Rocks and Pebbles and edited a book of true stores called Alzheimer's Anthology of Unconditional Love: The 110,000 Missourians with Alzheimer's.
She described her caregiver process as watching her husband Jim die one ability at a time--unlearning. How I identify. First in 2008 my husband wanted to get rid of his extensive theological library--we gave books away and also sold some. He lost interest in the computer (maybe he has been on his computer five or six times in the past year). No longer does he want to work in his workshop and he has sold a lot of his shop machinery to friends. He gardens, vacuums, cleans the carpet and watches TV now and really enjoys this retirement. Probably many women would be happy if their husbands did all of that and they knew where they were at all times like I do!
Linda noted that the caregiver learns a new level of love, not expecting reciprocation. However, every day my husband says he loves me and he trusts me to make decisions. Because others don't live with the problem day to day, they are not aware of his diminishing capacities and there will come a time when I will need to ask for help from others.This week we will celebrate ten years of marriage. I have in the last three years taken on new responsibilities such as finances--scary since we have less income than when we both worked full-time. He trusts me and the responsibility is overwhelming at times. He used to handle repairs and now I have to do that. Call the plumber he says and I have to figure out on his Outlook whom we use. Every day I am conscious of his disabilities and my inabilities for the challenges.
Some of us are survivors and expect to continue moving forward with our lives. Others feel like victims and expect more catastrophes in their future. (pp. 16, 17) Money can't buy love or good health, but the lack of it can make life tougher. Either accept the challenge to make it through the tough times and still enjoy life, or decide you can't and sink into despair. (p. 26) What is your caregiving goal? I will venture a guess that it is to take the best care you can of your loved one. You don't care about being the world's best caregiver, or plan on being a professional. Let's face it, when you become a caregiver, you can't spend years practicing before you know what you are doing. You learn to be quick, think on your feet and be creative. (p. 68)
Linda writes also in this second volume that life should never be in a holding pattern waiting for a season to change. Living life in dread of the next season, and what it may bring, can steal our joy. I believe joy delayed is joy lost. The important thing is to embrace today and celebrate the festivals of the current season. (p. 132)
Linda, thanks for publishing these two books taken from your blog. I feel like we had biscuits, gravy and coffee together (her favorite meal) and I feel like I have a new friend with your well-written books.