spending the night with him. I shot back,

"Why would I want a temporary fix! 

I am the kind you marry. 

Go home and love your wife, sir."

Lesson seven. LEARN FROM YOUTH. One high school student told me he would want to go on the first dates his widowed grandmother has to check out the gentleman! One young girl summed it up: "I want a guy to write me snail mail and just hang out with me!" Many young people are so wise.

Above all, widows, let the LORD be your husband. He will never let you down.

Trip Back to Plant City

Presenting the draft of the dissertation

A seminary counseling dissertation has kept me very busy lately and I haven’t blogged here since December 1, 2015. So let me tell you about the trip I took recently back to Plant City, Florida.

Last fall I applied to be a registrar at Ligonier Conference in Orlando, Florida starting Feb. 25. When I was accepted as a registrar, I knew I could also attend much of this great  conference for free  have free lodging at friends since I have limited funds. Orlando is about an hour away from Plant City, Florida, where I used to live before I moved here to Huntsville, Alabama, also know as Rocket City.  

I did accomplish a few other things on the trip—namely the presenting of that seminary counseling dissertation draft, Hope for Dementia Caregivers, to the seminary in Florida along with attend the conference. Thank the LORD they both happened--the draft submitted and the conference. 

I  even managed to see people, and talk at Lakeland Toastmasters on Reflections of Writing a Dissertation. I had four points that I remember.

1. I reviewed my usual topics in the club--how I got eyebrows, accidentally became a rapper, and how I got my house organized (all covered on this blog).

 2.  But this time, I told the group, I have a serious talk on how I wrote the dissertation draft. 

I took people along with me. 

I had a dissertation committee in Huntsville that met with me about once a month at the Huntsville Library. They day before I left for the trip, I had two lovely ladies from my committee who proofed the dissertation at my house. 

3. In addition to the accountability of my committee, I described how I persevered writing it, getting up early to write before substitute teaching and finding other moments for writing. 

4. I also mentioned the wise advise from my Huntsville pastor--get it done even if it isn't perfect. If you have liked this page at the top right, you can hear my talk on that page. 

Also in Florida I record two raps to be produced for my YouTube channel, MC AC The Rap Lady. Lyrics for the rap "Rocket City Ditty" about Huntsville where I have moved, is on the last blog post. I took Dezarae and Pharis to the studio and they were featured as I introduced the rap “While You’re Still One”--see HERE. I knew these two young people because their father used to help me at the house while my husband was a dementia sufferer and couldn’t work on the house. Dezarae and Pharis were adopted by a wonderful couple so their birth mother didn't have to get an abortion. Because Florida is a pro-choice state, I had not recorded this rap previously. Because I now live in Alabama which is a pro-life state, it works here. 

I had the privilege of taking my dog Ziggy to stay with Plant City friends Sally and Jake for 10 days and even was able to arrange an overnight stay with Ziggy at another caregiver's home on the return to Huntsville. Both places a caregiver read the dissertation and approved. I so appreciate the hospitality of these two couples. 

With Ziggy at  a BBQ on the way back to Huntsville. 

Thanks to all who have been praying for my trip. Continue to pray for the revision of the dissertation. I need to add a chapter on grieving after your dementia loved one has passed away and make some other changes. 

Holding On

Many times life doesn't give you many options but just to hold on and wait. This is the situation with the sale of my Plant City home. Everything was set to close until

THE INSPECTION

Which

Passed plumbing

Passed air conditioning

DIDN'T pass electrical

DIDN'T pass roof.

I had no idea.

"How are you doing, Carol?"

I guess I would say that I am disappointed but holding on. I am holding on to someone buying that house for cash--a fixer-upper. I really can't put money into the house. With the second mortgage, however, we had made improvements and thought the house was perfect for a sale. Worse case I guess the house will go into foreclosure. Pray about this, folks.

"How are you doing, Carol?"

