Saga Twenty-Five

Jake and Sally's Camper at the left

Friday May 25 we headed south for camping and a wonderful four nights and five days of camping with our good friends Sally and Jake. With the exception of rain on Monday, the weather was perfect. No mosquitoes.


Friday night provided drama. Hubby, although he doesn't drive anymore, usually backs up our popup camper and so it was that he was at the wheel. He was agitated and it was sundown time. In a mood that he doesn't remember he told me we are going home. He didn't want to stay.


"Get in the car," he orders me.


"No," I reply. "It is too far home and we are staying here."


He made me feel like a rebellious wife, not obeying her husband. I recognized that this was a sundowning episode that he has had on occasions. I took our dog out of the car, fearing that he would actually decide to go home. Somehow I mustered enough courage to tell him that if he left the campgrounds in our Expedition I would call the sheriff, have him stopped and "Baker Acted". I have never ever had to talk like this to my husband whom I love dearly, but "for better and for worse" includes "for worse". I coaxed him out of the car and he sat down. Later that first evening DH forgets about the incident and asks me if I am mad at him. “No,” I say, and “I love you.” The extended Memorial Day weekend would proceed without further meltdowns.


Mirror and Place for Sunscreen, Etc.

Meanwhile I drove the car and popup camper around the sparsely occupied campground so I could drive forward to our spot. Jake helped me set up the popup. Setup of this popup is in Jake's long-term memory because he used to own it. In contrast to DH, Jake is a bundle of energy and you have to watch what he does because it is not always rational. He wanted to take everything out of our popup so he could clean it.


"No, Jake," and he listened and we proceeded to do just enough to get set up while hubby looked on. The picture at the left shows just one drawer that Jake thought he had to empty. Remarkably free of bugs (I found only one dead spider), it didn't need to be cleaned out of pots and pans and items that this spacious 6 bed popup was able to store. Over a year ago I had placed labels on drawers so my husband could find things. This also shows his cell phone charger plugged in at the bottom left. Routines and clues are so important for Alzheimer's patients. Hubby would use that cell phone during our camping when he had forgotten where I was. I got calls in the bathroom and at the club house.

With camp set up, and Ziggy in a travel cage in Jake and Sally’s more secure with better air-conditioning camper, we set off for dinner at Sony’s. We have a lovely dinner and scope out the town of Clewiston to plan our weekend. We will have Sunday brunch at the Clewiston Inn and then go to the 11 am church nearby. Memorial Day we will schedule an airboat ride. We return to bail out Ziggy and bring him to our popup. This first night of four I do not sleep well. The senior citizen lady that I am I had to get up in the middle of the night four times to use the bathroom. This involves walking about a block to the clean bathhouse. It disturbed both hubby and dog Ziggy. The next three nights would proceed more smoothly as hubby and Ziggy were more used to this routine of mine.

Saturday, May 26 we again put Ziggy in his cage in our friends camper and we head off the Clewiston., such a small town, but we manage to find a Goodwill. DH finds his usual seat in the store and the three of us look around. Sally finds a book by Max Lucado to read; I had brought my advanced copy book by Mark Shriver  to read, A Good Man, which I will review on this blog in June to write about Sargent Shriver's Alzheimer's. Back at the campsite Sally and I make BLT sandwiches that we serve picnic style at the club house porch. In the club house where Ziggy also hangs out we have devotions from Dana’s Galatians book. Jake and Sally go swimming. DH watches TV in the club house and I read, get on line on my small notebook computer and go on a walk finding a family of ducks (pictured).  For dinner I assemble the salad from the fixings I cut up at 4 am Friday morning before we left and Sally adds chicken she has grilled. We eat in their camper and after dinner, three of us play several games of UNO with Jake not joining us. I was very pleased that DH joined the UNO game. As Shriver's doctor told his daughter, when you have seen one case of Alzheimer's, you have seen one case of Alzheimer's. Lots of contrasts between DH and Jake.

