You see, folks, my husband does fine, but today, Thursday, was another one of those days like last Monday when I was a basket case. We live in the country outside of Plant City and have well water and water softener tanks to get rid of the rust. Now I knew that a couple of tanks were low and my neighbor put bleach in one and salt in the other on July 19th. The house water seemed fine--until last night.
Rusty water this color was now in the sinks and the toilets!
My imagination went soaring and I got very little sleep last night. Surely the plumber, if I could get him to call back in the morning, would tell us we had a huge bill and lots of inconvenience. It would take a long time to fix and we would have to use paper plates instead of the dish washer, take our clothes to the laundromat and buy lots of bottled water. I imagined we couldn't afford to tear up the pipes to the house to get everything fixed properly.
"Call the plumber," hubby says, and I worry about the cost and then the inconvenience. When the husband is still in charge as the leader but no longer remembers how to maintain the property, it puts a huge load on the wife. He has turned the finances over to me now and I know we have very little in the budget at the end of summer for contingencies. We have had an expensive roof repair and air conditioner repair this year, not to mention a $500 riding lawn mower bill and a $1100 car repair bill. Not another unexpected expense!
This morning after the plumber finally returned the call, I called Kerry and you will see she prayed for me today at 2 pm in the comments at the right with the last post. At about 3:30 the plumber shows up. $72 and three bottles of bleach. Everything is fixed we think.
Thank you Lord and thank you Kerry and cousin Chuck for praying. I know Sandy was also praying and two churches in AZ and TN! I think I will go run the dish washer with good water.
Update 8/4. Air in the pipes and cloudy water still. Got tree trimmers out here this morning for a big truck to come this afternoon; well plumbers will fix a pipe going down to the well. We went elsewhere to shower.
About dementia, widowhood, and the LORD's faithfulness. My Sweetheart passed away from Mixed Dementia.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Missing Keys, Appointments and a Full Moon
What a day! In the morning my husband could not find his keys. We also had a Watson Clinic appointment for 12:45. He is most upset about the loss of the keys and we went to get copies of them for $7. I resist getting a copy of his car key which is $60 at the locksmith's and $100 at Ford and suggest that they may turn up sometime this week at the house.
Next he didn't want to go to the doctor's appointment and so reluctantly I call to cancel the urology appointment, obeying my husband, although not a wise move in my opinion. He is very mad at me, a mood he does not remember later. I even called my pastor. He is sick, he says. We go home.
After getting his equilibrium at home, he agrees to go to the doctor, not remembering his earlier sickness, anger and refusal to keep that appointment. I call the urologist on our way to keep that appointment and they can't affirm he had an appointment. A quick check at the primary care physician's office and we discover it is for the carotid doppler exam instead. He had taken the message for today's appointment, but not the detail of where the office was--urology or heart. I had assumed it was urology. At least we made it! I wonder if the results of the carotid exam will help determine why he is slowing down.
On the way home from the appointment my husband realizes he has put me through some hard times in the morning, but doesn't remember what they were exactly and I bring up the specifics. Says he will have to carry a tape recorder. We are back on good terms, but I wonder if this is the beginning, the foreboding of times to come that I have been reading about.
Suddenly after being home about an hour his keys show up and he has no memory of missing the keys in the morning. I ask where they were--"in his pocket," he says. Now we had checked that pocket along with numerous other places in the morning. Sure glad that we didn't buy the expensive Ford key replacement. Later I mention the keys, and he says, "Oh yeah! I have to find those keys!" Total frustration I have.
By dinner time I am in no mood to cook. I have zeroooooooo spirit left in me. He sees this and we decide to go out to dinner. At dinner I tell him the story of a wife trying to cope (my story today) and suddenly we start to laugh. He teases me because I wanted to use his cell phone to see if my cell phone was in my large purse: "You mean you can't remember where you put your cell phone!" Got my equilibrium back!
Next he didn't want to go to the doctor's appointment and so reluctantly I call to cancel the urology appointment, obeying my husband, although not a wise move in my opinion. He is very mad at me, a mood he does not remember later. I even called my pastor. He is sick, he says. We go home.
