Thanksgiving Week

Read Sunday morning from Psalm 118:19-21, 29 NLT

Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,

and I will go in and thank the LORD.

These gates lead to the presence of the LORD,

and the godly enter there.

I thank you for answering my prayer

and giving me victory. . . .

Give thanks to the LORD,

for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

• Love going to church today in a few hours. So does DH. We bring our lunch and eat together after the worship service. Then we have a counseling class. DH listens while I take notes. I will be finishing up a counseling degree in the next several years. My current paper will be on "Dying Well".
• We are not going to be camping with that group. A call was made to say we weren't accepted. Both DH and I are at peace with this (although DH might be hurt). We still can camp with Sally and Jake. Sally and Jake are still in the group, but Sally speculates that it is because this group didn't want another person with Alzheimer's.
• By book is now an eBook on Barnes and Noble. Go to bn.com and purchase at $7.69 for your iPad, computer or Nook. Just type in "Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill", the name of the book.
• I went to a Christian Writer's Conference all day in Orlando Saturday, November 19th. Thanks to Sally and Jake for taking DH to lunch while I was gone. DH is able to stay home by himself, but that sure was wonderful that they thought of this. Sally and I are thinking about introducing our husbands to senior day care, which might work if they go together. These men always have so much fun together. Sally increasingly has to be with Jake and this may help if our husbands can both hang out at a senior day care; they love telling each other the same things over and over.
• Obsessing. DH now obsesses about that camping group. Jake obsesses about not being able to drive and DH made the mistake of driving when the four of us were together recently. Sally told me later, that it really didn't matter. Jake obsesses about how unfair it is that as a man he can no longer drive. DH often comments on Jake and genuinely cares for him.
• DH genuinely cares for me. I love him also.
• I have a week off--no subsituting the week of Thanksgiving. We will be with some of DH's extended family on Thanksgiving. I have a week off to de-clutter, clean. and decorate for Christmas.
• Most of my Christmas shopping is done. My creative gift this year for birthdays/Christmas is not a quilt like the last two years. This year it is Scripture highlights I have been working on each day. These highlights are printed in a binder for selected people. One family member didn't want it because he said it is "too preachy"--so he is getting an iTunes gift card. Other family members are excited about a binder of Scripture highlights. This is not necessarily a cheap gift for our budget, as I have had to buy additional printing cartridges, binders and mail the binders. The binder shows my excitement for God's word and how it sustains me each day.

Alzheimer's Disease: What If There Was a Cure?

Earlier in the blog I did review The Coconut Oil Miracle and how it helps diseases. But I have been eagerly waiting for this book at the left to come out for two years. Dr. Mary Newport and I even e-mailed each other about the topic of coconut oil and how it can help someone with Alzheimer's. I read the article she wrote here.  Her husband has Early-Onset Alzheimer's and you have to read their love story. I ordered my copy through Barnes and Noble, but you can get it through Amazon with e-books to follow.

This summer when finances were tight, I wondered if coconut oil was really necessary. When I read her book this month, however, I knew my husband needs to have that coconut oil once again.

• The ketones in coconut oil provide an alternate fuel to keep the brain cells alive. Lots in the book about the science of ketosis.  
• Dr. Mary's husband's energy returned.
• Steve Newport's personality and sense of humor returned.
• His gait or walk returned.
• Coconut oil seems to take the fog away.
• I think all of this is true for DH as well.

There has not been significant clinical testing to determine if it works. People tried to stop Dr. Mary's crusade. She was able to speak in Europe about it, but not in our country. Humm. This is the same thing that our chiropractor said about Ribonucleic Acid and CoQ10 that he recommended my husband take. There aren't studies. But we think these supplements do help.

Dr. Mary recommends a combination of MCT (I get this from Vitacost) and coconut oil (I get from Tropical Traditions).See my links at the side. You can't heat coconut oil over 350 degrees Fahrenheit.  You can use coconut oil from the drug store section at Walmart.

I am just using coconut oil, however, and had trouble lately adapting recipes that my husband would eat.  While coconut oil in oatmeal worked for a time with my husband, he got tired of oatmeal for breakfast.