Sunday as planned we have brunch at Clewiston Inn. Sally did something wonderful I thought since I am spending more time in prayer this year; she told waitress Elena that we pray at our meals and "How we could pray for her?" We prayed that she would make it through the day. Another time she asked waitress for a prayer request and we prayed that she could get her own place to live. Today at the grocery store I looked at the Choice Books display and purchased The Power of Praying by Stormie Omartian. The young man who bagged my groceries said that he bet that was a good book. I had him carry out the groceries so I would be able to pray for him that the LORD would give him another job or promotion because he is getting married in September. Thanks Sally, for this really good idea.  

The eleven AM church service was wonderful and we were warmly greeted. My husband stood when they asked all service men to stand. For the offertory the pianist played a medley of "Spirit of the Living God" and "My Country 'Tis of Thee. The wonderful pastor, short in stature, but mighty in faith delivered an inspiring message, “You Won’t Even Know When I am Gone”, for Pentecost Sunday. Christ told his followers that he needed to go away so that the Holy Spirit who would guide them into all truth will come. Text was: Acts 2:1-21 and John 15:26, 27; 16:4b-15. As is my practice, I took sermon notes on my notebook computer.

Trust the Spirit, look to the Scriptures,

and do what the Spirit says to do.

I needed that message--direction for this journey we are on. When you care for an Alzheimer's loved one, you need a simple life--not a popup camper that has holes to fix. That afternoon we discuss the popup. So much work to set up and DH and I decide to get rid of it. He will not remember that decision on Monday, but at least Sally is my witness that this decision was made--we had even prayed together about where it would go. Jake with his Alzheimer's will not always be able to help us, and hubby wasn't comfortable with camping with his Friday night meltdown.

Lock Going Out to the Lake

Monday, Memorial Day, we go on an airboat ride on Lake Okeechobee in the morning. We have lunch at the Clewiston Inn and it starts to pour rain. Back at the campsite we assess the damage to the popup. Not bad and husband seems to have forgotten that we have decided to get rid of it. Sally and I both have naps.

By Monday Jake checks the inside and turns on the refrigerator which we didn't think worked because the Jayco dealer said it couldn't be fixed. I was using that small refrigerator to store cans. At night we eat out at the Tiki Bar—hubby ordering his coconut shrimp and I ordering a taco salad minus the shell, olives and sour cream--idea from my Weight Watcher leader. Both Sally and I are doing Weight Watchers, although not perfectly with camping.

When we return to the campsite, we have devotions from Dana’s Galatians book.  Everyone turns in except I get on my notebook computer in the popup and check the Internet, learning some new prayer requests. We will leave in the morning. 

Tuesday morning. Decision time. No electricity when we are ready to leave. I discover cold cans in the refrigerator—the camper refrigerator works after all! However, there had been too much plugged in with my notebook computer, our cell phones and that refrigerator. The air conditioner doesn’t work. We needed fuses, perhaps, or the source for electricity at the campground wasn't working. But time to go and not solve the fuses.

With taking the popup down, I wondered if we could just drive it somewhere and not take it home. I feel like this would be a step of faith, and hadn't I learned that with the pastor's Pentecost sermon? I call my neighbor's cell; he used to work at a RV dealer that would be on the way home. I leave a message, but don't hear back from him. I empty all the drawers except the miscellaneous drawer where I have lights and fuses. I leave notes in that drawer and safety pins that I used to pin up curtains. I put what I can into our Expedition and Sally and Jake pick up other items to transport back to Plant City.

New Adventures for This Popup Camper

Then I remember that a wonderful family of five in my church might want our popup--the wife had once said to me that if we ever wanted to get rid of it, they might be interested. I talk to the couple and I tell them all about it. This family is very resourceful and I know they can deal with the popup camper's quirks. The family said yes and  two delightful daughters helped settle it on their property which was on our way home to Plant City. 