I didn't want to be a widow again. I miss my husband, but am grateful that I was his wife and then caregiver. I DO NOT wish to marry again. I am 71 years old. Why would I want to risk being a caregiver again?! Or have a spouse who would have to care for me.

So what have I been doing in the past month while I thought there would be a closing on my Florida property? Getting used to the talk here in Huntsville, Alabama.

I have been learning new names and getting acquainted with Huntsville, AL I have been adjusting to details of resettling. Finances have been an issue because of resettlement costs and my family has loaned me money that I will pay back.

Substitute teaching in a new city has been a joy. Six of the seven schools I signed up to substitute teach at have been calling me. Students love my rapping at the end of the class period in middle and high school. I am getting more views and subscriptions to MC AC The Rap Lady on You Tube. I can only teach 3 and 1/2 days a week because there is some law that the schools would have to pay medical insurance for me. But I even am getting requests for my substituting into January!

Extra time during the days I can't teach means that I can attend certain a ladies Bible study and a book study at the church I am attending here.

I participated in the Alzheimer's Association's annual walk at Huntsville's Botanical Gardens with small dog Ziggy eagerly walking the two miles. Ziggy even got a purple scarf to wear around his neck. I joined a Toastmaster's club. I go to Weight Watchers and have maintained my forty plus pound weight loss.

But the biggest delight is getting in on family events here.

Today I went with my sister-in-law to a movie with her grandkids. Next month I have the privilege of planning her birthday party at my apartment.

I am just holding on because of the One who holds on to me. I read this morning in Psalm 139:

"You comprehend my path. . . 

You have hedged me behind and before. . . 

Your right hand shall hold me. "

15 Ways I Am Very Much at Home After My Move

 .

There are a few prayer requests sprinkled in this list of 15, but I am glad I moved here. I almost feel like I am on vacation, as for 30 years I have gone back to visit Huntsville at least once a year. 

1. Apartment management

My apartment dishwasher overflowed. Dog Ziggy and I walked to up tell the apartment office. By the time we had walked home, the issue was solved. 

2. New friends

Yesterday I got invited after the worship service to go to lunch. I met a few new people, but knew many of the seniors at the table. 

3. Old friends

I am enjoying daily contact with Word With Friends on my iPhone. Most of us chat. Pray for Pharis and Kenny and their medical conditions. Pharis had a stroke. Kenny will be having a liver transplant at some point. 

4. Slow weight loss

My weight has been slowly coming off since 2012. For two years during the end of my husband's life, I didn't go to Weight Watchers, because I needed to have time with him and to work part-time. During that time I gained 10 pounds back. Now in total I have lost over 40 pounds. 

5. Toastmasters

I have rejoined Mason Dixon Toastmasters after a 30-year absence. My first husband and I were members of this club when we lived in Huntsville. Yes, I buried two husbands in Florida in the last 30 years.

6. Family

The whole reason I moved back to Huntsville was to live my family who have been there for me over these 30 years. I had the privilege of taking care of two of my niece's children for several days recently, while both of their parents were out of town. 

7. New doctor

My brother told his doctor who doesn't take new patients that I was moving into town. This doctor made an exception and I now have new Medicare insurance for Alabama and will see that doctor later in the month. My new plan here includes dental cleaning twice a year and vision. 

8. Closeness of places I drive to and the gas savings

I live closer to Weight Watchers, Toastmasters and the church I attend than I did in Florida. I also live close to these stores, although I can mainly window shop now and am SO OVER buying stuff except groceries: major mall, GNC, Bed Bath and Beyond, Ross, Dress Barn, movie theatre, Barnes and Noble, Marshals, Hobby Lobby, Kirkland's, Panera Bread, Michaels, Stein Mart, T J MAX, Firestone, Applebees, Talbots, Cracker Barrel, and Hancock Fabrics. I do not live close to Sam's and second hand stores, but maybe that is a good thing. 

9. Downsizing

I am pleased that I have storage for stuff and continue to find things to give away. I have borrowed a family shredder and need to work slowly on paper shredding. I have too many clothes and it is fun to decide what I am taking in to fit me better and what I am donating to the Salvation Army. 