New recipe. There is a simple recipe in this book that may have helped my husband pass that Alzheimer's driving test for the second year in a row--"Coconut Fudge". Lately I have been serving this to my hubby after I got Newport's book and before he took that driving test last Friday.

Melt  chocolate chips and combine with an equal amount of liquid coconut oil. Freeze in ice cube trays. You can add walnuts and/or shredded coconut before you freeze. When frozen, pop each fudge piece out of tray and refrigerate. This works with my husband. I know it does, and he likes the fudge.

This is not a formal review of Dr. Mary's book, folks, but I just had to get the word out. Is coconut oil a cure for Alzheimer's once someone has it?  Probably not, but coconut oil may help prevent health problems in general and improve the quality of life for the dementia patient.

This is good news!

Saga Nineteen

THURSDAY. I reminded my husband that the driving test was tomorrow morning and he spend almost two hours reading the Florida driving manual. I was amazed he could still give attention to reading. He also pointed out that he doesn't have to drive anymore--that he is content to be driven around. His attitude about driving has certainly changed in the past year, and due to the totaling of one car with the crash last December, we have only one vehicle anyway. "Just do your best, honey," I pointed out. "What if I were in the hospital and you needed to drive to visit me?" So when we prayed Thursday night, we did just put the result of the driving test in the LORD's hands.

FRIDAY. Amazingly I believe my husband passed his driving test yesterday at the Memory Disorders Clinic at Morton Plant Mease Hospital in Clearwater. He did about the same on the written computer test as last year, and therefore needed to pass the physical driving test as he had last year. His only mistake, said the examiner for the physical driving test, was to not look over his shoulder at the blind spot when turning left. Later he remembered her comment and told me that then he would not be paying attention to the road if he had looked over his shoulder.

Because I am conscious of the precious time I have with DH and wanted to enjoy this "date", when we got to Clearwater for the 9:30 appointment, I used my time in the waiting room to research what we might do after the appointment. I had googled "things to do in Clearwater" and none of that was to pan out. Instead a headline in the Clearwater Beacon newspaper provided an opportunity. We would go see a movie produced in the area.

Clearwater, Florida

DOLPHIN TALE. The dolphin "Winter" is the star of the movie. We went to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium to see her, but it was raining and we decided to not spend the time and the money to see her. Instead we headed to the area of the Cinema Cafe where there was a 4:15 showing. With a little time on our hands, we went to Sam's Wholesale where DH sat in the food area while I stocked up on dog food and other non-perishable items I like to get there. Then back to Cinema Cafe for the showing. The tickets were only $5 for seniors and we paid at the end of the movie. We sat in a comfortable chair with a small round table. We ordered drinks and a pizza. Hubby had a Scotch and Water and I had coffee because I would drive home. I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but it packs a huge emotional punch. I cried and hubby could follow the plot.

SATURDAY--today. My Fundraising Goal for the Alzheimer's Walk Today was $150 and I raised $200.00. Thanks to all of you who contributed. Sally, a friend of hers, and I walked today in the rain. DH and Jake hung out at our home in the meanwhile. Because our husbands need things to do, we four went to Starbucks after the walk. I had not been to the Plant City one before because I guess I didn't feel the need to spend the time or spend the money. But it was relaxing to be there.

TO COME. Review of Dr. Newport's book. Consciously this week I cooked with coconut oil again. I found new ways to use it, where hubby had been bored with coconut oil in oatmeal for some time. Could it be that hubby passed the test due to the coconut oil?!

Saga Eighteen

My husband just asked when we are going to Disney.

"We went yesterday," I replied.

We met Sally and Jake a year ago and the great supportive friendship we have with this couple has developed over this time. In October of last year we went to Epcot with them. Yesterday the four of us went to Disneyworld in Orlando.

It became apparent that my husband's energy is going downhill from a year ago because he could not participate in a day at Disney as he had a day at Epcot.  We chose activities that involved sitting such as three calm boat rides and shows. I took pictures of Jake and Sally on the Tomorrowland Speedway--great fun for Jake who is not allowed to drive now because of he didn't pass his Alzheimer's driving test. When we went to the Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor, Sally was part of the program; her picture appeared up on screen, and a cartooned character interacted with Sally in the program. How do they do this?! We really did have fun at Disney. Sorry hubby couldn't recall his fun this morning.

