The Alzheimer's Ready Home

Water stained wall

I suggested to my husband that he could water flowers while I worked. He did that. What we didn't notice is that he had left the water on and it was on all night and rust from the water has stained the wall. Fortunately this is in the backyard.

My husband has a lot less interest in taking care of our yard now. Jake loves to feel useful and loves to help us with our yard.



I am writing about The House That Cleans Itself, but there are so many issues for the caregiver in an Alzheimer's ready home not included in that book for the general audience and so I turned to this source:   http://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-home-safety.asp . Issues include:

Judgment: forgetting how to use household appliances. Speaking of this my husband has no interest in the computer now. He is proud of some equipment in the shop and in the garage, but really doesn't use it now. On the other hand, Joe, a blogging friend with dementia, uses his computer often. Jake loves to use yard equipment. Fortunately Jake doesn't have a riding lawn mower, or he might wander with it. My husband has a riding lawn mower, only it is hard to get him to use it and I am not comfortable with it yet.

Sense of time and place. I have noticed how my husband when we are out driving about (I am the one driving now) thinks that something by the road has been there a while. He and Jake can make up memories. Once they both decided that a restaurant had been on a certain corner--but not so. Sally and I just smiled about this. Hubby does use his Timex watch for the day of the week and the date  and his clipboard with the daily schedule for both of us that I have typed up.

Behavior: becoming easily confused, suspicious or fearful. I think the coconut oil I give my husband helps to calm him and also I keep very calm myself.

Physical ability: having trouble with balance; depending upon a walker or wheelchair to get around. Not so far. We always hold hands when we are out and I understand my hearing loss can create balance problems also. Hubby carries heavy things for me because of my carpal tunnel.

Senses: experiencing changes in vision, hearing, sensitivity to temperatures or depth perception

There is a Alzheimer's Navigator on the above site: https://www.alzheimersnavigator.org/ You go there and take a survey. Be prepared to give the date of the diagnosis. For example, my husband's Mixed Dementia was diagnosed in August of 2010. More on that navigator site later on this blog.

What I'm Learning About Senior Health, Part Four

I  have  hearing loss. I admit it! How does this manifest itself? People tell me. Talk sounds garbled to me. I tell people to speak up. So I went to an audiologist and she diagnosed my hearing loss. I have applied for a scholarship for those hearing aids. It is several thousand dollars and we just don't have the funds and Preferred Care Insurance will not cover it. Maybe the scholarship will come about.

Hubby and I can joke about my loss, but really it impairs our communication. I am in one room and he says something from another room, for example. Telling him to speak up doesn't work. Then when I get there he forgets what he said! We laugh about this, but I do need help with my hearing.

Speaking of applying for help, Sally suggested we use our local senior center for day care for our husbands. Both husbands are now on the waiting list. The fee is based on our income and we feel that our husbands will enjoy doing this together. However, my husband doesn't like the idea at all and says that Jake can just hang out at our house. He actually was mad about it--says he doesn't need a "babysitting" service.

Last Saturday our husbands enjoyed chatting while Sally and I walked around Lake Hollingsworth to raise money for the Alzheimer's Association. Our husbands were actually "babysitting" each other and so enjoy each other's company. Sally and I loved walking around the lake and the fact that we could help support the Alzheimier's Association which is so helpful to both of us.

Husbands sitting at far right

Lake Hollinsworth--almost a 5K walk

Beginning Master Bedroom, Area #4

Even my husband notices the clutter on my side of the room. But wait until you see what's behind this desk and "temporary" rack of clothes. This is shameful because we have enough drawers and a walk-in closet. It has to change!

Banquet table for junk on top and under

More by the book case 

It is going to take some time to get organized in this room. Usually you can just shut the door to the master bedroom when you have company, but this will not do for The House That Cleans Itself and the whole house process I am employing here.

Some changes have been made in the last several months. First of all I have a built-in vanity in the master bedroom for putting on makeup: I decided to use it instead of having makeup out on the bathroom counter in Area #1 and I do love sitting down to do my makeup. Second, we have moved a cabinet from the den into this large bedroom. On it is the bomb box and an iPod player on my husband's side of the bed. Music is so good for Alzheimer's patients and down the road when TV doesn't work so well, music will.