10. Lawn being mowed back home

My late husband's Plant City daughter posted the above picture on Facebook. I am very concerned about all the rain in Florida. The sale of the house will soon be completed. I got chewed out by Plant City neighbors there several weeks ago about the height of my lawn. Pharis had a stroke and he couldn't mow it; pray for his medical condition. Pharis' landlord and Pharis did come out, however, and mowed the lawn recently. But yesterday there was 8 inches of rain in Plant City and although they wanted to come out to mow the lawn, they couldn't. Pray that the sale of the house (which is still in the process going through) in the midst of all that rain.  

11. Two churches

I do miss my Florida church where I am keeping membership. Going to mail a gift card there today for a baby shower there. My Florida church is connected with a seminary where I am getting my counseling dissertation on caregiving. I enjoy hearing my outstanding Florida pastor by podcast. 

I am however getting acquainted in the church I am attending here, including teaching Vacation Bible School which helped me meet people of more ages than just the seniors. 

12. Substitute teaching

School is scheduled to start tomorrow here--August 4th. They haven't gotten the form for my fingerprinting yet, so don't know when I will actually start substituting. 

13. New bank

I selected a new "personal banker" at Redstone Federal Credit Union and she has been very helpful. I am starting to bank on line again. There was some delay getting my Florida teacher's retirement, but that has been solved as of July 31. 

14. New vet

Ziggy and I like the new vet. He went for his yearly shots while I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday, August 1st. He was under the weather the rest of Saturday and on Sunday his vet called to check on him and explained that the shot for the rabies could have caused that. She said to give it another day and sure enough Ziggy is back to his old self, going on a long walk this morning. 

15. My faith

I am very grateful for my Christian faith and daily time in God's Word. Of course a Christian is not always politically correct in today's society, but my faith does sustain this widow. 

Moving Reflections: Finding a Church

Thirty years ago I was a member of a Huntsville church for part of the 15 months I lived here. I have a wonderful church family in Florida, but needed a church to worship with locally here while maintaining my Florida church ties. My plan had been to visit different churches in the Huntsville area and to take my time finding a church here while maintaining contact with my Florida church through social media including listening to my pastor's podcasts of his sermons. After all I am working on a counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving at the seminary connected with my Florida church.

The first time I lived in Huntsville I got married at age 40 and it wasn't long before in 1985 we moved to North Miami, Florida, where we were very active in a church. My first husband's funeral some eight years later was in that North Miami church and his daughter would buy our home in 2000 when I moved to the Plant City area to marry a certain Mr. Johnson whom I also had the sad task of burying last summer as I recorded on this blog.

My dad and I in
a certain church corridor
I would return to. 

Some thirty years have now gone by and I started my church search with that church I had been a member of with my first husband. My first Sunday there was Father's Day, June 21, 2015. After the senior Sunday School class,  I came to a corridor where I had been with my late father, ready for him to walk me down the aisle. I got teary-eyed. He had been 70 and I was 40. He was such an OLD 70--refusing at first to get on the plane to come to Alabama from California to see his only daughter finally get married. That Sunday I was still 70! I do not feel as old as my father seemed at 70 in 1985. I learned a lesson from his being a widower--get on with your life and do not get stuck in grief as Dad had.

I enjoy corporate worship and instruction through preaching and again felt at home with this church. Worship could not include visiting every church in Huntsville, I reasoned--scrap that plan.  Sunday, June 21, 2015, I knew that this would again be my Huntsville church family. The second Sunday, June 28th, I went with the seniors to a play in Guntersville on the church van in the afternoon. In July I volunteered for Vacation Bible School and met many younger women, youth and children.  In October I am starting a book study during the week at this church. 

When you move to a new state you have to get new automobile plates, new driver's license (took three days in three cities), new car insurance (half of what it was in Florida), new doctor, new bank, and the list goes on. But at least I have a church family locally. 