My husband keeps his charming personality and is really happy, thank God. Last Tuesday night we went to Barnes and Nobel for me to pick up my ordered book on Dr. Mary Newport's book on Alzheimer's and coconut oil. (Review to follow.) Then we went to dinner at Smoky Bones next door. I asked DH what was on his mind. He said,

"How happy I am!"

The young man who waited on us also chatted with us because business was slow. He is going to medical school. I told him to consider finding a cure for Alzheimer's. Hubby told the waiter that he feels fine and loves being retired. I have reflected on this and realize how fortunate I am to have a happy husband. Others experience the anger of their Alzheimer's loved ones. I have rarely experienced that and am claiming Proverbs 26:2 if I do because it is the Alzheimer's that causes the change of personality.

Sally and Jake had a power shortage at their home and are having to replace some appliances. This is hugely confusing to Jake and Sally misses her once capable husband who took care of items such as this. My husband just tends to let me take care of things. A year ago he weeded I noted on the calendar. Now I weed and don't keep up with it. Hubby keeps putting off mowing the lawn. A neighbor has noticed this and has mowed our front yard twice. I need to learn to mow the yards--front and two backyards. When we had a minor plumbing problem recently, my husband just calmly let me handle the situation and the $216 check.

Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble. . . . Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.  from Psalm 90 NLT

"Can we do something fun today?" hubby asks.

"When the lawn is mowed, "  I say. Midday after I started this post he goes out to mow the lawn. Thank you LORD!

Next week's anticipated blogging posts: 

• Review of Alzheimer's Disease: What If There Was a Cure? by Dr. Mary T. Newport
• My husband's second ALZ driving test 
• ALZ walk--support if you haven't by clicking on top right link

Learn as You Go or Prepare Ahead?

“It is best to learn as we go, not as we have learned.”

― Anonymous

Some things I have learned as we take this Alzheimer's journey:

• My pastor and trusted friends can't really always advise me. They can pray.
• My husband's children don't know what to say. I think they admire our journey from a distance and certainly hope they remember us in prayer.
• My husband has a VERY poor sense of time, not just short-term memory. Because he knows this, he regularly checks with me.
• My husband enjoys his life. He lives one moment at a time. This includes seeing movies repeatedly. His favorites include "The Titanic", "Walk the Line", "Fireproof" and "Pearl Harbor". Old movies are best because the new ones have too much action and intrigue often to follow.
• My husband loves me. We tell each other this often. I am with him in his journey.
• I learned to accept sundowning episodes and the anger of my husband because of the missing neurons in his hippocampus. When he called me an A-Hole the other day, I was calm. Later I told him what he had said and he apologized.  We marry a man who doesn't swear, and then they get Alzheimer's and swear! This is God's lesson to me to rely on Him for MY patience.
• There is a wonderful blogger network out there. We encourage each other.
• Provide a lot of clues for hubby to manage on his own when I am gone.
• Get in a support group. Sally and I are in one that meets monthly. Hubby and I are in one that meets monthly.
• Scripture keeps speaking to me with my caregiver's stress.
• Have an Alzheimer's driving test. Hubby will have his second one Oct. 28th.

On the other hand, there are some things I have to prepare for:

• My own health. I got into emotional eating when I realized that he has Alzheimer's. I need to prepare for the Alzheimer's walk on Oct. 29th also and appreciate those who have contributed. You can do so on line. Great encouragement to me and "Ann", my Alzheimer's Association support group facilitator. Her team that I am no needs to raise more money. Click on the link at the top right. I have  thanked people who contribute in person or by e-mail. 
• Simplifying our life. Keep things in the same spot that my husband is used to. Use priorities as in Staci Eastin's book reviewed here.
• Get credit cards paid off while I can work extra jobs.
• What I can't prepare for is in the LORD's hands. Questions remain such as what if I can't take care of hubby in the future. Yet the Lord is my great Caregiver.

Worry weighs a person down;

an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Proverbs 12:25 NLT

Thanks to my Associate Pastor who e-mail me that he and his wife are praying. This was an encouraging word today and to his wife and others who contributed to the Walk or contribute by prayer.