What will not change is all the places where my husband keeps his things. He plugs in his cell phone a certain place and puts his glasses a certain place at night. I am the one who has to change my side of the room and my habits.

What is my strategy for this change?

• Dispose of my clothes and sort through my shoes.  Because I have lost 30 pounds slowly through Weight Watchers, I am now fitting into some clothes I haven't worn in several years and have others that are too big.  Since I sew, some clothes may be taken in. I will put clothes to be altered on the shelf in the guest bedroom.
• Put summer clothes into bins for storage. Bins are now available that are under the pool table in the den.
• Repair any shoes or clothes of my husband that need it.
• Sort through books and paper clutter that you see above. Put the extra books in the holding shelves by the piano in the living room. Process the paper clutter quickly so I do not have to bring it into the den.
• Get that six foot banquet table and clothes rack out of there. Both the clothes rack from IKEA and the banquet table from SAMS were used in a garage sale several years ago. Never were they intended for use in our master bedroom!
• Put a small side table in the guest bedroom into the master bedroom for keeping jewelry.
• Go through drawers and ask those hard questions about each item.
• Use the notebook computer on that wicker desk for writing and study by the window.

Now the extra hour of daylight saving time isn't even enough to address these issues. It will take time to organize this room, but one day when I am my husband's full-time later stage Alzheimer's caregiver, I will be so glad that this room has been sorted through and organized as I spend more time there.

Fifteen people received free copies of the book The House That Cleans Itself,  from the author, Mindy Starns Clark, that I distributed to you.  Many of you have let me know that book has come in the mail and that you are excited about transforming your home to a house that will clean itself. Be sure that you also write to thank Mrs. Clark, whose address and e-mail is in back of that book.

Brill's "Alzheimer's Disease" for young people

The Marshall Cavendish Corporation has produced a series of books I discovered in substituting in a Plant City middle school. While the media specialist talked with the eighth graders about primary sources, I discovered a secondary source library book. The books in the 616 section of the library by this publisher included: Asthma, Depression, Heart Disease, Juvenile Diabetes, Lung Cancer and Alzheimer ’s Disease.

While the two children’s books I reviewed earlier here (The Memory Box and What's Happening to Grandpa) are helpful, Marlene Targ Brill’s Alzheimer’s Disease is a 2005 copyright book with much helpful information for grades six and older. We need this book to help our young people understand dementia. Mrs. Brill carefully covers the basics of the disease in 57 pages with a glossary, organizations and other references that follow.

Chapter 1 What Is It Like to Have Alzheimer’s Disease? Adam has grandmother with it and Jose’s grandfather has it. This chapter gets the young person into the topic. I do find many young people in middle school and high school are acquainted with Alzheimer's and at times I am able to talk about my husband's illness and the illness of their relatives.

Chapter 2 What is Alzheimer’s Disease? In a simple way Brill explains plaques, tangles, who might get AD, what are warming signs, how is it diagnosed, and what are the stages. This chapter has a picture of an EEG, a CAT scan and an MRI. She does not deal with two areas: 1) dementia distinctions (Alzheimer’s is the most common dementia); and 2) the latest research, although she does hint at studies in chapter four.

Chapter 3 The History of Alzheimer’s Disease. In 1907 German physician Alois Alzheimer was first to discover the disease. The section on new discoveries are not so relevant, but we do need budding young scientists to dream of cures for dementia, cancer and other diseases. Science and medicine can come alive for young people.

Chapter 4 Dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease. Cholinesterase inhibitors are described, but not Namenda. The suggestion is that aspirin might prevent AD. Old information is in the book; for example, ginkgo biloba is heralded:

Studies in the United States have shown that the extract improves thinking, memory, and behavior in people who have AD ( p. 44).

However, this is not true as Science Daily points out here. The moss extract huperzine A and fat from cow brains are also mentioned as possible help. Huperzine A has been used in China for centuries, and I found this resource here. What about fat from cow brains or hospatidylserine? The Mayo Clinic says some about this here.  However, improvements in memory lasted only a few months and were seen in people with the least severe symptoms.

The next sections, “Helping the Person with Alzheimer’s” and “Helping Caregivers” provide general reliable information, but of course more can be added—the benefits of exercise and socialization, for example.

