In the last several months I have been going to careging training and a caregiver's support group. Ask for help they say. So I did. There are tasks that my husband used to do that he no longer does. My neighbor helped me with one of them--maintaining the pump and well. Other caregivers understand.
Well, folks, someone once suggested to me, "We want to help, but you will just have to tell us how." That was almost twenty years ago when my late husband died. Such a good thing to say to a widow. So I did ask for help. I had someone "babysit" me while I disposed of my husband's clothes--sad task of a widow. My pastor then also send people over one Saturday just to help around the house. Now I also need help or the sense that I have people I can call who care.
Be all there with my husband. My husband is delighted that I sit my his side while he watches TV. Now I am trying to reorganize the household, have a yard sale to simplify our house and to raise money, etc. Lots of things to do in the house. But sitting by his side is so important. How thrilled he was last year when I got a Notebook computer so I could sit by his side while he watches TV. We communicate while I sit by his side--a touch, a smile. I let him initiate the conversation because what I might say often doesn't sink in. We have had two dates this week--he looks forward to going out to do things with me and gets all dressed up even though I say his jeans are okay.
Be all there. Who shepherds us? Do our pastors? An excellent blog I read today calls pastors to "be all there" for their flock. See--On Listening Pastors I wish I had the help of extended family. I wish I had a sense that someone is shepherding me as I go through this lonely road of becoming a caregiver to my husband. I cry out on blogs or e-mail sometimes to people who don't live here.
I am alone with the sense that my best friend, my husband, can't bear some burdens now (burdens about him). Then it is that I come to Scripture. So rich. The Lord is my husband. He will not suffer your foot to be moved. I cannot make it through the day without Him, meditating on Scriputre, and prayer. But Scriputre also tells us to bear one another's burdens.
"Are you all there?"
About dementia, widowhood, and the LORD's faithfulness. My Sweetheart passed away from Mixed Dementia.
You are one of the strongest women I know. You truly know what it is and have been such and example of loving husband your husband in sickness and in health. I have no idea what it's like, but I'm sure most women go through this caregiving stage for their husbands at some point or another. Remember Christ is your good Shepard. God is the only one who can truly give you strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. No other human being can give that to you. I'm encouraged by your strength as you are going through this trial. Your steadfastness is evident, and gives others going through other trials hope. I will be praying for you. If you don't mind, could I put you on my church's prayer list?
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Oh Nikkita,you are so right. Thanks for reading this today and responding. Yes, do put me on your church prayer list.
ReplyDeletePlease know that "I want to help, but you have to tell me how". Call me when you need a shoulder or a sounding board. I have just caught up on your posts having been away from the internet for over a week. You are an encouragement to others in the same situation. Praying for you both.
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