We arrive home safely driving through rain without the popup. Exhausted, nonetheless I substitute teach on Wednesday and hubby actually mows the front yard without my pressuring him.

Wednesday night we go over to Sally and Jake's to get our stuff and we go to dinner at Weight Watcher friendly Applebee's and reminisce about the weekend, with Jake and DH remembering some of the weekend. Both did remember the airboat ride. Hubby pretends sometimes to remember recent events while Jake often looks mystified. Alzheimer's is different for everyone, but as Jake's T-shirt says, old guys rule. 

Without Jake, we couldn't have camped.



Sally and I love our husbands who do need us to explain things to them now. We appreciate what they can do--Jake's willingness to always help, and DH's humor and easy-going attitude--most times.

Thanksgiving Week

Read Sunday morning from Psalm 118:19-21, 29 NLT

Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,

and I will go in and thank the LORD.

These gates lead to the presence of the LORD,

and the godly enter there.

I thank you for answering my prayer

and giving me victory. . . .

Give thanks to the LORD,

for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

• Love going to church today in a few hours. So does DH. We bring our lunch and eat together after the worship service. Then we have a counseling class. DH listens while I take notes. I will be finishing up a counseling degree in the next several years. My current paper will be on "Dying Well".
• We are not going to be camping with that group. A call was made to say we weren't accepted. Both DH and I are at peace with this (although DH might be hurt). We still can camp with Sally and Jake. Sally and Jake are still in the group, but Sally speculates that it is because this group didn't want another person with Alzheimer's.
• By book is now an eBook on Barnes and Noble. Go to bn.com and purchase at $7.69 for your iPad, computer or Nook. Just type in "Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill", the name of the book.
• I went to a Christian Writer's Conference all day in Orlando Saturday, November 19th. Thanks to Sally and Jake for taking DH to lunch while I was gone. DH is able to stay home by himself, but that sure was wonderful that they thought of this. Sally and I are thinking about introducing our husbands to senior day care, which might work if they go together. These men always have so much fun together. Sally increasingly has to be with Jake and this may help if our husbands can both hang out at a senior day care; they love telling each other the same things over and over.
• Obsessing. DH now obsesses about that camping group. Jake obsesses about not being able to drive and DH made the mistake of driving when the four of us were together recently. Sally told me later, that it really didn't matter. Jake obsesses about how unfair it is that as a man he can no longer drive. DH often comments on Jake and genuinely cares for him.
• DH genuinely cares for me. I love him also.
• I have a week off--no subsituting the week of Thanksgiving. We will be with some of DH's extended family on Thanksgiving. I have a week off to de-clutter, clean. and decorate for Christmas.
• Most of my Christmas shopping is done. My creative gift this year for birthdays/Christmas is not a quilt like the last two years. This year it is Scripture highlights I have been working on each day. These highlights are printed in a binder for selected people. One family member didn't want it because he said it is "too preachy"--so he is getting an iTunes gift card. Other family members are excited about a binder of Scripture highlights. This is not necessarily a cheap gift for our budget, as I have had to buy additional printing cartridges, binders and mail the binders. The binder shows my excitement for God's word and how it sustains me each day.

Saga Twelve

“An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.” ~~ Bonnie Friedman

Our second camping trip with Sally and Jake. DH is obsessing all week about what is bothering him. So is Jake. When we get to Lake Manatee State Park, however, all obsession seems to be forgotten. We have been invited to a group of campers that Sally and Jake have been camping with for years and if we camp two times with this group, they will either vote us in or not. I wonder if they want another Alzheimer's husband in the group.

Other things besides the husband's obsessions are forgotten also. We are at our campsite and Sally and I disperse our husbands to go and get Jake and Sally's chairs. Guess what! Neither of them remember and they take a walk around the circle until we see them. No camp chairs! How many other wives whose husbands do not have dementia disperse their husbands to get something and they do not come home with the item?!

