Plant City Lady and Friends

Is Alzheimer's Hereditary?

2012-02-13T17:55:00.005-05:00

Recently Sally and I went to a workshop on Spirituality and Alzheimer’s sponsored by our local Alzheimer’s Association. Jake and DH stayed at our home. I forgot to leave a schedule on the clipboard at home for where we were and when we would be home. Now between our two ALZ husbands, the answer for where we wives were was not contained in their memory. It wasn’t surprising, then, that both of us, forgetting to turn off our cell phones, got phone calls from our hubbies in the middle of the workshop!

At the workshop one of the speakers, a medical doctor, talked about Apolipoprotein E, better known as ApoE 2, ApoEe and ApoE4 and the hereditary connection for those who have that ApoE4 gene.

I researched and found out that 15% of us have ApoE4 in our blood. Furthermore according to this link on “Why ApoE4 Increases Alzheimer’s Risk”:

People who inherit the E4 gene from one parent are three times more likely than average to develop Alzheimer’s; those who get the gene from both parents have a tenfold risk of developing the disease.

This information came out in April of 2007 in The Journal of Neuroscience and hence the medical community has known this statistic.

There are two types of Alzheimer’s now that have a genetic component—early-onset and late-onset. I first had the impression that only the first one of them is inherited, but they both do. Let me explain.

Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease strikes people from age 30 to 60 and in most cases this is inherited and known as FAD (familial Alzheimer’s disease). The AD fact sheet punished here states “A child whose mother or father carries a genetic mutation for FAD has a 50/50 chance of inheriting that mutation. If the mutation is in fact inherited, the child almost surely will develop FAD.”

Late-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease comes after age 60 and over age 85 50% may have dementia. 40 % of people who have that ApoE4 are likely to get Late Onset Alzheimer’s. See link. My husband was 71 when his AD was first diagnosed with 22 out of 30 on his Mini-Mental State Exam; I think it may have been evident when he was 70 but he scored 29 out of 30 at that time. My husband worked for the first six months after this discovery as I reported early in this blog, and is still in stage one of the disease, taking advantage of Exelon and Namenda and coconut oil and everything else I can give him including Ribonucleic Acid, D3 and turmeric.

The causes of Late-Onset are not as predictable and may include a combination of lifestyle, environmental as well as genetic factors. Many countries with different environments and food patterns do not have the epidemic of Alzheimer’s as we have. My husband's parents did not have Alzheimer’s. Researchers with GWAS (genome-wide association study) are discovering other genes that may include a risk for Alzheimer's.

My husband has not only Alzheimer’s but also Vascular Dementia. Heart trouble and diabetes can result in Vascular Dementia, but Vascular Dementia is not inherited. My husband has had a heart attack and also developed type-two diabetes with his heart attack in 2004. Perhaps we can avoid heart disease and late developing diabetes with our lifestyle choices and hence not get Vascular Dementia. This is why I am dieting now and taking measures for my own health. My health will help me continue to be my husband’s caregiver, since no insurance provision can now be purchased for his long-term nursing home care and I will be the one to offer this long-term care.

Epigenetics is a new science. The thought is that certain genes can be switched on or switched off by “environmental factors, such as exercise, diet, chemicals, or smoking, to which an individual may be exposed, even in the womb.” See this Link. One family member may get Alzheimer’s and another may not. My late father had late-developing diabetes and then strokes; his brother, my late uncle, did have both heart trouble and Alzheimer’s. My uncle was probably healthier than his brother, my father, but nonetheless he had some form of dementia at the end.

How does Alzheimer’s spread in the brain? New studies reveal that it is not a virus or bacteria that is spreading Alzheimer's in the brain, but distorted protein know as tau. In an article in The New York Times early this month the answer came from studies at Columbia and Harvard that “it may be possible to bring Alzheimer’s disease to an abrupt halt early on by preventing cell-to-cell transmission, perhaps with an antibody that blocks tau.” See article.

What should you do? See if you have that ApoE4 gene and take care of your health so basically you don’t switch on or off an inherited disease. New interventions and treatments are coming down the pike and the government is putting more into research for this disease. Maybe you can get in on research for the National Cell Repository for Alzheimer’s Disease by volunteering your DNA. See www.cnrad.org or call 1-800-526-2839. Another tip for young people is be sure you get long-term nursing home insurance before you might be diagnosed with AD because once diagnosed you cannot get that insurance. I have that insurance because I was not diagnosed with AD, but we can't get it for my husband.

How can you manage with these uncertainties? Prayer and waiting on the LORD. This life if not all; God is absolutely there for the patient and the caregiver who fear the LORD.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:18-20 NIV Translation

The Fear of a Caregiver

2012-02-08T05:51:00.001-05:00

Those of us who are caregivers may have a whole lot to fear: our loved one may wander; hallucinations that result in violence; difficulties communicating; how it will all end; will our money run out; will our loved one continue to trust us or will they become suspicious; will they tell us if they have a pain; will they leave the stove on; will they leave the house naked; will I be asleep when something happens; end-of-life decisions when they can no longer swallow; will the loved one accept outside help so we can get a break; what if I can't take care of the loved one and how can I afford nursing home care; how can I maintain our home when it used to take two to do that. The worries are endless.

So the Obama administration has a new health care initiative for Alzheimer's that promises:

"In addition, the Fiscal Year 2013 budget to be released next week will include $80 million dollars in new research funding," US Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said today during a media briefing at the National Press Club. "Altogether, the Fiscal Years 2012 and 2013 investments total $130 million in new Alzheimer's research funding over 2 years, more than a 25% increase over the current annual Alzheimer's research investment," she said. The initiative also includes an additional $26 million in caregiver support, provider education, public awareness, and improvements in data infrastructure." See link.

How does the Alzheimer's and caregiver support get funneled down? How comforting is this?

What is comforting is the words that I read in my Bible yesterday from Psalm 31:1-7, NIV.

LORD, I have gone to you for safety;

Don't let me ever be put to shame.

Save me, because you do what is right.

Pay attention to me.

Come quickly to help me.

Be the rock I go to for safety.

Be the strong fort that saves me;

You are my rock and my fort.

Lead me and guide me for the honor of your name.

Free me from the trap that is set for me.

You are my place of safety.

Into your hands I commit my very life.

LORD, set me free. You are my faithful God.

I hate those who worship worthless statues of gods.

I trust in the LORD.

I will be glad and full of joy because you love me.

You saw that I was hurting.

You took note of my great pain.

Dr. Mary Newport's Coconut Oil Video

2012-02-01T20:49:00.002-05:00

Click on Christian Broadcasting Network to hear Steve and Mary Newport interviewed about the benefits of coconut oil. I do believe coconut oil has helped my husband and have written about how I use it previously.

Currently it is used as Coconut Fudge, half coconut oil and half chocolate chips, both melted together and frozen in ice cube trays and stored the the refrigerator; then my husband is given four cubes a day. He got tired of having coconut oil in oatmeal.

Book Review: The Best Friends--Part Three

2012-01-22T05:53:00.004-05:00

See Parts One and Two Below

The authors of this book offer suggestions to the caregiver:

Maintain a sense of humor. This is why I put the last post on humor in.
Seek out someone to confide in. I want to scream sometimes. I wanted to cry yesterday. A woman at church whose mother went through Alzheimer's is now my confidant. I will talk to her today if she is at church. The fact that she is covenanted to be there for me makes me feel my church is working for me now.
Set realistic expectations. "How much money can I spend on caring for my loved one without jeopardizing my family's financial well-being?" (p. 198) Our finances are pretty precarious. I balance entertaining my husband which costs money but keeps a normal life going vs. paying off credit cards so I can stay home and take care of him when there is no other option. I know that day is approaching and may be here sooner than I think.
Develop strategies for handling unhelpful advice. This hurts so much. People just mean well, but sometimes they just don't know my tears and fear. The authors suggest saying things like Thanks for your concern. I think of Christ's attitude: Father forgive them, and pour my heart out in prayer. In fact, I wish many people were praying for us. People are busy. I realize I need to pray for them and have started doing that. My little world is not all that breaks my Savior's heart.
Keep up contact with the outside world. Caregivers "should try to make at least one call each week to a friend that they have been too busy to see or talk to. Also, many caregivers find new friends through support groups." (p. 198) This blog is contact with the outside world, and I do not know who reads it. I have family and friends who say they don't read blogs, yet do they realize that calling on the phone in the middle of the night just won't work? That so many of us caregivers just have to blog. Do they understand?
Modify or change the living environment. Our home works for us, but the authors ask if it is hard to maintain. Yes it is.
Listen to one's body. I am dieting now and have been to the gym. So far my slow weight loss has resulted in more energy.
Be good to oneself. They say give yourself presents. I spent under $50 this month on clothes on sale, and it did lift my spirits.
Plan ahead. I do not have a workable plan should I predecease my husband. However, Sally and I think we might be able to provide respite time for each other while both of us are alive.
Forgive others and oneself. The authors write, "Alzheimer's disease finds people at their best and at their worst." Among the caregiving community I read about selfish relatives, and why doesn's so and so call or help, etc. Yesterday we went to Sally's birthday party. I admire her for living every day to its fullest. I admire that not only was her own son and family there, but also three stepchildren (children of her Alzheimer's husband by a previous wife) were at her party. I wish I had that kind of local family support. I try to not go there in my thoughts, because I can only control myself. This is why I rush to the LORD in prayer for others and their needs: LORD forgive me for allowing self-pity at times and for expecting family and friends to behave so and so. Thanks for the times they do come through for my husband and myself. Thanks for cousins Linda and Ron who from the other end of the country actually read my blog.
Keep a diary or notes of caregiving experiences. So much happened yesterday. I did not slept well last night.DH was angry with me, and then forgot he was angry with me. Repeatedly his short-term memory crept in. I kept a lid on it all and wanted to scream and cry by the end of the day. One should award me an academy award for being so pleasant yesterday. I wrote more here, but somehow the posting of my difficult day got erased. I do indeed need to take heed to being "my own best friend" along with my husband's. And there is a FRIEND who sticks closer than a brother.

In the movie "War Horse" which we saw last night, a main character walks toward the injured horse on the battle field while quoting Psalm 23: Ye, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. . . . Today is the Sabbath. I so need a day of rest and worship.

Humor

2012-01-17T19:45:00.002-05:00

This "Summary of Life" was passed on to me by e-mail by my my MN friend Barb.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

Finally, Joe put this video song on his blog. http://www.tomrush.com./video_remember.html Joe who has mixed dementia thought it was hysterical--it is. The song doesn't end because Tom Rush couldn't remember how it ends.

Our humor. My husband forgot his false teeth when we took our car in for repairs yesterday morning. We had breakfast at a nearby place--he had yogurt and gummed a muffin. He said, "Carol, don't put this [fact] on Facebook." Oh my! He has no idea about this blog.

Book Review: The Best Friends--Part Two "The Knack"

2012-01-14T05:13:00.002-05:00

Bob DeMarco from the Alzheimer's Reading Room writes: "Television is a good baby sitting tool,

it is not a good Alzheimer's caregiving tool. In fact, too much TV will bring on the "dull" faster than a speeding bullet."

I just never know how to involve my husband in "meaningful" activities. "Wouldn't it be just great if he could do puzzles!" people suggest. "Can you keep him busy?" you ask. He watches old movies most of the time. This is what he wants to do. I am concerned, but yet trying to work to pay off bills for when I have to stay home to take care of him. He loves being retired and with our dog.

All I do know is that he is contented and I realize as a caregiver I must be doing somethings correctly--that I have a "knack". He loves it when I call him while I am away, but doesn not seem depressed at all.

It's like adopting a special needs child but not letting them know they are deficient but showering them with love. Perhaps there is no need to educate my husband on what is coming down the pike for him, that he should be doing puzzles. Ten years ago I knew very little about dementia and so did he. When he was diagnosed with dementia in December of 2008, he just said he felt fine. We do compensate for his short-term memory with a daily clipboard and regularly talking about what is happening for that day. He has changed, but is not able to do any more than what he is doing. Next week we are trying to incorporate exercise at the gym, however.

The Knack, according to the authors, is a whole set of caregiving behaviors.

Caregivers who successfully learn the Best Friends model of care will develop knack, or the ability to do something easily, and will learn many tricks along the way. Knack for families is all about resilience, about surviving the disease, about providing good care, and about enjoying moments with the person. It is about the quality of life, for the person and his or her loved ones. It is about working through the pain. One door is closing and another is opening. pp. 101-102

They say elements of knack include: being well-informed, having empathy, respecting the basic rights of the person, maintaining caregiving integrity, employing finesse, knowing it is easier to get forgiveness than to get permission, using common sense, communicating skillfully, maintaining optimism, setting realistic expectations, using humor, employing spontaneity, maintaining patience, developing flexibility, staying focused, being nonjudgmental, valuing the moment, maintaining self-confidence, using cueing tied to the life story, taking care of oneself, and planning ahead.

Take the area of communicating skillfully. This means one idea at a time. No pronouns to referred to something or someone in the previous sentence.

Take valuing the moment. I have been working all week and have things to do today, Saturday. He doesn't want to come today, and is content to stay home. So we went to dinner last night. He loved it. At dinner he told me he loves me, loves the restaurant and loves his dinner which he slowly ate. I told him that I loved being with him. I didn't have a smart phone to play with, I don't text, I was there for him. I praised the LORD in my heart for this great date knowing what may come down the road with Alzheimer's. I valued the moment.

I think it comes down to having "the knack" as we are in Scripture and growing in the fruit of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

Self-control is really needed in Alzheimer's care. We can't always control the anger or moods of our loved one, but with God's help we can grow in self-control. Speaking of self-control, I am soon off to my 7 am Weight Watcher's meeting and then on to a Toastmaster training event.

Book Review: The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer's Care--Part One

2012-01-07T13:08:00.004-05:00

“What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!” ― Victor Hugo

Here is a book with so much wisdom for the caregiver that it needs three posts in my opinion. Sally put me on to The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer's Care by Virginia Bewll and David Troxel. Sally has started using these principles with Jake. Today's post will deal with emotions that AD patients have. I will apply it to DH for the most part. Two more posts will follow from this book.

Chapter one insightfully lists common emotions and feelings of persons with AD.

Loss. It took some time for my husband to decide to give up driving. I was glad that he decided, even though he had passed the Alzheimer's driving test for two years in a role. When the driving privilege was abuptly taken from Jake, he experienced a huge loss. Our husbands want meaningful roles. I still look to my husband as a protector of the family. He checks the doors are locked at home and likes to accompany me whenever he can. The other night the dog barked at the smoke detectors making noises. My husband took great pride in handling this noise, taking down the batteries and planning to replace them.
Isolation and loneliness. It means so much to our husbands to be together. Sally and I both substituted one day in the public schools and Jake came to our house and spent the day with my husband. Next week DH will go to Jake's house while Sally and I are out and about. Jake helped DH with the yard and my hubby will help Jake with painting a fence next week and Sally at Jake's home. I am also concentrating on being WITH my husband as I wrote earlier on this blog on 9/29/11.
Sadness. Both DH and Jake are not knowledgeable about Alzheimer's, so their sadness is not amplified by what is coming in the future. However, Sally and I are often sad about the situation.
Confusion. I get asked every morning at least four times where I am going. Sometimes I say, Check the clipboard, where I have printed the schedule for the day. My husband has started to get confused about what word to use, a further deterioration.
Worry, Axiety and Frustration. We have one large TV in the family room where DH watches movies for most of the day. He has a large collection of cassettes and DVDs and also finds interesting material on cable. This large TV has the only box (of our three TV sets) where we can arrange to tape programs in the future. Last night I wanted to see the program where Dr. Mary Newport was interviewed; DH was very frustrated when I didn't seem to get him back to the right channel. In fact, in his anger and frustration he decided to go to bed angry. He wouldn't take his pills. He wouldn't pray. He was livid that I messed up his TV viewing. This was not intentional on my part because I saw that he was on the news and returned to the news; by this time he thought I had lost some other program he dearly wanted to see.
Fear and Paranoia. People with Alzheimer's disease often look for an explanation about what is happening to them. (p. 16) One time DH asked me if I were having an affair and of course I assured him that I wasn't and would not have one. He was lonely and this was before I started being WITH him intentionally. (Early on in the disease I started withdrawing emotionally from him, thinking that I would again become a widow as I had in the past.)
Embarrassment. The person with Alzheimer's disease is in a giant classroom every day, one in which he or she never has the exact answer. (p. 17) It is best to not ask them any questions. Asking their opinion might help at times, but they can't even decide what to eat on the menu in a restaurant.

The approach written about in this book lets us caregivers know that these feelings are normal. Our loving understanding can minimize these normal feelings of a person with dementia/AD. The best way I can love husband now is letting his steady personality change and understanding that these feelings are normal and being WITH him through better and worse.

Saga Twenty-One

2011-12-30T10:54:00.002-05:00

We spend Christmas Eve at Sally and Jake's church (since we don't have a Christmas eve service) and then went out to Dennys' with Sally and Jake for some Red Velvet Puppies/pie and decaf. My husband didn't remember trying on the great shirt I got him several months ago, and so it was a surprise gift.

Christmas morning we went to our church's regular worship. Many of the church family had their lunch at church and stayed there all day. We went to my husband's daughter's home at 2 PM. There was another family member with dementia there and I spent time with him as if he didn't have dementia. So important.

Emotional eating when your husband has Alzheimer's. Dolores has lost weight and I am now dieting and losing. You can get to all kinds of programs for weight loss on the Internet. I chose Weight Watchers where I am a Life-Time member, not having to pay or attend all meetings. Weight Watchers has a great new program for 2012 called Point Plus 2012 and has on online program, excellent for caregivers who can't get out to a meeting. My meeting is 7 AM Saturday mornings--a better time for my husband to have me gone than an evening. Now this has meant for me what when my husband wants ice cream, as he often does, I don't have any. I think of my doctor's words to me,

"Carol, if you don't lose some weight and exercise,

you won't be able to be your husband's caregiver.
Forget the ice cream."

All the motivation I needed. Plus people always ask us caregivers, "What are you doing for yourselves?" I am attending a Weight Watcher's meeting, and UGH, taking classes on counseling.

When people ask us what they can do for us caregivers, increasingly we need to say, "Can you help me by scheduling time with my husband?" so that I can do something for myself. However, this is not needed yet as I can leave him at home with our devoted dog and he can call me on his cell. There will come a time when this won't work.

Sally really needs this time away from Jake, however. Recently he kept criticizing her driving and she told him it wasn't necessary and please stop. Well, Jake said I am getting out of the car then. He did and she saw where he went. She parked the car and then caught up with him and told him we need to go into Best Buy. That worked. I gave her this idea, to keep talking while she drives with him in the car and don't let him get a word in. Say things like, I see that car and I am preparing to stop. So far she this tactic is helping his obsession about her driving and his not being able to drive. You just gotta deal with the husband's obsessions, one and a time.

When I have the time, I read a lot of Christian blogs and take especial note of counseling blogs since I am working on a seminary degree in counseling. These blogs aren't talking to caregivers, who one day may not even be able to attend a worship service. I am starting to be more vocal when I comment on those blogs that our churches need to minister to caregivers and those who have dementia. When that happens for me, fortunately, my church has Skype and I can listen from home. The blog that comes the closest to ministering to caregivers is Practical Shepherding. This blog has categories for ministry to widows for example. I mentioned this need on another blog and got this response:

Carol, That is a huge area of counseling caregivers for those who are aging and experiencing physical and mental difficulties. Plus, counseling the aging...retirement, adjustment, loneliness, purpose, etc. Bob

Please, bloggers, pray for Sally and Jake. Also for Dolores who is facing putting her husband in a facility--heart wretching for this lovely lady, who is usually so positive. And have a Happy New Year. We are again spending an early New Year's Eve with Sally and Jake at our house, playing games, if it will work, with our husbands. I am serving a salad with chicken, but others can also have bread and ice cream. For the Southern New Years Eve with coconut oil go to this earlier site at the right.

