Sunday, June 10, 2012

Lovegiving Rather Than Caregiving

We all lose items from time to time.  Now when you don't have short-term memory you can't remember where you last used that item. I have left items places where I have taught and can trace that item and recover it at that school.

The latest item my husband has lost is his keys. Wednesday hubby was mad and wanted the keys right away. I said that I would get it after I worked Thursday which we did.

However Thursday morning he seemed uncharacteristically down. "I am losing it," he said. Several times he asked what day it was and several times I told him. We went after I worked to get him new keys. It cost over $70. We probably will find his other keys, but his sense of being in control is related to his having his keys and his maintaining a good frame of mind.

I love him and want him to be in good spirits. I am not merely a caregiver of my husband's possessions--his cell phone and his keys. I started thinking about those words caregiver and caregiving. Mark Shriver in the last post here is right. You are a lovegiver involved in lovegiving. If you were a caregiver only, you would say, "You have lost your keys twice now and I have decided that you don't need them." Sounds like a parent caregiver.

From Pinterest
If you are a lovegiver, you 

  • listen
  • speak one sentence at a time so what you are saying does not confuse the loved one with Alzheimer's
  • spend money such as getting new keys. I also got my husband four new ties several days ago that have the zipper on them so they are easier for him to put on.
  • answer without arguing. I read to never argue with an Alzheimer's loved one. He is right in his mind and his mind is often in a precarious position.
  • share
  • enjoy without complaint. DH has a great sense of humor and I do enjoy that about him.
  • trust without wavering. It is important that he trusts me also.
  • forgive without punishing. To punish would be to penny pinch and say no to a new set of keys.
  • promise without forgetting. Someone in the house has to remember.  I have changed the terms at the top of this blog from caring and caregiver to loving and lovegiver.
Your lovegiving is for others as well. Without feeling sorry for yourself thinking I have enough on my plate because my loved one has Alzheimer's, you find opportunities to give to others and God gets the glory when you do this.

So instead of new responsibilities as a caregiver, I really give love. I have those new responsibilities as my husband's helpmeet, and I love him and can show it. This is a huge paradign shift if you think about it. Dolores and Karen also picked up on this notion with their comments on Shriver's book review below. Maybe we are on to something here, gals.


  1. LOL. 6 days later the keys do show up. Now we have a spare!

  2. Glad to hear you now have a spare pair of!

    Such good advice you're giving ... and I love the word love giving rather than care giving.

    Excellent post!
    Hugs and prayers....

  3. Lovegiving is my new favorite phase. Thanks for giving it to use. I lost your comment on my last post. Sorry . I hit post on my page but it is not there. and not in my comments saved section. Sorry but thinks for reading my blog. Love hearing from you.