The group has

been together

camping once a month

for years

except during Florida's

hot summer months. Fine folk from several different churches in the Tampa area. Next month they will vote on our membership when we also join them. I think Sally and I have a great time camping with our husbands and we might as well do it while we can.

Friday night includes eating at a restaurant. I drive the four of us so Jake doesn't feel bad about his not driving now. At Cracker Barrel DH and I buy each other anniversary gifts that we each select for ourselves. I get some costume jewelry--necklace and earrings. DH buys a cap because he forgot his at home. (He also forgot his cell phone or else lost it again.) He thinks his cap is funny--it says "My IQ Test Came Back Negative". Now if he were seriously worried about his Alzheimer's, I don't think he would buy such a cap. But he isn't worried.  

Saturday includes a potluck lunch at noon. In the evening at 5:30 there is dessert and leftovers from noon. The group all sit around and chat after both meals and other times. Saturday morning Sally and several other ladies go to a neighborhood yard sale. DH and I are sitting at our site when Jake comes driving by on his bike. He doesn't know where his site is and where Lana is. I tell him all is well that Lana is with the ladies at a yard sale. Saturday afternoon the guys chat and Lana and I join a group for "Mexican Dominoes". My back can't take playing many games and so DH and I take off to get a smoothie at O'Brien's down the road from the park. Meanwhile the men return to their sites and Jake cannot find Sally again; he takes off on his bike to find her and people at the dock help him return to his site. Sally feels bad that she had her cell phone off when he was calling her. Sally came in second in the Mexican Dominoes game, however!

O'Brien Family Farms.  My husband, dog Ziggy and I enjoy this excursion. The farm lets you pick standing up and includes field trips from school age children. We take our pictures in the stand and enjoy our smoothies before returning to camp.

Since we hadn't gotten cards for our anniversary today, we wrote them. I wrote:

On this anniversary I want to say how much I do
love you. I cherish our camping this weekend
and appreciate the LORD's help in all the
adjustments we keep making in our senior years.
Thanks for letting me be me. I promise to be the
best wife I can be to you as we take care of each
other. Love praying with you each night also.

DH  wrote:

No other place I'd like to be than here.
No other person I'd rather be with than you.
Ziggy and I love you. You are in our dreams always.

I am enjoying my husband's love and hate the thought that one day he may not recognize me as other Alzheimer's spouses experience.

When you have a used popup (we bought it from Sally and Jake for $50), things may not go smoothly. It has been repaired in two shops. This morning I used the microwave for the first time to warm up coffee for DH. I blew a fuse! But when Jake and Sally came by later for fresh coffee we had then made outside the camper, Jake checked out our fuses and fixed it with our spare fuses and now I know how to do that. I thanked Jake profusely.

DH just does not do problem solving with fixing things anymore, and he has less energy. He even forgot that the electricity had gone out as we talked later. I just have to use that microwave outside with a separate extension chord in our gorgeous Florida weather, and I have to keep learning how to take care of things my hubby used to do. Sally is even learning to drive a bigger RV now and back it in. I am learning all I can about this popup camper.

Thank you, LORD, for our anniversary and for this weekend.

Saga Ten

Jake and Sally are experienced campers and they have sold us their 1987 Jayco popup camper for only $50 with the hopes that both couples can camp together. I have arranged, in the last month, for the popup to get new tires and have attempted to repair the canvas. On order from Jayco are clamps to keep the roof down while traveling.

The two couples plan a camping trip to a nearby campground for Friday through Sunday, March 4th-6th, to test out the used popup. All week long Sally and I wonder how the camping trip will go.  I wonder if this will be the time that DH will wander away and someone will notice his ID bracelet and contact me.

Sewing Didn't Work and So a Duck Tape Try

Tuesday before camping.  It rains while the raised popup is up in our backyard. There are still leaks that I took note of. Then while using a hair dryer to soak up some rain in the popup, the electricity goes out. Jake fixed this before and so I would ask him again to do this on the camp out. I buy extra fuses. I do what I can to patch. Still I don't know if this trip will happen.