50 Lessons from Old People

2011-12-24T18:02:00.000-05:00

To celebrate growing older, Regina Brett (now over 90) once wrote the 45 lessons below that life taught her. She also added friends are the family that you choose. Some of those lessons are too late for me now. However at age 67 I am adding # 46-50, just for good measure.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Change the way you think.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Release your children when they become adults; its their life now.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't mess up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Just because you believe you are right, doesn't mean you are. Keep an open mind.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. Your job is to love your children, not choose who they should love.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield..
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

ADDED BY CAROL

46. This life is not all. We have eternity and need to put that in perspective. (like # 26 and #42)
47. Coconut oil is good for a lot that ails ya.
48. Stop kvetching. Rejoice.
49. Meditate on Scripture and good books and pray about every little thing.
50. Enjoy your holiday for what it is. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Gifts for Caregivers and Those With Alzheimer's

2011-12-14T07:14:00.001-05:00

At one time I was a widow and now I am a caregiver. I would rather be a caregiver than a widow, let me tell you. As someone said in our Alzheimer's Association support group yesterday, I am in my marriage for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death us do part. When I was a widow, however, someone did say to me, Carol, we want to help, but you will have to tell us how. The pastor sent people to the house to fix things then and I did ask for specific help. When you are a caregiver of a husband who has Alzheimer's, you are grieving the loss of skills and abilities that your husband once had. You are both married and a widow in a sense.

The gifts that I appreciate now are:

Help with the computer. Thanks, Dave, for always fixing our computers--yes even my husband's so he can see his Facebook photos and I can use the biblical resources on his computer. Thanks for helping me get my Nook hooked up on my computer.
The Lutheran youth group (not even my church) who will come here to weed.
My neighbors who notice and mow the yard.
Bob who put up our Christmas tree.
People who pray. Revelation 5 says that their prayers before God are like incense in a gold bowl.
People who e-mail or call and ask what can I do?
People who post on this blog.

A child's book, Giving, by Shirley Perich, out of print I think, has a boy who receives $10 from his aunt. He says it will be fun to go shopping when it's all about me. Then his mother in the mall asks him, "How about shopping for Grandma or your best friend instead?" He buys candy for his grandparents--their favorite. He goes home and helps his dad shovel the snow and his mom cook and clean. From Giving:

My day started out boring

But ended up being fun.

Now I'm all tired out

From the things that I've done.

I know what I do

Shows my family I care

It's a pretty good feeling

To give and to share.

I am a guest blogger on another blog--that of Joe whose book I have reviewed here. I just posted (Dec. 14) quotes from Richard Taylor's book, Alzheimer's from the Inside Out on his blog click here . One quote I will also share here:

I want to encourage, advocate, promote, and persuade you to think about being a "Best Friend" to the loved one in your life who has Alzheimer's disease. p. 241

You can visit

or call and talk with

your friend

who has Alzheimer's.

Tell them your name

so they don't have to ask.

Post on Joe's blog, also.

Saga Twenty

2011-12-06T09:41:00.003-05:00

“.

"Don't think about the future.
Just be here now.

Don’t think about the past.
Just be here now.”

― Ram Dass

Life is so fleeting. My dear friend who prayed for my husband's Alzheimer's has now gone on to be with our LORD. She prayed every day from her wheel chair for us while going downhill from Muscular Dystrophy. I am challenged to increase my prayer because of her. My friend was not her disease, neither is my husband his Vascular Dementia and Alzhiemer’s.

I want my husband to feel in control as long as possible. Richard Taylor in Alzheimer’s from the Inside Out writes:

" I vaguely recall a time when lots of people were coming to me

and asking for information and my opinion concerning things

other than myself or my disease." (p. 203)

So it was that I asked DH if we could attend a memorial service Tuesday night , November 29th, for this dear friend of over thirty years. He said yes. His opinion counts and I didn’t know that he would have said yes—but he did. I canceled four days of substituting which along with trip expenses would put our budget back, but well worth it. We dropped our dog off at the kennel.

Monday we drove over 500 miles to Daphne, Alabama, just west of Mobile. I had not slept well during the night and got up to write a six page eulogy for my friend and so hubby did a lot of the driving that first day.

My friend had also been my bridesmaid. Although we only lived near each other for two years, we wrote and called after that and visited when we could. We would have fun cleaning each other's homes. The years rolled on by. When MD came into her life we e-mailed maybe once a month. She would write “I pray for you every day” at the end of her e-mails. Her only complaint about the MD was that she didn't have the muscles to smile any more.

She was to get one of my unusual gifts for her 66th birthday—a binder of my favorite Scripture. I enlarged the font size to 18 for her binder so she could read easily and she e-mailed Oct. 12th, our last communication, “I don't think I need 18 point font. Maybe something halfway between. Looking forward to my b. d. gift.” She had her husband contact me to thank me for the gift. She was admitted to Our Lady of the Lake Hospital because her cough was not responding to antibiotics.

I called her hospital room and her husband put the phone up to her ear. “It’s gonna work out,” I said to her. “Either you will be with Jesus or He will help you go through this.” She did give me a faint reply so I knew we were communicating and agreeing. She died the day before turning 66, with MD taking over the muscles in her lungs.

During the trip my husband asked many times where we were going. Then Tuesday morning we arrived in Louisiana, having driven over 200 miles to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, our destination on the second day. We checked into our second Microtel and I checked my e-mail for word on my eulogy from my friend’s pastor. It turns out that my departed friend had scripted her own memorial service and my eulogy was too long. The pastor’s editor was cutting it down!

The memorial service was wonderful. My friend lived well and died well. She and her husband even traveled abroad with the wheel chair. She was always e-mailing about her four young granddaughters whom I met at the memorial service. With fourteen pages of hand written notes on her own memorial service, the program proceeded. First there were slides of her life before and after MD while the Prelude included “When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder”, “When We All Get to Heaven” and “How Great Thou Art”. The pastor read words from my friend, including jokes about heaven and Scripture. She had selected favorite hymns for us all to sing and a sermon he had preached in the past that she had him cut down to eight minutes by his staff editor who had edited me as well. I gave my eulogy as did others. The pastor read her “closing words” and then her “final closing words”. Unscripted: the pastor had us clap for her service which we did at the end.

Wednesday morning, the day after the memorial, in the spirit of my friend (live your life), my husband drove us from Baton Rouge to New Orleans. There was lots of traffic and it was stressful driving for DH. On the bucket list of my husband was the casino. The valet took our car and we decided we could have two hours in the place. He put $20 into a slot machine which he quickly lost. But an item on his “bucket list” had been checked off. We walked around and settled into a buffet for a brunch. Security guards with cages of money went by. We retrieved our car and I drove through the French Quarter letting my husband see the sights.

He had lots of questions on what state we were in and lots of comments that I didn’t make sense to him. What did make sense was to stay in our third Microtel in Marianna, FL. All the rooms are basically the same for an Alzheimer’s patient, and each hotel has a continental breakfast. Thursday morning frost was on the window of our car. We put the header on and waited until the windows cleared. Whenever it is cold in Florida, DH often quips “I think we should move to Florida!” It was best that I didn’t talk too much but just listen to him while I drove or he drove. Here is what he did say:

I will be so glad when I don’t drive anymore. I desire to be a passenger.

We picked up our dog and headed home. The next day I called State Farm Insurance and said we would just be one driver now.

I will miss my friend and will try to keep up

with the family and pray daily for them.

Thanksgiving Week

2011-11-20T08:38:00.002-05:00

Read Sunday morning from Psalm 118:19-21, 29 NLT

Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,

and I will go in and thank the LORD.

These gates lead to the presence of the LORD,

and the godly enter there.

I thank you for answering my prayer

and giving me victory. . . .

Give thanks to the LORD,

for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Love going to church today in a few hours. So does DH. We bring our lunch and eat together after the worship service. Then we have a counseling class. DH listens while I take notes. I will be finishing up a counseling degree in the next several years. My current paper will be on "Dying Well".
We are not going to be camping with that group. A call was made to say we weren't accepted. Both DH and I are at peace with this (although DH might be hurt). We still can camp with Sally and Jake. Sally and Jake are still in the group, but Sally speculates that it is because this group didn't want another person with Alzheimer's.
By book is now an eBook on Barnes and Noble. Go to bn.com and purchase at $7.69 for your iPad, computer or Nook. Just type in "Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill", the name of the book.
I went to a Christian Writer's Conference all day in Orlando Saturday, November 19th. Thanks to Sally and Jake for taking DH to lunch while I was gone. DH is able to stay home by himself, but that sure was wonderful that they thought of this. Sally and I are thinking about introducing our husbands to senior day care, which might work if they go together. These men always have so much fun together. Sally increasingly has to be with Jake and this may help if our husbands can both hang out at a senior day care; they love telling each other the same things over and over.
Obsessing. DH now obsesses about that camping group. Jake obsesses about not being able to drive and DH made the mistake of driving when the four of us were together recently. Sally told me later, that it really didn't matter. Jake obsesses about how unfair it is that as a man he can no longer drive. DH often comments on Jake and genuinely cares for him.
DH genuinely cares for me. I love him also.
I have a week off--no subsituting the week of Thanksgiving. We will be with some of DH's extended family on Thanksgiving. I have a week off to de-clutter, clean. and decorate for Christmas.
Most of my Christmas shopping is done. My creative gift this year for birthdays/Christmas is not a quilt like the last two years. This year it is Scripture highlights I have been working on each day. These highlights are printed in a binder for selected people. One family member didn't want it because he said it is "too preachy"--so he is getting an iTunes gift card. Other family members are excited about a binder of Scripture highlights. This is not necessarily a cheap gift for our budget, as I have had to buy additional printing cartridges, binders and mail the binders. The binder shows my excitement for God's word and how it sustains me each day.

Alzheimer's Disease: What If There Was a Cure?

2011-10-31T19:32:00.007-04:00

Earlier in the blog I did review The Coconut Oil Miracle and how it helps diseases. But I have been eagerly waiting for this book at the left to come out for two years. Dr. Mary Newport and I even e-mailed each other about the topic of coconut oil and how it can help someone with Alzheimer's. I read the article she wrote here. Her husband has Early-Onset Alzheimer's and you have to read their love story. I ordered my copy through Barnes and Noble, but you can get it through Amazon with e-books to follow.

This summer when finances were tight, I wondered if coconut oil was really necessary. When I read her book this month, however, I knew my husband needs to have that coconut oil once again.

The ketones in coconut oil provide an alternate fuel to keep the brain cells alive. Lots in the book about the science of ketosis.
Dr. Mary's husband's energy returned.
Steve Newport's personality and sense of humor returned.
His gait or walk returned.
Coconut oil seems to take the fog away.
I think all of this is true for DH as well.

There has not been significant clinical testing to determine if it works. People tried to stop Dr. Mary's crusade. She was able to speak in Europe about it, but not in our country. Humm. This is the same thing that our chiropractor said about Ribonucleic Acid and CoQ10 that he recommended my husband take. There aren't studies. But we think these supplements do help.

Dr. Mary recommends a combination of MCT (I get this from Vitacost) and coconut oil (I get from Tropical Traditions).See my links at the side. You can't heat coconut oil over 350 degrees Fahrenheit. You can use coconut oil from the drug store section at Walmart.

I am just using coconut oil, however, and had trouble lately adapting recipes that my husband would eat. While coconut oil in oatmeal worked for a time with my husband, he got tired of oatmeal for breakfast.

New recipe. There is a simple recipe in this book that may have helped my husband pass that Alzheimer's driving test for the second year in a row--"Coconut Fudge". Lately I have been serving this to my hubby after I got Newport's book and before he took that driving test last Friday.

Melt chocolate chips and and combine with an equal amount of liquid coconut oil. Freeze in ice cube trays. You can add walnuts and/or shredded coconut before you freeze. When frozen, pop each fudge piece out of tray and refrigerate. This works with my husband. I know it does, and he likes the fudge.

This is not a formal review of Dr. Mary's book, folks, but I just had to get the word out. Is coconut oil a cure for Alzheimer's once someone has it? Probably not, but coconut oil may help prevent health problems in general and improve the quality of life for the dementia patient.

This is good news!

Saga Nineteen

2011-10-29T20:03:00.001-04:00

THURSDAY. I reminded my husband that the driving test was tomorrow morning and he spend almost two hours reading the Florida driving manual. I was amazed he could still give attention to reading. He also pointed out that he doesn't have to drive anymore--that he is content to be driven around. His attitude about driving has certainly changed in the past year, and due to the totaling of one car with the crash last December, we have only one vehicle anyway. "Just do your best, honey," I pointed out. "What if I were in the hospital and you needed to drive to visit me?" So when we prayed Thursday night, we did just put the result of the driving test in the LORD's hands.

FRIDAY. Amazingly I believe my husband passed his driving test yesterday at the Memory Disorders Clinic at Morton Plant Mease Hospital in Clearwater. He did about the same on the written computer test as last year, and therefore needed to pass the physical driving test as he had last year. His only mistake, said the examiner for the physical driving test, was to not look over his shoulder at the blind spot when turning left. Later he remembered her comment and told me that then he would not be paying attention to the road if he had looked over his shoulder.

Because I am conscious of the precious time I have with DH and wanted to enjoy this "date", when we got to Clearwater for the 9:30 appointment, I used my time in the waiting room to research what we might do after the appointment. I had googled "things to do in Clearwater" and none of that was to pan out. Instead a headline in the Clearwater Beacon newspaper provided an opportunity. We would go see a movie produced in the area.

Clearwater, Florida

DOLPHIN TALE. The dolphin "Winter" is the star of the movie. We went to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium to see her, but it was raining and we decided to not spend the time and the money to see her. Instead we headed to the area of the Cinema Cafe where there was a 4:15 showing. With a little time on our hands, we went to Sam's Wholesale where DH sat in the food area while I stocked up on dog food and other non-perishable items I like to get there. Then back to Cinema Cafe for the showing. The tickets were only $5 for seniors and we paid at the end of the movie. We sat in a comfortable chair with a small round table. We ordered drinks and a pizza. Hubby had a Scotch and Water and I had coffee because I would drive home. I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but it packs a huge emotional punch. I cried and hubby could follow the plot.

SATURDAY--today. My Fundraising Goal for the Alzheimer's Walk Today was $150 and I raised $200.00. Thanks to all of you who contributed. Sally, a friend of hers, and I walked today in the rain. DH and Jake hung out at our home in the meanwhile. Because our husbands need things to do, we four went to Starbucks after the walk. I had not been to the Plant City one before because I guess I didn't feel the need to spend the time or spend the money. But it was relaxing to be there.

TO COME. Review of Dr. Newport's book. Consciously this week I cooked with coconut oil again. I found new ways to use it, where hubby had been bored with coconut oil in oatmeal for some time. Could it be that hubby passed the test due to the coconut oil?!

Saga Eighteen

2011-10-22T10:28:00.004-04:00

My husband just asked when we are going to Disney.

"We went yesterday," I replied.

We met Sally and Jake a year ago and the great supportive friendship we have with this couple has developed over this time. In October of last year we went to Epcot with them. Yesterday the four of us went to Disneyworld in Orlando.

It became apparent that my husband's energy is going downhill from a year ago because he could not participate in a day at Disney as he had a day at Epcot. We chose activities that involved sitting such as three calm boat rides and shows. I took pictures of Jake and Sally on the Tomorrowland Speedway--great fun for Jake who is not allowed to drive now because of he didn't pass his Alzheimer's driving test. When we went to the Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor, Sally was part of the program; her picture appeared up on screen, and a cartooned character interacted with Sally in the program. How do they do this?! We really did have fun at Disney. Sorry hubby couldn't recall his fun this morning.

My husband keeps his charming personality and is really happy, thank God. Last Tuesday night we went to Barnes and Nobel for me to pick up my ordered book on Dr. Mary Newport's book on Alzheimer's and coconut oil. (Review to follow.) Then we went to dinner at Smoky Bones next door. I asked DH what was on his mind. He said,

"How happy I am!"

The young man who waited on us also chatted with us because business was slow. He is going to medical school. I told him to consider finding a cure for Alzheimer's. Hubby told the waiter that he feels fine and loves being retired. I have reflected on this and realize how fortunate I am to have a happy husband. Others experience the anger of their Alzheimer's loved ones. I have rarely experienced that and am claiming Proverbs 26:2 if I do because it is the Alzheimer's that causes the change of personality.

Sally and Jake had a power shortage at their home and are having to replace some appliances. This is hugely confusing to Jake and Sally misses her once capable husband who took care of items such as this. My husband just tends to let me take care of things. A year ago he weeded I noted on the calendar. Now I weed and don't keep up with it. Hubby keeps putting off mowing the lawn. A neighbor has noticed this and has mowed our front yard twice. I need to learn to mow the yards--front and two backyards. When we had a minor plumbing problem recently, my husband just calmly let me handle the situation and the $216 check.

Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble. . . . Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom. from Psalm 90 NLT

"Can we do something fun today?" hubby asks.

"When the lawn is mowed, " I say. Midday after I started this post he goes out to mow the lawn. Thank you LORD!

Next week's anticipated blogging posts:

Review of Alzheimer's Disease: What If There Was a Cure? by Dr. Mary T. Newport
My husband's second ALZ driving test
ALZ walk--support if you haven't by clicking on top right link

Learn as You Go or Prepare Ahead?

2011-10-10T19:30:00.021-04:00

“It is best to learn as we go, not as we have learned.”

― Anonymous

Some things I have learned as we take this Alzheimer's journey:

My pastor and trusted friends can't really always advise me. They can pray.
My husband's children don't know what to say. I think they admire our journey from a distance and certainly hope they remember us in prayer.
My husband has a VERY poor sense of time, not just short-term memory. Because he knows this, he regularly checks with me.
My husband enjoys his life. He lives one moment at a time. This includes seeing movies repeatedly. His favorites include "The Titanic", "Walk the Line", "Fireproof" and "Pearl Harbor". Old movies are best because the new ones have too much action and intrigue often to follow.
My husband loves me. We tell each other this often. I am with him in his journey.
I learned to accept sundowning episodes and the anger of my husband because of the missing neurons in his hippocampus. When he called me an A-Hole the other day, I was calm. Later I told him what he had said and he apologized. We marry a man who doesn't swear, and then they get Alzheimer's and swear! This is God's lesson to me to rely on Him for MY patience.
There is a wonderful blogger network out there. We encourage each other.
Provide a lot of clues for hubby to manage on his own when I am gone.
Get in a support group. Sally and I are in one that meets monthly. Hubby and I are in one that meets monthly.
Scripture keeps speaking to me with my caregiver's stress.
Have an Alzheimer's driving test. Hubby will have his second one Oct. 28th.

On the other hand, there are some things I have to prepare for:

My own health. I got into emotional eating when I realized that he has Alzheimer's. I need to prepare for the Alzheimer's walk on Oct. 29th also and appreciate those who have contributed. You can do so on line. Great encouragement to me and "Ann", my Alzheimer's Association support group facilitator. Her team that I am no needs to raise more money. Click on the link at the top right. I have thanked people who contribute in person or by e-mail.
Simplifying our life. Keep things in the same spot that my husband is used to. Use priorities as in Staci Eastin's book reviewed here.
Get credit cards paid off while I can work extra jobs.
What I can't prepare for is in the LORD's hands. Questions remain such as what if I can't take care of hubby in the future. Yet the Lord is my great Caregiver.

Worry weighs a person down;

an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Proverbs 12:25 NLT

Thanks to my Associate Pastor who e-mail me that he and his wife are praying. This was an encouraging word today and to his wife and others who contributed to the Walk or contribute by prayer.

Amazing Grace Author and His Memory

2011-10-09T07:51:00.002-04:00

John Newton, author of favorite hymn "Amazing Grace":

My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things:
That I am a great sinner,
and that Christ is a great Savior.

I love the sweet prayers of my Christian Alzheimer's husband. The soul and emotions of an Alzheimer's patient are intact and they will have super quality time in heaven. From that great hymn by the hymn writer who lost his memory:

I once was lost, but now am found,

was blind, but now I see. . . .

When we've been there

Ten thousand years,

bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days

To sing God's praise

Then when we'd first begun.

Hank Hanegraaff on this video UTube Q & A on Alzheimer's Patient reinforces the soul of the Alzheimer's patient. It continues. One day it will be reunited with a whole, healed body at the resurrection of the saints.

Meanwhile God does not hold accountable the anger and confusion of our loved ones with Alzheimer's. Jesus died for those sins and confusion. But we have the privilege of having the divine CAREGIVER, our Father in Heaven, to help us earthly caregivers.

WITH

2011-09-29T20:47:00.004-04:00

I think it is so important to be WITH our Alzheimer's loved ones. They have a lonely journey if we are not there for them. My husband wants to go WITH me on any and all errands.

I think of Sue who has stayed home WITH her hubby. He is now in the VA hospital and she can work part-time again. I saw her Wednesday and was able to hug her. We both know what we are going through when we hugged yesterday. That's the sort of hug that I give Sally when I see her. That's the sort of hug I want to give the other ladies who write/comment on this blog. I think I got the idea of HUG from Dolores.

