Saturday, November 16, 2013

New Normal in Caregiving Is Hard


This link Seven Stages from The Alzheimer's Reading Room describes the "new normal" stage that my husband is slinking into--perhaps stage five of seven. Every care receiver is different. My husband is no exception. He is different from other sufferers, but like them is trying to feel normal even as he:
  • Struggles to express himself with the correct words. I have to
    stop my busy pace and concentrate on what he may be trying to say. 
  • Wants to say "no" instead of "yes". I am so glad for the good routines established that keep things as "normal" as they can be. Taking morning pills with Kenny is a routine that works. Taking evening pills with me at 8 pm is a routine that works. Waking hubby up at 4 am for a pain pill works, in that I put it in his mouth and he slightly raises his head to swallow water and then goes back to sleep. 
  • Has diminished taste buds and interest in food. Consequently I try to find what food will work for him. Fortunately I can give him coconut oil with that dark chocolate. 
  • Has less knowledge of time.
  • Lights up when I come home.
In contrast I, the caregiver/lovegiver for my husband:
  • Struggle to say the right words to my husband without appearing to nag, without giving too much information in what I say. It is quite a discipline to say one thought at a time. 
  • Have to say "yes" to more responsibility and yet am simplifying and saying "no" to perfectionism and expectations.
  • Have more knowledge of time, trying to multitask, and yet fearing caregiver burnout.
  • Light up when I see him, yet do not feel "at home" at our home. Frankly, when I am teaching I feel more normal--I work for respite perhaps and also income. 
My new normal includes writing a dissertation in my "spare" time which often is while substitute teaching in good classes or early in the morning while hubby is sleeping. Currently I am writing the chapter on stress and depression and fighting both stress and depression personally. Time to book an appointment with the counselor. Time for prayer and meditating on God's Word. 



Graphics from Pinterest. 

8 comments:

  1. I'm not doing much on the computer these days, but I'm still reading your blog. Love the list style you used to write this. I hope you are taking care of yourself.

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    1. Barb, I am studying now how to take care of me. It has something to do with the proper kind of eustress and of course my faith. I know you have stress as well, and we caregivers need to realize that life is not all about us.
      Hugs and prayers,
      Carol

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  2. I understand, and am praying for you both. Praise God for Kenny and your husband and you, and it's all good even though it's hard.

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    1. Laurie, you are such an inspiration to me. You have a painting business from home while you are a caregiver. You have such a marvelous handle on kinds of stress and I love the LORD in your walk.

      Hugs and prayers,
      Carol

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  3. There are no words but my heart is full of compassion for you my friend!

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    1. I have no words to say either, Georgene, other than to thank God that He has put a Georgene in my life and we apply Galatians 6:2 as we bear one another's burdens.
      Hugs and prayers,
      Carol

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