Amazing Grace Author and His Memory

John Newton, author of favorite hymn "Amazing Grace":

My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things:

That I am a great sinner,

and that Christ is a great Savior.

I love the sweet prayers of my Christian Alzheimer's husband. The soul and emotions of an Alzheimer's patient are intact and they will have super quality time in heaven. From that great hymn by the hymn writer who lost his memory:

I once was lost, but now am found,

was blind, but now I see. . . .

When we've been there

Ten thousand years,

bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days

To sing God's praise

Then when we'd first begun.

Hank Hanegraaff on this video UTube Q & A on Alzheimer's Patient reinforces the soul of the Alzheimer's patient. It continues. One day it will be reunited with a whole, healed body at the resurrection of the saints.

Meanwhile God does not hold accountable the anger and confusion of our loved ones with Alzheimer's. Jesus died for those sins and confusion. But we have the privilege of having the divine CAREGIVER, our Father in Heaven,  to help us earthly caregivers.

WITH

I think it is so important to be WITH our Alzheimer's loved ones. They have a lonely journey if we are not there for them.  My husband wants to go WITH me on any and all errands.

I think of Sue who has stayed home WITH her hubby. He is now in the VA hospital and she can work part-time again. I saw her Wednesday and was able to hug her. We both know what we are going through when we hugged yesterday. That's the sort of hug that I give Sally when I see her. That's the sort of hug I want to give the other ladies who write/comment on this blog. I think I got the idea of HUG from Dolores.

For Pink Lady Dana who commented on the last post, I have a thought. SHADOWING. I don't know your situation there in California from here in Florida, but I would say go to the grocery store with Steve. I have read somewhere that Alzheimer's patients like to shadow their caregivers, like a puppy. Socialization helps them. We can either accept this, or we can get annoyed.  It doesn't matter if our husbands follow or if we go slowly and hold their hands. They are WITH us. Our lives have to slow down. We don't get the plan we think we need, but we get the fulfillment of being where the LORD wants us to be at this time. The Christian marriage is compared to Christ's love for His church, His bride. Christ desires to be WITH us, only we better be the puppy dog following Him, not the leader who demands He follow us.

Skye Jethani wrote a new book--With: Reimaging the Way You Relate to God.  I am thinking about his prepostions, OVER, UNDER, FROM, FOR and WITH:

• Life OVER God. People can live without regard to God, maybe angry that God has brought Alzheimer's or some other situation into their life. They may take matters into their own hands like taking a substitute love as Barry Petersen did in Jan's Story that I wrote about here in a July book review several months ago.
• Life UNDER God. This would be a life of duty WITHOUT the emphasis of fellowship. Legalism. These people bargain that their adherence to rules will mean that blessing must follow.
• Life FROM God. Christians in this category go after His blessings and consumerism taints their relationship with our Father.
• Life FOR God. People run around doing God's work and being nice. I wrote about that problem in Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. But it isn't about what we can do for God that gives our life meaning, that pleases Him. Everything, even the mundane, is for His glory.
• Life WITH God. Fellowship with God. In Acts 4 the members of the council saw that Peter and John, ordinary men, had been WITH Jesus.  Jethani calls believers  to be WITH Jesus.

Back to the subject of this post. How are we WITH our Alzheimer's loved ones? I am WITH my husband when we pray together and how exciting it is that the soul in an Alzheimer's patient will be there beyond when the mind goes. When I go off to teach, I insist my hubby and dog Ziggy wave goodbye and blow kisses at the window--our tradition that says we love each other. I call him when I get somewhere to say I have safely arrived. I just sat with him at the end of  a romantic movie, even though I had seen it before. I am in this journey WITH him. I just made myself unavailable to substitute one day a week so I can be WITH my husband. One day I will not be able to leave him alone at all.

Lord, give me the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22, 23

--especially gentleness and self-control--

so I can be WITH my Alzhezimer's loved one,

in sickness and in health until death do us part.

Saga Seventeen

This blog has over 10, 000 hits, according to the site meter. How does this happen? I speculate that the labels I provide at the bottom of the blog gets people here. Or I post on other Alzheimer's blogs and "NewKidontheBlogg" takes people here.