A Place for Everything--ALMOST!

I only took one small old TV from Plant City and it is now in my bedroom for watching old video cassettes (which have been downsized considerably after my husband died). I moved in on Wednesday and by Friday I had purchased a 32 inch  "smart" TV and enlisted Comcast to be my cable/internet provider.

The wall unit you see was from a church rummage sale years ago and is only now being used as it was once used by the original owner who built it. I had Pharis drill holes in the back so the chords would not be seen. In addition to the TV, this wall unit has my boombox and DVD player. The bottom cabinets contain movies, and music and other items. The top has lamps that used to be on the fireplace mantel in Plant City. In Plant City the cabinets flanked the walls going from the living room into the family room.

Plant City After Sectional Sold

You see one of those cabinets and barely you can make out the couch that has moved all over the country. It cost $30 from the Salvation Army in California and both of my late husbands have teased me about the $600 I paid to have it reupholstered. Every time it is moved a leg comes off, but not if you leave it alone.

After three visits from Comcast, I finally am able to use my computer A WEEK AND A HALF LATER and make this blog post with pictures. Here is the second bedroom I call my den. The bathroom off of it is used for storage of fabric and craft supplies and sometimes Ziggy likes the tiled floor while I am on my computer at the left.

My late husband knew how to do things in the carpentry field. Now there were items that needed to be secured to the wall by the white thing you put into the wall and the screw to put in that white thing. It turns out, according to Home Depot, that these are called "Anchor Screws".  This could have been a huge grief issue for me, remembering all my late husband could do. My sister-in-law knew how to do it and also to set up my DVD player in the living room and my VCR with the old small TV in the bedroom, not for cable but for viewing videos. Here is a high shelf she put on my kitchen wall by the back door; that shelf used to be in the guest bedroom in Plant City.

Note that I was able to bring my upright freezer from my Plant City utility room and my tall pub table from the Plant City den. My sister-in-law  also helped me as a senior citizen (I turned 71 last week), hang curtains as I didn't want to do this alone and fall and break a hip. I did not have to buy any curtains. The curtains over the kitchen sink used to hang in two small windows on both sides of the fireplace in our Plant City home.

 I know it looks crowded, folks.

So love to look outside
from the kitchen sink

I asked my family what they one day wanted to inherit of my things. They said Swedish things. So with the exception of the  my bedroom and the bathrooms, the rest of this apartment has Swedish items.

In Swedish--"Small words of love spoken every day
spread over your life sunshine and happiness."

This Swedish display in the living room will change at Christmas.

Two Scandinavian Items
in Dining Room

The dining room is spacious and I can have the leaf of the table in it. I look forward to entertaining.

One day Ziggy and I walked up to the apartment office to report a minor plumbing problem. On our way back we met a dog and her owner and chatted. By the time Ziggy and I were back at the apartment, the plumbing problem was solved and with a note that someone had been in the apartment. The repairman had entered the front door and Ziggy and I were on the trail in the back and didn't see someone come.

My bedroom is cozy and I now use a double bed for Ziggy and me. The single bed I left in Plant City for Pharis. Pharis is also getting several other items that he can use. Pharis and others are maintaining the yard until the sale of the house is final.

Ziggy on "our" bed

The bathroom I and guests use is off of this bedroom and both that bathroom floor and the kitchen floor are wooden. Books need to be put away on the shelves in the picture. Alas! I have too many clothes which are on a rack out of the closet. Clothes need to be downsized, and I have two extra lamps.

The apartment complex has 500 units over several acres and I am so happy I got a downstairs apartment. I share a foyer in front and a foyer by the kitchen with three other apartments, two of which are upstairs. Our mail is delivered to the front foyer.  I did buy this wicker chair for my front porch at a yard sale on Saturday as I had gotten rid of all outside furniture in Plant City.  Have a camping chair to bring out if someone comes by to chat.

