Thursday, March 17, 2011

How to Manage Worry

Perhaps some people do not want to read this blog because it might cause them to worry.  What if this happens to my loved one? What if I get Alzheimer's and how will my spouse manage? I must confess that last year about this time my worry blossomed big time.

Then I started instead to learn all I could about the disease and make the best possible situation for DH (dear husband). I began going to an Alzheimer's Association support group once a month. Slowly I have begun to live for the moment--we camp now and we even went dancing with Jake and Sally! Bob on the Alzheimer's Reading Room advises to live your life as you always have. I became concerned for the concerns of others. Today DH and I  visited Sue whose husband has both Alzheimer's and cancer. The life of a caregiver is not all about worry. Some call changes the new normal.

I am determined to not be a worry wart. I have been immersing myself in Scripture. How does Scripture help me? It  helps me, for one thing,  accept my imperfections, my sin, and do something about it. Scripture helps me not to be proud about anything I can do, be, or become and gives me guidelines to help me live out my faith, to be obedient and content with my calling as a caregiver. Scripture helps me cope. I post Scripture highlights on my Facebook notes every day now since the beginning of January.

Last Monday morning I was going to substitute teach at two schools (one in the AM and one in the PM) and had too much to do to get out of the house. I started feeling sorry for myself (sinning), barking orders at DH--get my watch, plant flowers today so they won't die, don't forget to take your pills, eat your breakfast and please make your lunch--I don't have time! He can't handle all those verbal orders and inside of me I knew that I needed to be calm with him. I was as angry at all I was having to do just as I read earlier that morning about Balaam in the Old Testament book of Numbers.  Balaam beat his donkey for not obeying him. But with the Scripture reading I saw that Balaam had to learn to do ONLY what God wanted him to do. To get through to Balaam God even had to have his donkey talk to him! I had to see that I can only do so much and it's okay--what does God want me to do or not do?  I called DH and apologized for my short-tempered barking out of orders to him.  Everything worked out fine on Monday and even when I came home my husband, who is often unmotivated, had put flowers in the planter boxes! Christ uses Scripture to work out sancification (His best) in my life and helps me calm down with input such as the story o Balaam.

Isn't worry justifiable, understandable, for the caregiver?  I am taking a class on anger, worry and depression. One of the books for the course is called Down, But Not Out: How to Get Up When Life Knocks You Down, by Wayne A. Mack. Mack has the nerve to call worry a sin but says we can overcome it! We learn first that the foundation for overcoming anxiety is a personal, vital relationship with Jesus Christ, he writes. Putting struggles in perspective he continues:

As believers, we have trusted God for our salvation, for forgiveness of sins, and for a guarantee of eternity in heaven. Why then are we not willing to trust Him for our food and clothes and health and all these other things [a husband with Alzheimer's] that are of infinitely less important than our salvation? (p. 72) . . . When we experience anxiety, we need to make sure that we surround ourselves with godly people who can encourage and admonish us. In other words, people who can lift our spirits but who can rightly point out our sin in a loving manner. (p. 77)
So many people who comment here do lift my caregiver's spirits. Above all,  God can be trusted with the road ahead and my worry will not add to the outcome. The Lord has led in the past. There is nothing He and I cannot handle together.

Wonderful Scripture supports this peace the believer can have.  Mack himself expounds on Philippians 4:6, 7:
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. New Living Translation
Worry can be managed, folks. What Scripture or techniques help you?

11 comments:

  1. What a great post. It can be applied to so many areas of life. I worry about my kids and parenting a lot. I really try to stop and live in the moment. Thank you for your inspiring posts, Carol.

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  2. Living in the moment, quoting scripture, prayer, support from friends is such a good way to help with worry.

    I really think worry is like a cancer, it eats away at us. I'm not always successful at 'not worrying'..... but I sure try to take one moment at a time.

    Thanks for this reminder..... a great post!
    Hugs,

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  3. You will not believe what I worry about now. I don't know if I should tell you. But it is on my mind everyday. It is not caring for mom. I have that down. Been doing it for so long. And she is at the stage that it can't get much worse. We are just waiting for the end. Of course she can get bed sores again which I hate and she can stop eating again which I am waiting for . Because that is what happens the nurses tell me. But I don't really think about that like I used to. I worry about her service. What songs to play. Will it be to long or to short. Where should we have the dinner. Will I have enough food if all the family come to our house. Who will be the 6th pallbarrer. I have 5 I need one more. What should the pastor say. Should he preach or just read the obit and a poam. I am crazy!!!! Don't you agree?

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  4. Karen, you are a lovely daughter/caregiver. The minister can help you with all of those concerns when the time is right. I think of Psalm 23: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. . . Thou prepareth a table before me." I love Ps. 56 "You have collected all tears in your bottle." It will all work out, lovely friend, and then I will need you to be there for me.

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  5. Thanks! And I will be there for you.

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  6. Great advice. What I have found that helped me was I lived my faith in increments of 15 minutes at a time. If I can get through the next 15 minutes, then the next, then the next. Faith is not something you can store up and delve out when you need it. In fact it can become stagnant, no longer "living water." Anyways, I "15 minuted" my way to today, and here I am!It's a new day, with new challenges, and I'm 7 minutes into my 15 minutes. How about that!

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  7. Josey,
    FlyLady and Barb are great fans of 15 minutes at a time to do chores. Thanks for posting.
    Carol

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  8. I finally finished your book. Thank you again for sending it. I enjoyed getting to know your story and how the Lord has worked in your life. I especially liked the fact that you made a contrast between being 'nice' and being 'kind'. Yes, we are commanded to be kind.. but being 'nice' to win the approval of others or to gain a reputation for ourselves out of fear of man is not a godly goal. Our motives must always be for the glory of God which rule can only be found through Scripture. May the Lord richly bless you as you continue to live for His glory. Thank you again for your kind gift in the book.

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  9. Miss your posts--hope you're doing okay. My thought and prayers are with you daily.

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  10. Thanks, Carolyn, for your prayers. Will write soon.
    Carol

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