Last Monday I made myself unavailable to substitute teach so we could go to Sally and Jake's church for their monthly senior’s event. Everybody brought a bag lunch and a collectable hobby to share. Sally was in charge and so she had me do my "raps" for the group. Sally shared her antique trays, Jake—his bird houses, and hubby his toy horse collection. I shared four items from my ruby red glass collection.

Usually pills and breakfast will happen after I leave the house, when hubby gets his false teeth in. He needs to eat something when he takes those pills and three days last week he ate breakfast, but no pills while I had to leave to substitute teach, which I did Tuesday through Friday. Saturday when I was off to teach a first-time driver’s class, I had a plan for those pills. Put them on the plate with his breakfast, because putting the pill box by his breakfast doesn’t cut it. Great solution.

Alzheimer’s patients need socialization and hubby loves to get out. Wednesday night we went to Toastmasters, the club that I helped form at a church in Lakeland. I tend to talk too much there—go over my time limit, but when DH is called on for “Table Topics” at Toastmasters his verbal skills are excellent--often humorous and to the point for this extemporaneous response.

But are his verbal skills really excellent? I love his prayers, but I realize that he now uses limited vocabulary and concepts when he prays at night. He thanks God for the "good" day and goes on about the "good" day, without specifics of what happened, for maybe four or five sentences.

He can ask me questions successfully (many times it is the same question up to six times), but he cannot respond to my queries. For example, I spilled milk on the dining room carpet and wanted him to bring me towels quickly.

“What kind?” he wants to know. “Paper towels?”

“No. Hurry and get towels out of the basket on the pink trunk in our bedroom.” That was TMI (too much information) for him. I ended up getting the towels and as it was Sunday morning and we had to leave for church, I wouldn’t be able to clean that carpet.

What about his reading skills? He doesn’t always like to read the daily clipboard schedule I make for him. He has another pad that he writes on to supplement that daily schedule. He will then cross of the item after it has happened. He reads the bulletin and hymns in church, but doesn’t read so much during the week. There came a time when Dolores’s husband stopped reading—something he dearly loved to do. Hubby loves to watch videos and so far that is what he does while I am off supplementing our income to try to pay for my dental work and get our credit cards paid off for when I have to stay home full time as Dolores and Sue have had to do.

Social Sunday Night. We get home from church activities about 4:30 and get ready for guests to come at 7 PM for another pool night at our home. I am glad the carpet doesn't smell from the spilled milk--yet. Three gentlemen and Sally and Jake's delightful ten year old granddaughter play pool while we wives play Mexican Dominos. The granddaughter starts enjoying our dog Ziggy, who also liked the attention and decides pool is more interesting than her Math computer game. DH and Jake sit in the family to watch TV while Bob goes to the den ready to play pool. Now hubby doesn’t realize as a host he needs to be playing pool. I remind him and like Archie Bunker in the old TV comedy, hubby shushes me up. About five minutes later the two Alzheimer’s husbands join Bob in the den where the granddaughter has fun playing with three old men.

“Lana,” I quip as we ladies play our domino game, “do you realize your granddaughter is learning to enjoy playing pool with men?” We ladies laugh.

It is so great that our two husbands are taking turns playing with two others who keep track of the game. Good week, but verbal skills are declining I realize.

The Sovereign LORD has given me his words of wisdom,

so that I know how to comfort the weary.

Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

from my devotions this morning--Isaiah 50:4 NLT

Who Keeps Promises?

This issue has been on the news this week. I addressed this with Jan's Story review on this blog on July 1 below.

Pat Robertson Would Not Keep Promises

Robert McQuilken Keeps Promises

When I wrote about Jan's Story, a comment was made that led me to McQuilken's book shown above. He writes on p. 23:

I have been startled by the response to the announcement of my resignation. Husbands and wives renewing marriage vows, pastors telling the story to their people. It was a mystery to me, until a distinguished oncologist, who lives constantly with dying people, told me, "Almost all women stand by their men; very few men stand by their women." Perhaps people sensed this contemporary tragedy and somehow were helped by a simple choice I considered the only option.

LORD, that you for my husband. I want to show love to him all my days, no matter how difficult it becomes. Help men and women caregivers who come across this blog to also keep those promises. Help me live longer than he does, if that is your will. Amen.

