Friday, January 18, 2013

Meltdown and Meditation

On rare occasions hubby gets really mad and then forgets about it the next day.  He even had me in tears by the end of Tuesday. His meltdown on Tuesday was about not wanting to go with Jake to the Senior Center. I could  also tell you in vivid details about the other two meltdowns with me since dementia came. One I wrote about here.

Anger goes with the territory of the loved one with dementia. I put a distress signal up on Facebook. The result was that my husband's ex called me and wanted to counsel me and I talked with her in another room away from my husband. It was so sweet that she called. She told me my husband used to be angry a lot in their 25 years of marriage. So maybe I can't blame it all on the Alzheimer's. It is the sin nature that we all have. When I came out of the room after the phone call to make dinner, my husband asked me if I were having an affair and I answered of course not.

Anger is in my husband.  I know this when we are in the car and I am driving. The traffic makes him so impatient. He swears--didn't when I married him.

Anger is in me. The students I substituted for on Thursday were difficult. My authority as the adult in charge meant nothing. I had two students fight in homeroom, and then the last period there was a theft of property and much rumbling. Today I go to an inner city school where my raps and good reputation do not work.  It seems the administrators do not handle problems at the school I am going to today. LORD, help me be the adult today when I substitute. This is the last day of midterms here and everyone is stressed.

The cold of winter is finally in Florida. Last night I started getting angry and told hubby that it hurt me when he promises things and doesn't do them. This was part of my distressed call on FB. (I hate it when others kvetch on FB, but I did it myself before I took my Facebook cry of distress off.) I yelled at hubby last night--very uncharacteristic of me.

Can't you remember to check your clipboard
and do the things on there?!

He had  forgotten his lunch again, and forgotten his shower. Furthermore he asked me to remind him to mow the lawn before the cold spell that we now have. Day after day he has forgotten to mow at least part of the lawn and gets angry when I suggest we hire someone to mow our 3/4 acre of grass. Can I ever get it through my head that with his dementia he can't remember? I hate the NAGGING WIFE I am.

Can I take my shower in the morning? he asked.

You will forget in the morning I snapped. He took his shower last night. He also put a dish in the dishwasher--something I can't remember he has ever done in our 13 years of marriage. I do not gloat at my short-lived victory, because it's me with the sin problem again.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31, 32

Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ.  Forgive MY anger. Thanks that you came to forgive me and help me. LORD, I need you. Help me be joyful today. In Jesus name, Amen.


  1. The day turned out better than expected. Thank you, LORD!

  2. Your post brought back many memories. They forget and can't remember..... and we're only human. I spoke many an unkind word to David under my breath when I'd be angry at him......we're only human.
    Prayers, thoughts and hugs to you my friend.
    Glad the day turned out better....

  3. Thank you for your honest post which we can all relate to. You're right, we're all sinners, human, and yet you and I both have the joy of knowing forgiveness, and fresh starts.

    I'm so glad your day went better. The Lord knows how hard some of your days are, and is right there with you.
    Praying for you Carol,

  4. I found 'myself' in your post. :-)

  5. Praying for a weekend of more meditation and less meltdown. You are doing a fantastic job.

  6. Just catching up on some blog reading this morning. I'm sorry you had a rough time. Thinking of you and praying things are going better now that it's a few days later.

  7. Better than last Tuesday, Barb, but still issues to deal with here. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers so much--you all.