With the exception of the outdated research in chapter four, I highly recommend this book for a young person and hope the publishers will revise it.

On another note, I am considering advertising books I have reviewed here or will review on this blog. Some reviews I already put on Amazon.  Advertisement could help provide income for a blog that I work hard at providing as I take this Alzheimer's journey with my husband and with others. What do you think, gentle reader? Feedback needed. Thanks. Advertise?

Also, thanks to you all who helped support the team I was on for today's November 3, 2012 Alzheimer's Association Walk around Lake Hollingsworth in Lakeland, Florida. Funds will still be collected on this blog for two more weeks. You can contribute with the link at the top right until November 17th.

If you have "liked" Plant City Lady and Friends on Facebook (top right), you can see pictures of my facilitator "Ann" and our friends "Sally and Jake" and my husband and myself.

Kitchen Reflections--As Perfect As Can Be Now



Ready to be mopped, enjoyed and kept clean





Camoflauge

 Mrs. Clark, in The House That Cleans Itself, believes in camoflauge. Regularly I make coconut fudge in ice cube trays so my husband gets coconut oil, probably a factor in his stability in stage one. While we have been using coconut oil for quite some time, a year ago I started the fudge. (See recipe here.) So I needed a camoflauge strategy for the ice cube trays and tub of Tropical Traditions or Lou Ana coconut oil that I am regularly using. Those trays come right out of the dishwasher and go here as pictured at the left. This is the HTCI system. This little corner production is out of the line of sight that Clark advocates. You look at my kitchen now and it works for us and makes me happy. But, it is not perfect. After all, FlyLady says:

Perfectionism is Shelved in 2012!

Speaking of FlyLady, why didn't her system take for me? (FlyLady is Marla, the author of Kitchen Sink Reflections.) She seems to have  whole industry now from calendars to special brushes for your toilets to water containers.  Probably my cargiving situation and the rah, rah of the FlyLady business didn't mesh at this time--too overwhelming.  HTCI seems to work best for me, but I still get FlyLady email and look at it from time to time.

Not perfection, but major changes. Now I want to cook and can easily clean the counter tops. Major kitchen and laundry room changes include:

1. Finding things and storing them where they are used.


Didn't work



What works












2. Getting everything off of the floor in the laundry room so that tile can be mopped easily.

3. Pantry closet tweeked so that it continues to work (see below).

4. Using cloth bags when I grocery shop so I don't collect those plastic bags.

5. Giving equipment away. Hope to have a party for young people and newlyweds to acquire some of those items as prizes.


Pantry closet opposite the washer and dryer



I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. Psalm 101:2 TLT

Monday was DH's turn to go to the chiropractor who got him to stand up straight. Can you teach dementia loved ones new ideas? I think so. I have been telling him to strand up straight because he can and because it helps his back pain. He does that more now.

Then Monday we went to vote early. I got in a booth next to my husband and assisted him the with process, thinking that maybe I would be thrown out. Not so. He was pleased that we voted early and also shows interest in news of Hurricane Sandy now.


Hubby asked when is the next time we see "Jake and Sally" and I told him that will be Saturday during the Alzheimer's walk. Sally and I will walk the 5K and he and Jake will wait for us. Who would have thought of two Alzheimer's loved ones babysitting each other! Please contribute if you can by clicking on the above link. I have not raised all my funds yet.

Starting on Kitchen and Laundry Room, Area # 3

I remember how my mom as she got older started leaving stuff out in the kitchen and I started doing that also. OK because Mom did it? Not so. That recipe that I think I am going to make doesn't need all the ingredients left out on the counter. In fact stuff needs a home so my galley kitchen will function. 



Bad habits leaving things out.



Now I have space to cook.









View of laundry from kitchen

The laundry room above is an extension of our kitchen and has a closet pantry at the left and more shelves that my husband built to house baking items in back of the closet leading out to the garage. Above the freezer, the washer and dryer and the sink are more shelves. I really do have so much storage to make better use of. Somehow, stuff just gets left out on the dryer, on top of the freezer and even on the floor, making mopping harder. You get the picture! I used to be able to close off this area with a hidden wall door, but when we replaced the linoleum floor with new dark tile I we can't do that now.