After getting his equilibrium at home, he agrees to go to the doctor, not remembering his earlier sickness, anger and refusal to keep that appointment. I call the urologist on our way to keep that appointment and they can't affirm he had an appointment. A quick check at the primary care physician's office and we discover it is for the carotid doppler exam instead. He had taken the message for today's appointment, but not the detail of where the office was--urology or heart. I had assumed it was urology. At least we made it! I wonder if the results of the carotid exam will help determine why he is slowing down.
On the way home from the appointment my husband realizes he has put me through some hard times in the morning, but doesn't remember what they were exactly and I bring up the specifics. Says he will have to carry a tape recorder. We are back on good terms, but I wonder if this is the beginning, the foreboding of times to come that I have been reading about.
Suddenly after being home about an hour his keys show up and he has no memory of missing the keys in the morning. I ask where they were--"in his pocket," he says. Now we had checked that pocket along with numerous other places in the morning. Sure glad that we didn't buy the expensive Ford key replacement. Later I mention the keys, and he says, "Oh yeah! I have to find those keys!" Total frustration I have.
By dinner time I am in no mood to cook. I have zeroooooooo spirit left in me. He sees this and we decide to go out to dinner. At dinner I tell him the story of a wife trying to cope (my story today) and suddenly we start to laugh. He teases me because I wanted to use his cell phone to see if my cell phone was in my large purse: "You mean you can't remember where you put your cell phone!" Got my equilibrium back!
Thank you, Lord, for our wonderful love for each other, bearing all things, and laughing at the end of the day. Thanks that we found those keys and got to the 12:45 appointment with the correct doctor. Lord, help me deal with anger and forgetfulness in my husband when in happens and help me to remember we had this bad day with the full moon in the evening to laugh. Thanks for the people who maybe read the first draft before we went to dinner and prayed for us. Help me accept whatever is coming down the road. Amen.8/3 UPDATE. Carotid doppler stable! Great!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Be All There
In the last several months I have been going to careging training and a caregiver's support group. Ask for help they say. So I did. There are tasks that my husband used to do that he no longer does. My neighbor helped me with one of them--maintaining the pump and well. Other caregivers understand.
Well, folks, someone once suggested to me, "We want to help, but you will just have to tell us how." That was almost twenty years ago when my late husband died. Such a good thing to say to a widow. So I did ask for help. I had someone "babysit" me while I disposed of my husband's clothes--sad task of a widow. My pastor then also send people over one Saturday just to help around the house. Now I also need help or the sense that I have people I can call who care.
Be all there with my husband. My husband is delighted that I sit my his side while he watches TV. Now I am trying to reorganize the household, have a yard sale to simplify our house and to raise money, etc. Lots of things to do in the house. But sitting by his side is so important. How thrilled he was last year when I got a Notebook computer so I could sit by his side while he watches TV. We communicate while I sit by his side--a touch, a smile. I let him initiate the conversation because what I might say often doesn't sink in. We have had two dates this week--he looks forward to going out to do things with me and gets all dressed up even though I say his jeans are okay.
Be all there. Who shepherds us? Do our pastors? An excellent blog I read today calls pastors to "be all there" for their flock. See--On Listening Pastors I wish I had the help of extended family. I wish I had a sense that someone is shepherding me as I go through this lonely road of becoming a caregiver to my husband. I cry out on blogs or e-mail sometimes to people who don't live here.
I am alone with the sense that my best friend, my husband, can't bear some burdens now (burdens about him). Then it is that I come to Scripture. So rich. The Lord is my husband. He will not suffer your foot to be moved. I cannot make it through the day without Him, meditating on Scriputre, and prayer. But Scriputre also tells us to bear one another's burdens.
"Are you all there?"
Well, folks, someone once suggested to me, "We want to help, but you will just have to tell us how." That was almost twenty years ago when my late husband died. Such a good thing to say to a widow. So I did ask for help. I had someone "babysit" me while I disposed of my husband's clothes--sad task of a widow. My pastor then also send people over one Saturday just to help around the house. Now I also need help or the sense that I have people I can call who care.