Thursday. Tension.  DH wakes up and wants to know if Jayco has installed the clamps. "We aren't going if you don't have those clamps. You are trying to pull something over on me," he says.  Meanwhile the same day Jake does not pass his Alzheimer's DriveABLE test although he is scheduled to pull their camping trailer that next morning. (This is the yearly test that my husband passed in October and will need to take again in the fall.)  Will this trip actually happen? The park has no reservations and so we have to get there at 8 am the next morning to be sure we get sites. Thursday night we assume that DH will drive for Sally and Jake and I will pull our popup. Jake doesn't trust Sally's driving. He sputters about not being able to drive.

Friday--first camping day.  DH does not want to drive our popup to Sally and Jake's home and leave it in the street because he can't move it into their yard. We decide that we will go to Sally and Jake's home without our popup.  Sally comes with me back to our home in our car.  DH and Jake follow with DH driving. Jake is livid about not driving, but helps DH hook up our popup to our car. Reluctantly Jake agrees to let Sally drive their car and pull the trailer, saying that some official is crazy for not letting him drive. Both men are in the passenger seat now and on the way to the campground  Jake tells Sally it looks like the women drive now. My husband meanwhile sympathizes with Jake and the men are able to discuss those driving tests later. (DH could have pulled our popup legally, but we wanted to support Sally driving by my driving.) 

What else will upset our husbands? We have our husbands back up the campers to the site and it looks like we might actually have an enjoyable three days. It becomes just that and also a time for the men to tell each other the same stories over and over because neither one remembers the stories of the other. Sally and I are able to observe a lot about our husbands and also share a lot with each other on our private walks. Jake is able to forget his not driving and enjoy himself, althought DH is able to share his feeling about driving with us all. He says he enjoys being driven around now. I am not sure yet if Jake has adjusted to his own not driving.

Saturday we go into town to a craft fair at a church that Jake built when he was a contractor and I take a picture of  him by the sign of that church. Jake cooks hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and makes a fire for us all in the evenings. On this short trip I drive our Expedition--no husbands demanding to drive.

Sally and I basically share the cooking. For the first meal, a lunch, I make toasted cheese sandwiches with coconut oil on the outside of the bread. I also have a simple "Mediterrannean" salad of lettuce, Craisins, walnuts and feta cheese served with light ranch dressing. I loaned Sally The Coconut Oil Miracle and was pleased that Jake liked the toasted coconut oil cheese sandwiches.

While camping we plan two other camping trips with them. They have reintroduced us to camping and I am so happy that my husband loves being retired and doing this now.

We make it through the first night, despite the fact that Jake couldn't repair the electicity in the popup. We do have air conditioning when we want it because that circuit is separate.

DH on the Inside and Me Pushing
on the Outside
Finally we work togeher!

Saturday DH and I repair that leak that he has noticed. We use adhesive fabric spray and canvas. He is not upset this time about the shape of the canvas. We have survived one night, despite no electricity.

Our dog has come along for his first camping trip and he proves to adapt well to this experience until it starts to rain the second night about 1:00 AM.  Buckets of water come down. I wait for drips in the popup, but it appears that we will be dry, although I won't get out of the popup to use the campground bathroom during this rain. (Ask me privately about my funny adventures with using the port-a-potty in the middle of the night and emptying that port-a-potty in the morning.)

Jake tells us that he bets we will upgrade to a better camper shortly, but Sally and I do not know now long we can enjoy camping vacations with our Alzheimer's husbands. I am just glad if this vintage popup will last until the fall, to tell you the truth, and provide "Living in the Moment" happy events. May the LORD be with us.

So they camped or traveled at the LORD's

command, and they did whatever

the LORD told them through Moses.

Numbers 9:23 The Living Translation

Postscript. Sally did drive home. Jake did not object as much as she feared. I guess that the experiences that DH had may have helped Jake, that is, if Jake can remember what DH said.