The biggest dent I made last week was to decide to get rid of two large boxes of kitchen stuff.

Can't really think of anything I need above.

This feels so good. Then I was able to move party goods into spaces in the pantry/laundry room that had been hidden in a bin under our pool table. That bin is now available for clothes storage. 

I have started the process of going through each drawer and cabinet in the kitchen and asking those hard questions of do I need this? and when have I used this?

How does this apply to my husband with Alzheimer's? I am not changing anything that he is used to--where the plates, glasses and utensils are, for example. He has such a great habit of rinsing out his dishes and leaving them in the sink or by the sink ready for the dishwasher. This is his kitchen also.

I went again to the chiropractor for my carpal tunnel this week as my wrists needed an adjustment. I am practicing this week for the 5K Alzheimer's Association run on November 3rd.  I have to wear those braces on my wrists when I walk. I tried running for 3/4 of a mile yesterday bending my elbows and my wrists hurt. Overall I am excited about my new level of fitness and weight loss. Hopefully there will be no more hospital visits for me for I can remain my husband's caregiver.

I need to raise more money and if you can contribute the link is at the top right of this blog. Thanks.

Thanks to The House That Cleans Itself by Mindy Starns Clark!  I am so happy with the changes I have been making. Through my thick brain I am finally learning to think and practice: 

A place for everything and everything in its place!

An Email Story and National Make a Difference Day

Today is Oct. 27th National "Make a Difference Day".  I posted that fact on the Alzheimer's section group board on Pinterest.

Sally sent me the following e-mail story about an angel (dog) and a grouchy father. Get ready to cry and think about what you can do today.

"Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?"

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.

"I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving.My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.

Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him?

Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess.

The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man.

Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing.
At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, and then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.
My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.

Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue.

Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind.

But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.

The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain.

Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, "I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article.”

I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had proved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.

I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed.

Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hip bones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.

I pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He gestured helplessly.

As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to kill him?"

"Ma'am," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog."

I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said. I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch.  "Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly.

Dad looked, and then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house.

Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!"

Dad ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.

Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal.
It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.

Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night.. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind.

The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church.. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life.
And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it."

"I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he said.

For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article. Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter, his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father, and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.

Life is too short for drama or petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Live While You Are Alive. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time. God answers our prayers in His time--not ours.

The Joy of Having a Working Den

Above is a picture of ridiculous stuff I found that will be no more in our den: 3 junk bunkers, one dead chameleon, and one box of envelopes all sealed closed.

I never really moved into our den with my current situation, but now I have. It would be embarrassing to find things. Now there is a place to file, a hidden place to sew, a hidden iron and iron board, and more.

Computer desk, copier and teaching materials

I teach a class for DUI offenders and one for first-time drivers. My crates and the moving cart now have a home when I am not teaching as you see above. I used to put these in a bedroom when there was company. I have a real desk that used to be my husband's desk. I use a second screen from his old computer. It is our desk, just like our one car is our car. I haven't changed that desk much so he feels at home.

FlipFold on Pub Table

I now FOUND the  missing FlipFold and now have a place to use it to fold the laundry where I can see my husband in the family room watching TV. It is so important that I be with him at this stage in his Alzheimer's. This FlipFold saves my carpel tunnel wrists and is a great organizational tool and folding on that taller pub table is perfect for me. See demonstration on YouTube. I pinned this in my Useful board on Pinterest and it has already been repinned. I use FlipFlop on the pub table which used to have the sewing machine with items to be ironed or mended. Now I have a "mend/alter" shelf in the guest bedroom. The sewing machine is in a cabinet.

It is truly amazing when you find things and then place them in a new home. I FOUND the chord and instructions for our GPS. The voice was in another language recently but and I can update this tracking device and have "Miss Garmin" speak in English again. (I wrote on this blog about my husband using this when he drove before his Alzheimer's got worse.) 


Study Center

Above I have a box for cleaning in the den including screen cleaners. On the front of that box is The House That Cleans Itself card that Mrs. Clark, author of The House That Cleans Itself mailed me when she mailed us all books that I have distributed. I created a box for Weight Watcher meeting material. Now it is not clutter in the dining room and I can plan my meals there. The copy machine is in the corner to use in my planning. I have a devotional area with Bibles, etc., including Dana's book on Galatians. I also study here for my counseling course work. I do use it as a station to plug in electronics. Perhaps I can find a better place for my plug-in station.