Be all there with my husband. My husband is delighted that I sit my his side while he watches TV. Now I am trying to reorganize the household, have a yard sale to simplify our house and to raise money, etc. Lots of things to do in the house. But sitting by his side is so important. How thrilled he was last year when I got a Notebook computer so I could sit by his side while he watches TV. We communicate while I sit by his side--a touch, a smile. I let him initiate the conversation because what I might say often doesn't sink in. We have had two dates this week--he looks forward to going out to do things with me and gets all dressed up even though I say his jeans are okay.
Be all there. Who shepherds us? Do our pastors? An excellent blog I read today calls pastors to "be all there" for their flock. See--On Listening Pastors I wish I had the help of extended family. I wish I had a sense that someone is shepherding me as I go through this lonely road of becoming a caregiver to my husband. I cry out on blogs or e-mail sometimes to people who don't live here.
I am alone with the sense that my best friend, my husband, can't bear some burdens now (burdens about him). Then it is that I come to Scripture. So rich. The Lord is my husband. He will not suffer your foot to be moved. I cannot make it through the day without Him, meditating on Scriputre, and prayer. But Scriputre also tells us to bear one another's burdens.
"Are you all there?"
Monday, July 12, 2010
Research on Dementia and Alzheimer's
My husband has been taking Vitamin B12 and I learned at my first caregiver's training session last week that this is beneficial; one of the 50 types of dementia is a B12 deficiency. Also I read in the link below that for Vitamin D is beneficial and it is easy to add into the diet as a supplement.
Also of interest is diet and exercise in the Framingham Study..
Meanwhile it is the middle of the night as I write this and my husband comes out from the bedroom to this computer where I am writing this and I tell him that I am so proud of his memory score and glad he takes Vitamin B12. He has no idea about this blog really, but goes back to bed. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, he trusts me.
We tease each other about the laundry basket. He keeps claiming I bring the laundry basket back to the bedroom full of dirty clothes when he has brought it to the utility room. If he would think about it, his clothes do get cleaned and I don't bring the hamper with dirty clothes back to the bedroom without washing the clothes first. Dirty clothes just fill up that basket and he has time lapse memory!
I am researching cheaper ways to do his expensive medicine and also getting him into a research study in Tampa. Also, will have his vitamin D and B12 levels checked and see about what kind of dementia he has. I am wondering if it is not Vascular Dementia, one of the categories brought up at my caregiver's workshop last week.
The dryer bell just rang now. Off to take care of that laundry!
8/16 Control diabetes and depression. Research from France
The researchers classified participants as being cognitively impaired if they scored in the worst 10 percent of older adults in the study. They found that the odds of cognitive impairment were about 42 percent higher in those people who were deficient in vitamin D, and 394 percent higher in people who were severely deficient.Walnuts helped Alzheimer's mice. Tea consumption seems to help also according to the link below. We regularly have walnuts with our coconut oil oatmeal. We are always drinking Lipton Diet Green Tea, rich in Vitamin C and antioxidants. We buy the 126 oz gallon type jug and use it to fill up the 16 oz plastic bottles--saves money.
Also of interest is diet and exercise in the Framingham Study..
One such long-term trial is the Framingham Study, a population-based study that has followed participants residing in the town of Framingham, Massachusetts since 1948 for cardiovascular risk factors, and is now also tracking cognitive performance. . . .The researchers found that participants who performed moderate to heavy levels of physical activity had about a 40 percent lower risk of developing any type of dementia.This is news from Alzheimer's Association 2010 International Conference
Meanwhile it is the middle of the night as I write this and my husband comes out from the bedroom to this computer where I am writing this and I tell him that I am so proud of his memory score and glad he takes Vitamin B12. He has no idea about this blog really, but goes back to bed. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, he trusts me.
We tease each other about the laundry basket. He keeps claiming I bring the laundry basket back to the bedroom full of dirty clothes when he has brought it to the utility room. If he would think about it, his clothes do get cleaned and I don't bring the hamper with dirty clothes back to the bedroom without washing the clothes first. Dirty clothes just fill up that basket and he has time lapse memory!