For Pink Lady Dana who commented on the last post, I have a thought. SHADOWING. I don't know your situation there in California from here in Florida, but I would say go to the grocery store with Steve. I have read somewhere that Alzheimer's patients like to shadow their caregivers, like a puppy. Socialization helps them. We can either accept this, or we can get annoyed. It doesn't matter if our husbands follow or if we go slowly and hold their hands. They are WITH us. Our lives have to slow down. We don't get the plan we think we need, but we get the fulfillment of being where the LORD wants us to be at this time. The Christian marriage is compared to Christ's love for His church, His bride. Christ desires to be WITH us, only we better be the puppy dog following Him, not the leader who demands He follow us.

Skye Jethani wrote a new book--With: Reimaging the Way You Relate to God. I am thinking about his prepostions, OVER, UNDER, FROM, FOR and WITH:

Life OVER God. People can live without regard to God, maybe angry that God has brought Alzheimer's or some other situation into their life. They may take matters into their own hands like taking a substitute love as Barry Petersen did in Jan's Story that I wrote about here in a July book review several months ago.
Life UNDER God. This would be a life of duty WITHOUT the emphasis of fellowship. Legalism. These people bargain that their adherence to rules will mean that blessing must follow.
Life FROM God. Christians in this category go after His blessings and consumerism taints their relationship with our Father.
Life FOR God. People run around doing God's work and being nice. I wrote about that problem in Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. But it isn't about what we can do for God that gives our life meaning, that pleases Him. Everything, even the mundane, is for His glory.
Life WITH God. Fellowship with God. In Acts 4 the members of the council saw that Peter and John, ordinary men, had been WITH Jesus. Jethani calls believers to be WITH Jesus.

Back to the subject of this post. How are we WITH our Alzheimer's loved ones? I am WITH my husband when we pray together and how exciting it is that the soul in an Alzheimer's patient will be there beyond when the mind goes. When I go off to teach, I insist my hubby and dog Ziggy wave goodbye and blow kisses at the window--our tradition that says we love each other. I call him when I get somewhere to say I have safely arrived. I just sat with him at the end of a romantic movie, even though I had seen it before. I am in this journey WITH him. I just made myself unavailable to substitute one day a week so I can be WITH my husband. One day I will not be able to leave him alone at all.

Lord, give me the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22, 23

--especially gentleness and self-control--

so I can be WITH my Alzhezimer's loved one,

in sickness and in health until death do us part.

Saga Seventeen

2011-09-26T06:42:00.001-04:00

This blog has over 10, 000 hits, according to the site meter. How does this happen? I speculate that the labels I provide at the bottom of the blog gets people here. Or I post on other Alzheimer's blogs and "NewKidontheBlogg" takes people here.

Last Monday I made myself unavailable to substitute teach so we could go to Sally and Jake's church for their monthly senior’s event. Everybody brought a bag lunch and a collectable hobby to share. Sally was in charge and so she had me do my "raps" for the group. Sally shared her antique trays, Jake—his bird houses, and hubby his toy horse collection. I shared four items from my ruby red glass collection.

Usually pills and breakfast will happen after I leave the house, when hubby gets his false teeth in. He needs to eat something when he takes those pills and three days last week he ate breakfast, but no pills while I had to leave to substitute teach, which I did Tuesday through Friday. Saturday when I was off to teach a first-time driver’s class, I had a plan for those pills. Put them on the plate with his breakfast, because putting the pill box by his breakfast doesn’t cut it. Great solution.

Alzheimer’s patients need socialization and hubby loves to get out. Wednesday night we went to Toastmasters, the club that I helped form at a church in Lakeland. I tend to talk too much there—go over my time limit, but when DH is called on for “Table Topics” at Toastmasters his verbal skills are excellent--often humorous and to the point for this extemporaneous response.

But are his verbal skills really excellent? I love his prayers, but I realize that he now uses limited vocabulary and concepts when he prays at night. He thanks God for the "good" day and goes on about the "good" day, without specifics of what happened, for maybe four or five sentences.

He can ask me questions successfully (many times it is the same question up to six times), but he cannot respond to my queries. For example, I spilled milk on the dining room carpet and wanted him to bring me towels quickly.

“What kind?” he wants to know. “Paper towels?”

“No. Hurry and get towels out of the basket on the pink trunk in our bedroom.” That was TMI (too much information) for him. I ended up getting the towels and as it was Sunday morning and we had to leave for church, I wouldn’t be able to clean that carpet.

What about his reading skills? He doesn’t always like to read the daily clipboard schedule I make for him. He has another pad that he writes on to supplement that daily schedule. He will then cross of the item after it has happened. He reads the bulletin and hymns in church, but doesn’t read so much during the week. There came a time when Dolores’s husband stopped reading—something he dearly loved to do. Hubby loves to watch videos and so far that is what he does while I am off supplementing our income to try to pay for my dental work and get our credit cards paid off for when I have to stay home full time as Dolores and Sue have had to do.

Social Sunday Night. We get home from church activities about 4:30 and get ready for guests to come at 7 PM for another pool night at our home. I am glad the carpet doesn't smell from the spilled milk--yet. Three gentlemen and Sally and Jake's delightful ten year old granddaughter play pool while we wives play Mexican Dominos. The granddaughter starts enjoying our dog Ziggy, who also liked the attention and decides pool is more interesting than her Math computer game. DH and Jake sit in the family to watch TV while Bob goes to the den ready to play pool. Now hubby doesn’t realize as a host he needs to be playing pool. I remind him and like Archie Bunker in the old TV comedy, hubby shushes me up. About five minutes later the two Alzheimer’s husbands join Bob in the den where the granddaughter has fun playing with three old men.

“Lana,” I quip as we ladies play our domino game, “do you realize your granddaughter is learning to enjoy playing pool with men?” We ladies laugh.

It is so great that our two husbands are taking turns playing with two others who keep track of the game. Good week, but verbal skills are declining I realize.

The Sovereign LORD has given me his words of wisdom,

so that I know how to comfort the weary.

Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.

from my devotions this morning--Isaiah 50:4 NLT

Who Keeps Promises?

2011-09-18T20:25:00.000-04:00

This issue has been on the news this week. I addressed this with Jan's Story review on this blog on July 1 below.

Pat Robertson Would Not Keep Promises

Robert McQuilken Keeps Promises

When I wrote about Jan's Story, a comment was made that led me to McQuilken's book shown above. He writes on p. 23:

I have been startled by the response to the announcement of my resignation. Husbands and wives renewing marriage vows, pastors telling the story to their people. It was a mystery to me, until a distinguished oncologist, who lives constantly with dying people, told me, "Almost all women stand by their men; very few men stand by their women." Perhaps people sensed this contemporary tragedy and somehow were helped by a simple choice I considered the only option.

LORD, that you for my husband. I want to show love to him all my days, no matter how difficult it becomes. Help men and women caregivers who come across this blog to also keep those promises. Help me live longer than he does, if that is your will. Amen.

Book Review: The Organized Heart

2011-09-11T20:21:00.001-04:00

In the past twenty-four hours I have read a short book. After church I had to tell ladies at church about it, and even one man is going to get it for his Kindle. Pure Excitement I have for this book by Staci Eastin--The Organized Heart: A Woman's Guide to Conquering Chaos, published by CruciformPress.com and released in March of this year. This is the kind of excitement I get when I discover something in Scripture that speaks right to my heart. I have needed her book.

Periodically I blog organizing and de-cluttering on this blog. But on my way to organizing the clutter and chaos at home, we had that crash I wrote about last December. After that with sore back and painful hands I could do less about the clutter issues. I did want to. I admire Dolores and others who have their act together at home and they are able to be that caregiver to their husband with an orderly home. Now that I have been released by the chiropractor, I am going to the gym and doing more.

Mrs. Eastin puts heart and faith into what I needed to read. Where does she start? Mrs. Eastin's book is not about a system. She writes that she had a motivation problem--not a problem of whose system to use. Eastin in this short book deals with four idols. Here are some quotes:

The disorganization in my life was not due to lack of knowledge or skill and it was not due to a problem in my childhood. Rather, it's a broken belief system: a heart issue, a sin issue. At the end of the day, it's idolatry. . . . We never conquer sin by adding more rules. . . . My attempts to get organized always failed because I tried to change my habits without letting the Holy Spirit change my heart. It was only when I saw the sinful motivations behind my bad habits that I could see lasting change in my life. (pp. 11, 12)

The Idol of Perfectionism

Perfectionism prevents us from living our lives. It prevents us from enjoying our families. It robs us of joy. And most of all, it prevents us from basking in God's grace and serving in the strength that only he can give. God knows our talents, our energy level, and our resources. He alone is perfect, and he can work mightily, so we can trust him. (p. 31)

The Idol of Busyness

Just because you can do something doesn't mean God has called you to it. . . . Fear of man indicates that we find our worth in pleasing others rather than pleasing God. Instead of working to bring glory to God, we hope to bring glory to ourselves. . . . God is not sitting helplessly in the wings, hoping we'll come through and help him out. (pp. 35, 36, 39)

My book, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill, deals with some of these issues of the fear of man and learning to give God the glory. Eastin puts it simply: God is not glorified in the amount of things we get done, the number of spaces we fill on our calendar, or the length of our to-do lists. God is pleased when we serve him with sincere hearts. (p. 41)

The Idol of Possessions

I have tried to study couponing. Eastin points out that it can all lead to hoarding. Mmmm. She writes: Excess possessions will rob you of your peace, add unnecessary stress to your life and hinder your ministry to others. (pp. 51)

The Idol of Leisure

When everyday life is a race from one urgent deadline to the next, we withdraw from open fellowship with God and submission to his will. . . . The procrastinator loves to hoard her time for herself rather than work diligently on the errands and tasks God gives her. . . . Many women are addicted to TV, social networking sites, shopping, reading, and other hobbies. While none of these activities are necessarily evil in and of themselves, if you indulge in them to the extent that they prevent you from doing what God has ordained for you to do, they are sin. . . . Are you a wise steward of your time? Do you prayerfully schedule your days for what God has called you to, including appropriate time for real rest? (pp. 66-69)

In her chapter on difficult circumstances, she doesn't deal with the Alzheimer's caregiver. But the author does point out both our responsibility and God's sovereignty. God, the divine Caregiver, will work things out and we can therefore be content. Unlike FlyLady who has an elaborate system, Staci Eastin at the end of the book gives principles to use after the idols of your heart have been dealt with.

What has this short book done for me? It has freed me to not worry excessively about FlyLady's lists, couponing or another system from one of my books or magazine articles. If I can pray over my schedule, serve my husband in his lonely journey in Alzheimer's, serve others as well, and (without guilt) schedule time for my own leisure, then I can have peace and know I am bringing glory to God.

It has always been that one day in heaven, I want Him to say, "Well done, Carol. You knew you could trust Me as your divine Caregiver to take you through your earthly caregiving adventure."

Staci Eastin blogs at Writing and Living. I am going over to her blog now and thank her.

Simplifying Conversation

2011-08-29T20:40:00.000-04:00

One idea at a time. One subject and one verb in a simple sentence. No compound sentences.
Use the word, not a pronoun.
Keep very calm.
Don't mention the recent past because hubby can't relate.
DH will write things down, a way of dealing with his memory issues, but needs my help to spell.
LMT (lost my thought--see cartoon above). Do not interupt him because he will lose his thoughts.

These seem to be the cardinal rules of dialogue now with communicating with my Alzheimer's husband. I have read some of these suggestions elsewhere, but just decided to write them all down.

I can do this caregiving bit with the Lord's help. The Lord is my shepherd, my caregiver!

Why am I discourged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again--

my Savior and my God!

. . .

But each day the LORD pours

his unfailing love upon me,

and through each nght I sing his songs,

praying to God who gives me life.

from Psalm 42

Just a Word: Friends Encounter Alzheimer's by Rose Lamatt

2011-08-23T21:26:00.003-04:00

Leaving two grown kids and an inattentive husband, author Rose walked out of her marriage and her agoraphobia to a life with a new roommate, golfer Carol Beinbrink. Life is good for the two friends, until a WORD comes into their life. That word is Alzheimer's. Carol is diagnosed with Just a Word--Alzheimer's.

I found out about this Florida author on The Alzheimer's Reading Room when Bob DeMarco highly reviewed her book . The true story reads like a well-crafted novel as Rose and Carol wrestle with the inevitable stages of Alzheimer's, the stages of grief and the death of Carol.

I have now the privilege of being a Facebook friend of Rose and she messaged me that the book would be depressing for me. Yes and no. Yes, it was depressing because this is a path that I need to go down with my husband. But NO, not depressing, because it is so well-written and I am cheering for the progress of Rose in stepping out of panic attacks she had in her earlier life. I cheer the bold caregiver and Alzheimer's advocate she becomes by the end of the book. Not depressing because I realize that I can go through this process also. Rose did. With God's help, blogging friends, church family and the Alzheimer's support group I can go through this stress and challenge.

Here are some quotes from the book and my comments following the quote:

We don't talk of it and keep an "up" feeling between us. p. 45 My husband and I are like that and to some degree we just continue to live each day as happy as we can. (However, we have been able to be honest about this disease in the past months since attending Alzheimer's Association events together.)
I see her embarrassment when she stops mid sentence in conversation, not able to find the right word. (p. 57) Here is some dialogue I had with DH recently, not as serious as Rose and Carol:

I forgot a document at home and DH says,
"Lady, you take the cake and I'm the one with the . . . What is it?"
Me: "Short-term memory." We go back home to get the document.
DH: "I will give you one more chance. . . . [To our dog] What are
we going to do with mama's memory?"

Next to a chair I place my hands on her shoulders and set her down, then sing, "Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money." (p. 105) I have mentioned before on this blog that this song, "Side by Side", is also our song--it's so upbeat and really anyone with a chronic illness needs a loved one to be by their side.
I like how Rose quotes the saying, "It's much better to give than to receive." (p. 140) More than a saying it is from Acts 20:35.

Rose cared for her friend for fourteen years. In the process she really finds herself and she writes,

Being with someone who is dying of Alzheimer's, especially because the disease takes so long, watching the decline is a gift. We watch the person 'undo' their life at a slow rate. We may hate watching it, but in the end, I was happy to go through Carol's Alzheimer's Journey to death. It brought me closer to God than I'd ever been before. (pp. 176, 177)

Rose, thank you for the realistic

and inspirational story that you weave.

Thanks that you continue to help Alzheimer's patients and their caregivers now as you volunteer and work in an assisted living facilities. Just A Word is not depressing--it is hopeful as it ends.

The Experience of Dementia as a Journey –Author Unknown

2011-08-16T07:56:00.000-04:00

I am going on a long journey by train. As I begin, the city skyscrapers and country landscape look familiar. As I continue my journey, the view reminds me of times gone by and I feel relaxed and comfortable. The other passengers on the train appear to be feeling the same way and I engage in pleasant conversation with them.

As the journey progresses, things begin to look different. The buildings have odd shapes and the trees don’t look quite the way I remember them. I know that they are buildings and trees, but something about them is not quite right. Maybe I’m in a different country with different architecture and plant life. It feels a bit strange, even unnerving.

I decide to ask the other passengers about the strangeness I feel, but I notice that they seem unperturbed. They are barely taking notice of the passing scenery. Maybe they have been here before. I ask some questions, but nothing seems different to them. I wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me. I decide to act as if everything looks all right, but because it does not, I have to be on my guard. This places some tension on me, but I believe I can tolerate it for the remainder of the trip. I do, however, find myself becoming so preoccupied with appearing all right that my attention is diverted from the passing scenery.

After some time, I look out the window again and this time I know that something is wrong. Everything looks strange and unfamiliar! There is no similarity to anything I can recall from the past. I must do something. I talk to the other passengers about the strangeness I feel. They look dumbfounded and when they answer, they talk in a new language. Why won’t they talk in English, I wonder? They look at me knowingly and with sympathy. I’ve got to get to the bottom of this, so I keep after them to tell me where the train is and where it is going. The only answers I get are in this strange language, and even when I talk, my words sound strange to me. Now I am truly frightened.

At this point, I figure that I have to get off this train, and find my way home. I had not bargained for this when I started. I get up to leave and bid a pleasant goodbye. I don’t get very far, though, as the other passengers stop me and take me back to my seat. It seems they want me to stay on the train whether I want to or not. I try to explain but they just talk in that strange language.

Outside the window, the scenery is getting even more frightening. Strange, inhuman-looking beings peer into the window at me. I decide to make a run for it. The other passengers are not paying much attention to me, so I slip out of my seat and quietly walk toward the back of the car. There’s a door! It is difficult to push, but I must. It begins to open and I push harder. Maybe now I will get away. Even though it looks pretty strange out there, I know I will never find my way back home if I do not get off this train. I hear the door shut. They take me back to my seat. I realize now that I will never get off this train. I will never get home.

How sad I feel. I did not say goodbye to my friends or children. As far as I know they do not know where I am. The passengers look sympathetic, but they do not know how sad I feel. Maybe if they knew they would let me off the train. I stop smiling, stop eating, stop trying to talk, and avoid looking out the window. The passengers look worried. They force me to eat. It is difficult because I am too sad to be hungry.

I have no choice now. I have to go along with the passengers because they seem to know where the journey will end. Maybe they will get me there safely. I fervently wish that I had never started out on this journey, but I know I cannot go back.

Author Unknown

Saga Sixteen

2011-08-09T12:46:00.002-04:00

It's been three weeks since I have posted here. Note, if you just want to read our sagas, go to the right and click sagas. It really tells our story.

Speaking of our story, my husband and I now freely talk about his Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia. In fact, we have been to two support groups (July 28 and August 8) where both the person with Alzheimer's and their spouse/caregiver are part of the discussion. Both of these have been at the Alzheimer's Association in Eloise, near Winter Haven, Florida. At the second one some of those with Alzheimer's painted; you see, folks, the economical Alzheimer's Association rents rooms with an art association. Sally and Jake were not at these sessions. August 8th they were babysitting a grandchild, and July 28th they were on a trip to the mountains.

Their trip, you think, would have satisfied Jake's yen for the South Carolina mountains and the cabin he built there and later sold. Sally and Jake rented a nearby cabin and went to the church they were used to going to when they stayed up there, but the road to the cabin that Jake build had a chain link on it and Jake was not able to see that cabin and how the new owners were doing. Somewhere in the recesses of Jake's stage-two mind he thinks that he and my husband can get up there and live without us wives. My husband knows better. At one point on their vacation he wanted to walk "home", but Sally was able to get him back to their rented cabin. They came home last Thursday. When we went to dinner the next night, Jake had trouble recalling his recent trip, the horseback riding, etc.

This afternoon Sally and I are going to our monthly Alzheimer's Association meeting in Plant City. Jake will hang out at the house with DH. This morning DH and I discussed orienting Jake in pool playing. Jake actually won a game with me once--not hard to do. I cleaned off the pool table from all my projects (currently I am teaching a counseling class) so they can play pool. Hope they do play pool while Sally and I are gone. DH, after all, gets very bored with Jake's obsessions about getting his driver's license back, and stealing away to the mountains. This is not to say that DH has no obsessions now, but I have learned to manage his obsessions.

My husband is happy and not bothered by his disability. When we go out to eat we blow the straw paper covering at each other before putting it in our cold drink. We play blue grass music and when the four of us are out, both Jake and DH sitting in the back seat of the car move to the music. DH and I sing the song "Side By Side" in the car (I have it on my iPod).

Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money
Maybe we're ragged and funny
But we'll travel along
Singing our song
Side by Side
Don't know what's coming tomorrow. . .

Ironic. In fact, I don't know what's coming tomorrow, but live one day at a time, ever grateful that my husband and I have such good times and communication.

Saga Fifteen

2011-07-18T16:23:00.003-04:00

Sharing the load. Today Dolores communicated with me that last night her husband didn't recognize her or where he was. Sigh! Today he is fine, however, knowing her and that they are home.

Sally and Jake. Sally said that Jake did not recognize one of his adult sons that they saw recently. Sigh! Now Jake recognizes us, and I would have thought that son from his first wife was part of his long-term memory. My friend Sally has come up with a great idea--once a month socials at our home. The four husbands will play pool on our pool table and we gals will play games. I love the idea! Socialization is so good all around. Jake doesn't drive any more due to his not passing the Alzheimer's test and we hope he is done obsessing about not driving.

Since last December, after our car crash with that DUI driver that totaled one car, my husband didn't want to drive again. We decided to not replace that car and get by with one car. When I needed him to drive the popup camper we got from Sally and Jake, however, DH started driving again in February. He really is a good driver and my husband has only driven the car when I am in it. He drives well, although needs directions from me and will get tested again in the fall.