Hope you will chat by leaving a comment and by "liking" my blog on Facebook at the top right. I am always putting tidbits on that Facebook LIKE page from my iPhone. In July I will start working on the caregiving dissertation.

See my poem/rap "Longing to Chat on the Front Porch With You" that was first published in my book HERE. Chat by leaving a comment below. 

Carol

Getting Settled in the New Apartment

 

Printer's Drawer for Small Items

I carefully put these small items in envelopes by rows. This had been in the large den in Plant City.  

Now it will go in a corner of the new second bedroom I call my den.

Meanwhile I can post easier from this iPhone 6 than from my computer with my new Internet/cable provider Comcast / Xfinity and it is harder to get pictures on this post. 

What is it like as a 70 year old widow to move? 

* Exhausting! Exhilarating! 

*  In contrast to my church Deacons and members who loaded the van in Plant City, my retired rocket scientist brother hired three young men to unload the van. My new Huntsville friend, L. J., directed these young men where to put the numbered furniture. 

*  My wonderful brother and sister-in-law have helped me unpack. My brother carried many boxes out to the apartment dumpster. This prompted a sign at the back foyer that out of courtesy to others those boxes should be flattened and I wrote OK on that sign. I am slowly unpacking those boxes. 

*  I will remain a member of my FL church for quite some time as my pastor there will be overseeing my seminary counseling dissertation on dementia caregiving from a biblical perspective.   I will listen to his sermons on podcasts. But Sunday at the church I visited I did arrange to have lunch with two other widows later in the month. Also I took note of prayer requests and called J. E. who has Hospice at her home for her husband. Next Sunday I will worship at a different church.

*  Downsizing is such a great idea for a widow. Now my closest family will not have to go to Plant City to put me in a nursing home and sell my house. And I was able to let my late husband live there all his days which was his wish thanks to Hospice.

*  On Saturday at Weight Watchers here in Huntsville I weighed 40 lbs. less than I did at the beginning of 2012. That year I had lost 25 pounds. Then I basically took a caregiving break and gained 10 of those pounds back. However, since my husband's death last June 23, 2014, I have slowly lost 25 pounds. So the total is now 40 lbs. It is great to be able to fit in clothes I couldn't wear for a while. However I still have to unpack my clothes.

*  How is my dog Ziggy doing? He is adjusting fairly well. He is meeting new dogs and noticing rabbits on his walks. Last night in the cool of the evening Ziggy on a leash, my sister-in-law and I took a lovely walk in the neighborhood outside of the apartment complex. 

*  Saturday my sister-in-law,  her three grandkids and I went to the complex pool after I served them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. I discovered that one of them likes only jelly sandwiches, one likes only peanut butter sandwiches, and the third one likes actual peanut butter AND jelly sandwiches. 

So long from Rocket City! 

Carol

P. S. This was edited later in the day on my computer when the Internet worked better.

Moving to an Apartment in Rocket City

Last week I asked Alison, my realtor,

Can I just move this summer

 (with the for sale sign up)?

She said yes.

I spent a few days in Huntsville earlier this month.  While there I applied to substitute teach for the fall and scouted out apartments. 

I chose one which is not far from my family.  It is a 1402 square feet apartment with two bedrooms and two bathrooms and an eat-in kitchen. 

So when you come into the foyer of the four apartments in this building, two are upstairs and mine is at the right on the ground floor. I signed the lease for two years electronically. 

Huntsville is colder than I have been used to in Florida, and so having the front door and the back door open to a foyer before you go outside is great. Also the front foyer has mail boxes! 

I will like an eat-in kitchen where I can also put my upright freezer.

The complex has an exercise room, pool, and walking track for dogs. Maintenance is provided. Really more plusses than minuses.

Last week my water heater went out. Today I had a new water heater installed in my house. It might have waited until the house sold, but it didn't. When I move to an apartment, the landlord will take care of things like water heaters. 