I am researching cheaper ways to do his expensive medicine and also getting him into a research study in Tampa. Also, will have his vitamin D and B12 levels checked and see about what kind of dementia he has. I am wondering if it is not Vascular Dementia, one of the categories brought up at my caregiver's workshop last week.
The dryer bell just rang now. Off to take care of that laundry!
8/16 Control diabetes and depression. Research from France
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Twenty-Five!
Yesterday I went with my husband to his doctor. We discussed how expensive his medicine is and she made some changes which can save money. Basically she said, "I don't want you to mortgage your house for his medicine." I will write more about this with a forthcoming post.
Before he took a that thirty question test, she repeated what I had heard her say before. "I don't understand how you worked so long."
"It was his long-term memory," I said and she seemed to agree.
In front of him she said, "His dementia will not be getting any better!"
"Should we see a neurologist to see what kind of dementia he has?"
"You can," was the reply but we didn't arrange for one yet.
After she left, her nurse came in to give my husband THE TEST. He scored 25 points! Now mind you in December of 2008 he scored 22 out of 30 and she told him point blank, "You have dementia." His points have been going up, with the last one being 24 out of 30 six months ago. I was prepared that we were going to go downhill especially after she said, "His dementia will not be getting any better!"
It has occurred to me that I am fretting too much. I have been reading books that fan my worry and tomorrow I start a three session caregiver's class. I have been a widow once, and I am just going to enjoy being his wife and ask our Lord to help with the worry. Look up these verses--some of my favorites.
Before he took a that thirty question test, she repeated what I had heard her say before. "I don't understand how you worked so long."
"It was his long-term memory," I said and she seemed to agree.
In front of him she said, "His dementia will not be getting any better!"
"Should we see a neurologist to see what kind of dementia he has?"
"You can," was the reply but we didn't arrange for one yet.
After she left, her nurse came in to give my husband THE TEST. He scored 25 points! Now mind you in December of 2008 he scored 22 out of 30 and she told him point blank, "You have dementia." His points have been going up, with the last one being 24 out of 30 six months ago. I was prepared that we were going to go downhill especially after she said, "His dementia will not be getting any better!"
It has occurred to me that I am fretting too much. I have been reading books that fan my worry and tomorrow I start a three session caregiver's class. I have been a widow once, and I am just going to enjoy being his wife and ask our Lord to help with the worry. Look up these verses--some of my favorites.
Philippians 4:6,7,12,13 and I Peter 5:7So tonight I told my hubby that I was going to a health class tomorrow. He wanted to know what kind. I said it is a class for me to be the best wife I can be for you to train me in caregiving for dementia. I didn't use the A word--Alzheimer's. He seemed to feel I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just trying to be the best wife I can under the circumstances, sweetheart!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Beauty of Thy Peace
Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our fev’rish ways!
Reclothe us in our rightful mind;
In purer lives thy service find
In deeper rev’rence, praise. . .
Drop thy still dews of quietness,I finally found what I could find in no other hymn book or on the Internet! Yesterday I was dusting and discarding books on a bookshelf, happily doing what needed to be done, when I found an old hymn book with my long-lost hymn! Let our ordered lives confess the beauty of thy peace. When you get things done there is more order. Then when you rest in God's providence there is more peace.
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of thy peace.
What robs our peace? Fretting about the future. When it finally dawns on you that you are a caregiver, you wrestle with all that this entails. You get prepared, read, get a support group. But it is one day at a time, one responsibility at a time, joy and peace all the time. Thank You, Lord God. Take from our souls the strain and stress.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Antihypertensive Drug Carvedilol May Protect against Alzheimer’s Disease and Promote Healthy Memory
Good news. My husband has been on Carvedilol 12.5 MG twice a day for hypertension.
Alzheimer's Disease: Antihypertensive Drug Carvedilol May Protect against Alzheimer’s Disease and Promote Healthy Memory
He also takes Namenda and Exelon. We changed Exelon from the patch to the pill as we are more consistent about taking pills than putting on patches. However, he does need to take food with his pills or becomes nauseous. We especially noticed the nausea when he switched to the Exelon pill.