However, this morning my husband went out BY HIMSELF to go get gas for the lawn mower. I was scared. (Maybe last year sometime he had gone out to get gas for the lawn mower and it took him three trips to remember why he went out!) Will he remember how to come back home? Will he remember how to use the debit card? He drove less than a mile and a half. I called him on his cell phone and fortunately he answered. He returned and poured the gas directly in the riding lawn mower, not remembering how to use the gas can nozzle. The front and back lawns got mowed.

June 1 to July 6. Sally, Jake, DH and I did go to six workshops co-sponsored by the local Alzheimer's Association and USF. Ann wrote about this in May on this blog. It was in Winter Haven and Sally and I took turns driving. We wives sat in the front of the car and the husbands in the back seat on the 45 minute trip back and forth. We usually played upbeat country or oldies music for the husbands on the trip--on my iPod or with Sally's CDs. (My husband is very sensitive to Jake not being able to drive and so when the four of us are together either Sally or I dive.) At each workshop session we wrote a weekly ACTION Plan. DH and I started going to the gym again. Sally and Jake had been going to the YMCA. At that workshop we were more open about Alzheimer's. Everyone there was either an Alzheimer's patient or a caregiver. I was so proud of my husband's sharing as we sat around the table. A lot of Jake's issues were dealt with in the workshop. The four of us were also interviewed after the workshop. I got more out of the workshop than perhaps my husband did, because he wouldn't remember from week to week. I felt more empowered after the workshop.

Supplements recommended by our chiropractor. Since our December crash, we had been going to a chiropractor (I am still going for my back.) The chiropractor recommended Ribonucleic Acid and CoQ-10 supplements for my husband from. There are no studies on the use of these supplements to improve thinking for Alzheimer's patients, but I do think they have helped his thinking. DH is cheerful and uses parts of his brain to compensate. Now the short-term memory is not any better, but my husband is great. He takes two 175 mg of RNA twice a day and one 400 mg C0Q-10 with his statin medicine at night. I still cook with coconut oil when it works out. I put a link for the RNA from Standard Process Inc. under Favorites at the right.

Thanks for your prayers for Dolores, Sally and I and our husbands. 

Ten Top Caregiving Mistakes

2011-07-14T09:02:00.001-04:00

Thinking you can do this on your own. You need a support group or system for YOU, the caregiver.
Thinking your loved one fits a pattern of another person with Alzheimer's. Everyone is different and diagnosis is tentative. My husband has Mixed Dementia, for example, and I am so fortunate at how pleasant he is.
Thinking you can argue with a person who has Alzheimer's. It won't work. He will obsess about an issue that is on his mind. She will want to do things from her long-term memory that maybe she can't any more--just let her try.
Not establishing a schedule or routine for your loved one. This morning my husband wanted me to print out that schedule, even though we are essentially staying home.
Not being proactive and not thinking down the road. Simplify life, have your will completed. How can you make the house safe? How can you keep items where they belong so that your loved one knows where to find it?
Withdrawing from your loved one emotionally. They have changed, but that doesn't mean they don't have emotions. They lose memory, but not fondness for your love. And you need their love also!
Stop living your life! No! Go to Disney if they can handle it at their stage. Take them along on errands as long as they can do this with you.
Being embarrassed by your loved one. Wink at someone when you know they are hearing a story for a second or third time.
Doing too much for them. There is a lot they still can do to help. My husband folds laundry I put on the pool table. He also fills up bottles of diet Lipton green tea and water. (We reuse our bottles.) He mows the lawn on a riding lawn mower and sometimes weeds.
Throwing your hands up in despair. Life doesn't owe you no problems. God is there for you.

Jan's Story by Journalist Barry Petersen

2011-07-01T21:10:00.004-04:00

Recently a caregiver gave me Jan's Story by CBS foreign correspondent Barry Petersen. Sally read the book first and clued me in that it ended differently than she expected. I wondered why she said the ending was different.

In reading Jan's Story I discovered it is really BARRY'S STORY of how he copes with his wife Jan's Early Onset Alzheimer's. Jan becomes angry, confused and has friends who aren't there. She hardly recognizes Barry at the end of the story while Barry becomes lonely and overburdened with her care.

What did I as a caregiver learn from this caregiver/correspondent? Barry chronicles the stages of Alzheimer's as Jan goes through them. He writes to family and friends in the summer of 2007:

I am taken aback at how fast Jan's short term memory seemed to evaporate . . . it robs us of sharing daily experiences, and robs her of savoring the good things that are a part of all of our daily lives . . . I am losing more than a friend . . . also slipping away is the one person who was my confidante, with whom I could and did share everything. I feel like I'm trapped in a movie, watching it unfold and already know the ending . . . but with no way to rewind back to the good parts. (pp. 53, 54)

I can identify. I noticed that when my husband prayed before we went to sleep last night that he did not pray in specifics, but he did thank the Lord for the good day we had yesterday and the good day we would have tomorrow. But the Lord is the third party in our marriage and He takes us through each day. My husband's daily humor and my daily Scripture reading such as Psalm 23 takes me through the day.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me . . .

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

So much is familiar in Jan and Barry's story--having to order for my husband in restaurants, his misplacing things, his compensating for memory loss, sundowner's problems. Barry talked about Jan's coping experiences--ANGER, PRETENDING, SILENCE. But my husband hasn't deteriorated as much as Jan has by the end of the book.

While I respect Mr. Petersen and his riveting journey as a caregiver, his values do not represent my Christian values. I did not see Mr. Petersen looking to the Lord for strength and guidance in his caregiver's story. He brings a third party (not the Lord), a new woman into the story for his loneliness. Barry seemed to find people to support his new woman while his wife is in assisted living. Even Jan's mother suggested Barry needed a side romance!

I am a caregiver who takes a different path. I have a different view of fidelity and an awesome God who is with me in this journey. Life doesn't owe me a husband. I married for the first time when I was 40 and when that husband died I was a widow for eight years. I love being married to my husband and we have so much joy in our marriage. Life doesn't guarantee a husband not get Alzheimer's. But I do have this chance to be faithful to my husband and be the best wife I can be while the Lord takes me through this.

One of my colleagues in Toastmasters cared for his wife for twenty years--so inspiring. He was the gentleman who recommended the book that I reviewed here, No Act of Love Is Ever Wasted. Mr. Petersen and I run in different circles, and I sure wish he had waited and found the strength of the Lord Jesus Christ.

When I got to the end of the book, I realized a blogger I follow had actually reviewed this book and had seen Petersen interviewed one Sunday morning. Barry's new lady is mentioned in this blog. See Early On-Set Blog Spot in January of this year which I did read. Here is how I responded:

I married for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.

Then the blogger herself responded with:

In his heart your husband knows he is lucky in love.

I found a Huffington Post article by Barry Petersen where he talks about guilt as he does in the book. See
Can a Marriage Die When the Wife is Alive. Here Peterson writes:

I have no answers for others, offering only what I have done and learned and chosen, knowing that it was right -- for me. I wish them luck. Like me, they will need it.

There is more than luck, Mr. Petersen. And there is God's help, grace and forgiveness for you.

The name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe. Proverbs 18:10

Facts and Figures

2011-06-30T07:43:00.003-04:00

Compairing deaths in 2000 with deaths in 2006 people died less from heart disease, breast cancer, prostate cancer, stroke than they did from Alzheimer's Disease by 2006. Of all those causes of death, only deaths from AD were up by 46. 1 % according to the 2010 Alzheimer's Association's report. In those years heart disease deaths went down by 11.5 % ; breast cancer by 2.6 %; prostate cancer by 8.7%; and stroke by 18.2%. I am grateful for all the advances in these diseases, but Alzheimer's has not received a cure unfortunately and Alzheimer's is increasing.

This means more caregivers.

According to the recently released 2011 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures from the Alzheimer's Association, there are now nearly 15 million Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers in the United States. This report shows that there are far more Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers than previously believed. These individuals provided 17 billion hours of unpaid care valued at $202.6 billion. To put this in perspective, if Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers were the only residents of a single state, it would be the fifth largest state in the country. From Caring News

Sally, Jake, DH and I have been taking a class called "Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions". I think there have been real breakthoughs as the result of this class. My husband and Jake just love joking around . Sally and I are more serious; both of us are working on FlyLady principles to organize our homes for the days/years ahead when we are the caregivers. The facilitators of this class will also follow up on the four of us.

The road we caregivers are on is uncharted. As a spouse, I don't know where this will all end. One day at a time. Today is good. My husband is mowing the front yard.

Defining Issue of Our Age

2011-06-20T16:39:00.004-04:00

It is June and I finally sat down to watch the May Larry King Special, "Unthinkable: The Alzheimer's Epidemic", saved on our Bright House cable box. However, this May special wasn't there. My husband must have erased it. Did anyone see it?

I did a little research. Maria Shriver (bless her heart--shame on Arnold) in a promo for this video says Alzheimer's is "the defining issue of our age". She points out there is no remission and the Alzheimer's loved one becomes your child. I guess goodbye husband, hello child.

I also went online to Medscape.com and got an account there as "other health care provider" and from that site I learned more of what was on the King special.

Ronald Petersen, MD, director of the Mayo Clinic Alzheimer's Disease said "If we don't do something about Alzheimer's disease right now, Alzheimer's disease in and of itself may bankrupt the healthcare system. " By 2050 the numbers are expected to hit 16,000,000! I will be 106 then. Yes I am turning 67 this month, and my husband is turning 74 in December.
Angie Dickinson had a sister with Alzheimer's. She recommended, "Love them and I don't mean just love them with your soul and your head, but with your arms and your company and your touch and whatever pleasure still might be there for them, and don't ever let up," she said.

Angie's advice is what I can use now. Plan days with him. We started to go to the gym, but my husband didn't want to go at the end of last week. We went this morning. He wanted to plant an orange tree and a grapefruit tree and we got those last week--fun to go shopping. He didn't have the energy to plant the trees and so Jake came over to help my husband. Jake said earlier last week that he needs someone to need him. We needed him as my back is a problem and DH doesn't have much energy.Sally and I enjoy our husband's friendship. Both Jake and DH get bored. That's why the days have to be planned even if they don't remember what happened. DH's clipboard list I typed does help him remember what is happening each day. Jake and DH may not remember events, but they remember our love.

Sally is applying FlyLady organization to her home. I need to do that also, even though my back still hurts. Company motivates me. We have company coming for dinner Wednesday night and for my birthday next weekend. My beloved sister-in-law is coming into town! Can't wait! She is driving all day to get here without my brother whom she is dropping off somewhere to golf for his weekend.

Now the defining issue of our age for me used to be driving after drinking. Several times during the year I teach the twelve hour class for impaired drivers--the ones who have gotten their first DUI arrest. I try to get these students to never ever drive impaired again. If you follow this blog you realize that ironically we were hit by an impaired driver last December--that driver's blood alcohol content was three times the legal limit when he hit us. Our lawyer recently contacted us to say that he had no way of receiving a settlement because the driver was not insured and so the case is essentially over. I can write about what happened now, but impaired drivers is not the defining issue for me.

Daily I pour into Scripture to help me cope with my husband's disease. He is basically happy and I need to apply Angie's wisdom and the wisdom from Bob on the Alzheimer's Reading Room. Yes, my daily Scripture is what gets me through the day. This morning I read my daily Scripture from the New Living Translation of the Bible to my husband on the backyard deck. Here are highlights:

1 King 22:5 But first let’s find out what the LORD says. Acts 13:32, 33 [Paul to Jews and Gentiles at Antioch of Pisidia on his first missionary journey] And now we are here to bring you this Good News. The promise was made to our ancestors, and God has now fulfilled it for us, their descendants, by raising Jesus. . . .Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins. Everyone who believes in him is declared right with God—something the law of Moses could never do. Ps. 138:3, 7, 8 As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. . . . Tough I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The LORD will work out his plans for my life—for your faithful love, O LORD, endured forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. Prov. 17:17 A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.

I have several comments on that Scripture.

Always find out what the LORD wants.
Jesus Christ is still the defining issue of this age. Whether you or your loved one has Alzheimer's, you are declared right with God and have a home in heaven. This life is not all. See link "Two Ways to Live" on right.
My sister-in-law coming to visit reminds me of Proverbs 17:17. I have told her that if my brother were to pass away, I would be there for her and she always is for me. I have two younger brothers, but she is the sister I never had.

What is your defining issue?
What gives you peace in the midst of your storm?

Charleston Heston, 1923-2008

2011-06-04T09:59:00.008-04:00

Charlton's Last Interview With Wife Lydia

ABC interviewed the couple (see U-Tube above). V ery special short interview. Charlton said in this interview, “What can’t be cured must be endured.” Lydia Heston told how she was appalled upon hearing the news. Nancy Reagan called her and offered to talk anytime Lydia needed to talk. The interviewed said so appropriately to Heston, “The problem is not for you, but for those around you.”

At the time Charlton Heston was President of the National Rifle Association for the third term, on August 9, 2002 Heston announced he had the symptoms of Alzheimer’s Disease. A year later Heston stepped down from his NRA Presidency. See here.

Now Heston was famous for these quotes:

"This doesn’t happen when they use guns."
"I’ll give you my gun when you take it from my cold, dead hand."

Charles Heston did live six more years to the age of 84, having been married to wife Lydia for 64 years. He did in fact have Alzheimer’s.

An article came out the day of his announcement in Slate (The New York Times Weekender on line) that asked “Will Charlton Heston Have to Give Up His Guns?” See here. It seems that several states, including California and Oregon, have this requirement for Alzheimer’s patients.

I am not sure how the Heston family handled the gun issue, but the following solutions can work to prevent the AD loved one use guns when deluded or angry.

1. Lock up the guns.

2. Put the ammunition elsewhere.

3. Disable the gun.

Charles Heston acted in the first two epic movies I ever saw, “The Ten Commandments” and “Ben Hur”. He was always handsome with his stature, chiseled face and distinctive voice and always well-regarded. They don’t make ‘em like him anymore and certainly several other California actors have disgraced themselves in recent years.

Arnold and Mel,

Who will be there for you like Lydia was for Charles and Nancy was for Ronnie if you get dementia? Just wondering.

Carol

Caregivers

2011-05-31T09:16:00.003-04:00

From John 19:25-27 in the New Living Translation:

Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her. “Dear woman, here is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home.

This morning I read this from John. Jesus, on the cross, assigned the care of his mother to a beloved disciple. There you have it--caregiving in Scripture. In my yearly journey through Scripture I may find more examples of caregiving.

Who has been assigned to us? My husband is assigned to me. One day I want to hear, "Carol, well-done, thou good and faithful servant." This means that without complaining, with thoughtful care and study, I have a charge from the LORD. It doesn't matter that there are kids and grandchildren. It doesn't matter that one day he may have to be put in the "home" if things are too hard for me at home. I am his caregiver for better for worse, until death us do part.

There is a dear lady in my acquaintance who took in a non-relative to care for her because she had no one else to be there for her and she faithfully was a caregiver until that woman passed away. Some years have gone by. Now that lady has beginning dementia. A family is there for her and I pray for her and her family. She set the pace in this Christian family, didn't she!

Dear LORD,

Help us be the best caregivers we can be

for your glory.

Amen.

Saga Fourteen

2011-05-22T20:49:00.007-04:00

Without our friends, Sally and Jake, we went camping over the weekend. I forgot my digital camera, but a week later have added pictures to this post. When my husband was frustrated setting up and taking down the popup camper, my husband got angry. On the way home he apologized with his way of saying he is sorry, not remembering what he had said or done, but knowing he upset me. Actually if he didn't have a handicap, I would have been in tears; but I take the anger towards the loved one as part of the deal of being married to a husband who develops Alzheimer's.

Four of Sally and Jake's couple friends were at Highlands Hammock. We apparently need to come one more time before the group decides if they will admit us. The president said there were too few people there to vote on our membership. Things were to go downhill.

Friday night we ate out and then returned to chat at one of the camp sites. However, when we heard thunder and lightning we all headed for our own shelters. I patched a hole in the canvas with vinyl material and quilting safety pins on the outside of the popup. This worked well. Still bugs came in and bit me and I went to urgent care when we returned home.
What didn't work well was the socialization. DH told a story about an alligator crossing our back yard; this story didn't register with me and later I asked him about it and he said he must have confused it with something that happened before we were married. I have not known him to lie, but have read that false stories can develop from hallucinations of the dementia patient. He certainly wouldn't be a good juror.

DH didn’t remember much about Saturday, but just had the emotion that the group was not receptive to us.I noticed this coolness towards us from one of the four couples. We sat across from Lucy and Paul (not their real names) when we all went out to Dairy Queen Saturday night. We were trying to connect with this couple and that is why I choose to sit near them.

Me: Lucy, do you have any hobbies?

Lucy: I don’t have any hobbies.

Then Lucy and Paul looked away to listen to the conversations at the other end of the table. My husband is very good at conversation with others and he just sat back at that point. When we got back to the campground from the Dairy Queen, he asked me to go get our chairs from the circle where we had chatted earlier in the day. We would not join their Saturday night chat. Someone said "see you tomorrow", but as it turned out we didn't see them Sunday morning--same as the other trip when we only saw Sally and Jake Sunday morning.

At our camp site that Saturday night, however, DH and I did have a good conversation about not being accepted by others. On another matter I asked him if he remembered what he lost that morning. He couldn’t remember he had misplaced his keys. Then I asked him if he remembered the tour that we took in the afternoon. He couldn’t remember the hour and a half tram ride we took at Highlands Hammock--fabulous tour of wild life, alligators, and vegetation. Hope the pictures of the tram ride come out and they will be posted here and preserved elsewhere to help hubby's memory.

But, not remembering his lost keys or the tour we had just taken, DH did remember his feelings about the group. My usually social hubby felt snubbed. Their next camping trip will be in November. I don't know what his Alzheimer's condition will be like in six months. He certainly has declined in the last six months.

It wasn't the greatest weekend, but I was glad we were able to figure out the popup without Jake and had that interesting hammock tour. Our dog enjoyed his third camping trip, however.

Monday morning, May 23, I read about Jesus washing the feet of the disciples. We have to wash feet also and He will bless us.

John 13: 14-16 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.

Anger of the Alzheimer's Loved One

2011-05-19T23:14:00.005-04:00

“Whatever I neglect now I shall have to pay for later.”
― Nelly Ptaschkina

Bob DeMarco on the Alzheimer's Reading Room (see above link) wrote this today:

The proactive Alzheimer's caregivers decide to do. This changes the way their brain is wired. This change leads them away from the "lamenting of their own sad fate", away from "venting" and puts them on the path to the positive. The path of doing.

De Marco says that he has been interviewed and he is asked to talk about how horrible being a caregiver is, but he doesn't respond to how horrible being a caregiver is. When you read his interaction with his mother, Dotty, you see how he cares for her proactively.

We can do much proactively ourselves with the LORD's help to not have an angry loved one. Yet anger is inevitable for our Alzheimer's loved one. The brain's hippocampus, which controls social behavior, is losing neurons. One man in my support group whose father had Alzheimer's reported that the family had to hide all the knives in the house. The 36-Hour Day, 4th Edition, says: "Try not to interpret anger in the same way as you would if it came from a well person." (p. 153) Jennifer Ghent-Fuller says that person with AD have both "an altered view of reality" and "behavior that can change depending on how we interact with them." See Ghent-Fuller's Internet Article. Excellent help in this article.

We need to do whatever it takes to make them feel emotionally secure so they don't become angry. We need to change--they can't. Show them respect. Let them in on their medical situations perhaps by saying I need to provide clues for you because you have short-term memory. Then do not harp on this fact. My husband came up with several solutions himself. He asked for a daily checklist for when I am gone. DONE. (Some days he doesn't remember to use it, however.) He asked for a small calendar like the one he used for 2009-2010. DONE. I went to Staples today and got the earlier one for all of 2011-2012 essentially for free because it was discounted to $5.99 and I had $6.00 in reward points. (More on couponing later.) Then I wrote events in that calendar.

Scripture says, "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." Later in that same Proverbs 15 chapter we are admonished to think carefully before speaking. We have to give important information simply. Keeping a journal of problem behavior and that journal can lead us to solutions. What led up to the anger? How did I respond--gently? If not, how did I make the anger escalate. The Alzheimer's Reading Room always has great clues for speaking gently and we can put our ideas out there for solutions and Bob and his readers generally reply.

We can affirm the emotions the Alzheimer's loved one feels. You greatly miss driving. . . . I see what you are saying. . . . It may be okay if we give it time. However, we have to say only one idea at a time. See if we can figure out their point of view. Sometimes we can distract them with something they like such as ice cream. There may come a time when the neurologist or primary care physicial needs to prescribe anti-psychotics or anti-depressants for either the AD loved on or the caregiver herself!

