Pride Goes Before Destruction



MRI discovers torn cartilage



Light pink curb I thought was part of walkway

Pride goes before destruction, we read in Proverbs 16:18. Well I had a lot of pride and I fell over a long raised curb that separated our car from a brick walkway. At dusk it appeared to me that the curb was part of the walkway.

I commented in the last post about hubby being sad Saturday night as I left the hospital. He asked if it was his permanent home and of course I explained that he was in the hospital because of his knee. 

All Sunday I was back to the hospital with him. A person with Alzheimer’s doesn’t understand the hospital. He asked where our dog is. I should have put more lights on in the hospital room to avoid sundowners, but I forgot. I was tired and tried to sleep in the nice fold-down chair provided for guests. I tell you, that the staff there was wonderful—Cindy, Roy, Lou Ann, Lorrie and Tracey and I should have told have told them about sundowners as I did about his coconut oil that they kept in a refrigerator.

We left the dimly-lit hospital room as hubby’s bed was wheeled a brightly-lit room where the MRI specialist Carletta gave clear instructions to my husband as he entered her MRI machine that was to discover what was wrong with that right knee that had been giving him problems. Carletta’s sparkling personality was so much fun. She put music on my husband’s head set to mask the noise of the machine and he behaved himself all during the test that was maybe half an hour. 

Back in the dimly-lit room hubby had a sundowner’s episode, but I listened carefully and oh was I starting to be humbled. DH was uncharacteristically hurling all kinds of innuendos at me, threatening our marriage. I did start to listen, however, because I am being trained as a counselor. What is the feeling behind what he is saying even if the reality is skewed by an Alzheimer’s sundown episode?

Pride lesson number one. Hubby doesn’t feel connected to me. What he said was like a knife in my heart. I go around the house taking care of more than my share of work in household tasks, dare I say 99% of what needs to be done. But, my primary task and joy is to be WITH him. I have even blogged about this privilege of being with him as his wife. He told me point blank that I was becoming too bossy and that we needed to decide things together. I agreed with him. Everything I think is important to get done has become my altar above being a wife. I could understand how he was feeling and did not dismiss this, nor his anger.

So before going home for the night I gave him his cell phone so he could feel in charge. Meanwhile he called out Pastor who asked him where he was. He could not say where he was and Pastor had him give the phone to someone nearby. I was told that a nurse did talk with our Pastor.  Meanwhile when I got home, hubby called and ordered me back to the hospital, with strong statements that seemed to reflect on the security of our marriage. I was taken aback, but decided to take my weary bones back to the hospital. I even stopped and bought him ice cream.

It was as I got out of our car in the parking lot at dusk Sunday night that I fell. Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.  Down on my left side. I had learned to not brace myself in a fall and didn’t hit my head. But I was mad and in pain. Again with my pride I thought this fall was so unfair. Why had my husband insisted I return to the hospital after hours--so unreasonable, I thought!

I tried to hold back the tears from the pain as I made it to Third North with his ice cream. He was so glad to see me and had none of the anger of the previous hours. The husband in him rose to the occasion. Here he was needed to comfort me. Of course he expected that I was going to get his clothes and drive us home but I said I needed to go to ER about my injuries as Nurse Cindy started to fill out an accident report. I was sent to that same Emergency Room where hubby had been the day before. My pain had subsided by the time I got to ER and I decided to not pursue being examined in ER—possibly a prideful decision. Fortunately (better GOD’s grace than MY wisdom) I was just bruised as far as I can tell. My knee and elbow have abrasions and at this point the shoulder pain is gone. My pharmacist at Super Discount Pharmacy said to keep the abrasions’ uncovered and use Neosporin Ointment.

About 5:30 Monday night hubby came home and was wheeled in the front door by neighbor Kenny. Hubby headed for his spot in the family room by his DVD collection. We wheeled that collection out of the way so that the walker could be used. Soon Tom from Westcoast Brace and Limb was at our door to fit hubby with the brace he has been wearing on his injured knee. New items in our life: a wheel chair, walker (we have two now) and a knee brace.

Tuesday Jake came over and Sally and I attended a wonderful session with Dr. Aryn Harrison at our monthly Alzheimer’s Association meeting while Kenny stayed with the Alzheimer’s husbands.

So much help. Tuesday my main computer had a MAJOR virus and Dave from church is now working on it. I am so blessed to have all of this help. Sally and Jake’s son installed the moveable shower head for hubby to use as he sits in the shower.  The Interim Health Care have been at the house to rehabilitate my husband—three people today. Nurse Tammy, Occupational Therapist Sam and Physical Therapist Tarissa. Saturday Wayne again will mow our lawn. Thursday they are sending a social worker.  He has many adjustments so he can remain in our home and strengthen his leg, but he is on his way.

I have been remembering the lesson. BE WITH HUBBY. Fortunately there will be other people to help him exercise and take a shower sitting down. I won’t have to appear like the boss to him and we can just be buddies for however long the LORD wills.

--Carol from her Notebook computer by her husband’s side

(Corrected after first posted with pictures added when home computer was restored.)