So what needs to happen for me to move to Huntsville? I have to do more packing and some downsizing especially of clothes. I have different sizes of clothing and need to settle on what to take. Also, I want to finish a quilt for the last grandchild of my husband before I move. I want to see people before I move. 

I do not know how it will all happen--moving--but better to move at age 70 rather than be moved to a nursing home later with someone having to sell my house and sort through my junk. I am taking care of it myself. 

Thanks for your prayers, folks. 

Financial Impact of Being a Caregiver

I am often very transparent about life. 

Why not--God needs to get the glory 

as I wrote in my book, 

Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill!

I do not need to get the glory.  

      We bought our home in 2001 within the first year of our marriage. In 2004 my husband had a heart attack and shortly thereafter the house was refinanced to include the car payment for our used Expedition. After his recovery, we both continued working. I retired from stressful full-time teaching in Polk County Schools in 2007. 
      In December of 2008 my husband and I were all set to begin some retirement years together.  However he was diagnosed with dementia. Six months after this diagnosis, my husband retired. I helped him draft a two weeks notice letter. I surmised that he was not able to remember new directions from his employers and felt he needed to give his two-week notice.

         Suddenly I would have to pull in more income. Eventually I decided to work as a substitute teacher in public schools and to continue my part-time position as an instructor for DUI classes. These two employment opportunities allowed me flexibility for my new role as a dementia caregiver.

         At some point our financial advisor who monitored my IRA suggested we take a second mortgage at a bank where he had a friend. The thought was that the second mortgage would help us maintain the property because undoubtedly it would go up in value before it would need to be sold.          

        I studied Alzheimer’s and kept a good credit rating I thought. We lived our life as best as we could and Sally and Jake gave us a used pop-up camper and we went camping with them. We had two cars until a crash in December of 2010 that I wrote about HERE, which totaled our best car. He stopped driving and I drove our 1999 gas-guzzler Expedition until December of 2013 when it would have taken $6000 to fix. We then purchased a newer used car HERE that he would be able to get into and out of much easier than the Expedition, which we had to give away. We again had car payments.

         In the later years of caregiving we had wonderful volunteers that enabled me to continue to work and my husband to continue to stay in our home. Kenny would come to check on him while I worked and Pharis would take care of our yard and repairs.

          In May of 2014 my husband was rapidly declining and it became apparent that I needed to stay home and not substitute teach, although I was contracted to teach DUI classes and couldn't get out of that.    

        With more decline it became harder for us to manage. There were two choices—a nursing home or Hospice. I chose Hospice. My husband loved our home and Hospice came into our home.  Not long after this decision, he passed away on June 23, 2014. A small life-insurance policy of $20,000 paid for the burial expenses and some of my expenses that summer. I expected to be substitute teaching again in August, but due to my husband’s death I had missed an important meeting for Kelly Services.  Without his Social Security, money became very tight.  Finally a month into the school year I again started substitute teaching and seeing if I could refinance the house with the first and second mortgages.

      The decision to sell was made during my 2014 Christmas vacation when I visited family in Huntsville, Alabama—I would sell and move there. In January I contacted the bank who held the first mortgage and explained the situation and I stopped paying automatically the first mortgage. Not paying the mortgage helped me survive and take care of needed repairs on the house including a new water softener to handle the rust problem. My realtor and my visiting Alabama brother explained the reality of the short-sell to me and I spent two months getting the house ready to sell. 

It had never occurred to me that I would have to downsize at this time, and to sell-short, but I will be happy to live in an apartment and to not burden my Huntsville family with having to downside and sell property in the future.  

      My highest value in the stressful life as a caregiver had been taking care of my late husband whom I loved so much.  There hadn’t been time to take care of myself or to assess the value of our property which we thought would increase by the time we would sell it.  

I am so glad for what I have and look forward to a simpler lifestyle in a two bedroom apartment where I will work on the seminary counseling dissertation on caregiving. Continue to pray for the sale of the home as the first buyer backed out this past week. Our home will be a golden find for someone and I look forward to my golden years in Huntsville, Alabama.