Back to the quote at the top of this post. We can be proactive. Judy Berry on The ALZHEIMERS READING ROOM writes

The ONLY Way to Deal with Challenging Behavior

in Persons with Dementia IS

"To PREVENT IT in the First Place"

What the Alzheimer's Loved One Wants

2011-05-08T20:51:00.007-04:00

I am a guest author on Joseph Potocny's blog at http://living-with-alzhiemers.blogspot.com/ Joe has Alzheimer's and Frontal Lobe Dementia and writes frequently about his situation. He is quite an advocate! I also reviewed his book in January and February posts on our Plant City blog and he put those reviews on his blog.

Recently on Joe's blog I developed nine guidelines to present to Potocny and he wrote six more. So here are the fifteen guidelines that loved ones may be wanting from us.

1. Don't do everything for me.
2. Listen carefully and figure out the feelings behind what I am saying.
3. Don't nag me. Create a checklist for me to help me remember. The rest of the world has to use check lists also.
4. Enjoy my personality—I am not the disease of Alzheimer's.
5. Plan outings with me and don’t be embarrassed by whatever I do or say in public.
6. Give me visual clues for memory including a calendar.
7. Sing and joke with me.
8. Bring me into your world.
9. Say one thought at a time.
10. Do not hover over me.
11. No sudden changes.
12. Do not ask how I am doing constantly.
13. Watch your being needy.
14. Do not patronize me.
15. GIVE ME MY SPACE AND QUIET TIME.

Thank you, Joe, for letting me pick your excellent brain!

Living Healthy Class

2011-05-03T16:57:00.006-04:00

Reminder that the Living Healthy class begins 9:30 a.m. on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at USFP Applied Neuroscience & Cognitive Electrophysiology Lab, 199 Avenue B NW, Suite 205, Winter Haven, Florida 33881. This six week program runs every Wednesday, 9:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. through July 6, 2011.

The class helps develop confidence, skills, and knowledge so that you may more effectively manage your own, or your loved one’s chronic condition. This program is offered at no cost and focuses on:

§ Working with your healthcare team

§ Using medication effectively

§ Handling difficult emotions

§ Exercising and healthy eating

§ Communicating effectively

§ Managing symptoms

§ Relaxation strategies

§ Managing pain and fatigue

The class size is limited. If you have questions, concerns or wish to RSVP, please call Stefanie Thompson at (863) 292-9210 or email her at thompsons@alzflgulf.org.

Saga Thirteen

2011-05-01T21:34:00.011-04:00

Two Signs from Cracker Barrell
Cherish Each Day
Family Is Everything

My husband's family couldn't come for Easter at our home as they had some other years, and so we headed to my family in Huntsville, Alabama. For this trip which was over 700 miles DH drove about 2/3 of the way there.

When we returned home, we did it in stages. Monday after Easter we traveled to the Birmingham area where we were guests at an author's home that I have been corresponding with. With DH there we talked openly about Alzheimer's. DH was most charming in the conversation.

Tuesday we left for Plant City. Hubby drove from Birmingham to Montgomery, a difficult trip because of wind, construction and traffic. I thought he managed the driving well. When we got to Montgomery, he said he didn't want to drive anymore and I finished driving that day as we returned home. That next day the tornado would devastate Alabama. Everyone I know in Alabama is safe, although my brother and family do not have electricity. CHERISH EACH DAY especially when your husband has Alzheimer's. You never know what a day will bring.

Also that next day (last Wednesday after our Easter trip) my husband had surgery on his scalp for basal cell carcinoma--about 12 stitches. Pray that it heals and that the dermatologist got all of the cancer. After this surgery he asked why his head hurt and I had to remind him that he had surgery. When all is said and done a going-bald husband will not be able to hide this scar.

Jake and Sally came over Friday night for pizza and a game of Mexican Dominoes. We just played up to number six and Jake won, much to his surprise.

Recently Sally had the Byrd Alzheimer's Institute have a meeting with Jake's adult children. My pastor has also been in touch with DH's adult son. Meanwhile Sally and I get so much support from one another. Jake had quite an episode on Friday and she was able to unload to me when they came over Friday night.

My friend B.W. who doesn't officially follow this blog but read the last post, remarked in an e-mail to me that she would like the kind of marriage that DH and I have. I e-mailed back to her:

It’s a commitment—for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. At first when I realized the Alzheimer’s I sort of withdrew from [DH] emotionally, realizing I would be a widow AGAIN. But he would be lonely if I did that and he daily tells me he loves me. Many caregivers don’t give the support to their family members that they need and then the patient becomes angry. I keep learning a lot about this.

I am about to go watch the Larry King special on CNN shortly. Hubby has gone to bed. He usually monopolizes the TV, but I get to watch this Alzheimer's special myself. Just in case I fall asleep, though, I am taping it. See Larry King Special .

Saga Twelve

2011-04-17T20:50:00.008-04:00

“An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.” ~~ Bonnie Friedman

Our second camping trip with Sally and Jake. DH is obsessing all week about what is bothering him. So is Jake. When we get to Lake Manatee State Park, however, all obsession seems to be forgotten. We have been invited to a group of campers that Sally and Jake have been camping with for years and if we camp two times with this group, they will either vote us in or not. I wonder if they want another Alzheimer's husband in the group.

Other things besides the husband's obsessions are forgotten also. We are at our campsite and Sally and I disperse our husbands to go and get Jake and Sally's chairs. Guess what! Neither of them remember and they take a walk around the circle until we see them. No camp chairs! How many other wives whose husbands do not have dementia disperse their husbands to get something and they do not come home with the item?!

The group has

been together

camping once a month

for years

except during Florida's

hot summer months. Fine folk from several different churches in the Tampa area. Next month they will vote on our membership when we also join them. I think Sally and I have a great time camping with our husbands and we might as well do it while we can.

Friday night includes eating at a restaurant. I drive the four of us so Jake doesn't feel bad about his not driving now. At Cracker Barrel DH and I buy each other anniversary gifts that we each select for ourselves. I get some costume jewelry--necklace and earrings. DH buys a cap because he forgot his at home. (He also forgot his cell phone or else lost it again.) He thinks his cap is funny--it says "My IQ Test Came Back Negative". Now if he were seriously worried about his Alzheimer's, I don't think he would buy such a cap. But he isn't worried.

Saturday includes a potluck lunch at noon. In the evening at 5:30 there is dessert and leftovers from noon. The group all sit around and chat after both meals and other times. Saturday morning Sally and several other ladies go to a neighborhood yard sale. DH and I are sitting at our site when Jake comes driving by on his bike. He doesn't know where his site is and where Lana is. I tell him all is well that Lana is with the ladies at a yard sale. Saturday afternoon the guys chat and Lana and I join a group for "Mexican Dominoes". My back can't take playing many games and so DH and I take off to get a smoothie at O'Brien's down the road from the park. Meanwhile the men return to their sites and Jake cannot find Sally again; he takes off on his bike to find her and people at the dock help him return to his site. Sally feels bad that she had her cell phone off when he was calling her. Sally came in second in the Mexican Dominoes game, however!

O'Brien Family Farms. My husband, dog Ziggy and I enjoy this excursion. The farm lets you pick standing up and includes field trips from school age children. We take our pictures in the stand and enjoy our smoothies before returning to camp.

Since we hadn't gotten cards for our anniversary today, we wrote them. I wrote:

On this anniversary I want to say how much I do
love you. I cherish our camping this weekend
and appreciate the LORD's help in all the
adjustments we keep making in our senior years.
Thanks for letting me be me. I promise to be the
best wife I can be to you as we take care of each
other. Love praying with you each night also.

DH wrote:

No other place I'd like to be than here.
No other person I'd rather be with than you.
Ziggy and I love you. You are in our dreams always.

I am enjoying my husband's love and hate the thought that one day he may not recognize me as other Alzheimer's spouses experience.

When you have a used popup (we bought it from Sally and Jake for $50), things may not go smoothly. It has been repaired in two shops. This morning I used the microwave for the first time to warm up coffee for DH. I blew a fuse! But when Jake and Sally came by later for fresh coffee we had then made outside the camper, Jake checked out our fuses and fixed it with our spare fuses and now I know how to do that. I thanked Jake profusely.

DH just does not do problem solving with fixing things anymore, and he has less energy. He even forgot that the electricity had gone out as we talked later. I just have to use that microwave outside with a separate extension chord in our gorgeous Florida weather, and I have to keep learning how to take care of things my hubby used to do. Sally is even learning to drive a bigger RV now and back it in. I am learning all I can about this popup camper.

Thank you, LORD, for our anniversary and for this weekend.

Turmeric Coconut Oil Toasted Cheese Sandwiches

2011-04-07T20:34:00.003-04:00

There has got to be compensation for short-term memory. See Brain Cell Compensation . I do think my husband uses other parts of the brain to help him even if there are less neurons and neurotransmitters in his hyippocampus. When something is significant, he seems to compensate. Yesterday he had an appointment with a demotologist and today he was talking about his possible skin cancer. He also takes a lot of notes. While I worked today outside the home he got some energy up and cleaned our bathroom floors and mowed the lawn. I am so proud of him.

I am standing by coconut oil. It has so many benefits. I have written about it here since the summer of 2009. But I now am adding the spice of turmeric.

On the Alzheimer's Reading Room Vit. D3 and Tumeric:

UCLA researchers have identified a new biomarker that could help them track how effectively the immune system is able to clear the brain of amyloid beta, which forms the plaques considered one of the hallmarks of Alzheimer's disease. Scientists ID possible biomarker to gauge Alzheimer's prognosis, effect of therapies

The pilot study, currently published online in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease, demonstrates how the immune gene MGAT3, which is essential in clearing amyloid beta, is expressed differently in different Alzheimer's patients. The finding may be useful in providing more highly individualized disease prognoses in the future.

It may also help researchers understand which patients will respond to therapy with vitamin D3 and curcumin, a chemical found in turmeric spice, both of which were shown in previous studies by this UCLA research team to help stimulate specific immune system cells to clear amyloid beta in a laboratory test.

From India, curmunin from Tumeric "demonstrates neuroprotective action in Alzheimer's disease" and other illnesses.

Now I can't get my husband to like fish or fish oil. More from the Alzheimer's Reading Room on Fish Oil He does take flax seed oil tablets which also contain omerga-3. I asked his primary care physician about D3, but we didn't persue this strategy at this time.

One can get turmeric as a spice. I put it in dishes now. Here is my simple recipe for toasted cheese sandwiches:

Put coconut oil on the outside of bread sandwiches and place them in a sandwich maker. I have had my Snakmaster for maybe twenty years. On the inside sprinkle turmeric as shown at the right.

Then place two slices of cheese on each sandwich. Close the lid for about four minues. My husband loves these sandwiches and he gets both coconut oil and tumeric!

I serve these sandwiches with a "parfait" I make from Activia, blue berries and Kashi cereal for the crumbles.

Saga Eleven

2011-04-05T18:17:00.008-04:00

The days go by so quickly. I know Sally has a lot on her plate with Jake not driving and complaining that he can't drive. DH asks when will we get together with Jake and Sally again. We do go out to dinner with them and the conversation revolves around how mad Jake is about not driving; however he does say that Sally is a good driver (he wasn't so sure before). I know Sue has a lot on her plate also; she even had to Baker Act her husband due to his Alzheimer's. Pray for my friends in a similar situation.

I am up to my ears with things to do. Probably every one is. I am working on a counseling degree, have taxes, and have never really finishing organizing the house, desite FlyLady and Barb's Cleaning Up the Clutter. Last week I worked out of the house six days. I have yet to put DH's monthly Facebook photo album up to remind him of what we did in March and it is already April 5th! The home is not in the condition that I wanted at this time. We go twice a week to the chiropractor now. I was hurt more than DH in the crash last December, and so my moving boxes, decluttering in the house or working in the yard sets my back "back" until the next chiropractor visit. I have sewing to do, etc., and was reminded that I am behind in blogging here. How can I get 70 followers who pray for us and for whom I can pray if I don't blog! I have so much more to write here.

However, DH is doing just great! I think the brain health supplements (Ribonucleic Acid from Whole Food Supplements and the CoQ10) recommended by our chiropractor for DH and the Turmeric spice I add to foods are helping him. He has such a great attitude and strives to keep on top of what is going on. He is not on any anti-depressants as some dementia patients are.

We are making some financial headway because we don't have any car payments now (due to the crash) and have Preferred Care instead of AARP. When I get a chance I want to find a coupon buddy here in Plant City and start saving money on our food costs. But everything takes time.

What do I accomplish? I every day read Scripture, again going through the Bible in one year with The Daily Audio Podcast. I don't only listen--some days I only read the OT, NT, Psalm and Proverbs selections without listening. So this was in my dailly Bible reading this week from Luke 10:40-42:

Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “LORD, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the LORD said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details; There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

LORD, enhance the Mary in me. I better not turn into a Martha concerned about what I don't accomplish or who should be helping. I will just prioritize and not be weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9). D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones writes in Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure (one of my course books):

You are tired and weary and you feel at times it is too much for you? Go back and look at your life and put it into the context of eternity. Stop and ask yourself what it all means. It is nothing but a preparatory school. This life is but the ante-chamber of eternity and all we do in this world is but anticipatory of that. Our greatest joys are but the first fruits and the foretaste of the eternal joy that is coming. . . . We are too immersed in our problems. We need to look ahead, to anticipate, to look forward to the eternal glories gleaming afar. The Christian life is a tasting of the first-fruits of that great harvest which is to come. (pp. 200-201)

LORD, thanks for my "to do" list. Help me not be weary, to prioritize and realize this world is not all. Amen.

How to Manage Worry

2011-03-17T17:21:00.009-04:00

Perhaps some people do not want to read this blog because it might cause them to worry. What if this happens to my loved one? What if I get Alzheimer's and how will my spouse manage? I must confess that last year about this time my worry blossomed big time.

Then I started instead to learn all I could about the disease and make the best possible situation for DH (dear husband). I began going to an Alzheimer's Association support group once a month. Slowly I have begun to live for the moment--we camp now and we even went dancing with Jake and Sally! Bob on the Alzheimer's Reading Room advises to live your life as you always have. I became concerned for the concerns of others. Today DH and I visited Sue whose husband has both Alzheimer's and cancer. The life of a caregiver is not all about worry. Some call changes the new normal.

I am determined to not be a worry wart. I have been immersing myself in Scripture. How does Scripture help me? It helps me, for one thing, accept my imperfections, my sin, and do something about it. Scripture helps me not to be proud about anything I can do, be, or become and gives me guidelines to help me live out my faith, to be obedient and content with my calling as a caregiver. Scripture helps me cope. I post Scripture highlights on my Facebook notes every day now since the beginning of January.

Last Monday morning I was going to substitute teach at two schools (one in the AM and one in the PM) and had too much to do to get out of the house. I started feeling sorry for myself (sinning), barking orders at DH--get my watch, plant flowers today so they won't die, don't forget to take your pills, eat your breakfast and please make your lunch--I don't have time! He can't handle all those verbal orders and inside of me I knew that I needed to be calm with him. I was as angry at all I was having to do just as I read earlier that morning about Balaam in the Old Testament book of Numbers. Balaam beat his donkey for not obeying him. But with the Scripture reading I saw that Balaam had to learn to do ONLY what God wanted him to do. To get through to Balaam God even had to have his donkey talk to him! I had to see that I can only do so much and it's okay--what does God want me to do or not do? I called DH and apologized for my short-tempered barking out of orders to him. Everything worked out fine on Monday and even when I came home my husband, who is often unmotivated, had put flowers in the planter boxes! Christ uses Scripture to work out sancification (His best) in my life and helps me calm down with input such as the story o Balaam.

Isn't worry justifiable, understandable, for the caregiver? I am taking a class on anger, worry and depression. One of the books for the course is called Down, But Not Out: How to Get Up When Life Knocks You Down, by Wayne A. Mack. Mack has the nerve to call worry a sin but says we can overcome it! We learn first that the foundation for overcoming anxiety is a personal, vital relationship with Jesus Christ, he writes. Putting struggles in perspective he continues:

As believers, we have trusted God for our salvation, for forgiveness of sins, and for a guarantee of eternity in heaven. Why then are we not willing to trust Him for our food and clothes and health and all these other things [a husband with Alzheimer's] that are of infinitely less important than our salvation? (p. 72) . . . When we experience anxiety, we need to make sure that we surround ourselves with godly people who can encourage and admonish us. In other words, people who can lift our spirits but who can rightly point out our sin in a loving manner. (p. 77)

So many people who comment here do lift my caregiver's spirits. Above all, God can be trusted with the road ahead and my worry will not add to the outcome. The Lord has led in the past. There is nothing He and I cannot handle together.

Wonderful Scripture supports this peace the believer can have. Mack himself expounds on Philippians 4:6, 7:

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. New Living Translation

Worry can be managed, folks. What Scripture or techniques help you?

Care and Comments

2011-03-08T06:03:00.004-05:00

I am reading a book called Down, But Not Out for a counseling class I am taking, hoping to get some insight. I need to write about my own down times and receive counsel and prayer. Alzheimer's is not going away--it is a slow death and certainly stressful for us caregivers. They say Facebook is in and blogging is out. However, friends and family, did you ever think that blogging is the best way for caregivers and for Alzheimer's sufferers such as Joe--trust me on this. Blogging gives caring people opportunities to pray specifically. We say thank you, LORD, when someone comments.

This morning I read in Numbers 11 how Moses cried out to the LORD,

I can't carry all these people by myself. The load is far too heavy!

The LORD listened to Moses and told him to find seventy leaders to help and that they will bear the burden of the people along with you, so you will not have to carry it alone. Even Moses needed support though he had wonderful communication the LORD. Maybe it is okay to try to recruit more followers who will pray, care and comment on Plant City Lady and Friends--followers who will say sometimes,

"Carol, Sally, Dolores, Sue, and Lynn, is there anything we can do?"

Anyone out there? We need you.

Saga Ten

2011-03-06T21:26:00.005-05:00

Jake and Sally are experienced campers and they have sold us their 1987 Jayco popup camper for only $50 with the hopes that both couples can camp together. I have arranged, in the last month, for the popup to get new tires and have attempted to repair the canvas. On order from Jayco are clamps to keep the roof down while traveling.

The two couples plan a camping trip to a nearby campground for Friday through Sunday, March 4th-6th, to test out the used popup. All week long Sally and I wonder how the camping trip will go. I wonder if this will be the time that DH will wander away and someone will notice his ID bracelet and contact me.

Sewing Didn't Work and So a Duck Tape Try

Tuesday before camping. It rains while the raised popup is up in our backyard. There are still leaks that I took note of. Then while using a hair dryer to soak up some rain in the popup, the electricity goes out. Jake fixed this before and so I would ask him again to do this on the camp out. I buy extra fuses. I do what I can to patch. Still I don't know if this trip will happen.

Thursday. Tension. DH wakes up and wants to know if Jayco has installed the clamps. "We aren't going if you don't have those clamps. You are trying to pull something over on me," he says. Meanwhile the same day Jake does not pass his Alzheimer's DriveABLE test although he is scheduled to pull their camping trailer that next morning. (This is the yearly test that my husband passed in October and will need to take again in the fall.) Will this trip actually happen? The park has no reservations and so we have to get there at 8 am the next morning to be sure we get sites. Thursday night we assume that DH will drive for Sally and Jake and I will pull our popup. Jake doesn't trust Sally's driving. He sputters about not being able to drive.

Friday--first camping day. DH does not want to drive our popup to Sally and Jake's home and leave it in the street because he can't move it into their yard. We decide that we will go to Sally and Jake's home without our popup. Sally comes with me back to our home in our car. DH and Jake follow with DH driving. Jake is livid about not driving, but helps DH hook up our popup to our car. Reluctantly Jake agrees to let Sally drive their car and pull the trailer, saying that some official is crazy for not letting him drive. Both men are in the passenger seat now and on the way to the campground Jake tells Sally it looks like the women drive now. My husband meanwhile sympathizes with Jake and the men are able to discuss those driving tests later. (DH could have pulled our popup legally, but we wanted to support Sally driving by my driving.)

What else will upset our husbands? We have our husbands back up the campers to the site and it looks like we might actually have an enjoyable three days. It becomes just that and also a time for the men to tell each other the same stories over and over because neither one remembers the stories of the other. Sally and I are able to observe a lot about our husbands and also share a lot with each other on our private walks. Jake is able to forget his not driving and enjoy himself, althought DH is able to share his feeling about driving with us all. He says he enjoys being driven around now. I am not sure yet if Jake has adjusted to his own not driving.