Book Review: The Organized Heart

In the past twenty-four hours I have read a short book. After church I had to tell ladies at church about it, and even one man is going to get it for his Kindle. Pure Excitement I have for this book by Staci Eastin--The Organized Heart: A Woman's Guide to Conquering Chaos, published by CruciformPress.com and released in March of this year. This is the kind of excitement I get when I discover something in Scripture that speaks right to my heart. I have needed her book.

Periodically I blog organizing and de-cluttering on this blog. But on my way to organizing the clutter and chaos at home, we had that crash I wrote about last December. After that with sore back and painful hands I could do less about the clutter issues. I did want to. I admire Dolores and others who have their act together at home and they are able to be that caregiver to their husband with an orderly home. Now that I have been released by the chiropractor, I am going to the gym and doing more.

Mrs. Eastin puts heart and faith into what I needed to read. Where does she start? Mrs. Eastin's book is not about a system. She writes that she had a motivation problem--not a problem of whose system to use. Eastin in this short book deals with four idols. Here are some quotes:

The disorganization in my life was not due to lack of knowledge or skill and it was not due to a problem in my childhood. Rather, it's a broken belief system: a heart issue, a sin issue. At the end of the day, it's idolatry. . . . We never conquer sin by adding more rules. . . . My attempts to get organized always failed because I tried to change my habits without letting the Holy Spirit change my heart. It was only when I saw the sinful motivations behind my bad habits that I could see lasting change in my life. (pp. 11, 12)

The Idol of Perfectionism

Perfectionism prevents us from living our lives. It prevents us from enjoying our families. It robs us of joy. And most of all, it prevents us from basking in God's grace and serving in the strength that only he can give. God knows our talents, our energy level, and our resources. He alone is perfect, and he can work mightily, so we can trust him. (p. 31)

 The Idol of Busyness

Just because you can do something doesn't mean God has called you to it. . . . Fear of man indicates that we find our worth in pleasing others rather than pleasing God. Instead of working to bring glory to God, we hope to bring glory to ourselves. . . . God is not sitting helplessly in the wings, hoping we'll come through and help him out.  (pp. 35, 36, 39)

My book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill,  deals with some of these issues of the fear of man and learning to give God the glory. Eastin puts it simply:  God is not glorified in the amount of things we get done, the number of spaces we fill on our calendar, or the length of our to-do lists. God is pleased when we serve him with sincere hearts. (p. 41)

 The Idol of Possessions

I have tried to study couponing. Eastin points out that it can all lead to hoarding. Mmmm. She writes: Excess possessions will rob you of your peace, add unnecessary stress to your life and hinder your ministry to others. (pp. 51)

The Idol of Leisure

When everyday life is a race from one urgent deadline to the next, we withdraw from open fellowship with God and submission to his will. . . . The procrastinator loves to hoard her time for herself rather than work diligently on the errands and tasks God gives her. . . . Many women are addicted to TV, social networking sites, shopping, reading, and other hobbies. While none of these activities are necessarily evil in and of themselves, if you indulge in them to the extent that they prevent you from doing what God has ordained for you to do, they are sin. . . . Are you a wise steward of your time? Do you prayerfully schedule your days for what God has called you to, including appropriate time for real rest?  (pp. 66-69)

In her chapter on difficult circumstances, she doesn't deal with the Alzheimer's caregiver. But the author does point out both our responsibility and God's sovereignty. God, the divine Caregiver, will work things out and we can therefore be content. Unlike FlyLady who has an elaborate system, Staci Eastin at the end of the book gives principles to use after the idols of your heart have been dealt with.

What has this short book done for me? It has freed me to not worry excessively about FlyLady's lists, couponing or another system from one of my books or magazine articles. If I can pray over my schedule, serve my husband in his lonely journey in Alzheimer's, serve others as well, and (without guilt) schedule time for my own leisure, then I can have peace and know I am bringing glory to God.

It has always been that one day in heaven, I want Him to say, "Well done, Carol. You knew you could trust Me as your divine Caregiver to take you through your earthly caregiving adventure."

Staci Eastin blogs at Writing and Living. I am going over to her blog now and thank her.