Game Center

By the French doors I have a little cabinet which stores a Discovery Toy marble run for children who visit. Coasters for drinks are on top for people who use our pool table. The antique desk in back of it is now a game center.  

Where did it all go? The bins under the pool table will be used for clothes storage. I have too many clothes of various sizes. Hopefully I will be able to move those bins elsewhere or better yet get rid of clothes. A book case in the living room contains extra books that I will decide upon.

My hubby and I played pool recently in the den. He won. Just to think of all the opportunities to play pool that I kept him from with my clutter!

Thank you, LORD,

for this very special den.

It works for us now. 

May we use it for hospitality,

fun and study.

Later Stage Caregiver Laurie's Interview

Laurie’s husband, Gary, has Early Onset Alzheimer’s and is in a later stage than my husband is. We chatted on Facebook on October 15th and several times during that interview Laurie needed to attend to situations at home with her husband or an outside caregiver. I interviewed Laurie to learn from her for my road ahead and also to share our Christian faith.

Carol: Laurie, your blog, “I Have Been Young”, is so awesome. When did you start your blog?
Laurie: I started it in 2010. I've enjoyed it, but lately with all the transitions, I've been slow to get new posts done. I'm going to merge it with my website for my watercolor business. I am almost ready to have the new website published. Just working out the "kinks". I'll announce it on my blog when ready.
Carol: I love the last one with marriage pictures and all your sentiments. I pinned that on Pinterest into the Alzheimer’s section and noticed repins for you.
Laurie: Thank you I enjoyed looking at the photos of our wedding in that post too!
Carol: You created a digital box for your husband that got his attention. Does he still like that?
Laurie: He sees the digital frame rotating the photos while he is at the breakfast bar each morning. They are currently all photos from his childhood and teen years. Sometimes he seems to zero in on one, but it's not consistent. He especially notices the ones of the family ski-boat.
Carol: Communication by pictures when words don't work so well I guess!
Laurie: Yes. I assume he understands, or that at least they look familiar. Somewhere deep in his mind's long term memory, perhaps he remembers the waterskiing days.
Carol: Does the routine keep him focused?
Laurie: I'm not sure because the "focused" moments are so random now. I think the routine helps in other ways, like physically. His body is not "thrown off" by too many changes. But I try to balance that with what he used to like--lots of variety within the routine--different views, objects to handle, etc.
Carol: This takes a lot or coordination on your part. For my husband the routines don't bring up a noticeable difference until something like my hospitalization shows his decline. My husband is happy to be home and doesn't remember my being in the hospital now. What kind of changes became hard to bear for you?
Laurie: The need for so much more "in home" care has been a big adjustment. I must say that it is a very good thing (and necessary) to get so much more help, but it comes with a price. I have to release more and more of Gary's relationship with me to others. It's hard to describe this, but the random moments of connectedness are now sometimes experienced by him with others, rather than with him and me. I love knowing that they get to "connect" with him, and that he is enjoying himself, but I miss him and it's hard to share him. On the other hand, if I'm going to keep him at home, it is imperative to get more help, because I have a weak back and the Lord reminded me this weekend that I need to share the load with others.
Carol: It sounds like anticipatory grief kicking in to release Gary to the care of others.
Laurie: It is, and in a way. The Alzheimer’s disease gives us the time to adjust and as we greet each new situation, we learn and grow. As Dolores [another blogger] said, "Life goes on." It's not easy but it's best and we trust God.