Saturday we go into town to a craft fair at a church that Jake built when he was a contractor and I take a picture of him by the sign of that church. Jake cooks hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and makes a fire for us all in the evenings. On this short trip I drive our Expedition--no husbands demanding to drive.

Sally and I basically share the cooking. For the first meal, a lunch, I make toasted cheese sandwiches with coconut oil on the outside of the bread. I also have a simple "Mediterrannean" salad of lettuce, Craisins, walnuts and feta cheese served with light ranch dressing. I loaned Sally The Coconut Oil Miracle and was pleased that Jake liked the toasted coconut oil cheese sandwiches.

While camping we plan two other camping trips with them. They have reintroduced us to camping and I am so happy that my husband loves being retired and doing this now.

We make it through the first night, despite the fact that Jake couldn't repair the electicity in the popup. We do have air conditioning when we want it because that circuit is separate.

DH on the Inside and Me Pushing
on the Outside
Finally we work togeher!

Saturday DH and I repair that leak that he has noticed. We use adhesive fabric spray and canvas. He is not upset this time about the shape of the canvas. We have survived one night, despite no electricity.

Our dog has come along for his first camping trip and he proves to adapt well to this experience until it starts to rain the second night about 1:00 AM. Buckets of water come down. I wait for drips in the popup, but it appears that we will be dry, although I won't get out of the popup to use the campground bathroom during this rain. (Ask me privately about my funny adventures with using the port-a-potty in the middle of the night and emptying that port-a-potty in the morning.)

Jake tells us that he bets we will upgrade to a better camper shortly, but Sally and I do not know now long we can enjoy camping vacations with our Alzheimer's husbands. I am just glad if this vintage popup will last until the fall, to tell you the truth, and provide "Living in the Moment" happy events. May the LORD be with us.

So they camped or traveled at the LORD's

command, and they did whatever

the LORD told them through Moses.

Numbers 9:23 The Living Translation

Postscript. Sally did drive home. Jake did not object as much as she feared. I guess that the experiences that DH had may have helped Jake, that is, if Jake can remember what DH said.

Communication with Husband

2011-02-26T08:44:00.003-05:00

My dear husband feels in control when we go to a restaurant and he pays with his debit card. I help him with the procedure when the waiter is not at our table. If I didn't he might leave an inappropriate tip as the cartoon shows Herman with his $200 tip.

I am so into multitasking that I drive myself crazy. Not so with hubby. One thought and one activity at a time or he lets me know I am not making sense. However he seems to be ready for adventures, like running around doing errands. "Where next, Carol?" he will ask.

He misses driving, still has his license and he is still insured. Several weeks ago he seemed to recant his decision at the time of the crash to not drive again. He couldn't remember that decision. I was more comfortable with his driving the popup camper, especially with backing it up. So he will suggest he drives to an event and seems to like me to drive home. However I do most of the driving because he doesn't know where places are.

Researchers use the Montessori Method with AD Patients and speak in the moment and try to think of the meaning behind the words. Are they asking the same thing over and over? When my husband was obsessing about repairs on our camper, rather than dismiss what I knew was being taken care of, we went to the JAYCO dealer again. That stopped his obsessing. The old-fashioned husband that he is still needs to feel in control. And you cannot argue with a person who has Alzheimer's.

Recently DH said he wanted to go to the shooting range. Rather than argue about this I reminded him calmly that we are into camping now and that our friend has his guns to sell. He was satisfied. Alzheimer's patients can get angry at Sundown or when life doesn't make sense to them. Why have any weapon around for future anger!

He has memories that don't make sense to me and I just calmly say nothing or say that must have been a previous time before we were married. He says we came within inches of running into a huge utility pole at the time of the crash. No huge pole existed at the crash scene. I don't correct him. However he would not be a credible witness in a trial!

He thinks his daughter broke her elbow months ago and I have to calmly inform him it was earlier this month. I am posting monthly pictures on his Facebook profile to show him recent events. He at times looks at these pictures, but has little interest in his computer any longer. He just enjoys his movies!

All of these strategies help with our "new normal" life, part of the cross I take up. From this morning's devotions from the end of Mark 8:

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

Seventh Book Report: Living With Alzheimer's--Part Two

2011-02-18T21:08:00.007-05:00

On Jan. 25th on this blog I wrote Part One about the book Living With Alzheimer's. Author Joe Potocny is an awesome individual. He is always doing fancy things with his blog because of his long-term computer skills and current capabilities. Joe rebuilt his wife’s computer. He makes a complicated spaghetti recipe. He tends a pond that the family built as well as takes care of the fish in it. His wife works and he likes to feel useful at home. He proudly posts pictures in his book of their elaborate pond, complete with a pergola, landscaping and lighting. He was in an HBO special on Alzheimer’s and tries to keep up with those others who were interviewed. He relishes interacting with people who post on his blog. People without Alzheimer’s cannot accomplish what he does.

I have enjoyed reading his blog and the book from that blog because my own husband is so slow to acknowledge his own memory problems. Joe, in contrast, is so aware and descriptive of what it is like to have Alzheimer’s. Joe honored me my asking me to post on this blog which I did on Feb. 16, 2011.

This week on that blog Joe’s wife Lynn and I wrote comments about our difficulty having patience with our Alzheimer’s husbands. Earlier Lynn wrote in November of 2009 that it is harder for Joe to remember. She tries to do normal things, but conversations are hard because Joe doesn’t want to talk or it’s hard for him to get the words out. I have difficulty initiating conversations with my husband and often wait for him to bring up a topic. Even so DH will tell me I don’t make sense and it’s more than “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”, folks. September of last fall Lynn, who doesn’t write often, posted “It Is What It Is”, writing "When you come to grips with the fact that this is what we have to deal with, it does bring a little peace. Not a lot, but a little.” Lynn also wrote “It comes back down to them wanting to prove that they can still do things the old way. . . .I do believe that change is not a good thing with these guys and that the more stable and calm things are the better." I cherish her wisdom.

Lynn and Joe have other guest bloggers. Dr. Joe Sivak, author of When Can I Go Home? writes last April, “No matter how far the disease gets, there is a person. The point of Joe’s blog and the point of my book is that we should never, ever cast aside any human being just because they have AD. . . . People like Joe are a gift to the human race; he reminds us to never forget. . . . Joe is not an Alzheimer’s victim; Joe is just a guy who happens to be living with the disease.”

February of 2009 Joe explained that disease made him not want to do things, forget what he is doing and start to not care about others. He is pretty hard on himself. I see him caring and doing a lot in his condition. I wish DH and he would be able to communicate and I am getting up my nerve to show passages of this book to my husband. DH doesn’t do much either, but takes pride in driving now, always holds open the door for me, and checks on security at the house. Our chiropractor yesterday mentioned that both of us are getting some strength back after our December automobile crash. I said that I guess hubby can weed in the yard now. But my hubby said not! But he does have ambition for what that popup camper might demand from him and is skilled at navigating our SUV while pulling a popup, a skill I have yet to master.

In one of the last entries of the book Joe writes:

It seems that I never seem to wake up completely anymore. . . .Time is more jumbled now than ever before and I have more difficulty in getting things out and what the hell I do not know what I want to say here.

Time is definitely a HUGE quandary for my husband. We just live in the moment and when needed he is reminded of events that have happened or will happen. FOG is how I would describe "time" for my husband. He was in a FOG several days after the crash when he asked me why he was in the hospital—is he having surgery for something? I reminded him about the crash. Many days he asks repeatedly where I am going, when I will be home and when we will take our first camping trip. I help him get out of this time fog ever day and as long as he in cordial about it (isn’t in Sundowners) I can handle his questions with patience. The part of his brain that should process new information is just not there. He keeps notes to also help his fogginess. Unlike Joe, DH is unbothered by his fogginess and I do not make it an issue. We all like to feel normal and I know my husband does and suspect Joe does also.

Joe has more difficulty walking and wonders about bathing since his sense of smell is going. He no longer is on Aricept, which I heard yesterday is a problem for persons with Frontal type dementia that Joe has along with his other dementia--Alzheimer’s.

Joe is a Warrior and has written a poignant Warrior Lament where he seems to cry out to God, almost like Job or Jonah in the Old Testament:

My strength is dried up and gone
No longer does exist that fierce warrior in me
I long to face only Thee
This battle I am in is lost and so am I
So before You I am on bended knee
Prostrate would I lie
But this body is too broken and brittle this day
So I lay before you all I have left
Worn, beaten, yearning, to you I give my soul
No longer in the dust of battle let me roam
I await You and your Hand to take me in your time
I pray Thee take ME HOME
In Your Name Amen.

Joe, we need you around a while longer to be the voice for our loved ones. You enjoy your blog and do write you have some good days despite your “wonderful” disease. (He is often sarcastic and humorous in the book.) I am so grateful your capable communication about that is happening to you has become a book. I am grateful for Lynn, Dolores, Sally and other wives who all share our burdens in the Internet blogs and in person.

You can see Joe's blog at: http://living-with-alzhiemers.blogspot.com/.

You can order his book at: Book on Amazon.

Joe in video. Joe in HBO Documentary

God bless you Joe and Lynn, and this great country of ours!

Living In the Moment: Highlights from "Think About It" Conference

2011-02-17T20:29:00.004-05:00

Reagan by
Artist

Today while we were looking at booths at the conference artist Toni Trotti painted someone upside down and when he finished it, he turned it so you could see who it was! I blogged about him here on February 6th.

Dr. Arny Bush, from USF, spoke on "So What Is Dementia Anyway". She covered many terms simply and visually. I learned that with Early-Onset dementia (before age 65) the decline can be fast, whereas the older patient can have a slower decline especially if they early receive medicine such as Exelon/Aricept and Namenda as my husband has. At some point these medicines might not matterl. Early Stage such as my husband and Jake have shows functional impairment:

Difficulty organizing and expressing thoughts (DH or Jake do not seem to have this although we have difficulty expressing things to them simply.)
Memory loss of recent events (However my husband does remember the crash and our camper. His photo albums on Facebook help him with recent events also.)
Difficulty with problem solving (DH shows no interest now in carpentry and the last thing he made, a bird feeder, seemed complicated to him.)
Difficulty with complex tasks. (His long-term memory helps him still, but he no longer wishes to handle our finances which he turned over to me when I retired from full-time school teaching.)
Getting lost or misplacing belongings. (Keys, cell phones, yes. Getting lost--no. He used a GPS when we had two cars up until two months ago.)
Personality changes. (Some days he shows Sundowner's Syndrome and gets very upset. So far I am the only one that has witnessed this.)

Dr. Bush concluded with what she observes 1) "unconditional love" of the caregivers and 2) "living in the moment" of the patients. I have been so concerned with being proactive, that at times I do not enjoy my husband's humor and each day. I need to focus more on each moment and live in the moment.

Dr. Megan Janke, also from USF, spoke about "Leisure Activities as a Means of Connection and Stimulation". I feel so good about going camping now with my husband--wonderful for DH and myself and also to share this connection with Sally and Jake. Leisure benefits the caregiver as well. Dr. Janke also passed out 101 Things to Do With a Person With Alzheimer's and I also found in on line here when I came home.

Brad Beatty spoke on stress management. Accept the new normal he said. He wisely told us to bring meaning to the situation and do not ask why but to what ends.

Cudos to Stephanie Thompson of the Florida Gulf Coast Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association and her volunteers for putting on such an outstanding conference for us caregivers for free.

Saga Nine

2011-02-10T20:05:00.006-05:00

Ours on Left and Sally and Jake's on Right

We used to own a popup camper, but my husband sold it a year and a half ago. I was sad about giving it up, but accepted this as part of life.

Our friends Sally and Jake go camping. They upgraded from their popup camper and recently sold us their old popup camper on the left. They sold it to us verrrrrry inexpensively, which meant that we would put new tires on it and have it looked over for repair and safety. Repair could have meant new canvas, but I devised a plan so we didn't have to have new canvas--combination of my sewing and using fabric adhesive.

Was this purchase a risk? While deciding on this purchase, I realized worse case it could sit in our backyard on our cement area. I called Dolores about having this much fun while our husbands have Alzheimer's and she encouraged us to go for it while we can. Also, Jake knows how to operate the popup since he once owned it. We will go camping with them at first.

DH, proud of this driving skills, carefully drove the popup to a place that would work on it. I also worked on the canvas there--my only experience ever working where mechanics work. Proud of my work I went home to get DH to bring him to see how well I thought I was doing repairing the canvas. When he got there, DH got mad at me, using a lot of swear words and saying why didn't we just have professionals do the job. I stayed calm and explained we really couldn't afford that expense. That night he forgot that he had been so mad at me. This is the for better and for worse part of marriage and because my husband has mixed dementias this behavior is to be expected, especially at sundown time which it had been during his outburst.

We have been busy outfitting the popup--new camping chairs, what will go in each drawer, etc. We were at Camping World and DH's back hurt him and he said he was going to go to our car. I said OK and pointed him in the direction of the car. Unfortunately he got lost and I had left my cell phone in the car. When I made the purchases, I went to the car. No husband. Retrieving my cell phone I called his cell and he was mad at me--sundown time. Life is so frustrating for him at times. We met at the entrance to Camping World and then walked to the car. Several hours later he could not recall his getting lost.

Things turn out to be the spouse's fault when the other has Alzheimer's. I realized that my husband needs me with him at all times if he is not at home. (He still is happy to stay home watching movies by himself while I work part-time or do other errands. Because of that crash in December there is no extra car now for him to drive while I am gone.)

Time doesn't make sense to my husband. He thinks the shop has had our new-to-us camper for a long time whereas it has hardly been a week. He takes notes about each day on a notepad he keeps on the coffee table with all his DVDs. Even so his notes don't always make sense to him.

Hopefully we will have opportunities beginning next month to enjoy camping adventures before his health declines. And then Jake and DH can enjoy telling each other the same stories over and over that each forgets. Sally and I will smile when they do and also enjoy having our own conversations.

Thank you, LORD, for the camper
and for our friends!

100 Years After Ronald Reagan's Birth

2011-02-06T06:00:00.003-05:00

Ronald Reagan was born 100 years ago today on February 6, 1911. He was my governor when I lived in California and he was our our 40th President for two terms in the 1980s. He was a fiscal conservative and America prospered economically under his leadership.Generations will remember his famous Tear Down That Wall speech. His speaking skills perhaps were enhanced by his years as an actor. Reagan is remembered for the years he didn't have Alzheimer's.

However, after he left office, in November 5, 1994 he announced:

My fellow Americans, I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's disease.

Upon learning this news, Nancy and I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way. In the past, Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had my cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result, many more people underwent testing. They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.

So now we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts, we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clearer understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.

At the moment I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this Earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.

Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes, I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.

In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your president. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that day may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.

Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you.

Reagan lived almost ten years after that announcement, dying June 5, 2004 at age 93. I was a widow when Reagan died and my sentiments were for Nancy Reagan. I didn't know the future, that my second husband would also be diagnoised with Alzheimer's. But the Reagans made us Americans more aware of this disease according to the Washington Post. I know that DH will not come out and make such an announcement and I have tried to do that in a dignified fashion for him. I am glad that he is content.

Many celebrities have gotten Alzheimer's according to this 2006 List. The list includes painter Norman Rockwell (1894-1978); singer Perry Como (192-2001); and actress Rita Hayworth (1918-1987). In 2003 it was announced that actor Charton Heston has a dementia-like illness.Celebrity doesn't keep one from this dreaded disease.

Story of Two Horses

2011-02-02T10:20:00.002-05:00

"Two Horses "

Author Unknown

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.

But if you stop your car, or are walking by,
you will notice something quite amazing....

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.

His owner has chosen not to have him put down,
but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.

Looking around for the source of the sound,
you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse ' s halter is a small bell.

It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is,
so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends,

You'll see that the horse with the bell
is always checking on the blind horse,

And that the blind horse will listen
for the bell and then slowly walk

To where the other horse is,

Trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns

To the shelter of the barn each evening,

It stops occasionally and looks back,

Making sure that the blind friend isn’t
too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses,

God does not throw us away
just because we are not perfect

Or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives

To help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse

Being guided by the little ringing bell
of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse,
helping others to find their way....

Good friends are like that...

You may not always see them,
but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

And remember...

Be kinder than necessary-

Everyone you meet is fighting

Some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly.......

And leave the rest to God!

On My Way to Caregiving

2011-01-28T05:31:00.003-05:00

My mammogram and sonogram caused great concern yesterday. The last time I was checked was in 2008 and I had to have a biopsy then. Yesterday I saw with my own eyes while I was laying down my right breast on the sonogram. There is a huge mass there. That breast is misshapen now and I just assumed it was from the December 19th crash with the DUI driver. But maybe a lump was there before the crash as my new doctor suspects.

Yes, this breast was a concern in 2008 when it was checked. But I didn't go back to have another check. What have I been doing since 2008? DH helped me write a book--I read it to him. Also since 2008 I have had a growing concern about my husband's dementia, and didn't book yearly mammograms.

According to this link we women over 55 have a greater chance of getting breast cancer. I did not know this before looking it up for this post.

Sue who has been invited to write on this blog, has had breast cancer recently and it was very difficult for her as her husband's Alzheimer's caregiver to take care of him and go through her own procedures. I believe she is over 55. Love you, Sue, and miss seeing you. You had to quit work to take care of DH and now he has cancer also and I heard you haven't told him about his cancer. You don't even have time to get on the computer now and you always told me your faithfully read this blog! Must visit you and have a front porch chat.

Next week that breast with the massive growth, that I just thought was sore and swollen due to seat belt injuries in the crash, will receive a biopsy. Gotta take care of this caregiver ME!

Feb. 2. No biopsy! It was hematoma caused by ruptured blood vessels at the time of the crash! It will get better after time! Thank you LORD!

Seventh Book Report: Living With Alzheimer's--Part One

2011-01-25T20:42:00.005-05:00

Living With Alzhiemer's by Joseph Potocny

His trademark signature is: God bless you and this great country of ours. Since September 25, 2006 Joe has been blogging about his Early Onset Alzheimer's and Frontal Lobe Dementia. Over 43,000 people have visited his blog. He is like a reporter on the disease and this blog became a book at the end of 2010. There are humor and stories in his blog and book. There are dark thoughts there also. He tenderly writes about his grandchild whom he goes to the park with, but who needs to help him walk back home so he can find his home. Wife Lynn writes on Joe's blog:

Thank you for giving our grandchildren memories and our children memories that will carry on. I'm glad today is a gentle day for you.

Joe writes insightfully:

Alzheimer's does not care who or what you are. It just keeps eating away at your mind taking its share each day. I know it sounds like I am very coherent, but it takes a geat deal of concentration on each word.
Delightfully Joe decides to not use spell check, but you can figure out what he is saying. For him to stop and worry about mechanics would mean he wouldn't get his words out. No spell check anymore the real me will be here from now on, he writes January 13, 2007. "I see confusiooon and pain in my falyms eyse and how they trey ther best to bollster me up." "This fricken disease really sucks. I waitn on My Lord to take my hand willing to go with him.I have tought serousisly oabout doing something, but wor=uld screw that up. Be paraliiized and not know it or who I was. Wahat a bitch. This is my life now. One day at a time, it leaves me further hehiind and I catn catch it. Keep those cards and letters coming in, I due answer them, the best I can. nornalllly the first time with spel ckr, after that you get me."
I think of what [Lynn, Joe's wife] still has to go through with me and it bothers me greatly. My family will feel the strain as well as will my friends. I can only hope that they find the strenghth inside themselves to know that they are loved by me and I care about their concerns.
We feel the slow loss inside of us. We are aware more than you think. All we ask is talk to us, offer your hand and understand when we need it.

Joe complains about all his medicine as my husband has. (I complain about the expense of it here.) Early on Joe quotes the serenity prayer. Joe records dialogues with others. Dirty Butter writes to him:

God Bless U, Joe!! I would imagine that was very hard to share. Such a scary thing to watch yourself disappear. But you can still love and be loved until God is ready to take you home, Joe. Cling to that!!!

Joe's wife Lynn writes:

Just so you remember at least for now that we do not consider you or anybody else a throw away. Your family is not like that. And there may come a day that we have a few problems with you and would like to put you out the door, but it is not going to happen. I wish there were a few more days with sunlight in them for you. Hold my hand when it gets dark.

As time goes on Joe has more difficulty. I am even in his book. Septenber 14, 2010 NewKidontheBlogg from PlantCityLadyandFriends wrote:

Thanks so much for explaining so well how it is for you. I am sorry that you are experiencing confusion and trouble walking. May the LORD sustain you each day and give you things to enjoy. --Carol

I was thinking about Joe and Lynn tonight as I read a quote on Facebook. John Piper quoted M'Cheyne:

To manage a life of pain,

as a believer in Jesus remember:

This is all the hell you will ever bear.