Even with our AARP Prescription drug plan, his pills are very expensive.
Alzheimer's Disease: Antihypertensive Drug Carvedilol May Protect against Alzheimer’s Disease and Promote Healthy Memory
He also takes Namenda and Exelon. We changed Exelon from the patch to the pill as we are more consistent about taking pills than putting on patches. However, he does need to take food with his pills or becomes nauseous. We especially noticed the nausea when he switched to the Exelon pill.
Even with our AARP Prescription drug plan, his pills are very expensive.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Caregiver's Fabulous Birthday
My birthday was yesterday and my husband and I set out to celebrate it. Ordinarily I would not post this celebration, but I wanted to post it as a celebration of good times. We both enjoyed the day and I just didn't notice he was memory-impaired.
First we had brunch at Cracker Barrell where he noticed the surroundings and commended on them. He talked about the man over seven feet tall. I asked "where". He said he would show him to me when he returned to the room. Sure enough--he showed me--no short-term memory with that experience. And he said this memorable quote,
Enjoy life. Swish it around! We are retired!We went on Channelside, a place in Tampa where I had never been. There we shopped, shared Mud Pie Mocha ice cream at Cold Stone and went to the movie, "Killer"--plenty of action for him and romantic comedy for me. I left my glasses in the movie--we all forget things! My husband was very calm when I discovered my loss. He drove back maybe six miles so I could retrieve my glasses. He paitiently waited in the car while I went back to the Cinema. I was expecting a call on my cell phone--Where are you?" But he did not call--excellent short-term memory again!
During time in the restaurants he reminised. I wrote down what he said and thoroughly enjoyed the day. He talked about his father's time in the service and his time in the Coast Guard. When he bought my birthday card pictured here, he even bought himself a Coast Guard cap --said he had always wanted that cap.
There were quite a few birthday greetings for me on Facebook and I will post pictures on his Facebook photos so that he remembers yesterday as I have for other events.
My gifts from others included two books on Alzheimer's that I will review this summer on Plant City Lady. When I opened them I had to hide them from him so he wouldn't see a word like "dementia" on the titles. He doesn't want to be treated like something is wrong with him. Yesterday I hardly noticed anyway!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Quotes on Memory
“We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.” ~ Cesare Pavese (The Burning Brand)“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
“You never know when you’re making a memory.”~ Rickie Lee Jones
Jonas says, "But why can't everyone have memories? I think it would seem a little easier if the memories were shared. You and I wouldn't have to bear so much by ourselves, if everyone took a part."
The Giver sighed. "You're right," he said. "But then everyone would be burdened and pained." --Lois Lowry (The Giver)
"To live is to remember and to remember is to live." ~ Samuel Butler
“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” ~ From the television show The Wonder Years
"Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door." ~ Saul Bellow
"Memory is what tells a man that his wife's birthday was yesterday." ~ Mario Rocco
"Memory is the diary we all carry about with us." ~ Oscar Wilde
"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared."
~ Lois Lowry (The Giver)
"Sharing tales of those we've lost is how we keep from really losing them." ~ Mitch Albom (For One More Day)
"We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology … But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone." ~ Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
"In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit. " ~ Marge Kennedy
“If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.”~~ Edgar Allan Poe
“We must always have old memories and young hopes.”~~ Houssaye
"God holds all of our memories." ~~ Elizabeth Weber, workshop 10/23/10
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Communication 101
"You didn't tell me," he said.
"Yes I did," I softly said and let him go on and on angry.
"You don't make sense."
Communication became hard yesterday. It made me realize again to write things down for my husband. When I talk about things in the future, he says to not bother him with it until that day.
I had to leave the house early yesterday. I left breakfast out for him and of course his morning pills. I called to remind him midday. He hadn't eaten. So I told him midday to eat both halves of his sandwich. I reminded him we were going to pick up my car at Firestone garage and pay/charge that $1100 bill when I came home. By the time I came home in his car I had used all day, all he had eaten was one half of the sandwich and also no breakfast and no morning pills. He wasn't ready to go with me to get my car. He was angry. "You did't tell me." I had told him, but he forgot.
Lord help us in this season.
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