Carol: Trusting God! Yes! “I Have Been Young” is your blog title and is a biblical quote from Psalm 37:25. I gain so much from reading how the LORD sustains you. How is the new schedule working out?
Laurie: The schedule is falling into place. We have about half of it figured out, and I still need someone for a couple of other days. I don't get someone all day, just during the most strenuous parts. I have had some "random" caregivers, here and there, and then our regular ones too. I want to fill in the other hours with "regulars" so they can get used to us, and vice versa, so am praying for direction on just the right person.
Carol: Hurting your back necessitated more help for you. How did you hurt your back?
Laurie: I hurt my back while helping Gary keep from falling the first time, He was losing his balance, on the slope of our driveway. The next time I don't remember, but Saturday I was loading a wheelchair into the car in a different place, and oopsie! My back! If I were to be hospitalized because of my back, I would call on good friends who live nearby to come right away in an emergency; then our regular caregivers to add extra hours if possible and get more caregivers to fill in the blank spots.
Carol: Like you I love the caregiving examples of Ken Tada and Robertson McQuilkin (A Promise Kept). We both value our marriage commitment. Are you in a support group or do you have specific people/elders behind you?
Laurie: We actually started a support ministry for Alzheimer’s/dementia folks in our church. It is a large church so there are a number of families affected by it. It's been going a couple of years now, and the elders are very supportive. We have a pastor of special ministries for the disabled, so he oversees us. I love going! We are also very involved in a neighborhood Bible study through our church. They have been incredibly encouraging and helpful to us. They even take turns staying with Gary now so I can attend. It's too hard for him to go now because he gets too tired.
Carol: I love how you chronicle your husband's prayers. We pray each night also. Sometimes my husband's missing neurons cause impatience and swearing. Then hubby forgets about it. Does Gary show anger? Anger in a wonderful Christian husband? I see it in mine.
Laurie: They get frustrated. Gary doesn't show it if he is. As believers, we want to please the Lord. We "buffet our bodies" and try to obey, because we believe God and want to serve Him with our lives. This is not easy, and when our minds are not healthy, and unable to process, and reason, it seems logical that unwanted behaviors come out. The soul is alive and well, but the mind is broken, so thankfully, for those who are saved and in the arms of God, He sees them in the righteousness of Jesus, and understands. We need to try to correct the sinful behavior, and redirect them to think about something else, remind them of the truths they may remember, and try to understand that they have less ways to handle their frustrations. I think sometimes that instead of anger outbursts, Gary gets even more withdrawn as a way to cope with frustration, or discomfort or confusion.
Carol: The book we both like, Blame It on The Brain, helps.
Laurie: I love that book. It's practical and helps sort out the sin from the disease. I wrote a blog post about that topic...I think it's called "Be Careful Little Eyes What You See"
Carol: Excellent. I will check that out. Is that blog post under lessons?
Laurie: Yes the blog post is under "lessons" December 12, 2011 here.
Carol: We ourselves as caregivers also have our own sin nature we. We both try to be superwomen and we can’t be that woman. You learned from Seven Habits of Effective People and I am trying to learn from The House That Cleans Itself so I can be there more fully for hubby at a later stage. How does the urgent, not urgent, important, not important grid work for a caregiver such as yourself? Does the painting get put into the not so important category?