God bless you, Joe and Lynn, and thanks for writing such an honest book.

Saga Eight

2011-01-23T06:27:00.002-05:00

We both go to the chiropractor three times a week and I still have pains. DH is doing well and not hurting, but not released from the chiropractor yet following our crash over a month ago. The chiropractor told DH he needs to walk.

So we took the dog to the track to walk. Sally and Jake were out of town and we couldn't walk with them. DH decided that he wanted to drive the two miles to the track--first time since the December 19th crash. Oh no, I thought! But maybe he will walk! It was not to be. Our dog and I walked the track and DH sat in the car and watched. So much for exercise. So much for DH NOT driving.

For the past two years my husband has been in denial about his dementias. Sometimes he covers himself with statements such as everyone is getting older. I think the kind thing is that I encourage him to acknowledge his handicap. Every morning he takes notes on what is happening for the day. Today I remind him to call a family member, and that we have church and a social event in the afternoon.

Recently we took out dog to the vet and chatted with him about the past six months. In front of my husband I mentioned to the vet that DH has been disgnoised with two kinds of Alzheimer's, but is doing well. My husband didn't flinch when I said this.

My husband commented on all the pills he takes compared to me. I said, "You have had a heart attach and you have dementias and that is why you have so many pills." He didn't say anything.

The seat belt over my right breast made huge bruises at the time of the crash and hard spots have appeared on that breast. My new doctor said that lumps were probably there before the crash and she is moving quickly on tests for breast cancer. Hence I am scheduled in the next two weeks to have a mammogram, sonogram and biopsy. My chiropractor is also glad this is being checked out. I mentioned to DH that I would need him to drive me home from the biopsy--maybe five miles. I should not have told this to my husband because we are reversing his decision at the time of the crash to not drive.

Prayer requests. I talked with Dolores last night and she is having a hard time with her ALZ husband. Pray for them. Pray for my medical tests. Pray about my husband accepting his limitations and accepting not driving. (I want to change the insurance to one car and one driver to save money next quarter.)

Blessed

2011-01-18T14:22:00.008-05:00

Psalm 17:6,7 I am praying to you because I know you will answer O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways.

Proverbs 3:33 The LORD curses the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the upright. The Living Translation

Her.meneutics on Alzheimer's

The above link describes the care of this Christian home, called The Beatitudes, in Phoenix, Arizona. The patients are given their way on many things.

As a result of these and other caregiving strategies, patients at The Beatitudes demonstrate virtually none of the “agitated, delusional behavior common with Alzheimer’s.” The staff recognizes patients as individuals with bodies, minds, and spirits who need affirmation, emotional support, and relationships.

It does make a difference when Alzheimer's patients are treated with respect and Christian charity! The caregivers also learn to practice the fruit of the spirit found in Galatians 5 including PATIENCE.

The New York Times even highlighted this Arizona facility.

I am learning to spoil my husband on his preferences unless they are harmful to him or we can't afford something. Then I have to be so careful to explain. Usually we have peace in the home. So far.

Last night he said to me, "What would you like to do?" I was thrilled.

"Go to the Mall," I said. We did and had dinner at Ruby Tuesdays and I even spend a little bit of money on sale items--haven't done that in ages.

At the Mall he saw a gentleman he used to work with. He woke up this morning and mentioned him! Maybe that RNA tablet is working! He didn't have short-term memory!

Thank you, Lord!

For the Good

2011-01-11T13:03:00.019-05:00

Here is a cherished Bible verse from Romans 8 in The Living Translation:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance . . . .

How can Alzheimer's, tight finances and a crash with a DUI driver work together for the good? I am thinking of a few examples.

Even though DH was approved to drive by an Alzheimer's Institute in October as I wrote earlier, he decided at the time of the crash that he would not drive again. He appreciated my trying to avoid the crash and we are both grateful to God for sparing our lives. With only one car now, he will not be able to forget and drive again.
We have $380 more a month because State Farm paid off the car loan. (We are also saving money on Medicare supplemental insurance by going with Preferred Care as I previously wrote, but this is not a result of the crash. With savings we can now knock down our credit cards.)
We learned how to get into bed and out of bed when DH was hospitalized overnight after the crash. Sit with your knees against the bed and put one hand out to lower yourself on your side. Then you can roll over. When you get out of bed, get back on your side and use your elbow and hand to help you get up so that you don't strain your back.
Our excellent chiropractor is helping both of us recover from the crash and we are learning about new supplements from the chiropractor. DH is now taking Ribonucleic Acid (RNA) to help with memory. I am starting to see that RNA is helping his short-term memory. The suggestion of CoQ-10 will also be implemented after I notice more results of RNA. Why doesn't the ALZ community also know about brain circulation help from a chiropractor? Because the research money is not there. (Coconut oil does have research behind it and DH is getting that.)
Added 1/13. My husband avoided the seatbelt injuries that I received. Even so, his bracing himself and moving forward did cause back problems. The chiropractor said that men are stronger also. I know this is true.
Added 1/15. I taught a class for first time DUI offenders last week, my first one since the crash of December 19th. I think I was effective because of the first-hand experience I had. I showed the picture of our Saturn below, but didn't mention the anonymous couple involved. We had a good discussion about what might have happened to that couple. I also had new questions to ask: What do you estimate your BAC was when you were stopped, not the reported BAC at the jail. Was DUI your only charge when you were stopped?
Added 1/17. I went to my new primary care physician today and she said that the mass in my right breast might not be from the accident alone. Hence I am going to have that breast checked out for cancer. My chiropractor says that with the extreme trauma to that breast, a blood vessel might have broken. They continue laser treatments in the chiropractor's office. If I have breast cancer, this 12/19 crash has caught it. Should know in February.

The Christian is not guaranteed an easy life and thank God we are looking forward to heaven when there will be no more tears. The LORD will be with me all the way as he chooses caregiver for my life now.

Recent Research

2011-01-07T07:12:00.004-05:00

Going to try to implement walking with husband. Sally and Jake, DH and I will try it on Saturdays Walking and Alzheimer's This way Jake and DH can walk at their own pace and Sally and I can talk and walk more briskly. We know the socialization is good for our husbands and wonder when they will figure out that each other has Alzheimer's. So far they accept each other's stories being repeated, because they don't remember those stories.

New York Times says to give Alzheimer's patients their way:

Techniques include using food, scheduling, art, music and exercise to generate positive emotions; engaging patients in activities that salvage fragments of their skills; and helping caregivers be more accepting and competent.

I agree to give DH his way on most things. I put my foot down if he refuses to go to the doctor. He has long-term excellent habits. For example, he folds his own laundry and makes our bed since I usually am up first.

Rockerfeller University say that Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's are more related than we previously thought according to the UTube Video. My husband has both--wonder how many others have both.

NAPA has been signed by Obama. We will see how effective this new law is, but it certainly is timely.

Our chiropractor has suggestions on supplements for memory to aid to the coconut oil. Will try one at a time. Not sure there is a cure for Alzheimer's, but brain circulation is improved certainly with these visits and we are getting slowly better after our crash of December 19th. DH will talk about his back hurting and I remind him of that event, because the crash is foggy to him.

New Years Day Winners

2011-01-01T07:35:00.000-05:00

Plant City Lady and Friends is my most prolific blog. I write on it the most and have the most followers. A few people from this blog have written on another blog I write on about once a month, but this blog, about hubby's dementia, captures the most comment.

I intended to sleep in, but woke up at 6:30 am this morning. I put names for November and December for those who have posted on slips of paper. I took out drive by posters and people whom I know have already read my book. I wanted to send all those who were left, but I said "three". Three winners were picked.

Dolores, who blogs about her own husband's Alzheimer's and who is an official author on this one.
Georgene who posts as "Living On Less" with her own inspiring stories.
Karen, who cares sweetly, almost unnoticed, for her mother with advanced Alzheimer's.

DH and I spent a wonderful evening at the home of our friends, Sally and Jake, last night. About 10:30 PM my husband was wrestless to leave and so we did. We both slept well.

I have had two appointments with a chiropractor and yesterday morning my husband had his first appointment. It went well and we will continue this needed therapy following that December 19th crash.

Drawing for Free Book

2010-12-27T08:11:00.007-05:00

In honor of the two year anniversary of this blog (and two other ones), I am giving away to three people a copy of my book Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill. You have to have commented in November or December on any post to enter the contest. The drawing will be 1/1/11.

Saga Seven

2010-12-21T05:41:00.015-05:00

We had an automobile accident Sunday coming home from church. It was a crash waiting to happen. It is no "accident" when someone decides to drive after drinking. The picture shows the investigation by the Sheriff's Department. Call it that driver's crash and our "accident", where we were protected by divine hands. (Nothing in our lives is an accident knowing that the almighty God is there for us.)

I am driving our Saturn and see an Explorer not stopping at a stop sign and barreling though the railroad tracks perpendicular to our car. There is going to be a crash! I swerve into the oncoming traffic lane where there were no cars to try to avoid being hit, but it was not to be. LORD, thanks for our lives. Thanks that I am not a widow again. The driver gets out briefly and then tries to leave the scene. However the good old boys of Plant City are not going to let him flee the scene. The Explorer trying to flee loses control and ends up driving on the railroad tracks before being stopped by perfect strangers who are waiting for authorities to come.

5:01 pm the Sheriff receives call from 911 dispatcher.
5:08 pm they arrive at scene.

Paramedics check us out. Huge bump on DH's leg gets treated with an ice pack. I suspect that the glove compartment flew open and caused this. Note in the pictures how close my husband in the passenger seat was to being hit straight on.
A lovely lady whose husband is the Youth Minister at nearby church comes and prays with us. We also pray for the gentleman who hits us. By that time we have heard that he smells of alcohol. She also uses my digital camera to shoot pictures.
Daughter of DH comes and we transfer items to her car where we wait until they are able to let us leave. (I had called her on my cell and police let her car through the barricade.)
Tow truck carts off our Saturn.
Railroad worker inspects the train track.
7:00 Report is finished and we are allowed to leave. We see Explorer driver given sobriety tests as we leave.
9:00 Arrest for DUI with Property Damage and no valid driver's license. He did not face other charges according to the Sheriff's on-line report such: open container (reportedly he had taken them out of car); fleeing the scene; running a stop sign; and no valid insurance.
10:37 PM Gentleman is checked into jail and bond is set at $2,750. DUI with property damage is $500, $250 no driver's license, $2000 for previous warrant for no driver's license. BAC (Blood Alcohol Concentration) given as .172/.180. This makes his BAC well over .25 ( three times the presumptive legal limit in Florida) at the time of his crash and the estimate is that he could have had ten beers or whatever alcoholic drink he chose to imbibe in a short period of time. (You lose .015 BAC per hour after you stop drinking. According to Sheriff's web site he has been in jail two nights now--no one bonded him out.)
Meanwhile at home DH goes to bed with yogurt and his medicine including Ibuprofen which DH's daughter thoughtfully goes out to get for us. I take a pain med and Ibuprofen and start to get food before I pass out. I recall holding strangely to the kitchen counter and thinking what am I doing this for? I was passing out. I raise up and fall down and vomit. I call DH and he comes and then leaves and vomits. Our problem was we didn't eat enough with the meds.
Middle of the night my husband complains of back pains. I finally get to sleep at 4:30 AM.
Monday at 9 AM call State Farm Insurance and receive calls from them all day. Both of us are sore.
4 PM husband has doctor's appointment, gets anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant, shot, and prescription for x-rays for his back. My doctor will get back to me about an appointment on Wednesday.
7 PM we have dinner with Sally and Jake at ABC Pizza and tell them all about it. We make tentative plans to spend New Year's Eve at their home.

We both thank God for our lives.

Economical Update for 2011

2010-12-17T07:55:00.002-05:00

Two Alzheimer's medicines have almost bankrupted us. Not taking them is not an option. See Research.

"The combination of the current symptomatic treatments for Alzheimer's disease improved the patients' quality of life, since those who used concomitantly cholinesterase inhibitors -- donepezil, galantamine, or rivastigmine -- and memantine had a diminished risk of institutionalization compared to those who used no medication or used cholinesterase inhibitors alone." -- Dr. O. L. Lopez, University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine

I once e-mailed Dr. Newport (lady who introduced me to coconut oil) and she said to not discontinue either medicine as we continue with the coconut oil. I was not consistent on the Exelon Patch and that is when we went to Exelon pills. DH has to eat when he takes his twice-a-day Exelon pills or he will vomit.

Does Prescription Solutions from the AARP plan really help save in the new year? Absolutely not! For several years we have been going beyond the donut hole and into catastrophic coverage for my husband with them. One recent year when we maxed out our credit cards due to prescriptions from AARP, we used the line of credit on our house to pay off the credit cards. We are about to do that again and I do not want this. We have until December 31st to decide.

We went with WellCare at 1-888-888-9355. Gene was great in helping us. Got our new cards. They are excellent. However it meant a change in doctors, but much more savings.

Wait folks. News just in! In the dash for the best plan for 2011 by December 31st, an insurance representative Ned called. I research and listen to all possibilities and it is not yet December 31st. Possibly we could keep the same doctor. He took time to see us last Saturday. We didn't go with his plan that would keep my husband's current doctor, however, because Ned had a different idea--a plan with a higher amount until we would go into the donut hole ($3500 compared to $2840 with WellCare). Preferred Care Partners, Gold Plan, at 1-866-231-7201. They also offer dental coverage and eye coverage. I visited the local doctor's office and chose another doctor for us, unfortunately not keeping our same doctors, but bringing those other fabulous benefits.

All we save a month that we used to spend on the AARP plans (over $400) a month, we can use to pay down our credit cards and not go into our line of credit on the house. Thank you Lord, for answering prayers from the women at church who were praying about this and for the rest of you in blogland who pray for us.

Oh God, I beg two favors from you;

let me have them before I die.

First, help me never to tell a lie.

Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!

Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.

For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say,

"Who is the LORD?"

And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus

insult God's holy name.

Proverbs 30:7-9, TLT-- What I heard today on The Daily Audio Bible,

my third year going through the Bible with this podcast.

What It's Like for Carol's Husband

2010-12-11T07:20:00.000-05:00

Bob on the Reading Room wrote a poem that says it all. See Bob's poem.

Dementia
by Max Wallack

It gallops in silently on powerful hoofs

Snatching sweet, precious, forgotten memories

Turning true-blue loyal friends into treacherous strangers

Clogging synapses with emptiness

Crumbling trust into excruciating paranoia

With bleak darkness comes the anxious wakefulness of broad daylight

And bitter terror encompasses every living fiber

"If I sleep, where will I be when I wake up?"

The compulsion to run, the paralysis of fear

Mature, child-like dependence

Retracing youthful development, but in rapid reverse

Cureless medicines, meaningless conversations

Leading up to the inevitable

Increasingly DH is asking questions about what the schedule is. I do not at all tease him when he asks repeat questions, despite the fact everything is on the large FlyLady calendar.

We enjoyed a dinner at Cracker Barrell last night with a couple my husband had known years ago. He was very comfortable. They noticed that he had lost weight since they had seen him. They are part of his long-term memory. I don't think that they really noticed his dementia last night.

On the way home from this dinner he asked about where he worked when he retired over a year ago--he didn't remember. I reminded him that we passed it on the way home. I need to go there, he said. We have a Christmas party to go to tonight and we will go by that business and also where we lived when we were first married over ten years ago.

Somewhat in denial about memory, he enjoys his days and trusts me. Often he tells me he loves me. We do normal socializing at this stage. I am blessed each day.

Husband Is Not the Person I Knew

2010-12-09T10:37:00.000-05:00

My name is Dolores, my husband, David has Alzheimer's; he was diagnosed in 2005. David retired from his job, as a C.P.A. in 2003.... we were seeing slight signs of Alzheimer's in 2003.....

Most days I do really well as a care taker, but each day/hour with Alzheimer's is a new experience, and some days are harder than others. I'm in this for the long haul, so I try to stay as upbeat and positive as possible....it's not always easy or possible.

I read articles from the Reading Room each day, and this article hit home for me.

Alzheimer's Disease, This is Not the Person I Knew

By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

Alzheimer's disease is difficult to comprehend.

Alzheimer's caregivers find it difficult to accept and understand that the new, different, and often bizarre behaviors they experience from a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease are a product of the disease.

The person suffering from Alzheimer's did not choose to go into this new and bizarre world. They are not acting irrational by design or with intent.The Alzheimer’s sufferer is not engaging in these behaviors intentionally. They are engaging in these behaviors because their brain is sick. The result of this sickness is an inability to cope effectively with the world around them.

Once you come to the understanding that these new, hard to accept and deal with behaviors are being caused by Alzheimer's disease you'll lower your own level of stress and anxiety.

This simple understanding leads to more effective Alzheimer's care giving.

Dolores and Carol Chat on Facebook

2010-12-09T09:54:00.003-05:00

Notice that we have new contributing authors on Plant City Lady and Friends. Dolores is one.

Dolores: Good morning! You are doing great at Wordscratch [on Facebook]!
Carol: I just happen to be ahead this time. You usually win.
Dolores: I’m having a hard time playing with a bunch of vowels.
Carol: You can put some of your vowels on the board and swap letters.
Dolores: We had our Sunday school party last night.
Carol: Great! Did your husband attend?
Dolores: 72 people there. I had a terrible time getting DH dressed, but once we were there he was fine. I started not to go at the last minute because he was getting so obstinate about getting his clothes on, but I’m the leader of our class and felt I needed to be there for introductions, prayer requests, etc. It ended up being good.
Carol: My husband is getting stubborn also. They become self-centered as the disease progresses.
Dolores: He was in a very down mood yesterday. I put a turtle neck sweater on him and he threw a fit that he couldn’t stand the way it felt. I was bawling and he didn’t even notice. He seems fine now.
Carol: My husband didn’t like the chicken wings I served him. Then they don’t remember these incidents.
Dolores: It’s hard, isn’t it, because you never know what to expect.
Carol: I’m starting to just relax with it and realize this is how the Lord is completing His work in me. Yes it is hard.
Dolores: Some days I can do that but since he has totally stopped reading, he has too much time to do nothing.
Carol: I guess we will have to educate them into new activities as the disease progresses.
Dolores: We walk around the block a lot, drive around, he sweeps, but the reading was something he did almost half the day.
Carol: My husband watches DVDs, videos, movies on TV constantly. Sometimes I have to retrain him in how to use the remote controls.
Dolores: David is past educating him into doing anything. He can’t pick up the receiver of the phone.
Carol: I’ve read that they lose procedures.
Dolores: DH can’t learn and won’t even try anymore. My husband is further along in the disease than yours is.
Carol: Yes, and I want to hang in there with you and learn and keep praying for you two.
Dolores: Thank you and I pray for you two also. Prayer is what got me through last night. Once I was there, I was all smiles. LOL
Carol: I am going to put some of this conversation on Plant City Lady and Friends. OK?
Dolores: Sure . . . that’s fine. The only pressure I feel is saying anything that will make DH worry about himself since he has Alzheimer’s.
Carol: Being a helpmeet under these circumstances is hard. My hubby doesn’t want to be looked down on or made to appear inadequate in any way.
Dolores: One has to tread lightly to not let or make them feel like a child. Gonna fix DH’s oatmeal and toast. Hope you have a good day!
Carol: Ok! TTYL. You too!

Saga Six

2010-12-06T07:31:00.004-05:00

So both "Jake" and DH have had birthdays recently. Both are 73! Both couples were going to go to Disneyland's Magic Kingdom in Orlando this week, but it is just too cold here in Florida. My wise husband suggested we postpone it. I love having the day off and so does "Sally". We enjoyed having a birthday breakfast with "Sally and Jake" two weeks ago to celebrate Jake's birthday. We celebrated DH's b.d. with a cake after church yesterday.

The Memory Walk I participated in last month has raised $61,000 plus.

The diabetic medicine Metformin can help prevent dementia according to Alzheimer's Weekly and more tests are being conducted to confirm this. My husband takes Metformin and we now get it free at Publix.

Geriatric Care Manager Carole Larkin of Dallas Texas writes on the Importance of Socialization in The Alzheimer's Reading Room. This has made such a difference for me when I realized this. Before that I had been withdrawing slowly from my husband. He is so much happier when we just act like a normal couple. Love him!

Socialization is easier to accomplish than exercise, however. Sally and I have a plan to go walking in January around a track and then DH and Jake can walk together also and stop when they want to. Hope January has mild days when our husbands will agree to walk.

Caregivers have 6 simple suggestions at Johns Hopkins Health Alerts. We have covered these tips in a different format on this blog, but the tip I have been neglecting is my health. I realize that when we are older we forget to get enough liquids--I haven't been getting enough water. Then I wake up in the middle of the night with leg cramps because I didn't get enough water, or the liquid I consumed was mainly coffee. So I got sick last week and am still taking antibiotics for the respiratory infection. Urgent Care gave me prescriptions for four medicines recently (antibiotics, strong pain, cough and alergies,) and two of them made me vomit. Never got the allergies meds as the helpful drugist at Walmart suggested I could get an over the counter med if I determined I needed it. In my 66 years I have never been diagnoised for allergies, however, but you never know! I am just taking the antibotics now.

Dr. Charles DeCarli, Neurologist/ Alzheimer's Director at the University of California at Davis has an informative Update on Vascular Dementia. Now this hour long video is informative if you are a doctor. :) I tried to follow it, but had difficulty. As a layman I received two insights from it, however. 1) People start out with Vascular Dementia and end up with Alzheimer's. He pictures a landscape rectangle with a diagonal line to illustrate the concept with mainly V. Dem. on the left for an earlier age growing to mainly ALZ on the right for maybe ten years later. 2) V. Dem. patients have trouble with sequential directions, like how to use the remote control, etc. Yep, true of my husband, but he has been trained to use them, regresses, and then gets up to speed again. He loves using his GPS, but needs help inputting a new address. I say train and retrain them while they can learn.

Soy may not be as good for you as we thought. A report from Dr. Mercola:

Myth: Phytoestrogens in soy foods can enhance mental ability.
Truth: A recent study found that women with the highest levels of estrogen in their blood had the lowest levels of cognitive function; In Japanese Americans tofu consumption in mid-life is associated with the occurrence of Alzheimer's disease in later life.

Sixth Book Report: Finding Your Way: A Spiritual GPS for Caregivers

2010-12-02T19:54:00.001-05:00

Sally and I went to a book signing on October 23rd after our Altzheimer's Association workshop on "Spiritually and Memory Care". Sandy Lovern is the author of the newly released Finding Your Way: A Spiritual GPS for Caregivers and here she is pictured with Evelyn. I met Sandy and Evelyn when I did a presentation on publishing my book at their writers' group. I bought Sandy's GPS book and had her autograph it. Sally bought Sandy's other book Engaged! A Devotional to help a Bride-to-Be Navigate Down the Aisle. Obviously Sandy is fresh on the "how to" book trail.

What does local author Sandy Lovern suggest for the caregiver? First of all Sandy writes from experience, but generalizes "you" as a caregiver for "Mama" as the loved one being cared for. She does not explore the Alzheimer's patient, nor the Alzheimer's spouse as caregiver. What I received from her book is other insight and I know I will return to what I have underlined in the book.

Bitterness. She writes that "Bitterness will spoil every area of your life. Do what you can for your loved one and rest in that." The Lord has dealt with me on this topic before in other issues of my life.

Martyrdom. "Avoid the martyr syndome like the plague. . . . You can avoid the syndrome by remembering you are the one who has been entrusted by the Lord, to fulfill a promise He made to your loved one, or their partner." In my case, it is my wedding vows--for better, for worse, in sickness and in health.

The Past. "As your life begins to unravel you will probably catch yourself constantly reaching back into our memories, trying to recapture what once was, and is no more. It's the 'what is no more' that can trip you up. If you don't learn to adapt and accept the new changes in your relationship with your loved one, you could find yourself constantly ensnared by feelings of anger and frustration."

Family. "Surround her with pictures of her loved ones, decorate the walls with drawings from her grandchildren and stimulate her with news of the family." Together we are putting photos on my husband's Facebook page so he can remember events. I noticed that his niece wished him a Happy Birthday on Facebook and wants to know when we will visit them again in Georgia. My husband wants a photo album made--one of my important items on my "to do" list.

Joy. "Do what you can to bring joy to their life, and then go on with yours." DH has a wonderful sense of humor and really he brings joy to my life. I can't close myself off from him. He would be lonely and so would I. Sandy writes, "Special moments are created, they don't just spontaneously occur." I guess that I am going on with my life by taking classes and working while I can. Joy comes when I improve parts of our home also.

Finances. "Your finances will recover over time, but your heart won't if you don't take some time to invest in what is really important." Finances are rough for us. I have been sick this week and have gone to substitute anyway. Whoops! Maybe I am acting like a martyr by working!

God's Word. Sandy writes, "Arm yourself with the Word of God, and wage war over the battlefield of your mind. . . . The Word of God is the only power you have that can override your negative thinking." At the end of her book are Bible verses for each of her chapters.

The Future. "You can sit on the sidelines and watch your loved one's passage into a new life, or you can walk side by side with them until they enter another dimension. The Lord will give you the strength you need to pass your loved one's life into His capable hands. "

This last quote reminds me of an old song, "Side by Side" written in 1925 by Harry Woods. DH and I like to sing this together:

Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money,
Maybe we're ragged and funny
But we'll travel along
Singing a song
Side by side.

Don't know what's comin' tomorrow

Maybe it's trouble and sorrow

But we'll travel the road

Sharing our load

Side by side.

Through all kinds of weather

What if the sky should fall?

Just as long as we're together,

It doesn't matter at all.

When they've all had their quarrels and parted
We'll be the same as we started
Just a-traveling along
Singing a song
Side by side.

Saga Six

2010-11-26T12:35:00.003-05:00

It is always time to be thankful, not just on Thanksgiving. I am thankful for all that my husband means to me and also can do now. I am thankful for the rich blessings of my faith which daily sustain me. I am thankful for what gets done and what doesn't get done. As FlyLady says, "you are not behind".

Time for company. Whenever we entertain or have something to do now, DH needs a reminder, even though this is on the large calendar. We have needed our rugs cleaned--a job which he has always done. He seemed to put this off day after day. When it came down to the wire, he said why didn't I nag him last week! Of course I had reminded him, but I dared not tell him that fact--he would deny that I had mentioned that carpet. He thinks we should just hire someone or buy a new carpet, but I told him we could not afford to. He has limited energy and I realize I need to pick up the slack on his part. So I started the carpet cleaner asking him what to do and he said that it needed to be fixed. I bought it to the repair man who mainly just told me how to use it--it wasn't broken. We began to clean the carpet. DH did a little and I did a little. He said to wake him up at 5 am the next morning and he would finish the carpets. When 5 am came he wasn't ready to get up. I got up, however, empowered by my new knowledge of how to use the machine and completed the task as best as I could. The carpeting looks striped and so perhaps it was not on the correct setting, but fresh rugs contributed to a fresh smell in the house and I was content. We had a wonderful meal with all the fixings and we so enjoyed our six guests, guests who are hardly aware how impaired my husband is.

Need for schedules. That Thursday night of Thanksgiving we went to a Trivia event and hubby wasn't a bit hungry. Finally at 11 PM, he asked if he had had dinner. "No", I said, and he did eat some of the appetizer we were sharing. The whole week has been off in terms of timing for my husband, and I realize I need to get DH on a good schedule. He still can be trained.

Side note one. We saw "Secretariat" with my brother and sister-in-law Tuesday night. We all loved the movie about a famous race horse. The father in the movie has dementia and I wondered what DH might have thought. We have watched the movie "The Notebook" together--where the wife has dementia and at the end of the movie finally connects with her husband. We have discussed that we will always remember each other. DH is getting a photo album made--he has wanted me to do this--like the Notebook.

Side note two. I have a hearing problem--my family lovingly told me. My sister-in-law was helping me with a timer she had bought me some time back. I couldn't hear the beeping, but others could. It was mentioned that in the car when I asked others to speak up, it was my hearing. I have to take care of my health and get an ear exam. I am impaired now also.

Life continues to have challengers, but every day, not just once a year, I need to thank God for His provisions and gifts. The LORD, is indeed my strength and daily sprinkles me with blessings.

Which Magazine Gets It Right?

2010-11-23T05:03:00.005-05:00

Last Sunday's Parade Magazine (November 21, 2010) has an article called "Unlocking the Silent Prison" by Christine Wicker. Ms. Wicker reports on work that focuses on what alzheimer patients can do rather than what they cannot do. Speech-pathology professor Michelle B. Bourgeois in the 1980s started creating memory albums and sentences to go along with pictures. The reason?

Spoken words literally go through one ear and out the other. Patients understand, but they can't store the memory. That's why they ask the same question again and again.

Bourgeois also advises to write things down. I notice my husband likes to do that--write down when I will be home, for example, and also he checks with our large FlyLady calendar. He likes to label things around the house. Boureois is also quoted saying:

We find that if caregivers aren't stressed and in a hurry, if the patient is well cared for, and if they feel safe and in a good environment, they think their lives are good.

The picture with the article shows a sign "MOM--IT'S SUSAN."

Another magazine came to our house this week--AARP for December. At the top of the cover is "Exclusive Personal Portraits of Alzheimer's" and for a moment I thought AARP, The Magazine, might do something right. (AARP the supplemental insurance and prescription "help" have been fired for 2011.) NOT SO WITH THE DECEMBER ISSUE OF AARP.

The photographer Gregg Segal just exploits real people with pictures from The Alzheimer's Photography Project.You can see the complete slide show at AARP's Alzheimer's Pictures. I will contact the young editor, N. P. Graham, with my thoughts on this exploitation. Is AARP, The Magazine, about exploiting old people as AARP, The Insurance and Prescription supplement is!!!!

Saga Five

2010-11-18T09:42:00.003-05:00

DH is trying so hard to have a normal life and I am trying hard to give him that normal life. He used to be the one who managed technology; however, it confuses him now--big time. Now I have to be up on everything--often a challenge for me. He has such a pleasant personality, except when something doesn't make sense to him.

He asks me how to input an address in his GPS and I write it up for him. Guess what the address was for? A movie store in Lakeland! Now I pointed out to him that Block Buster Video is closer and really don't want him going to Lakeland, but he enjoys his independence. He still hasn't figured out that Alzheimer's impairs him.
He asks for directions to be written for how he watches his movies on DVD and Video. Recently we realized that neither one of our DVD players were working and so we bought a cheap one--not the "blue" kind. He needs written directions so he can manage his hobby of watching movies.
The suggestion was made to order DVDs, but you know, hubby doesn't remember all about a movie and likes to own them so he can see them again and again. We have a list of his DVDs and videos so he doesn't order one he already has. Thanks to my sister-in-law for typing up that list I just maintain now.
He loves to accompany me and relishes rescuing me if I am somewhere and have car trouble. He has major places I work in "Miss Garmin", his GPS.
Two days this week he has forgotten to eat lunch. When the WellCare insurance man was here on Monday he was very mad about the length of the visit. (AARP is increasing their insurance fees next year. But we won't be under their Medicare Advantage plan any more and will save money not only on the fees but also on medicine.) He was hungry! We went to dinner after that important insurance appointment and when we came home I saw his lunch in the refrigerator. No wonder he was hungry! He hadn't eaten.Another day when I called I mentioned lunch; he said he had eaten, but really that was another day he was remembering.

Life still is confusing for him. The big FlyLady calendar helps so much as does his watch. Time is a huge part of his confusion and all I can do to explain time and events to him is so helpful.

Next week I get to be with him 24/7 and so he will have less confusion. Hope I can coax him into cleaning the carpet and weeding outside, but if not I will just remain calm and manage getting ready for our five Thanksgiving guests. Hopefully my sister-in-law will notice big changes in simplifying at the house. Still have to figure out what to do with the stuff in the garage that didn't sell. However, next week doesn't register in hubby's mind. One day at a time for hubby. We should all live one day at a time!

Saga Four

2010-11-15T20:48:00.004-05:00

Sally and I went to the ALZ care group while Jake helped DH plant plants in the circle in our front yard. They have a fence that needs painting. I wonder if I can send DH over there to help with that.

I participated in the Memory Walk for the Alzheimer's Association on Saturday. Thanks to Lisa, Jane, Sherry and Phyllis who contributed funds for my team.

We appreciated the other primary care doctor my husband had, but it turns out the PPO such as AARP is more expensive. We will save so much more with an HMO. Today, after researching programs to supplement Medicare, I signed us up for an HMO with WellCare for 2011. This wll help tremendously with the cost of medicine I wrote about in July. This involves a change of doctors for my husband, but I can keep the same doctor. I talked with the business manager in my husband's new clinic and we chose a new primary care physician.

Time Magazine on Alzheimer's

2010-11-11T04:58:00.004-05:00

The October 25, 2010 issue of Time. The picture on the cover shows the visible deterioration of the mind. Alice Park writes in the lead article, "Hope in Darkness", the following:

Alzheimer's disease is "the degenerative brain condition that is not content to kill its victims without first snuffing out their essence."
Research funds are lacking. Dr. Ronald Peterson of May Clinic is quoted:

We spend $5.6 billion a year funding cancer studies, $1 billion a year for heart disease . . . and $500 million to study Alzheimer's. Yet what is going to get most of us in the next few years is Alzheimer's.

Park says about the new research, "Who in his right mind would want to know he had a disease that would inevitably rob him of that mind?" Yet Park writes: "Experts are now convinced that it's crucial to treat Alzheimer's patients as early as possible, perhaps even before they show signs of memory loss or cognitive decline, rather than attempt to improve a brain already scourged by the disease."
Brain scans now are better. Amyloid patterns can be detected that previously only could be confirmed in autopsies. Perhaps this is why the USF Byrd Institute could make my husband's diagnosis recently.
Park concludes "living robustly and well is one of the best weapons we have against the disease--at least until science's heavier artillery is finally ready to be wheeled into place."

Patti Davis writes also in this Time issue that we have to learn the lesson of acceptance rather than asking why. She points out that "men tend to back away in discomfort. Woman, on the other hand, inhabit the experience fully, with its sorrows, its calm stretches, its dramatic explosions and even its humorous moments." Yes, Patti, that describes this blog. Also I know of fewer men than women who blog about the experience also.

The last essay in Time is written by Nancy Gibbs. She points out that "Medicare does not cover basic long-term care, and you have to burn through your savings to qualify for Medicaid." For people still working you can sign up for care in January with the new health care bill and be vested after five years--at only $50 a day--totally inadequate. There is nothing that can be done for us senior citizens in that new bill it appears.

Meanwhile, as I finished reading Time, an e-mail came in. Heavy smoking appears to be a factor in Alzheimer's and dementia according to a report from the Alzheimer's Reading Room. Post on Heavy Smoking. A link to that reading room where you can subscribe or read regularly is on the right of this blog.

Saga Three

2010-11-08T07:09:00.002-05:00

The garage sale was held Friday and Saturday. We raised just over $100 and I still have plenty to get rid of, to give away, to donate or to recycle. Sally and Jake came over to help. Sally and I manned the sale and enjoyed chatting while DH and Jake enjoyed each other hanging out in the family room.

I came in to get coffee and was elsewhere in the house. DH called with a question.

"Just a minute, sweetheart," I said from the bathroom. "I will be there."

When I came out to the family room, I asked "Now what was the question?"

"I forget now," said DH.

"I forgot too," said Jake with a smile on his face. Now I wonder how long it will be before both of our husbands recognize short-term memory, dementia or even Alzheimer's in their new friend!

Later a young couple came over and the men were put to work loading up a love seat in my husband's trailer. The young man, DH and Jake took off with my husband driving. (He really is a good driver and did pass that test.)

Later when the three men returned, I asked the young man how the trip was driving the new furniture to his apartment with two Alzheimer's patients. He said they kept asking him what he did for a living and he kept telling DH and Jake again and again. I am so glad he was patient.

Come by right away if you are interested in something for free before the stuff disappears from the garage. I want to be able to park in the garage again because it is getting colder. On to more household organization and perhaps another garage sale in the spring.

I commented on the Alzheimer's Weekly link above after Dr. Newport. There is a discussion of coconut oil there.

Fifth Book Report: My Mother Has Alzheimer's

2010-11-03T17:17:00.006-04:00

I met Linda through the blogging world and her blog is listed at the right.

In her book Linda A. Born wants her mom to take care of her as in the past, but humbly accepts her new role as the caregiver for the mother who has Alzheimer’s. She writes at first of resentment and anger, and then discovers compassion and the Lord’s provision in her walk through her caregiver ministry. I just held on to every word as she has a parallel walk as I have. I would recommend her journey for anyone accepting the suffering as a caregiver as she gently and profoundly takes you through the process.

Her story is both similar and different from mine. I have also learned from Linda's book.

Similarities. Her mother and my husband are both able to feel and to love. I am putting his for her in this quote. “[His] Alzheimer’s had not robber [him] of the ability to love me, and [his] love was a blessing to me still; but [he] could no longer be a dependable counselor or confidante.” (p. 184) I remember when I wrote about that in an earlier blog--about how hard it is for my husband to not remember things about me.

Linda writes “It is actually a great comfort to recognize that our loved ones who suffer dementia are not aware of the pathos of their circumstances.” (p. 23) Yes, Linda, it is great they don’t realize. My husband does not read books or research the Internet now about Alzheimer's as I do. It would upset him, and it has upset me. He is just happy being retired at this point.

I began distancing myself from my husband like she did from her mother. My justification for the earlier distance was that DH didn't understand my logic and talk. However I learned that I should not do this; others in his life might distance themselves, but not me. He will be lonely if I do that.

I am in my marriage for better, for worse, for sickness and health and my husband is also. How I loved when he was still working and when public school teaching became unbearable. DH said it was okay to retire from public school teaching. He has always been in it for me for better and for worse. That is his commitment to me and my commitment to him.

Linda mentions the photo albums that were important to her mother and my husband wants me to create photo albums for him. Hope to have his done for his Christmas present.

At first got mad with my husband over his laziness. I learned like Linda with her mother, to give that up. Linda writes about “possible scenarios of doom” (p. 210) and I have cried out to God also for these possible senarious.

Linda also mentions problems with over-eating. When I first was dealing with my husband’s dementia, I put on weight—not a smart thing to do and now at my age it is so much harder to lose weight.

Differences. Where Linda has become angry, I have become depressed. I do see other blogging caregivers upset. Both Linda and I ran to the Lord for help, however. She is philosophical when she writes, "Life is full of transitions, and most of us don’t like this fact.” (p. 27)

She is mad that her mom was leaving her through this slow death. I have lost both parents and my first husband—but not by the slow painful death. “I suffered all the negative emotions of anger, resentment, fear, and doubt; and about the only thing I did right was to continue to cry out to the Lord. . . .my anger was not reserved for my mother. No one I love was safe from my tirade of words.” (pp. 63-64) “I was afraid of being left alone in the world.” (p. 203) I had been alone as a widow in the past, and feel with friends I will be able to handle this. I am however afraid of finances and my husband's deterioration due to Alzheimer's. Heaven awaits him as well as me. This life is not all. I know Linda recognizes that too, but she doesn't dwell on it as much as the loss of her mother.

Insights from Linda

• Be the facilitator. "This ability to separate the disease process from the Mother I knew and loved was a crucial shift in my thinking. Once I gained an acceptance of the fact that her aberrant behaviors were disease related, I no longer viewed myself as the long-suffering caregiver who was putting up with her mother’s difficult behaviors. I was to be a facilitator, not a dictator. I became a fellow soldier with my mother in the battle against Alzheimer’s. I was on her side."(p. 100) Don’t be patronizing or treat my husband like a child I realized.

• Linda points out the wait time between diagnosis and death and calls for the patience of release, the patience of acceptance, the patience of faith, the patience of hope and the patience of love. (p. 106) I will go back to that page often.

• “I need to discover the difference between casting my cares on Jesus and casting blame on others. . . . I needed to ask God’s forgiveness for the harm I’d done to others while I was preoccupied with a struggle against my own burdens.” (p 121-2) Oh yes, Linda, I have been hurt by thinking others owed more attention to our situation. Instead I have to cast my cares on the Lord and flee to him.

• Linda’s mom used to have many friends, but now it was just Linda. However my husband still has friends and new friends such as Jim. We have to keep up these friendships while we can.

• “The Lord was the one who had placed the job title, 'Alzheimer’s Caregiver,' after my name," writes Linda on p. 201.

• “I must not lapse to self-pity, and I must not look at my own sacrifice. There is nothing I can surrender to the Lord that will not spring forth new life in Him.” ( p. 243) Wonderful insight.

• “If you find yourself bound with resentment from the feeling that you have been appointed to be the center of your loved one’s universe, let yourself off the hook. God is the Provider for your loved one, and He will provide for you too.” (p. 163). Linda, I am going to memorize these words.

Thanks so much, Linda, for providing this rich fellowship for me. I wrote a review on Amazon and another site and will continue to look for your posts.