Laurie: I need to move the painting from the "important not urgent" category, to the "important AND urgent" category since I'm trying to grow my business. Having more help will allow that, I'm thinking.
Carol: Is it hard to have people come into the home to help now?
Laurie: We are used to having people in and out of our home for different reasons. For many years Gary and I helped in our College ministry at church so our house was always being used for various events. The last 3 years before Gary got sick we had Seminary students renting rooms from us, so nice young men were around coming and going. So in that way, we are prepared. BUT I do like my privacy somewhat, but am setting it aside again for this season in our lives. It's necessary.
Carol: How have you simplified your house? I notice you will have to put a ramp in.
Laurie: The ramps are all installed, and working fine. We put tile and laminate where there was carpet a few years ago, knowing that would be helpful for Gary in a wheel chair. Other than that I haven't done too many things. Just getting some equipment that helps. I'm waiting on a "power lift chair" that will help him stand up, to save our backs!
Carol: One can get swallowed up in caregiving and we are told to take care of ourselves. I almost felt guilty in the hospital when I felt better and wasn't caregiving and working on the house. Hard to relax at times.
Laurie: Lately I've been thinking in terms of "pacing" myself for the long journey ahead. Gary is in the advanced stage, but in fairly good health otherwise, and like I said, if I'm going to have him with me, here at home, I need to be a good steward of my own body, emotions, and soul. (Well God is the steward of my soul ultimately, but you know what I mean.) So relaxing, and things like an occasional "cruise" with your sis, are good things to do! At least your recent hospitalization wasn't from a heart Attack!
Carol: That would have been worse for sure. Today he doesn't remember I was in the hospital, but is content to be in the family room watching TV while I am here in my almost clean den on the computer interviewing you. At first when he was diagnosed I used emotional eating and now I have that more in control. We have to change because they can't. One change that is hard at first is learning to speak Alzheimer's.
Laurie: Yes, but I think now that Gary is beyond speaking, and giving feedback that I just try to talk to him as if he understands, and then try to chat away. I just try to keep good hymns playing for part of the day and watch "benign" things on TV/movies that wouldn't be confusing. It actually helps with my own sanctification because I don't want to rely on his being able to be “discerning". In that way it is good for me. Simplifying life, and being his companion. But now, I am feeling more of a need to be well-rounded. Don't get me wrong though. I still have the occasional "melt-down." But don't we all no matter where we are in life!
Carol: All for our sanctification and growth in the Lord. People say "I don't know how you do it" and sometimes I don't handle the disease very well at all. Do you get respite time at all?
Laurie: I have respite time two days a week for five hours each day. I am gone from the house most of the time. One day is for errands and shopping and one day for friends, going to lunch or helping my parents. I am hoping to incorporate some time going to a concert, or art show, or overnight to the beach with my daughter or friend, as the caregiving time increases.
Carol: You are adjusting to more help. What else has Gary had to adjust to? Did your husband have a difficult time adjusting to not driving?
Laurie: Gary willingly surrendered his driver’s license, but I know it was hard for him. He has truly been so content with each stage. He is a good example of trusting the Lord. He has had a hard time with receiving personal care, but that's natural for anyone, I'm sure. All the same, he accepts it. As far as "adjusting" he is beyond that. He did have a hard time, not seeing his truck or garage anymore. He still turns his head when we're driving and he sees a truck like his.
Carol: Any problems with hallucinations, seeing someone else in the mirror, losing stuff, embarrassment when forgetting someone?
Laurie: I think he sees something because he reaches out to take hold of something, but it doesn't appear to be frightening. Not sure if he sees someone, and is beyond "losing things". He did get frustrated when he was in early stages with work related boo-boos and forgetting things. But that seems so long ago now.
Carol: Did Gary ever wander?
Laurie: Gary only took off a couple of times, in middle stage. Now he can’t walk unassisted, because of his balance issues. He wears a bracelet.
Carol: My hubby does too and I want to wear a caregiver bracelet now
Laurie: THAT is a very good idea. I should get one too.
Carol: What advice do you have for me for the later stages?
Laurie: I think the best thing to do to prepare for caregiving, is to introduce some outside people right now, in some small way so if/when it becomes essential, your hubby will be used to someone else being at the house, helping "you" and him. Even if it's someone who cleans, or does things in the kitchen for you for 2 hours a week, then when you have to "ramp up" the hours, or add someone else, it's more natural, and will be easier for him.
Carol: All of this is not easy, is it, Laurie!
Laurie: We live in a fallen world that is broken because of human sin. Without the Lord sustaining me, I would be given over to despair. I am a weak person who is able to come to the Lord for His strength. He is everything to me and Gary.
Carol: The Lord has promised to not give us more than we can handle. It has been a pleasure to chat with you on Facebook. I look forward to that new blog and I will link it to the right under my blogging friends.
Laurie: I’ve enjoyed this so much too, Carol. Thank you for asking me. I would love to meet you in person some day, but until then we will enjoy our cyber-friendship and it’s been a joy to spend this time talking to you. I even had my cup of coffee right with me the whole time too.

Books Came

While I was in the hospital, 15 copies of The House That Cleans Itself came and I will be mailing/distributing them out to you all who requested them.  I am working today, and have an insurance man coming this afternoon to explain changes in Preferred Care. I expect to mail them tomorrow after I also subsitutute teach.

I am still on the den and of course couldn't work last Saturday because I was pacing the halls in the hospital. However, I did rearrange my part of the hospital room and neated up just to keep up on new habits.

Love the new habits that Mrs. Clark has wisely counseled in her book. There is hope!

Thanks so much Mindy Starns Clark for these 15 copies!

Also thanks for your prayers while I was in the hospital and continuing for my husband and myself. He doesn't remember that I was in the hospital, but enjoys his routines and being home.